Vegas vixen
Current mood: amused

Yep, gonna do the Vegas wedding thing the first week of May. Little White Wedding Chapel just off the strip, following in the footsteps of Michael Jordan... No fear, no worries.

Now I need to cram and learn how to play roulette and craps... does yelling "Yahtzee" win me any prizes?

Currently reading : Fugitives and Refugees: A Walk in Portland, Oregon (Crown Journeys) By Chuck Palahniuk Release date: 08 July, 2003

11:29 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Still in limbo
Current mood: calm

It's been more than a month since I got engaged. I deny the existence of a forthcoming ceremony to avoid the (rare) possibility of becoming a bride-zilla, yet at least several times a day I hear, "sooooo, have you set the date yet?" Went to visit my folks over the weekend, and the first thing my mom shoves in my face (bless her heart) is a wedding magazine. Is this really what the next year is going to be like? Seriously, a justice of the peace, a huge cake and then a really big party. That's all you need, right? Food and friends (and gifts). Yup. My planning is done.

Thursday's the moving day. Once again, rather than have to use energy to move what I already have, we're just buying almost all brand-new stuff. It's how I moved up from Texas, it's how I'm moving (for my 5th time) in Atlanta. U-Haul be damned!

Getting another new position at work, too. Big life changes, all at once. Heh, so far it's all been for the better

Currently listening : The Singles 86>98 By Depeche Mode Release date: 06 October, 1998

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A merry-go-round is just a confused carousel.
Current mood: savage

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged. Not for lack of thought, but for lack of desire and time. It's coming up on that time of year that seems to be clogged with not-so-good-to-remember anniversaries, so I've tried to hold off on anything profound. Stuck in a holding pattern of "soooo, what now?" Plus, I'm getting ansy...

In my wallet, I carry a list of goals (most of them attainable, though I do allow myself the ubiquitous "win the lottery without having to play"). I haven't pulled the damn thing out in over a year, but I can still recite every thing on the list: translate that to read "I've done diddly squat, so it's all still there on the list, waiting, waiting to be crossed off." It doesn't mean I haven't done much in this past year (perhaps the most productive year of my life?), but it does mean I'm still unsatisfied with the results. Leave it to a virgo to find flaws in something good, right? Anyway, I figure it's time to make a new list.

And my birthday is coming up. Blah. I still get excited to do the countdown (20 days), but the day itself has lost pretty much all hoop-lah. Gifts aren't given any more (though if you're inclined, I enjoy pretty pretty calla lilies and trips abroad), my parents have to ask me, "how old are you again?" with the most sincerely quizzical look on their faces, and other than being forced to do way too many shots, the day goes on just like any other.

Is this all there is? I live my life looking forward to future dates and events rather than settling into the present (I think my next blog might tackle the nature of "the present": does it truly exist, or is it a sort of on-going pergatory?). I always want the next big thing, the next step. I mark days of the year based on their proximity to Halloween rather than focus simply on next week. I think it all just stems from the deep-down feeling of agitation, a certain "come on, come on, let's go!" attitude that I wake up with each day. Because I always want to reach the next step, I can't be content with what's happening NOW! I'm not the only one who feels this way, just the only one to complain about it so much .. Afterall, isn't this why most people have kids? No one actually really likes the brats, but it gives you something worthwhile to do each day.

Blah.

Currently reading : Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly By Anthony Bourdain Release date: 08 May, 2001

2:31 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

we don't have tails, right?
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life

There are few things that test my belief in evolution. However...

The way we function as humans cannot, absolutely CANNOT be beneficial to our survival. We are finicky, deceptive, self-loathing, others-loathing, indecisive, and occasionally cruel creatures of habit. By design we're meant to be social animals, say like dolphins or penguins. Yet we more often than not prefer to be in intimate settings, perhaps completely alone, rather than subject ourselves to the habits and personalities of others.

If evolution is supposed to weed out dysfunctional qualities (good thing we're not land mammals with flippers, right?), then why have these attributes refused to disappear?

Mr. Darwin, I expect a response in no more than 24 hours. Good day, sir.

8:05 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Know your enemy
Current mood: amused

See, I was being stupid today. Not only did I sign up for a gym membership I can't exactly afford right now (happens when you forget to sign your timecard and your paycheck is delayed), but I also decided to make use of my new membership and work out for a bit this afternoon. Nevermind the fact that I have a terrible head cold and all it did was make the pounding headache more pounding and the drippy nose a helluva lot more drippy.

So here I sit at work, a good 4 hours left to go (if I haul ass like I have been and get us done by 9), and I feel like crap. GREAT spirits, great state of mind, but ugggg... the head's in a complete fog. And I'm supposed to catch errors or be creative right now? Sorry co-workers, I'm dropping the ball today.

On a better note, I'm looking forward to this weekend. A true-blue vacation, something I haven't had in years. Mountains, a hot tub, a pool table. Even better, I'm looking forward to the drive up. I loooooooove to drive. And if I have a purpose? Yay!

The clouds are coming in again.

Currently listening : London Calling By The Clash Release date: 25 January, 2000

2:14 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

YAY! Yay!
Current mood: excited

A quickie (hey, twice in one day, my stamina is drained):

The Blazers are for sale!

I was born an unfortunate Blazers fan. Brought into a city that held firm on the fact that, having won a championship in the late '70s, another surely was on the horizon. And with Clyde, Jerome, Danny, Buck, Cliff and, hell, even Kevin Duckworth, the '80s-early '90s were fantastic. Then something happened. Paul Allen. Arg

But now, after 6 years of heartbreak (yep, Game 7 against the Lakers), there's a glimpse of hope. Allen has decided to relinquish control. And you know who wants to buy the team? TERRY PORTER (with a supporting cast)! Awwww.... perhaps the most lovable Blazer of them all. An all-around good guy, cute guy, 3-point-shot maker. I want this so badly.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying before bed. Heh, couldn't hurt

1:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Choking on an orange sucks. Seriously, it burns.
Current mood: relieved
Category: Life

Been a little while.

Last week sucked. Uhm, not quite sure what happened (can't find a proper blame), but I think I'm back. A little bruised and battered, a little weakened, but ready for the high before getting knocked down again

However, I hit a little snag in my quest for adventure (read that as wanting to move again). In searching other newspapers, two things became very apparent: 1) my job is.... going away. As long as I stick with the AJC I'm assured a job, but everywhere else, it seems, it cutting, slicing and dicing. I knew this already, but it had never sunk in until now. Poof! Copy editors being killed off like lambs. And 2) the places that are hiring folks like me are paying half of my salary now. So, hmmm... whatever do I do. Stick with this cushy little job where, if we hurry our asses and get everything finished, we can compress an 8-hour work shift into 5. Or... do I set off into the unknown, knowing wherever I end up will only want to cut its staff 3 years down the line, and that I'd be making a piddly wage.

Atlanta, you win.
For now.

I have to admit, it was kind of a bummer to find out. But I still managed to work my way from Oregon to Georgia with stops in between. Maybe my quest is over. There are things I want to get away from around here already, but I'm done running away when I get uncomfortable. Buck up, soldier. Stand your ground. Never surrender

Aye.

Anyway, back to my old ways. A little timid this time around, but content. Anyone want to try to battle me in a game of tackle football? Bring your band-aids, I've got nails now.

Currently reading : Ender's Game (Ender, Book 1) By Orson Scott Card Release date: 15 July, 1994

12:22 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Vasoline rhymes with gasoline
Current mood: dorky

I'm a geeky, sci-fi kinda girl. I have a copy of "Childhood's End" in my rear window, a favorite, for those days when I forget to bring any book I'm currently reading, so, in a super geeky state on Wednesday, I had a fantastic idea (one I'm sure Mr. Gates already has a copyright on). Wouldn't it be amazing if we could project our visions? Like, say I'm imagining an orange rolling down a hill. Well, what if others could see that thought reflected on a wall or something? Or hook the brain up to a computer and, instead of just seeing brain waves, it could unscramble all the signals into an image? Our dreams could become like videos, able to be recorded, it would make communicating easier. Oh, it would be brilliant.

Anyway, that was my idea. It hit me when I saw someone reading. Trying to imagine whatever images were being conjured in their mind from the book

Currently listening : The Continuing Story of Radar Love By Golden Earring Release date: 26 October, 1989

9:01 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

No one knows because I smile
Current mood: indescribable

Never pity me.

I was born virtually dead. I didn't cry because I wasn't breathing. The kitchen timer by the bedstand as the doctors performed an emergency C-section had ticked its final seconds. I was blue in the face, a limp little body who wasted the efforts of a number of doctors.I was in the hospital for weeks...

To say I don't belong here today is an understatement.

My not belonging is a feeling that I've had since childhood. Long before I knew the story of my birth, I was a sick little child who felt my existence was a fluke. I wasn't depressed, but I didn't feel right.

Suicidal thoughts since I was 8. That's fucked up, and I'm trying now to understand the reasoning, but all I can come back to is that I don't feel real.

It comes in waves now, about once a year, always around this time. I'm not depressed, things are better than they should be, but it seems like I'm just waiting for the grim reaper to catch up on his list and realize he's overlooked me for 25 years. And if he won't do it, I start to feel like it's in my hands. I was saved from myself last year, and, up until this week, I was thankful. Now it feels like I'm missing my ritual. The feeling has come again in a tidal wave. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, depressed, nothing is wrong... I just... it just feels like it's all a mistake.

Never pity me.

I'm here, I'm afraid I'll always be here, but forgive me when I slip. Nothing's wrong, but I'm fighting something that was built inside me from infancy. You don't change gears overnight, and I guess you don't change them in a quarter of a decade. But I'm here. I'm afraid I'll always be here.

Love me. Never pity me.

Currently listening : Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots By The Flaming Lips Release date: 16 July, 2002

8:35 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

10 rounds with Jose Cuervo
Current mood: dirty

A quickie at work:

Before I go digging on the Internet to find the answer myself, can someone please explain the difference between all the Johnnie Walker labels?

A friend asked me yesterday if I had to choose three non-physical characteristics by which I could fall in love with someone (say, if I were suddenly stricken blind), what would they be? A curious question with easy answers. Easy to please...

1) A man who drives fast;
2) who figures out my favorite pet name and calls me it constantly;
3) who loves the way I look in the morning (eyerolls, I know)

Sure, flowers and physique are, well, delightful, but nothing makes me melt quicker than someone squeezing my thigh at 90 mph while I'm in charge of shifting gears. Ugg. So THIS is why I've got Nickelback's "Animal" playing on repeat in my head. It makes sense now.

What three things would you choose?

Currently listening : Keep It Together By Guster Release date: 24 June, 2003

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