some people never go crazy. me, sometimes I'll lie down behind the couch for 3 or 4 days. they'll find me there. it's Cherub, they'll say, and they pour wine down my throat rub my chest sprinkle me with oils.
then, I'll rise with a roar, rant, rage - curse them and the universe as I send them scattering over the lawn. I'll feel much better, sit down to toast and eggs, hum a little tune, suddenly become as lovable as a pink overfed whale.
some people never go crazy. what truly horrible lives they must lead.
My Top 5 Most Favorite Albums! (PLUS 2 BONUS ALBUMS)
Current mood: rockin
Category: Music
I have compiled my favorite music albums of all time. I picked five albums. I added a bonus album because I am really into it right now and it's pretty good. ENJOY!
5. BAND OF HORSES ~ "CEASE TO BEGIN"
Cease to Begin is the second full-length album by Band of Horses. It was released on October 9, 2007. Lead singer Ben Bridwell said about the album in an interview: "I guess the first record had some kind of country-ish leanings and things [but] I think there's maybe a little bit more of [that] feeling on it, a little more down-home, I guess, and not so much indie rock."[1]
4. MENOMENA ~ "FRIEND AND FOE"
Friend and Foe is the third release from the Portland, Oregon-based band Menomena. It was released January 23, 2007 by Barsuk Records. The cover art is designed by Craig Thompson, writer and illustrator of the award-winning graphic novel Blankets. On January 18, 2007, popular music site Pitchfork Media awarded Friend and Foe an 8.5 out of 10, and included it in their Best New Music section, declaring it "the first great indie rock album of the year" with "possibly the most brilliantly executed cover art of the decade."
Z is the fourth studio album by rock bandMy Morning Jacket. This collection features a much spacier and polished sound than previous MMJ releases, making heavy use of synthesizers throughout and incorporating small bits of reggae and dub. The heavy reverb, a characteristic of the band's recordings prior to Z, is largely absent.
1. RADIOHEAD ~ "IN RAINBOWS"
In Rainbows is the seventh album by the Englishalternative rock band Radiohead. It was first released on 10 October2007 as a digital download, followed by a standard CD release in most countries during the last week of 2007. The album was released in North America on 1 January2008. In Rainbows was Radiohead's first release after the end of their contract with EMI and the end of the longest gap between studio albums in their career.
INFPs are quiet, creative, sensitive and perceptive souls who often strike others as shy, reserved and cool. These folks have a rare capacity for deep caring and commitment--both to the people and causes they idealize. INFPs guide their behavior by a strong inner sense of values, rather than by conventional logic and reason. Forced to cope with this facts-and-figures "real" world we inhabit, INFPs may appear to have been imported from another galaxy! They gravitate toward creative or human service careers which allow them to use their instinctive sens of empathy and remarkable communication skills. Strongly religious, spiritual or philosophical people, INFPs may see the purpose of their lives as an inner journey, quest or personal unfolding. More practical or rational types may tend to discredit the INFP's sources of understanding as mystical. The search for a soulmate is a preoccupation for many INFPs, who must balance their need for privacy and peace with their yearning for human connection. If there seems to be an air of sadness in the INFP's spirit, blame it on this type's longing for the perfect in all things.
EXPLANATION BASED ON THE RESEARCH OF CARL JUNG, KATHARINE C. BRIGGS AND ISABEL BRIGGS MYERS
INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves.
INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.
Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.
INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.
INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".
When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.
INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.
INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.
INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.
INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.
EXPLANATION BY JOE BUTT
INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.
INFP children often exhibit this in a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables's "bookcase girlfriend"--her own reflection) and whose stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse:
"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (the Skin Horse)
INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.
Of course, not all of life is rosy, andINFPs are not exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As INTPs tend to have a sense of failed competence, INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., perfo rmance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.
Some INFPs have a gift for taking technical information and putting it into layman's terms.
Famous INFPs:
Homer Virgil Mary, mother of Jesus St. John, the beloved disciple St. Luke; physician, disciple, author William Shakespeare, bard of Avon Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Evangeline) A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh) Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie) Helen Keller, deaf and blind author Carl Rogers, reflective psychologist, counselor Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers' Neighborhood) Dick Clark (American Bandstand) Donna Reed, actor (It's a Wonderful Life) Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis Neil Diamond, vocalist Tom Brokaw, news anchor James Herriot (All Creatures Great and Small) Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek) James Taylor, vocalist Julia Roberts, actor (Conspiracy Theory, Pretty Woman) Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap) Terri Gross (PBS's "Fresh Air") Amy Tan (author of The Joy-Luck Club, The Kitchen God's Wife) John F. Kennedy, Jr. Lisa Kudrow ("Phoebe" of Friends) Fred Savage ("The Wonder Years")
Fictional INFPs:
Anne (Anne of Green Gables) Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) Deanna Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation) Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation) Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9) Bastian (The Neverending Story) E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial Doug Funny, Doug cartoons Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons Rocko, Rocko's Modern Life cartoons
Dormant Creativity
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Blogging
Where is my creativity? That is very blunt and to the point. I have been in deep thought most of the day. Trying to understand the answer to this question. I have written only one poem this year. I wrote it at work a couple of months ago. I emailed it to my personal email and it's gone! I can't find it anywhere. Is this a blessing? It was not my best. I didn't even save it to my hard drive. Hmmmm, still the question is unanswered.
My mind has been a million places. I woke up to begin my normal day. Take care of the kids and hurry in to work. I get there; there are a million things for me to do. I get it done. There were a few hiccups, but it's done. This afternoon, I manage to push out a few cases. In the back of my mind, I think of my poems. I really miss writing at work. I think this is where I did my best writing. But then again, I wasn't such a great employee. But when that creative light comes on you have to follow through, right?
I started writing poetry in high school. These were my torture years. I couldn't wait to be on my own. In my mind, I was an adult. Mentally ready for adulthood, but not financially ready to support myself. I wrote poetry as an outlet of my feelings and emotions during this time. They were great! But I can only find a few poems that I wrote. How sad is this? The lost poetry of Erin Statzer… Where did they go? After high school, life happened and I stopped writing. I stopped for about 7 years. Not a single one. No creativity what so ever. Well, there was scrap booking, jewelry making, lots of pyramid types of jobs and a fascination of makeup! Hey, that can be an art too!!!
After seven years, my divorce happened as well as losing my much-loved job. I had to take a demotion at work. A whirlwind of changes… I had intense emotions, restlessness, and fear. Yearning to find my purpose and myself in life. I learned in psychology that this is called a "crisis". (A stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, a deciding moment or turning-point). This is when my creative light turned on! The poems came pouring out of me! It was amazing but at the same time really hard and trying times. I was experiencing the same emotions I felt in high school. Ugh, suddenly 16 all over again. It is a flashback of my torture years.
Not a single poem in almost a year? I guess life is happening again. I am going through the same life cycle. History is repeating itself. I have a 7 year cycle. Since I was born, every seven years some significant event happens, which turns into a crisis. I certainly do not want the anguish and pain in 6 years that I felt just one year ago. It is a part of being an adult, we learn from our past. And we try very hard not to make the same mistakes. We grow from these situations and evolve into better versions of ourselves.
I have realized that I only write when things are not going so great in my life. This makes me very sad. I really enjoy writing. I want that light to come on again. When this light comes on, it is like experiencing an orgasm for the first time. It's powerful! I want PASSION again! But I don't want the pain. I am finally happy. My heart is full and I should be able to pour out these feelings onto paper. I am going to try to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. I am making changes.
This is a turning point for me!
Thanks for listening to me pour my heart out!
xoxo
Currently
listening
:
Floating
By
Jape
Release date: 2007-11-12
Session 1: Cherry Blossom Tree Tattoo (updated)
Category: Blogging
It went great! I kept telling myself that this was going to be the most pain I have experienced in my life. And Brian was telling me the same. Trying to prepare. My appointment was at 130. Brandon looked at my picture for about a minute. It took some time prepping. He drew the flowers and stems. He didn't start the tattoo until about 2:15. He started at the bottom. Not too bad. As he moved up toward my ribs and back, the pain became really intense. It felt like someone was taking a hot ass knife and cutting my side open. :( I only flinched a few times. I think Brian was impressed. We took 3 breaks. He stopped at 415. We scheduled for me to come back in a month, July 8th. He left one of the branches open to extend toward my back. He also will color the flowers. :) It is going to look sweet when it's finished. It hurts more now than it did doing it. I had a hard time sleeping last night and getting comfortable. I can't wait to see this finished. I had a small reaction to the tape that was used to cover the tattoo. It's gone today, no biggie! BIG Thanks to Brian for coming with me on his day off. He made my birthday extra special. :)
Brandon is an exceptional artist. He is very talented. If you have time, check out his website.
www.brandonsaunders.com
UPDATE!!!!!
July 8th, I went in for more tattoo work. :) He is pretty much done, for now. I can't wait until it is completely healed to take more pictures so you can see the detail. It's amazing. He did a great job. When the time is right I will extend the branch toward my back and possibly add a background. I think when something significant happens in my life I will add to it each time. :)
Music Greats.
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Blogging
I love this song! Weezer's "Heart Songs". This is a new song from the upcoming album out June 3rd.
Weezer "Heart Songs"
Gordon Lightfoot Sang a song About a boat That sank in the lake At the break Of the morning A Cat named Stevens Ffound a faith He could believe in And Joan Baez I never listened Tto too much jazz But hippie songs Could be heard In our pad Eddie Rabbitt sang About how much He loved a rainy night Abba, Devo, Benatar Were there day John Lennon died Mr. Springsteen said He had a hungry heart Grover Washington Was happy on the day He topped the charts These are the songs
Chorus: These are my heart songs They never feel wrong And when I wake For goodness sake These are the songs I keep singin'
Quiet Riot got me started With the bangin' on my head Iron Maiden, Judas Priest And Slayer Taught me how to shred I gotta admit though Sometimes I would listen To the radio Debbie Gibson Tell me that you think We're all alone Michael Jackson's In the mirror I've gotta have faith If I wanna see clear Never gonna give you up Wish me love Or wishing well It takes two to make A thing go right If the Fresh Prince Starts a fight Don't you worry For too long 'Cause you know These are the songs
(Chorus)
Back in 1991 I wasn't havin' any fun 'Till my roommate said "Come on and put a brand new record on" Had a baby on it He was naked on it Then I heard the chords That broke the chains I had upon me Got together with my bros In some rehearsal studios Then we played Our first rock show And watched the fan base Start to grow Signed the deal that gave The dough to make A record of our own The song come On the radio Now people go This is the song
These are my heart songs They never feel wrong And when I wake For goodness sake These are the songs I keep singing
Tax Stimulus Refund Rant!!! (UPDATED)
Current mood: pissy
Category: Blogging
I filed my taxes in February. I opted for Direct Deposit. According to my last 2 digits of my SSN, My deposit should have been made by today. Has it? NOPE! I tried to find a phone number or email to contact the IRS, but apparently they do not want to be contacted or bothered by unhappy citizens. I checked on all of the news sites in hopes to find out something. I called my bank to see if they had a future deposit. They did not see one. They did mention that a LOT of people didn't receive their checks. What gives?
Update.....
When I filed my tax returns, I prepared them online with Turbo Tax (TT). At the end, TT asked me if I wanted to pay their preparing fee with a credit card or with my refund. I thought that keeping an extra $60 bucks would be nice and opted to pay the fee with my refund. Boy was this a mistake! By using the refund money to pay the fee, I allowed TT to put their checking account number on my tax return to the IRS. When it was time for the IRS to issue my direct deposit, they put the money in the TT checking account. My direct deposit was made by Santa Barbara Bank instead of Treasury Dept IRS. Once the money left the Santa Barbara account, the account was closed. So the IRS has no knowledge of my checking account number. This means that they are mailing my check.
Ashlyn’s first podcast!
Current mood: happy
Category: Podcast
In Ashlyn's class, her teacher assigned each child to write their own imaginative stories. Ashlyn's story was one of five picked to be posted on the teacher's blog. Have a listen! I am so proud of my first grader!!!
I am not going to be a Nurse anymore. :( After contemplating for a long time, I have realized that I just cannot pull off the demanding class schedule. I would have to quit my job or go part time to do the clinical classes in the Fall. And being a single parent, I cannot afford to not have a full time job with benefits.
The most important reason for my decision are my little girls. They are growing up before my eyes. Time is flying by. They need me now more than ever. I have one chance to raise them and be the best parent I can be. It's not fair to not put them FIRST!!!! I want to have time to visit them at school for lunch, volunteer to help in their classrooms, and just be there more for them. Nursing would not allow me to do those things. :(
I am still in school and plan to continue. Let's face it, I have been employed at the same place for 8 years. I have invested a lot of my time and have worked my way into a great paying job with endless room for advancement. I am beginning to realize that I don't have it bad. I can wear whatever I want to work, as long as it's tasteful. (Wish others lived by this!) I have daytime hours, and can enjoy the benefits of Flex time everyday. I can listen to music ALL day on my Ipod. I have a wonderful paid time off package AND medical benefits.
This decision is for the best. I plan to take the summer off from school to figure it all out. I am not saying I won't ever be a Nurse. It is just not in the cards for me at the moment.
cold
adored
rockin
cooky/wacky
happy
inquisitive
enlightened
nostalgic
pissy
quiet
inspired
