"Had a Northern Lad ... "
Current mood: content

Howdy cyber-friends! Just a few bullet points to let you know what's up:

1 - I'm not dead! I am, in fact, still alive and contorting! I did, however, break a finger ;-(

2 - I was in a relationship for the first time in 8 years and it ended very badly, and am now single again (trust me, you don't want to know the details).

3 - I am still technically unemployed, BUT I have been working with PILOBOLUS Creative Services since last August (Yay me!).
I did a week of rehearsals in NYC where I was my best friend's understudy. Since then I have traveled to Abu Dhabi, CT, Toronto, and San Fran. In Toronto we filmed a Ford commercial that was incredibly fun and will hopefully be so Awesome that they will have to show it in the states (and pay me again)! I'll post pix and videos when I have them. AND I am going to JAPAN next Thursday for a week!!
I feel like a fucking RockStar right now (or maybe more like a Porn Star...).
Pilobolus Myspace Site
Pilobolus Site

4 - I did a contortion still/video shoot today that was really fun - I contorted nude (tastefully) for the first time (side shot only) and contorted on a ladder of sharp swords (clothed).
Let me repeat that ... there were 6 sharp swords in a step-ladder formation and I bended and twisted upon them.
Yes I got some cuts, but it was worth it.

5 - I am obsessed with these PowerThirst YouTube videos - have you seen them? Here they are:



FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING FUCK!!!
I can't Fucking stand how Fucking funny these Fucking videos Fucking are.

Please comment with you favorite lines, like MENERGY or PREPOSTERONE ... or your favorite flavor.

More later.
XOXO,
-A-

P.S. "If God gives you lemons, you need a new God!"

P.P.S. If you can send me any important Japanese phrases, please do. Like, "Where's the bathroom", and "No, I don't like Karaoke".


P.P.P.S. Canadian camerapeople are FUCKING Adorable!!!!!

12:58 AM - 10 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

"FIRE thought she'd really rather be water instead"

If anyone has been wondering why I haven't been online as much, not updating my blogs, not responding to emails, etc, I have a GREAT excuse.

For anyone keeping track, I am:
Sleepless
Dateless
Sexless
Jobless
Penniless
Actless
and now......

HOMELESS!!!!!!!!!!!

All together now, boys and girls, "Aw, poor Ashley!"
Yeah, whatever.  Coulda been worse, right?

There was a fire on the first floor of my building last month, which is occupied by a pizza shop.  Fortunately, no one was seriously injured and the fire didn't rise too far, BUT my apt was the highest above the fire and the smoke went up through the walls of our bathrooms that connect with the pizza bathroom.  SOOOOO, I got some of the worst damage. 


Here's the story:
Sunday, May 20, 2007, Midtown East, 11:30am
I am sitting in my apt watching a little tv and drinking my coffee.  Suddenly I hear something that sounds like rumbling.  If I had felt it or saw anything shake I probably would have thought it was my first earthquake, but I didn't so I stayed put.  There is a lot of construction on my block so I just thought maybe something happened there or they were working (on a Sunday?). 

Within a few minutes, I hear firetrucks and smoke alarms.  I open the window and see that beige smoke pouring in.  At this point, I think it is an adjacent building, not mine.  Then I decide I should probably go check it out or leave.  I go to the bathroom, open the door, and that pitch black smoke pours out - it is just as bad as they say it is - pure black, blinding, and impossible to breathe.  I grab some clothes ('cause I usually just sit around naked), my wallet and phone, and head out the door.  I get down to the 3rd floor and there is the black smoke again so I head back up.  I run into 2 neighbors and tell them we can't get out that way.  "Where do we go?" they say.  "Let's try the roof" I reply.  They look at me funny and say "We can get to the roof?  How?"  So I lead them up to the roof door, unlock it, and they help me block it open. 

Once outside, we see smoke coming up from the backside of the building and through the vent on our roof.  I see a firefighter climbing a ladder and I run over to ask him if he is there for us.  "Nah, you guys are fine where you are."  Great, so I still think it's another buidling, not mine.  I see about 8 fire trucks on the street and it is completely blocked off.  So I start calling the family in case they see something on the news (my Grandmother watches Only news and the weather channel, so when any thing happens in New York State she thinks it's me).  I wander around looking at the sites and I look over my side of the building and see that THE SPACE DIRECTLY BELOW MY FIRE ESCAPE IS ON FIRE!!  Every says the roof is the worst place to go, but I was really glad I didn't try going down. 

After about 20 minutes there are now 4 firefighters on the roof and they say they have to get us down to the street.  They open the stairwell of another building w/o smoke and send us out.  Once on the street I see the brouhaha and all the police cars and ambulances and gawkers.  So I leave to get something to drink and just sit on the curb waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

I'm still in denial at this point.  At least, untill I see firefighters going into my building and breaking windows on the front....  Now I am just picturing 40 firefighters in my apartment talking about what a pig-sty it is.  My worst nightmare has come true!!  Finally, someone from the red cross comes by to find out who lives in the building.  He tells me he thinks the 5th floor (mine) is probably okay, but hasn't been inside.

About 3pm they let us back in.  First the smell hits us.  It is Horrible!  Not just burning wood, but burning metal and I Hate that smell.  Being human, we all look at everyone else's apartments on the way up.  First, all the others were Immaculate!  Second, as we see the damage all we can think is "what does mine look like??"  On the 5th floor, 3 of the apartments looked pretty good.  One had a few ceiling holes, and had bathroom holes, and the third was barely touched.

Then I got to my place....

I had approximately 4 big holes in my ceiling with sunlight pouring in.  I had another 6 or so little holes that I guess were failed attempts to reach the roof.  The hole in my kitchen is huge and my light fixture is hanging with the broken bulb still screwed in.  Then the bathroom....  I had a brand new skylight in the shower, several other holes exposing the pipes and one hole that let me see the bathroom of my neighbor.  Nice!  There is shit on top of shit everywhere.  The bottom of my closet was wet and covered in soot, there are ceiling pieces and dust covering everything and the vanity mirror in my bathroom was removed and tossed into the living room.  2 of my windows were broken in and the bathroom door was nowhere to be found...weird.  Oh, and I guess that in my panic I locked the door on the way out so it was pried open with some sort of crobar and wouldn't close.

We all waited around for the super and management company to arrive; why they weren't there 4 hours earlier I don't know.  They got locksmiths to come change all the locks so we would feel comfortable leaving and boarded up the windows and holes that reached the roof.  This is when I found my bathroom door - I looked up into the closet hole and saw a silver doorknob...pretty crafty actually, using it to cover the hole they made.

So now, 3 weeks later, I finally have some of the holes patched up, new windows, and new paint.  I have an "order to vacate" from the HPD (Housing Police - didn't even knew they existed!), but - keep this on the DL - I am actually crashing here because I don't want to stay at a shelter or hostel and I can use the shower, although it is a little uncomfortable with plastic up instead of real walls.  Hopefully this week they will start with the bathroom construction and perhaps I will be back to normal by the weekend.  So far, I have just been  living out of boxes and suitcases; I just packed stuff up so that it wouldn't be in the way of the construction and there is no use unpacking until it is all done.


I want to thank my friend Joseph for putting me up for a while, but he moved on the 30th and I felt he needed to get acclimated to his new place w/o me.  I also want to thank all the people who offered me their places for a night or a weekend; I really appreciate it!
Tragedy really shows you who your real friends are  


The loss:
My electronics are fine (whew), but I had to get rid of most of my shoes and I'm not sure what I can salvage of my clothing.  I also lost my balloon-animal and face painting supplies for the birthday party I did today.  So I had to buy more and missed out on a lot of needed practice - sorry kids.  Fortunately Spider-Man came to save the day!!  (me in a costume cartwheeling and letting the kids take rides on my back)

I did trash my coffee table and kitchen table set because it was a good excuse to do so and I didn't really need them.  My mattress seems to be okay, but I don't think my futon will make it - I don't think you can get that smell out and it had already been through some rough, but good, times 

So boys and girls - tell me your fire stories or maybe suggest places I can get some cheap furniture!! 

Hopefully I will be online more often now, so drop me a line, and I hope you all had a better month than me!!

Love,
-A-

P.S.  Do you want to see the pictures??  Some are shocking....

7:19 PM - 17 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

"He liked my shoes, I kept them on"

I finally fulfilled a fantasy – I showed up for a date in fuck-me pumps, a coat, and that's it, AND got to keep the shoes on for the whole thing!
Yay me!

BUT guess what Boys and Girls? 
Surprise, surprise - I haven't seen him since...

Unfortunately, that's a true story 
Fortunately, that isn't what this blog is about.

I found a new side gig – turns out, I have FOOT FETISH FEET!!
 

I signed up a little while ago for a model site – Model Mayhem

I put up my contortion pictures from my first photo shoot and a couple aerial shots.  I now have some new model & photographer friends, but hadn't gotten any really lucrative offers, mostly just TFP & TFCD questions (trade for photos/CDs – no money exchange).  Don't get me wrong, I'd love to do it for the experience and to get some different types of pix, but right now I can't really do anything that doesn't help pay my rent.

Then I got offers from 2 foot fetish site photographers for pay.

Now, I don't really know anything about the world of fetishism or foot fetishes in particular.  I've never dated anyone with a foot fetish, at least that I knew of.  I have had my toes sucked before, but it was more like he threw it out there to see how I would react or if it would get me off.  I don't think there is anything wrong with it or any other fetish for that matter, just didn't quite know what people like about the feet or what they do with them...  Of course, I have seen porn sites w/"Foot Jobs"; I'm not that naive.

What is also funny is that the reason I was first put in ballet class is that I had flat feet.  I even had to wear those special shoes.  All my friends loved it!  All my imaginary friends, that is....  But now, I have a very high arch and even know some professionals ballet dancers who say I have beautiful feet and should model for Capezio or something – what a compliment!  Also, since I didn't do a lot of point work, I don't have a lot of corns and only one small bunion, which is pretty good for dancin' feet.

Anyway, I talked with one of the photographers on the phone and he seemed nice and explained how he started the web site because of his own interests and wanted to find others like him.  Now, years later, he has a pay site that he feels is really for the purists – basically just feet pix in and out of super-sexy stilettos in full clothes or lingerie.  Of course, he has different pix & videos for different customers, but assured me that anything I wanted to do or wear would be completely up to me and totally understood if I wanted to just test the waters and bow out if I was uncomfortable.  Even with all our body issues, I believe most dancers a little less shy about showing their bodies because we sometimes have quick costumes changes backstage or have choreographers that like more skin for the sake of the "art" or to make some sort of statement.  I have one friend w/Pilobolus who has been naked on stage more times than any of us could count.  I am no different.  I don't really care about changing in front of other dancers, the crew, the costume designer, etc.  It's my body and I can't change it at will, so what the hell; if I have to show it off onstage, I'd better be prepared, right?

Back to the feet:  I agreed to meet with the photographer so he could show me examples of his work, offer references, and of course, see my feet.  He was immediately excited.
No, not like that … just excited about the height of my arches and the relatively good shape my feet are in. 

He explained his process, the pay scales, and wanted to shoot me right away, so I had my first shoot this morning.  He was fine with me wearing my own clothes and shoes, but he had much better shoes and the clothes still had all the tags on to show me they hadn't been worn.  He gave me choices so I could decide and so I could feel more comfortable.  He showed me some more photos of positions he like and how to work the shoes.  We did 3 different outfits and many poses and he directed me well, which I prefer to just trying different things w/o knowing what would work best.

During the shoot and after, he again raved about my arches and how great the looked in and out of the shoes, and was sure he wanted to use me again.  He even reimbursed me for my pedicure and gave me a little extra cash!
 
I'm not going to be on the site until late May, but around the 7^th I will be in the "Coming Soon" section of FeetFair.com with a pic like this:

Most of the pix will probably be just my feet, but this is the first one he sent and said I could post it as a teaser.  He also warned me people might want to send fan mail or ask for some "foot worship" …

So, does anyone want to admit to this or tell me more about this sub-culture?
Want to share your thoughts, good or bad on this subject?
Or if you know anyone who is into it, send them to this blog.
Don't be shy – No Judgements!!  (mean comments will be deleted)

Thanks for reading and sharing, friends!

-A-

8:16 PM - 21 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

"Gumdrops and Saturdays, did Eric call, by the way?"
Current mood: frustrated

Here is a pop quiz, boys and girls:

What is the BEST way to breakup with someone?

A)  Don't return their phone calls
B)  Don't respond to their emails
C)  Don't reply to their text messages
D)  All of the above

If you said D you win a prize!  A BITCH-SLAP!!

I have never had a very active dating life, no matter where I've lived (I don't quite know why, but that isn't the point here). 
That being said, this had never happened to me before I moved to NY when I was 25. 

So what is it about the city that makes people forget about me, literally, overnight?  Is it someting in the tasty water?

In case you think I'm just being a crazy girly girl, here are some examples:
The Personal trainer – saw once a week on average for almost 2 months
The Director – about 5 fan-fucking-tastic dates, real connection
The Sculptor – met at a bar, great dates, long talks on the phone
The Bartender – met on New Year's Eve, roughly 3 dates then 3 sleepovers, the last time – No Shit – on Valentine's Day where we spent most of the evening doing laundry
* I haven't listed all of them, just the most painful

In each of these situations, I waited for the next call or email, then sent some of my own, and got nothing in response. 
I kid you not - I actually searched obituaries because I just couldn't believe (fill in the blank) had just disappeared w/no contact!

Why am I writing this? 
Well, for one I want people to know that it isn't acceptable.  Karma is a real cunt and when you treat people like they don't matter, it will and Should come back to you. 
Second, to get some insight on this phenomenon:  Has it happened to you?  Have you done it to someone?  Any ideas why?? 
Also, because I am trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me that I feel like crap all the time and can't sleep w/o serious medication & this is the kind of shit that keeps me awake at night. 

Last, because I am sane enough (barely) to realize that this is actually My problem; I am the only constant in all these situations, so it must be something I am doing wrong – maybe I'm attracted to the wrong people, or perhaps I did this to someone and don't remember and an paying for it now, or maybe I am unknowingly sending signals that this behavior is okay, or some other fucked-up reason I haven't thought of yet. 
And yes, I think it is going to happen again.

Bottom lines:
1 - WHAT THE FUCK??  Don't do this to people!  It hurts.
2 – If you want to meet/date me, and you have a propensity for this type of behavior, DON'T FUCKING BOTHER!!

8:59 PM - 44 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

"Starfucker"

September 9, 2007:
Sorry I went MIA again.  It's shocking how much time it takes being unemployed....

Anywho, I gots me a new crush


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dude - how cute is Gene Simmons' son?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Is he legal?  Am I a pedophile??

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April 24, 2007:
Sorry I'm a little late, but my Celebrity Crush of the week is ...

DEREK CECIL

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0147689/

I was one of about 5 people who watched Push, Nevada and just fell in Love with this guy.  AND he was an IRS agent.  And NO, I didn't solve all the clues and win the money... I would have given it up anyway to meet him.

God I love geeks!!!


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April 10, 2007:
My Celebrity Crush of the week is ...

CHRISTOPHER GORHAM

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0330913/

Anyone noticing a pattern here?

I loved him on Medical Investigation, but he was the only one.  Being the geek I am, I was watching Jake 2.0 a few weeks ago and fell hard.  He is Adorable!!!

Anyone knows who he is or shares my crush??

2:24 PM - 34 Comments - 15 Kudos - Add Comment

"Sweet Dreams"

May 16, 2007:

Dude - I just had a dream that I beat the shit out of my sisters's former best friend who really went crazy on her.  I grabbed her arm and swung her into a tree head first, I puched her repeatedly in the face, and I dragged her by her feet and threw her ... you know I'm a super hero, right?

I texted Sis to tell her and she said the the girl had been emailing and calling her so much that she had to finally tell her to stop!

Weird, huh?!?!?!?


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March 23, 2007:

I had a dream one time about a guy I used to have sex with during the time that we were ending it.

I dreamt that I was with my Mom and Sis hanging out with this guy and some of his girl friends/groupies (he is a performer, but I won't reveal if he performs on the floor or in the air ).  We were in a suburban neighborhood looking at new houses while there were being built.  This is a common pastime in the 'burbs.  I even had sex with an old beau in college in a newly built house…

But I digress.

My friend tells me he has a show to do and asks me to hold on to something while he is gone – HIS PENIS.  He cuts it off, but there is no blood or anything, like it is detachable, and hands it to me.  He left with his girl posse and I wasn't mad we weren't going to the show or jealous, I just didn't understand why I had to hang onto his member.

He comes back and I return it.  We hang out some more, have fun looking at the empty houses and after a while he says he has to go to do his last show and needs me to hang onto his penis again.  He cuts it off and hands it over. 

I keep looking at it like "what the hell do I do with this?  Why did he give it to me?"  It still isn't bloody, just pale and hard.  I finally wrap it in wax paper and hang onto it.

Meanwhile, my Mom and Sis go to lunch at an outdoors restaurant and I keep looking at the package curiously.  For some reason, I forget about it and leave it at the table after lunch with our napkins and plates.

Years go by and my Mom, Sis, and I return to the neighborhood that is fully inhabited now, but they are building a new community clubhouse that we want to check out.  It is really nice, pool, billiard room, TV room, bar, etc. 

Suddenly, this kid comes up and tells us he moved into one of the houses and found this in his closet – it is the penis I left behind.  He shows it to me and it looks exactly the same as I remember.  I decide I have to find my friend to return it.  Apparently he never came back to get it and we hadn't talked since.

I track him down and he is now living with another performer as 'kept men' in this really nice house with a rich man.  He is dressed in women's lingerie – red bra and undies, garter belt and stockings, but he has no makeup and his face and hair look the same as I remember.

I explain the situation and he has to make a decision – remain a castrated drag queen that doesn't have to worry about money or anything, or have his penis re-attached and become the man he was before.

He decides not to take the penis and stay in his current situation.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?

Feel free to analyze me or just laugh...

This seems an appropriate pic - thanks Sidd!

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March 19, 2007:

So, even though I have severe insomnia I do occasionally sleep and I LOVE it when I have crazy dreams.

In college I started writing down any dream I felt was important or particularly vivid.  Some make no sense, some made a little sense after I analyzed it with my Dream Dictionary, and others have actually been slightly prophetic.

That is what this blog will be about.

But to start off on a good note, I found my dream diary from college and found a wonderful surprise.  My boyfriend at the time had sneaked in a little poem for me to find one day.  I had totally forgotten about it til I found the diary.

This is it:


This is an actual scan from my journal, circa 1997.

Stay tuned next we for possibly the most fucked up phallic Freudian dream ever.

Later,

-A-

6:48 AM - 36 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

"... I like the word"

March 23, 2007:

Just an update to this blog, not a new word yet.

As if to prove my point, I just had the worst thing happen to me:

I got locked INSIDE my apartment!!!! 

I actually pulled the doorknob off because I was yanking so hard.  I tried the fire escape, but it doesn't actually go to the ground...good to finally know.  I ended up calling my favorite deli and they sent a guy up because the door CAN be opened from the outside.  I gave him a $7 tip because that was all I had.

Fuck me.  If that isn't Sisyphean, I don't know what the hell is!

March 16, 2007:
Sometimes when I can't sleep it is because I get something stuck in my head - a piece of choreography, a conversation that made me upset or angry, a song, or a Series of Syllables that just get Stuck in my Skull so whenever I close my eyes I see it (yes, I'm a big fan of alliteration too).

That is what this blog is gonna be about. 

My word of the week is ...

SISYPHEAN!!  (thanks Ken Again)
Come on, say it with me boys and girls.  Then try it 3 times fast.

I'm not sure it's a real word, but M-W.com says this:
"Sisyphus: a legendary king of Corinth condemned eternally to repeat the cycle of rolling a heavy rock up a hill in Hades only to have it roll down again as it nears the top"

Used in a sentence describing it's pertinence to my current situation:  "Lately, my life seems a string of Sisyphusian tasks; a string of seemingly insurmountable stones placed in my path."

12:00 PM - 38 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

"here. in my head"

YOU. HELPING ME BE LESS CRAZY

I've decided that I need to keep in touch with my Myspace friends more often and I also have some problems I need to work on (see "Pretty Good Year?" blog).  One thing that I've heard helps is writing stuff down.  You know, the journal stuff. 

I am going to try to do some weekly diary/stream of conciousness writing and I'd love your comments.  I think I will write a few themed blogs and keep adding on to them instead of writing multiple blogs.

If you would like to help me out by reading my rantings and ravings and giving your opinions, please feel free.

Hope to talk to y'all soon,
-A-

4:22 PM - 23 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

"Pretty good year" ???

FUCK NO!!!!!


TO MY MS FRIENDS AND POTENTIAL SUITORS:
I hope this explains some of my distance and non-committal responses, and sometimes not responding at all. It really is true here, "It's not you, it's me"!


JANUARY – My Father died. He had been sick for a while and could not eat or speak, but we had hopes he would get stronger with the feeding tube in place and could start chemo again.  No one knows for sure, but my Mom went to wake him and found him dead with his oxygen removed and the feeding tube turned off.  There was no note and he was on a lot of pain medication so no one is sure if it was a willful act or maybe some sort of delirium.  I believe he didn't think he was going to get better and didn't want to suffer or make us watch him suffer anymore.  I didn't get to talk to him in 2006.  I called, but he could not speak, even yes or no answers, but I'm sure the last thing I said was "I love you". 
This is not how I wanted it to be – I was supposed to get a call telling me to get down there so we could sit with him while he went.  Instead, he passed alone in his guest bed probably gasping for breath and in intense pain.  I still miss him every day and will forever.

FEBRUARY/MARCH – I go on my first tour with the company I'm 'working' for (air quotes because I was technically paying Them to train and did not get paid to perform).  It actually was not bad, especially when we split up to go to UGA and perform at my Alma Mater.  It was very bittersweet because the elephant in the room was that my Father had never and would never get to see me do this.

APRIL – A few highlights, I got to perform at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Times Square and was able to quit my day job.  I did start getting paid by the company, but it was essentially minimum wage.

JULY – 2/5 of the company leaves.  We get some new recruits that I really liked and begin working on new stuff.  I wasn't sure I wanted to stay, but I was the only on in a finished, tourable piece at this point and felt trapped until we finished the new stuff.  We had a works in progress showing that goes much better than I thought it would – all I've ever wanted is to perform. 
Then I go to GA for my friend Kelly's wedding.  "One of these things is not like the other" – although lovely in my fuchsia bridesmaid's dress, my huge biceps, translucent skin, and purple hair didn't quite fit with these traditional southern, tan, upper-middle class folks.  But being southern, they were all very sweet to me and by the end of the night I was at the boys' cabins with their wives/girlfriends drinking, smoking, playing cards and those riddles I love.  These could have been my high school friends at a mini-reunion.  It felt nice to be comfortable and accepted if only for one night.

AUGUST – Since I'm already there, the director sets up a workshop and performance at a local aerial studio.  I had just begun to teach and was quite worried about being able to handle it all.  Luckily LL* was sent with me and she basically took over and told me what to do.  This might sound good on the surface, but we were paid our 'regular' salary and nothing extra for putting together a performance ourselves and teaching workshops, and no per diem even though it was verbally promised.  To top it off, I had planned the whole time on staying with my Mother; she had just lost a husband and I had just lost a father, anyone with half a heart would have Wanted me to stay with her.  While I am already down there and have told the director at least 5 different times that my family has no extra car and we need one rented or pay a friend to borrow one, I get an email saying we have been set up to stay in Athens and borrow the car from the family, but can only drive it in town – my Mom's house was 30 miles away.  Way too late and unacceptable, I was Livid.  Plus, I had repeatedly told them I have severe allergies and the house provided had 3 BIG DOGS.  Although, it was beautiful and the family was incredibly sweet – thank you.  I ended up borrowing my best friends' hybrid and paid them $200 myself for their trouble.  On the plus side, the people at the studio were WONDERFUL!  They were so sweet and appreciative and did a great job with the material we gave them for the performance.

SEPTEMBER – by this time 6 people have quit the company and I am once again the only one in a finished, tourable piece, again feeling trapped and still very angry about the GA trip.  We get a new batch of people that I loved and begin working on new pieces.  Meanwhile, I get to finish the financials for the company for the previous 3 years to give to their accountant.  What fun.

OCTOBER – We get 2 new Wonderful, professional, caring coaches so I am slightly excited about coming to 'work' again.  Then the rehearsal schedule begins to increase – some days 10-5 with no lunch break – and I am teaching 4 classes per week with for a $7 per week raise.  We planned a Halloween performance, but couldn't get our shit together and had to cancel.  I also start having even More trouble sleeping and start rapidly dropping weight.  I am 5' 7.5" tall with a medium frame and the most I have ever weighed is 140.  If you've seen my pix you know I have quite a bit of muscle so I never thought I was fat, just a bit too callipygian (look it up).  I am now hovering around 120.  I began to have breakdowns in the middle of rehearsals, but kept going.  Imagine if one of your co-workers had to lift you up and dance with you and they keep crying the whole time.  I felt worse for everyone else having to deal with me than the fact that I was out of control.
I decided I needed therapy ASAP.
Since I am now working 30+ hours at minimum wage, I also decide to cash in my 401k so I can continue to rehearse, teach, and pay rent because I don't have time to get another job.

HALLOWEEN – the only other highlight, read the blog – it was AWESOME!!!!

NOVEMBER – We set up dates for another showing, Dec 13-18, and my Mom and Sis buy plane tickets.  I finally find a therapist and at the same time lose my insurance (my own fault).  I don't have the money to go home for Thanksgiving and I literally sat in my apartment for 4 days and did almost nothing. 
The piece by the new coach is finished and is Beautiful, a second piece is 75% done, my duet will be resurrected, and we start a ground/air ensemble piece.  I'm also excited because I decide I can quit with a clear conscience as soon as the shows are over and finally be free.

DECEMBER – The second piece is still not done and the ensemble piece is about 5% done and 80% crap if you ask me.  Another coach comes back to help and after the first day it looks better.  We keep working and are worried, but hopeful about the showing, mostly due to the new coaches and the increased absence of the director.**

12/4/06 - The director arrives at the end of rehearsal to tell us that the performance has been postponed until January.  That night, he decides to postpone to February!  Now my Mom and Sis are out $300 bucks because if they still came up I would be rehearsing all day and teaching each night having no time to spend with them - we were up to 35 hours per week, still at minimum wage.  We discuss how we will all pull together and work hard to make it happen and make the pieces high quality and confirm the rehearsal schedules with all the coaches, etc.  Big pep talk, we are all gung-ho.**
The very next day we all arrive at rehearsal promptly at 10 am, all except a coach or director that is.  We all work on what we want to, but it is very hard w/o direction and VERY DANGEROUS – remember, we are Aerialists!  By 12:30 he is still not there and I am livid, crying, offended, and decide I can't take it any more and leave.
I send an email to the director explaining my reasons being as polite as I can, but still expressing my anger.
To this day, I haven't gotten a response.

12/11/06 – I talk to my therapist, respected colleagues, friends, and come to a decision about my future with the company.  I meet with the director and tell him that I wanted to leave at the end of the year, but decided I could stay through the showing only if I could work less because of my physical, mental, and financial problems.  I thought my offer was fair (15 hours of rehearsal, perform 2 pieces, teach 2 classes, with some reasonable financial requests, and leave after the show – remember, I've been with them over a year at this point, longer than anyone else), but I had no idea what he would say – I secretly wished he would get pissed and tell me not to come back. He tentatively says yes and wants to think about it.

12/12/06 – Everyone is again on time and we have no coach or director.  We work for a while and a coach shows up at 12.  We work for 2 more very productive hours and are supposed to have costume fittings from 2-4.  The director's assistant comes down at 2 and asks to speak to us all individually.  I go second to last and am informed that as of 2pm that day the performing company is on indefinite "Hiatus"!!!!
Part of me felt horrible for the others – I wanted out and instead everyone is out. The more I thought about it, it is the best thing that could happen to them – this is the worst professional situation I've ever been a part of, it has a horrible reputation, and the sooner we are out the better.

NOW – I've just been trying to sleep a lot and get my apt in order, finish the books, and get ready to start training contortion and hand-balancing in the New Year. I will still teach classes, but only if I am paid a reasonable teacher rate and only 2 per week. Basically, I'm going to get my life back! This could be the year I am FINALLY HAPPY!!!


POSTSCRIPT – Throughout this entire year I have also been casually sleeping with 2 great guys.
-One 'arrangement' is perfect.  We never dated first, we both knew what we were getting into, lots of experimentation, and I care about him, but don't have 'feelings'.  Only downfall is he always wants to come here and I cannot get my shit together enough to clean up.
-The other is a big giant mess most of the time.  Part of the problem is that even though I don't want a relationship with him, I do have feelings for him.  He has a lot going on, professionally and personally/romantically, and I always feel last on the list.  You don't need to say it – I know I should just leave him alone, but honestly each time I've said that (in my head) is the time that he contacts me to get together instead of the other way around.  The bottom line is that he doesn't care for me in the same way or as much as I care for him.  I give more than I get and he agrees, he just doesn't have any more to give me.  It isn't his fault, it doesn't make him a bad person, that's just the way it is. 


So if you are boy OR GIRL interested in a flexible, super-nice, insomniac who is trying to turn her life around, please contact me. I don't know that I'm ready for a steady relationship yet, but I do want to get back into the dating world. I may not be quick to respond, but I'm getting better just very s l o w l y . . . .

Currently watching : Tori Amos - Video Collection: Fade to Red Release date: 14 February, 2006

5:58 PM - 22 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

"Is your place in Heaven worth giving up these Kisses..."

Halloween is my absolute favorite day of the year. It's my Christmas, New Year's Eve, and Birthday all rolled into one.

I didn't get to go out last year. It was a Monday and I was still working full time so I opted for an early evening booty call instead. Two years ago I got all dressed up and waited for my friend to call to say she was back in the city and ready to party. Around 11 she called to say she wasn't going to make it. So I peeled off my false eyelashes and thigh-high boots and cried myself to sleep.

This year, not only did the Gods of Halloween smile upon me with a night off and friends willing to venture to the famous Greenwich Village Halloween parade with me, but I had one of my best nights Ever, totally making up for the last 2 and then some!!

I got a late start, as usual, and had some false starts with the false eyelashes (ha!), but soon I was painted, glittered, sluttiliciously dressed, and ready to go.


I arrive at my friend Cheryl's apartment and she is already impressed with my look:


(limbering up to get ready for the night)



BUT WAIT, there's more.... My attire was only the foundation for my real costume.

I opened up the bag, pouring foam and ribbon and tubing all over her living room. We start assembling the pieces as if we are on some home improvement reality show making a glorious curio cabinet that some lucky grandma will use to show off her beanie baby collection. Intrigued, her roommate offers to help and it slowly begins to take shape....



I AM GOING TO BE A LIVING, BREATHING, WALKING, PUCKERING KISSING BOOTH!!!!!!!!



(sans booth)

(avec booth!)

When I saw the box at Ricky's with the 40% off tag, I knew it was for me. I think there was even a spotlight on it and pirate swords pointing towards it. I believe I've seen men in this costume before, but no women. I had no clue for what I was in for....

Soon after I got outside, I already had my first customer. Since the sign says only 25 cents, he asked if he could get 4 for a dollar. Of course! I had arrived at Cheryl's with absolutely no cash and now I had a dollar sticking out of one boot. Sweet! Just as many speeches begin with a joke, so did my great night. We opted for a cab because we were afraid I wouldn't fit through the subway turnstile. Turns out, I can't fit upright in a cab either. But because I am a Brilliant problem solver, I decide I will just slide in sideways and lie down for the trip.

(me, in the cab)

I called my friends, reapplied the all-important lipstick and gloss, we cackled madly at my situation, and took pictures. Even better, I had to back out of the cab when we reached our destination, which Cheryl also found photo worthy:


When we reached 14th street and saw the crowd we realized we were never going to get close enough to watch the parade, so we just started walking down 7th avenue. I didn't know it before, but really every street had its own parade in NYC - you get to see other people in costume and people comment on yours, there just aren't any floats or puppets. People kept stopping me to say they loved my costume and even wanted to take pictures of me! Then Cheryl and I had the idea to raise my price. We ran to the nearest Duane Reade, grabbed a marker, and changed my price to $1 - hey, I didn't want to deal with the change and then there is inflation, you know, Iraq and all. We also stopped at one point and I became my own barker. More people stopped to take my pic and I made a few more dollars from some cute boys and girls. One even asked to kiss my ass after my lips:


All the kissing and walking made me thirsty so we stopped at a bar to get a drink and meet up with more people.


I had the bright idea to sit facing the window and the barrage of onlookers were still giving me the thumbs up for the costume and taking pix from outside. Even the hostess came over and asked for a pic with me. A little kid from outside gave me a fake 1 million dollar bill for a kiss on the cheek. So cute! We had more people to meet on the east side so headed back towards the parade.

We got closer this time and there was a rumor that the cops would let you into the parade if you were nice. Needless to say, I was elected and was successful in getting the officer to let us in to walk the parade a little.

(proof I made it inside the parade to walk)

This was a dream come true! Not only was I finally in the NYC parade, but people were stopping me to give me dollars for kisses and taking pix right and left. I was in Heaven!

(yes, that is a real dollar in his hand)

To top it all off, I met my Soulmate!!!

TWICE! How will I ever decide between the two??
Surprisingly, the boys said they didn't make nearly as much money as me and had to give it away for free. Wonder why?

My friends kept losing me in the crowd as I was losing myself in all the attention I was getting. To make it worse, I continued being my own barker.
"Good old fashioned American kisses for only $1!"
"All natural lips, $1 kisses"
"Free kisses for only $1!"
"Watch your girlfriend kiss another girl for only $1" (I really thought that would bring the most return, but I was wrong)!

Eventually I got a text that they had left the parade and were heading east, but waiting for me. Of course, I ended up on the wrong side of 14th and as you may know, the law doesn't let you cross the street. Again, being the smarty I am, I offered a pair of nice officers a free kiss if they would let me cross. He even escorted me! Thanks, sir.

Once we reached Union Square I had about $20 in my hot pants and bra and felt like I was on a red carpet! I would guess that over 30 people took my picture there - I just stood and smiled for as long as they wanted me and made a few more bucks. I must say that most people were pretty nice. Only a couple people tried to slip me the tongue (one tasted of mint and the other of beer and cigarettes), but most were fine with a peck on the lips or on the cheek to have a big red lip mark. Oh, and a guy in a Superman t-shirt Really wanted my phone number....

To sum up, Halloween 2006 was one of the Best nights of my life! I made over $30 and got quite a confidence boost. A special thanks to Cheryl, Michelle, Jordann, Sahil, Annie, and Madeline for hanging out and putting up with me. The only way it could have been better is if I had gotten laid!

** If anyone saw me in the city or kissed me or took a picture, please comment below - I'd love to hear your thoughts and see the pix **

Hope you all had a fantastic Halloween as well!!!

-A-

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