New Blog

I am going to start a new blog in which I am going to try to write in regularily.  If you want the link, just let me know and I will give it to you if I think you're worthy!!!

5:24 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Help Me Help Kids

At the end of the month I will be bowling in a tournament with the proceeds going to Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri. 

If you would like to donate to this worth cause please follow this link or ask me if you have any questions:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=245683&lis=1&kntae245683=382A5C44E60844FB89399D6C6236A45B&supId=203148450

Thank you and Have a great night!

5:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

No One
Current mood: happy

ALICIA KEYS LYRICS

"No One"

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

MY NEW FAVORITE SONG - EXPLINATION TO COME SOON AS WELL AS LIFE UPDATES!

Currently listening : No One By Alicia Keys Release date: 13 November, 2007

10:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

CHANGES
Current mood: confused

My life is in such a state of confusion and depression right now that I don't know what to do.  I'm going to look at new layouts and see if I can find something that will make me happy - I like what I have now but I just don't see it fitting me now...

4:36 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

What Changed
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Something has changed with me.  I don't know what it was and I don't know why it happened.  I don't know if it because of a new song on the radio, or a movie I just watched, but I'm looking at life differently now.  I have no clue what so ever caused this change and I'm so afraid that things will change again and I will go back to the way I was before.  .

I'm happier now than I have been in a very long time.  But I still don't have anything that I've wanted for such a long time, but I'm content. 

Work is crazier than anything, we are acquiring a major company next month, all our systems are converting to a new system and that is a complete mess and my manager is leaving our department.  I won't even go into $10 wires and the troubles caused by them.  But I'm not freaking out as much about it.  I'm just accepting that it will be stressful, but I can do it.  Hell, John even freaked me out by telling me to apply for his job and then going on to seriously say that if I would have started just a few months before I did and he would be staying a few months later he seriously think that I could do the job.  You have no idea what this did for my morale.  Plus, he has told me in the past that I am doing a tremendous job, but now I'm actually starting to believe him.  I'm starting to become really helpful in that department and it makes me feel AMAZING!!! 

I feel like my hard work is starting to pay off.  Plus, getting an A in my first masters class, one that was designed to weed out the people who would not be able to complete the course.  I just hope that I'm not getting too ahead of myself and becoming too cocky and hope I can continue doing the best I can and make my dreams come true.

I keep telling myself not to expect anything and to just live life to the fullest, something that I have never been able to do, but I think I'm finally starting to do it. 

True, I still want to move out, I want to find that perfect house to call my own.  I want to be married and have a family.  I want to run my own business and not have to worry about money.  I want to be truly happy and not have to worry about my depression coming back, like it always seems to do. 

But, I've got to start living and not worrying about what's going to happen next. 

I really don't know what has caused this change in mood, feeling, thought, anything.  Over the past week or so I've slowly noticed myself smiling more and thinking more positively.

By fear though, is what if it all goes away?  I hate the person I used to be, I hate her with a passion, I'm starting to like myself now, and want to keep things that way, but what if they don't? 

Artist: Carrie Underwood
Song: So Small

What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Currently listening : Some Hearts By Carrie Underwood Release date: 15 November, 2005

9:49 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

GO ME!!!!!
Current mood: ecstatic

I just got my last grade for the last paper I did for my class.  I did some figuring before doing the paper.  I knew he graded pretty lenient and I needed to get 6 out of 20 for a B in the class, which I had pretty much expected and would be happy with.  I just got the grade results and I got a 18.5 out of 20 on it which brought my final grade up to a 90.2 so I GOT AN A IN THE CLASS!!!

WOO HOO GO ME!!!

Currently watching : The St. Louis Cardinals 2006 World Series Collector’s Edition Release date: 19 December, 2006

7:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

New Layouts!

Things have changed in my life and my mood has changed which means 1 thing - a new myspace layout!  I want my layout to be expressive of my life and so I thinkt hat's a little more accomplished now.  Hope you enjoy it!

7:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Are There Any Dream Specialists around?
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Ok so I had the weirdest/best dream I've ever had last night.  What makes it even weirder is I remember ALL OF IT!!!  My mom woke up just about the time that things got good but still the dream really confused me and I don't know what it means at all.  So if you know anything about dream interpretations please let me know.  Here's the dream

I was at a party/dance having a blast.  A lot of the people I went to high school with and I was having a blast.  I was reuniting with lots of old friends and everything was great.  Then suddenly there were rows of chairs and all these football players there.  This doesn't faze me and I'm just walking around having a great time!  I'm walking by the chairs and In the front row sitting by himself is the most beautiful guy I've ever seen and he starts staring at me and I'm in awe so I can't help but staring at him back.  Then I finally break away and the next thing I know there's now a football field in the room with the dance and the football players and come to find out there's a skill challenge for college football players.  The guy then gets up and kicks this 50 yd field goal and is the hero of the day.  He goes back and sits down and we're still staring at each other but then he starts doing an interview with a guy in a booth off to the front of the room. 

Let me explain the setup here in the back left part of the room is a dance floor, the back right is tables and chairs set up (which are home to the people I went to school with who aren't dancing) in the middle there are the rows of chairs (which are home to the football players) to the front left is the football field and to the front right is a booth with half a window-esq space.  This is where the emcee is at. 

Oh and did I mention that Pat Sajak is the emcee?

So this dream guys the hero of the day and Pat's like "I bet the lucky lady back home is a very happy girl"

The guy says "I don't have any one" … then looks at me and says "YET"

The room get silent and I chuckle (which may have well been right into a microphone it was so loud in the silent room).  Suddenly all eyes are on me and Pat's like "oh is that the girl to be?" and I was just like "I'm going to go now" and run outside.

BTW Suddenly outside is the outside of my ex boyfriend Phil's apartment in Warrensburg.  I'm just thinking about how I've been there before and someone at the window suddenly says "COME INSIDE"  I have no idea who this person is so I go inside.

As soon as I walk in door I'm surrounded by Ginny Meyer, Abbie Gruseth, ALycia Hinderliter, Savannah Ellis, and 3 other of my friends who I knew I knew but couldn't remember who they were and they're all just like "this could be good we could make him wait to make his decision until they come back from commercial break and are live.  So yeah, now It has turned into a television show.

So the guy comes up to me and for the first time speaks to me and asks if I want to go outside with him.

We go outside and then there's this chic there asking me where I went to High School and has a list of names and after I tell her Troy Buchanan she's like if you're names on here its all good to go…

They find my name on the list and the guy is about to tell me something when….

My mom wakes me up as I had over slept for work!!

So I don't know what he was going to say or even who he was or what this dream means.  I have absolutely no clue so if you can help me – I'd greatly appreciate it!!!

7:28 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Great News For Me!!!
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

For those of you who do not know, I was offered a permanent job at Citi on Thursday, I will be working in the Finance Department for Citi Financial!  I'm excited!!!  So as of March 2nd I will no longer be a temp!  I'm so excited!  Plus, I know my boss, he bowls with my dad and is really cool! 

YAY FOR ME!!!

Currently watching : Harry Potter Years 1-4 (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone / Chamber of Secrets / Prisoner of Azkaban / Goblet of Fire) (Widescreen Edition) Release date: 07 March, 2006

12:19 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I'm In Love
Current mood: cheerful

Ok So I'm In Love!!!!!  Yeah, its with a song but still!!!!!

Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
tears roll down my face
I can't replace.

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and I know I'll find deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's ok [x3]

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cause you're my
you're my, my
my true love
my whole heart
please don't throw that away.

Cause I'm here, for you
please don't walk away and
please tell me you'll stay, stay..

Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be okay
though my skies are turning gray.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
(repeat)

6:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment