Ten Things and an Update
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Blogging

It has been a while since I have made an entry here. While I have been thinking about it there has been no action taken up until now. There are some things that I could go on about. I have turned 30 a few weeks ago and it seemed to me to be just another day. Well I did buy a piece of cake and a tub of ice cream of which I think I am going to make a milk shake. Then I shall return and work some more on this entry.
Ten Weird Facts about me:
1. I am not so sociable out in the real world because I am afraid that people will hurt me. In so many ways I regret that as it has kept me from having really good friendships.
2. I think that I haven't had kids because I was born when my mom was 15 and I was afraid that I would never be ready.
3. I still carry around the photocopy of ultrasound image of the baby that we lost this summer.
4. I believe that my mom resembles this wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, not in a bad way she just resembles Margaret Hamilton who played her.
5. I am usually on my way home at this time of day (7:15 AM) since I have started working nights, by the time I post this it will be bedtime.
6. When I am stressed I feel an awful lot like drinking but I don't because I realize how pointless that is.
7. For the first time in my life I feel that I am with the right person and we are still stuck an hour away from each other.
8. I count some times out loud the seconds it takes for a car in on coming traffic to estimate in my head the speed and if it is safe to pull out.
9. I bought a copy of Killer Klowns from Outerspace to tease Jenna about her clown phobia.
10. Being a fan of The Crow I thought it was cute at the time almost 8 years ago when I was falling in love with a Shelley since my name is Eric. But she turned out to be the most hideously evil woman that I have ever known.
Well I would write more but as I stated earlier it is my bed time and I have work tonight. I will be crawling into bed with my copy of James O'Barr's masterpiece The Crow then nodding off to sleep. Have a good day as I sleep deeply.

Currently reading : The Crow By J. O'Barr

11:32 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t Play The Victim in Your Personal Life Either
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

I was inspired to write a short piece on playing the victim earlier. While my earlier writing was about the nationwide concept of just sitting around being a victim this one is about being a victim as an individual. When I wrote it and this piece I was inspired by a friend who happened to be playing the victim. If you are reading this and you know who you are I love you enough to tell you the truth and the truth hurts. For that I am sorry but a wise man once said that pain is the first sign of healing.
Right now I am still rebuilding my own life after a bout of playing the victim. In 2001 something very bad happened to me and I played the victim. As I played the victim more bad things happened causing me to play the victim role even more. The first even I won't tell you about because it is very personal, two friends turned on me after I played the victim and asked for their help in getting me through it. After that I met a woman who took advantage of me because I was still playing the victim. She destroyed my credit and my then college career. A few years later in desperation I lost $1500 in a bid to make money and undue everything. By playing the victim I was letting my life fall apart.
In 2005 I started successfully putting my life back together, I had discovered some personal change methods the year before and they were working. Even though I did have some personal tragedy in 2005 my life was still getting back in order. The past few years have really been about growth for me and I have become stronger as a person. For the first time I have found a love that is true and it is wonderful. She doesn't play the victim either and it is one of a thousand things that I love about her. Also in the past 30 days my life has changed even more with something called simpleology, look it up on the net and it will help you too.

Currently reading : Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life: A Kick-Butt Approach to a Better Life By Larry Winget

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Are we playing the victim as a nation?
Current mood: inspired
Category: Blogging

Are we playing the victim as a nation?  Are we playing the victim as a people?  When 9-11 happened many of us did we thought as victims some one needed to be punished.  We then gave away our freedoms in exchange for a false sense of security.  Some of us realized the truth of that event and we became victims of a tyrannical president with a rubber stamp congress.  We should stop playing the victim and do some thing about it.  You can't rely on other people to make things right.  It is up to you in your own personal life and in our lives together as a people.  What happens when some one plays the victim is that they lose control.  As a nation we have lost control, feeling victimized we looked to other people and they victimized us even further.  We have to become in a way like Cindy Sheehan a woman who lost her son Casey in Iraq.  She was depending on people like Pelosi to hold Bush accountable for sending her son to die based on false hoods.  Nancy Pelosi turned around and further victimized us by removing that option from the table.  Cindy Sheehan was not about to let Pelosi get away with this so she decided to run against her and take her seat away.  What will it take for you as a nation to step up like Ms Sheehan and stop playing the victim to fight back?  Think about this long and hard as you put your children and yourselves to bed tonight.  If you do not find some way to act will your children grow up in a world that is worse off then now?  Only you can make the difference, because relying on some one else could make things far worse.

Currently listening : Good Times, Bad Times ...Ten Years of Godsmack By Godsmack Release date: 2007-12-04

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Post a Comment Lie about me!

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a completely made up memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people don't remember about you. Or, if you don't want to post it, but want a completely made up memory from me, say so at the end of your comment and I'll reply with one. But consider posting. It's fun to see what utterly unbelievable nonsense comes up.

6:30 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Life and Love Goes on
Current mood: loved
Category: Life

Life goes on so they say and my life and love continues with my Jenna.  It was just over a week ago that she called to say that something happened and had to be here with me before she told me that she needed to be with me before she said anything.  I was afraid and my fears where realized when she had gotten here; we where no longer expecting.  The asshats at Lake Cumberland Regional would not let her call me when she was in the emergency room so I wasn't there when she needed me.  That day I told only my mother and brother that we had lost the baby.  Tuesday I didn't tell my aunt Carol until she asked when the baby was due, all three of us cried then it was my first time I let it out. 

After the first few days I had such a hard time in finding how to deal with it.  Saturday for the most part I was so numb and more concerned about her than I was about myself.  The next day I was angry and showed it all in weird ways.  There where paranoid thoughts in my mind that rivaled the craziest of my own fathers suspicious raving mad ideas.  One that I didn't tell her was that she must have faked the whole think to keep me around.  But we know that wasn't true and couldn't have been because I know that I was in love with her at Christmas months before we got pregnant.  When I came home on Monday Jenna's daughter thought I left because I was angry about her.  She had been saying she was sixteen almost even though she is almost 11 and looks nearly 14.  Ever since then I have been asking Jenna if she was 12 when she had Chelsea. Monday night and Tuesday we spent together and for me it was like falling in love all over again.  We looked at an apartment in the "Smurf Village" and fell in love with the fireplace and the balcony.  After we went to see Carol my great-aunt; who happens to be the best judge of character I think.  When Jenna went out side Carol told me what she thought of her.  While I can't recall the exact words that she used she did say that Jenna is very nice and caring and she would like to see us stay together. 

I wondered if I was taking everything for granted again before last weekend.  Now things have changed and my love has grown for Jenna.  Life just wouldn't be the same with out her.  Love is wonderful and life is great.  One day soon we will be working on making babies again, even sooner we shall be moving in together.  Till next time, and have a great weekend. 

Currently listening : Savin' Me By Nickelback Release date: 2006-06-13

11:35 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thoughts on Parenting
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life

Last night as I was listening to Joe Rogan talking to Alex Jones they spoke about something that struck a chord with me.  They talked about becoming a parent as Joe had recently became a father and how it changes you.  Specifically how the chemistry in your brain has to change to kick in the instinct of taking care of a little person.  In a little over five months I am going to be a daddy and things have changed in my mindset as I find myself willing to do things that I normally wouldn't do.  It is all about preparing for fatherhood; I even find myself less willing to get jerked around by people.  Two days ago I walked out of a temp service to avoid verbally tearing a lady's head off for wanting me to fill out the same application I had filled out on my last visit a few weeks earlier.  I have even looked into some of those high stress jobs that I have walked out of before, just to sacrifice myself so that my child will have a chance to make it.  Parenting is going to be a labor of love for me and the toughest job I will ever love.

Thankfully I will never be like my own father with my kids, he was rash when it came to discipline and spanked the tar out of me when he was angry.  A parent should always count to ten and calm down before punishing a child to avoid being harsh or abusive.  Once I was even yanked out of a chair and got a good hard whipping because he thought my trouble with solving a math problem was goofing off.  It is also important to be encouraging to your children when they do well in school.  My father once asked me to do my very best in school and to show him I could I beat all of the other kids in class with a knowledge quiz.  When I brought home the ribbon that I had won he told me that I don't go to school to win awards.  This was the last time that I worked hard to excel in school until I reached adulthood.

"It's alright to cry; crying takes the sad out of you."  When I was a child I wished this was the case unfortunately it was not.  My father would say, "I'll give you something to cry about", and then he would proceed to remove his belt and spank the hell out of me.  One time his mother my grandmother stopped him from spanking my brother Jason for crying.  She told him, "Crying is good for the soul."  Indeed it is and as a grown man I do cry some times when I need that emotional release. 

I look forward to writing more about parenting as I get into becoming a parent.  Have an excellent week everyone.

Currently watching : Babylon 5 - The Complete Fifth Season Release date: 2004-04-13

10:51 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Blueprints For Life
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

It is all about creating sound blueprints and following them good plans followed through can lead to success.  If you follow your plans with structure you can do very well.  The key is proper planning in my writing I have two forms planned and unplanned this writing is an unplanned out free flowing narrative so it may lack structure and wind up short and un detailed.  I have been working on a piece about writing planned and unplanned that I will be posting to associated content hopefully by the weekend.  As this is free flowing you can see that I am veering off task a bit a referencing another project.

In life plans that are well researched and thought out should work.  However, it must be taken into account that one should be flexible in plans and ready to alter those when something unforeseen comes up.  To see those flaws in your plan you should also plan to measure your progress.  Many of the times I have failed had been because of the lack of planning and measure.  Other times it was because I failed to follow my plans to the letter.  To combat this I am initiating a measure in which I ask myself everyday how I am doing in following my plan with today's to do list.  In theory this may even work this will be an interesting few weeks getting this off of the ground.  Wish me luck every body.

Currently watching : Macross Zero Volumes 1 & 2

5:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Got to Release this Defeat
Current mood: drained
Category: Life

I started writing this one last week so far this is what I wrote:

Right now I am feeling so defeated, and I hate feeling like this.  No luck thus far in finding employment and I don't know what to do right now.  I am at my wits end I have so much to do yet.  Suppose that is why I am laying down my troubles here.  I haven't been able to sleep well for days, well I do sleep deeply with no dreams but I wake up and feel so beaten down.

Now I am writing what follows:

I still feel beaten down and honestly I haven't felt this defeated since that time that I lived with Sarah after she destroyed my credit rating.  At the time I was trying to further my education after having failed out of college due some what to her negative influence.  Now I am going to school and getting some good grades really excelling.  I wish it could help me find employment I really do.  After what I started writing last week I felt a bit better and had an interview.  This week however I started off with a vacation to my mothers and to lay flowers on my grandfather's grave.  Before I left on Saturday I had checked my mail and received a letter reply from my interview.  Unfortunately I have not been successful at getting myself a career.  Cut to today and I am pounding the pavement and searching for anything.  I go to a temp agency that I went to a month ago and they ask me to fill out another application so I walked.  Honestly I thought when they said I had to fill out paper work it would be for the tax stuff and insurance I don't need to fill out an application.  Another Temp agency has never once asked me to fill out another application and I haven't worked for them in over a year.  Well I release this worry and get myself into something more productive.  Hopefully life will get better and I can stop sweating after all I am about to be a daddy. 

Currently watching : The Andromeda Strain Miniseries Release date: 2008-06-03

1:23 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I am Delicious!
Category: Art and Photography

I am Delicious!

This is a tasty new app I am trying you! Tell me what you think.

1:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

My Love Story
Current mood: loved
Category: Life

It has been a long, long time since I have made an entry.  Many things have happened in my life and a few things I had been struggling with.  For a time I wasn't sure about who I should be in love with Jennifer or Cheryl.  Of course I think that it was fate that stepped in and made the decision for me.  Last year at this time I was talking to Cheryl nearly every night before she seemed to have disappeared for several months.  From a few blog entries that she had made I felt that she had gone back to her ex-husband.  But it was really all a ruse to torment him.  All the while I was so left unsure about where we were and even found myself hating her. Then while she was gone I started talking to Jenna and as we got to know each other I really started to fall for her.  It really excited me to talk and get to know Jenna it was like she may have been a girl I had a dream about who just happened to live in Somerset.  For nearly a month Jenna and I sent emails to each other just for the purpose of getting to know each other.  Our getting to know each other was going to be interrupted however as Jenna had lost her internet and phone for a few months while struggling through bills after a hospital stay.  Knowing it was going to happen I sent her a message saying I would wait because I felt something very special about her.  Not longer after that I posted a comment on Cheryl's page about missing her and we started talking again, though at the time I did not know if it could be the same as it was before.  Around late October Jenna came back I was also talking to her and getting to know even more about her as well.  By Christmas time I realized that I had fallen more in love with Jenna and it seemed that fate had stepped in once again a few months later as Cheryl vanished again to deal with personal issues.  Although she would pop up from time to time, I found that my interest in her was waning.  As bad as it makes me look I couldn't find a good way to tell her that I had fallen out of love with her, so I haven't.  Last week she messaged me again and I could not tell her as I was on the phone with Jenna so I closed the messenger.  Now I still love Cheryl but not in the same way I love Jennifer.  Jennifer and I are much like Noah and Allie in the Notebook and I could risk life and limb just to get to her.  The day before Valentines Day I got up early and drove down an ice covered I-75 literally risking my life to come see her.  On that day we made a baby as it would seem fate stepped in since the pill wasn't working that day.  (We didn't know the antibiotics destroyed the effectiveness of the pill.)  Thought before hand we had talked about getting married before we had kids together.  Guess some times things happen backwards but we do have love and it is one I feel I was divinely gifted with.  We have so many things in common it is creepy and our differences complement each other.  Her ten year old even does many of the strange little things I do like smelling my own socks before putting them on.  To me I believe our souls have been intertwined since time immoral.  Even the past life regression I had in high school makes since now as I died before my wife had my child.  I think this means I have been reborn to this life to continue and be father and husband with her and our kids.

8:43 AM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment