The rhythm of the life I feel I know is right, I heir it I feel it, the sensation of good primordial warmth of fruitful life I can feel it. The rhythm, the clear ring of balances is in the air! now is my time to be more than I was meant to be yes we can yes we can is in the air. We will and I will rise from my ashes of self suppression convex with my opponent and win them over by the use of there own faults. There is a balances and shift to equality in the air land and mater of the world. Now would be a great time to get up and act. If not vote do something for someone or your self now is a great time. Cuz every one is looking
A new year approaches us, most of us (those around me) see it in the light of joy hope love and glee, others not so close to me see it different; yet they see a new year as good. I start this year with no refection of the past as I look ahead as the 12th calls out.. I have understood my wonderful life this past year; it has open my eyes to: my willing ness to constantly change on my own accord, reopening doors to my inner being that I had close long ago, took a step in the direction of love found someone that is willing to love me and lost one that did not want to (no real lost in that other that chance) {No words can state How I appreciate hose that helped in the change of my life}, I confirmed to my self that Law and art can live together and will within me at the same time!, I can finally say that I am starting to truly believe in myself (on that note I am a rock star), I can love once more but it's harder to let your self be loved, observation and time are a wonderful thing.
So now it's time to look forth and know that only a better life is before me and all that I keep in around. I am happy that I get to live the way I chose to I will thank my parents for the mind set that makes feel and know that this year for me will be better than the last. So remember on thing I'll make you famous on my blog.
Maria Root's "Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People" is the first time some of these thoughts have been put on paper. "Children of mixed marriages never had anything like this," she says. "We have had feelings all along but not put into any kind of structure. It gives people something to talk about and feel recognized."
The Bill of Rights:
I have the right:
-not to justify my existence in this world
-not to keep the races separate within me
-not to be responsible for people's discomfort with my physical ambiguity
-not to justify my ethnic legitimacy
I have the right:
-to identify myself differently than strangers expect me to identify
-to identify myself differently than how my parents identify me
-to identify myself differently than my brothers and sisters
-to identify myself different in different situations
I have the right:
-to create a vocabulary to communicate about being multiracial
-to change my identity over my lifetime - and more than once
-to have loyalties and identify with more than one group of people
Confusion in an unresolved rejection elicited to the question of miss communication or simply just attention unwanted. In its essence rejection sucks and not in that wonderful tingly way the makes your spine lose all control if its' posture.These days a fragmented ending to a calculated call is a normal consequence of my attempts to enthrall her for some kind of attention.So i set forth and end the day with dismissal on the psyche. R.E.M. is so not comfy when all you do in your deep thought is cut your self down.
One must love and live the improbable life
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Writing and Poetry
Being loved feels wonderful, yet sadly the void of denial is ever present. I cant admit to the loss to the new one that loves me with all her mental capacity, for the fear that I would break her she deserves more than me, she will realizes that later but for now we enjoy the fun the love more so my attempts to love. In an effort to cover up or fill the hole that was made by a connection of feelings that I had not felt in quite some time and are not present currently. So I try looking to find better newer and more wonderful feelings in a person that wants to love me. i may hve found my new bird or You never know birds fly back in time for tea my find the set taken. but in time all changes form never to now we can. One must love and live the improbable life
All of my friends have always asked me one question, "how can you be so positive at a time like this" or something close to that. For the most part I have always said I don't know. At that time I didn't know.It has not bin till recently that I faced my self and figured it out. I came to the conclusion that I have to be this positive happy person. My child hood out side of my family was shit not shity but shit. No one liked me, I could not read and every one called me stupid and retarded; yes even my teachers, some of which I would love to kill to this day. My parent's jobs and business plans took me allover the place, In doing so I saw the worst of humanity; kick them when there down was a nice thing to do! At a young age I did not want to be a part of this world. Only my family kept me here and a feeling that I need to help and change the fucked up things I saw and still see. I cant be what I saw, I can't be what people did to me, I hate that felling I have to be happy and I know there is always a way. It may not be the one every one takes but fuck that, it's better to do it different and make it look easy and good than noting at all. I have failed and fucked up so much it's not even funnybut I keep trying I keep going. I talk about me trying and wining never about the fuck ups, It just makes me look good, but in the end, I did do what I was told I could not or failed at. So when I am down I have to look past the fuck up see what good happen and try. I say these words of perseverance to remind all of us that an attempt and failure is so much better than never getting off your ass and doing nothing other than fat. Funny it sounds like somthing i read...... "to love once is better than to have never loved at all".So lets all love
So I almost died, for the umpteen time
Current mood: aggravated
Category: felling okay Life
So I almost died, for the umpteen time I was close to dieing. For most people this kind of thing happens when there drunk or doing something stupid. Not for me, I do nothing but lucky for me I have a mom that is an MD a dad that has taught me to think under pressure and how to use my physical skill under pressure. For them I am still alive and will continue to life and save lives ( I have saved 3 in my life). So now for the not so cool story of my allergic reactions to bad shell fish and aluminum sulfides; Fucking food and deodorants. Yup some how I have become allergic to deodorants that contain aluminum sulfides (which is about 90% of them) and some shell fish, namely: shrimps, some crabs, clams, ousters, and lobsters FUCK!!
I got home form work and my dad had made some shrimps I had some before I went to work out. I changed in to my work out clothes and said to my self fuck I smell, so I sprayed my self with an old can of axe spray. I got to the gym and 15 min into my work out I started to feel funny. Itchy all over and hot then I looked at my four arms and saw I had a large blister not hive forming and the same thing on the inside of my bicep. I said fuck I have to get home. Yes I ran to mommy but hay my mom is a doctor. As I wa driving my back, arm pits, arms were burring and blistering. Then my ass, thighs, waste, and crotch started to burn. By the time I got to the door I was nude and running into the first shower I could find. Jumped in and ran cool water on my burring body. It felt great but hen I looked and almost past out from the nasty blood red blisters all over my body. Big giant fat (the size of fat man fingers) blisters all over my waste back and arms.
My mom too one look at that and said we need to get you to a hospital and you need an epi shot. So she got towels and ice to cover my blisters and keep my body form burring it self up. When I got to the emergency room they looked at me and said ho shit Gave me the shot and stuck me in a shower and covered me in burn cream. Not fun. Was held over night for observation and let go yesterday morning and told not to use any deodorant with aluminum sulfides, stay away from eating shell fish and a pre caution stay out of the sun. Then I was told from one of the nurses you know you could have died. I did not say no really or I could have, I just said I know. pic will be posted soon.
Emotions in progress Shifting the energy that one evokes towards their emotions requires twice as much effort when the direction that was chosen is not formally requested to be redirected. You've bin dumped, cheated on, in a divorce, told you not her type after 10 dates, were told I don't have time for you, I'm leaving the country I cant start anything (in 4 months), and my favorit: no it's not you, it's me (not really it is you but I cant tell you that cause I think your not going to be able to take it,) Now the actions we have to take to shift an amazing amount of energy from go to stop will never happen. All we can do is shift the direction or try to bend it's path into something greater than the others action. I write, I study, work out, I try everything not to think. Not thinking of them is unsuccessful if they were amazingly interesting and wonderful people. There are those few that we must listen to what they say and give them the befit of a pass, you never know, the bird my fly back.One cannot close a door that may form something more amazing than what never started. Inthe worst case you have lost nothing because your in the same place and you have to move on or you'll never change that is death...
Now the assholes, bitches, mother fuckers and hors that just used you for there emotional control or satisfaction, fuck them and make it hurt them too if you can. Tell them you have heap-sephil-asids and there dick, vagina, or asshole is about to fall off and should be filling up with pus in the next two weeks and I hope it burns when you pee. Those that use others emotional energy do not change and thus are dead. For those of use that are "NICE" or "TO GOOD" we must not stop changing we cant become what has used or damaged out emotional progress.
For those few that we give a pass to are just like us but are not at then same phase and my never be but at lest you met someone that was amazing wonderful fun open and full of life. So do what you must and walk away inform them that you may have to cut them off and no I cant be your friend only a lover and when there ready or the want to if your free youll be there for them. Yes you'll be there if your free but you have to move on and change
peaceful
happy
electric
cheerful
aggravated
calm