I came home today to discover my maid had died while carrying my laundry upstairs. The doctors said Rosita had a massive stroke and was probably dead before she hit the ground.
She was a wonderful housekeeper, and for a woman in her eighties- she worked really hard. For those of my friends who used her as their maid we are having a small informal service at my apartment. For those of you who didn't just know that the world has lost one of the greatest maids of all time. She was the kind of maid that you hardly ever had to yell at or scold because she was old enough to know when she had made a mistake. And it was impossible to stay angry at her especially when those milky blue eyes starting oozing tears.
I'm sure by now Rosita is washing clothes in heaven, but if you have a moment please send her a prayer. She was a hard working champ and her knotted arthritic hands, leathery sailor skin, and low price, will be sorely missed by me and many others.
The Shemix Colthax Poison plant is located just 30 miles outside of LA in the Lower Pasadena Gulch. The Colthax poison plant is unique in that it is the only poison manufacturing factory that offers guided tours to the public. Most of the other poison factories in the United States stopped giving tours in the mid sixties, though a few still have self guided tours.
I arrived at the plant Via Tour Bus. We were scanned for weapons and drugs by a friendly black security guard who made funny "def comedy jam" style jokes about how fat we were. Once through the check point we were taken into a lecture hall where the factories president gave a quick speech about the structure of the plant.
He told us the plant itself actually consists of a series of above ground processing silos called "clucks" that are all connected via a web of underground concrete tunnels. These tunnels branch off into "work pods" that consist of 5 scientists and a foreman who monitors the processing of the poison and insures that the scientists stay alert by intermittently ringing a bell and blowing a whistle.
Every hour the scientists pour the poison they have collected into a collection duct. Once the duct is filled with 3 litres of poison it is released into a pipe that carries the poison through a tube where it is sprayed onto mice. The poison liquefies the mice and this liquid is used to make more poison.
It was an interesting lecture, and afterwards a comedian came out and did about 6 minutes of stand up. We were then outfitted in Orange Safety suits and allowed to crawl through some of the tubes connecting the work pods. The tubes had windows in them and as we crawled by we would wave at the scientists who seemed completely absorbed in creating poison. I couldn’t even get one to look at me and at one point I was actually banging on the glass.
We got lucky, because at the end of the tour Shylan Bridges, the owner of the plant, gave us a quick talk about the plant. He told us that he takes great pride in the fact that his poison is only made from the purest sources available. According to Bridges many other poison plants create poison with sub grade chemicals and do not run the poisons through the same purification process. According to Bridges "That’s why some poisons don’t kill, but only sicken."
At the end of his talk he hugged some of us and invited us back that summer for another tour. If anyone is interested on going on the tour with me send me a message and I will see if I can include you on the list.
Just got back from a USO comedy tour in Afghanistan. Won't bore you with the details, except to say that I had no choice but to grab a pistol from a fallen soldier and blast an unfortunate muhajadin in the face.
I'm still a little numb for the experience, I don't like killing, but I would do it again if I had to. War is hard, it's brutal and nobody wants it, but when it comes down to life and death you do what you have to do. I know that now.
The shows were great. I featured for Sammy Shore. Other than the "incident" everything went pretty smoothly, though I had a pretty rough set on Saturday.
Just brushed a lion’s teeth at the zoo!!!!
Current mood: handsome
My friend, Henry, is an animal dentist at the Los Angeles zoo. He spends 3 days a week brushing the animals teeth. It's a tough 8 hour a day sort of job, and it's no accident that Henry only has 4 fingers on his right hand. Most of the time animals enjoy getting their teeth brushed, but on occasion they chomp down.
For about three years Henry had been promising that he would let me brush a lions teeth. He knows that it is something I have been wanting to do since I was a kid, and its a sort of running joke between us. I keep telling him that one day I will give him a hand job, and then he usually says "The day you give me a hand job is the day I let you brush a lion's teeth."
Well today was that day! He was waiting for me at the zoo with one of the gigantic crest tooth brushes they use on the big cats. he had even tied a bow around the lucky lion whose teeth I would soon be brushing.
Believe it or not the most difficult part about brushing a lion's teeth is not the act itself, but squeezing the toothpaste onto the brush. The tube of toothpaste they use is the size of a small child, and you really have to give it a good hard squeeze to get the paste out.
The lion seemed happy that I was there to give it a brush. He opened his mouth and gave me a look that said "Start brushing!" Right away I knew why he wanted a brushing so bad- he had a lambs skull wedged between two of his molars, and it had been chafing his gums. I used the brush to push the skull out of his teeth, gave him a good scrub down, and that was that!
A big thanks to Henry for giving me one of the best days of my life.
If you were the person wo told me to watch transformers the movie, read this:
Current mood: adventurous
No reservations rocked my world. In this frothy romance Catherine Zeta Jones plays a stubborn cold hearted chef, KATE ARMSTRONG, who learns that love and romance are more important than running a fancy kitchen in New York.
Kate ends up adopting her niece when her sister dies in a tragic car accident. The car accident scene is the only thing I didn't like about this film. I just don't think there was any need to show Armstrong's sister, played by Cat Power, laying in the burning wreckage of her car. It really put a damper on things, and I still can't get the image of her broken smoldering body out of my mind. This is the sort of scene that belongs in hard core sci fi movies like transformers. I think only people who liked transformers would like a violent bloody scene like that.
But things get better when Armstrong adopts her niece Zoe, and starts learning some pretty serious lessons in love. Top this off with an escalating romance between Armstrong and the new chef at her kitchen, Nick Palmer, played by Aaron Eckhart, and you get a real charmer of a movie.
I would highly recommended this movie to anyone! Romance fans will enjoy watching as Armstrong grows as a person, and a lover, and Sci Fi Action fans will enjoy the amazing battle scene between the chef's at Armstrong's kitchen and the army of aliens and Zombies that attacks New York in the final scene of the film. This is especially a great movie for people who liked transformers or recommended transformers to anyone.
I produce a high level Hollywood show for Fuel TV called "Galaxy Cabin Log Cabin In Space" along with Hollywood Big Wig "Brian Jarvis"
Every day I get messages from young up and comers who want to know the best way to write for television. Because of my intensely busy schedule I don't have time to answer all the messages so I decided to put up an authentic Hollywood writing session.
As you know, most Hollywood producers use AOL Instant Messenger to write. Jarvis and I are no different. The following AIM transcript demonstrates just how much thinking goes into writing for TV. As you will see, it requires a delicate combination of logic, intuition, and above all else talent and skill.
Does anyone know where I can get any free ring tones? I accidentally dropped a rock on my phone today and it spilled the bottle that all the ring tones are kept in. It was a giant mess. It stained my clothes and my shoes. To make matters worse my shoes smell like ring tones, and ring tones stink. They smell like Pasadena teens summer humping after a day at six flags. A terrible smell.
The long and short of it is that I need new ring tones. Tons of them. Unfortunately I don't have any money in my budget to buy them. BUT I am willing to take tests, play video games, fill out questionnaires, or supply personal information in exchange for some tones. If anyone knows anyone willing to make this trade please have them leave a comment on my profile detailing the steps necessary to get the free tones.
I am also looking for designer purses, or an I-Pod.
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