Mandatory Vacation
Current mood: aroused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Dear Criminals, Ex Criminals, and Future Criminals,

I've been on "vacation" this week because I have vacation time that I have to use or lose. Please understand that I am not so dedicated to this crappy job that I don't want to take time off, it's just that I'm badly in debt from my SUI habit (shopping under the influence - damn that QVC and their adorable clothes and doll crap!)

Anyway, I've been here at home watching BBC America. I love it when they say things like "arse" and "shite". I can't wait to go back to work and say these things.

Maybe I'll touch up my roots today.

Had a booty call with my ex-almost-commonlaw-husband Steed (we had a marriage ceremony that was documented in season 1, but it wasn't legal cuz we never got a license. We also beat the crap out of each other on our wedding night, and he told me that he only wanted to get married because he needed to go to the dentist and I had insurance. Why can't I stop loving that man?)

Anyway, things were going hot and heavy until I screamed out the name "Obama!" Steed took it badly cuz he takes everything badly, so I probably won't see him again until he needs to do his laundry, which could be months.

Oh! I know what I was gonna tell you guys.Season 5 of Reno 911 will resume on Thursday, May 22, at 10:30pm! This is good news (for us anyway) because originally they were going to resume the season in July. Also, negotiations for a 6th season have begun...fingers crossed!

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ON A SEROUS NOTE, here's a little something for all you So Cal residents:

Although I'm barely a celebrity, I'm the celebrity spokesperson for an organization called COPS 4 CAUSES: a group of law enforcement officers who raise money for people with life-altering circumstances. This year, COPS 4 CAUSES will divide their donations equally between the following charities:

* Southern California Special Olympics

* Casa Pacifica (a group home for abused and neglected children)

* LA Children's Hospital

* The Thalians Mental Health Center at Cedars Sinai

On Thursday, May 22, COPS 4 CAUSES is having a huge kick-off party at the ELEVEN Nightclub in West Hollywood, and it's gonna be a blast! Martha Wash (of Weather Girls and C&C Music Factory Fame) will be performing! I'll be hosting the event and awkwardly walking around talking to people and blowing too much money on the silent auction (oh, how I love a good silent auction!).  

Here's the link to the website. And add them to your friends list - you can find them in my top 4.

Hope to see you there...in the V.I.P. section! (It's for charity!!!!!!)

http://www.cops4causes.org/

12:36 AM - 8 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

I’M ABLE TO LOG IN AGAIN!!!!!!!

Kids,

How I've missed you all. I haven't been able to log into this page for over a week because of technical difficulties, but here I am again. Such anxiety! Anyway, the 4th and final episode of GILF is up. Hope you enjoy it!

xo, Wendi

3:06 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I ABLE TO LOG IN AGAIN!!!!!!!

Kids,

How I've missed you all. I haven't been able to log into this page for over a week because of technical difficulties, but here I am again. Such anxiety! Anyway, the 4th and final episode of GILF is up. Hope you enjoy it!

xo, Wendi

3:06 PM - 4 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

TODAY’S THE DAY!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Here's the link to GILF. Watch it, love it, pass it on:

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=26206249

Currently listening : Sound of Silver By LCD Soundsystem Release date: 20 March, 2007

11:10 AM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Have a CLEMTASTIC NEW YEAR!!!!!!!
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Hello lovers (past, present, and future)!

I hope the new year has inspired you to wipe the slate clean on your bad habits and start anew. I personally have one goal, and one goal only: to love myself more. I'm worth it. I never disappoint myself with cheap gifts, and I'm the only person that I'm truly interested in. I enjoy my company, and I'm the life of every party. Speaking of cheap gifts, here's a tip for my Secret Santa (and I know it's you, Raineesha!): VAGISIL is not an appropriate gift for a co-worker! Besides, I have home remedies that work much better anyway.

Many of you have contacted me privately with some of the strangest emails. It leads me to believe that you think I'm a lot more "redneck" than I am. Please don't judge me by my family, my behavior, my love of southern rock, or my appreciation of airbrushed mythical van art. Look past those things and you'll find a classy lady - one who also appreciates fine cuisine (Islands, Olive Garden, Tony Romas, the list goes on), high culture (my cousin was a rodeo clown, and I once was a dancer in the Glen Campbell show in Branson) and sunsets. So please quit sending me your recipes for "possum stew" and tips for what to do when you find out you're pregnant with your stepdad's baby. That's just insulting and I want no part of it.

I'll tell you what I DO want a part of: that tasty Barack Obama! Clemmie likey! That is a fine looking man.

And now for something I hate. If I hear one more bank teller, sassy secretary, or Denny's hostess saying that they went out and partied "like a ROCK STAR," I'm going to lose my mind. What does that even mean? Did they go to happy hour mid-week and drink until 7:00 pm or something? If I hear people saying that they partied like a deputy that's worked a double shift WITH a hangover and has a trunk full of party favors that should go into the "Found Property" cupboards, then I'll know I'm not listening to amateurs.

ROCK ON!

Currently watching : Thin Lizzy: Live & Dangerous Release date: 27 November, 2007

10:50 PM - 42 Comments - 73 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s On!!!!!!!!!!!!
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Clarmy,

As some of you may have heard, SEASON 5 of Reno 911! will start airing on January 16th!

Thank you for all your hard work, dedication, and unidentifiable musky aromas.

Kisses,

Clementine  

11:24 AM - 24 Comments - 35 Kudos - Add Comment

Take it to the top, never gonna stop!
Current mood: accomplished

Devotees of the Clemmie Army, which we will refer to as the "CLARMY" from here on out:

I can't say too much, but I WILL say that I think our scheme is working. And if you're too hungover to remember which scheme I'm talking about, please refer to my previous Clemmie Blog. From now on let's just go ahead and call it the "CLOG."

I just want to say that you CLARMY members are a bunch of righteous individuals, and I'm doing a Clemmie Shot (cheap white tequila) in your honor right now. In fact, why don't we just go ahead and call that a "CLOT."

Happy Thanksgiving. Stay tuned to the CLOG for more updates and fabulous holiday recipes.

Clemmie

Currently listening : Foreigner - Complete Greatest Hits By Foreigner Release date: 07 May, 2002

11:58 AM - 14 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

Possums and TV scheduling
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

It's no secret that I have a possum problem in my yard, primarily because the "trailer court" on the other side of my fence won't cut their trees, and one of them hangs onto my patio.

So the other day I was barbecuing  "Say Goodbye to Summer" hamburgers for myself and a gentlemen caller (Jonesy), when a pile of possum shit fell from between the slats in my patio awning and into my barbecue! If you've ever smelled burning possum shit you know it's worse than mustard gas. So of course Jonesy started crying and left in a huff, which I totally understand. It's bad enough I have to listen to those little bastards growling at each other on my roof all night, but when they interfere with my social activities, that's where I draw the line. And if everyone at the animal control agency wasn't on crystal meth, I'd give them a call!

If anyone wants a free BBQ, it's in front of my house.

On an even more serious note.........

I just wanted to respond to the question I've been getting a lot of lately:

WHEN IS RENO 911 COMING BACK??????????????

Well stoners, I wish I knew! Right now the network is being very wishy washy about when they'll be airing Season 5, which is edited and ready to go. They contracted us for 13 episodes, but managed to get 16 episodes out of the footage because it was so funny! So what's the hold up?

They won't make a decision on whether to continue the series until they air Season  5, and that's making all of us nervous. SO... if you love our show as much as we love you (and we DO love you!) here's what you can do:

Cut and paste this link into your browser and go to the Comedy Central viewer feed back page. Just tell them you want more RENO 911 because you want to learn how to be a lawful citizen, and you're SICK OF WATCHING RE-RUNS! You have sophisticated comedy palates, and you need to be SATISFIED!

http://www.comedycentral.com/help/questionsCC.jhtml

For those of you who are REALLY hardcore fans, you could send an actual snail mail letter to the Comedy Central offices in LA or NY. The addresses can be found on the Comedy Central website.

You're all sexy and fascinating, except for those of you who aren't.

Clemmie (wendi)

Currently listening : The Best of Lita Ford By Lita Ford Release date: 28 July, 1992

12:12 PM - 14 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

Dolls and stuff
Current mood: accomplished

So I was in Target the other day buying bras (I wear them out so fast!) and hairspray, when  I noticed these freaky little dolls that look like the trannie hookers who work the corner near the Greyhound station. They had crazy plastic surgery faces and freaky lip jobs - I wanted to look down their pants and see if they had those bargain va-jay-jays that girlie men can get in Thailand. Anyway, they're called BRATZ dolls, and they're hilarious! But I guess they're for kids? What do I know, I don't have kids, but I guess it's good to teach 'em young. I never played with dolls when I was a little girl, because I have no maternal instincts and never have. But I did used to play poker with my stuffed animals or my mother's husbands.

I'm declaring a moratorium on my own middle finger. The other day a guy cut me off on the freeway, then started slaloming all over the road. When I caught up to him I flipped him the bird - you know, standard procedure. He was waving his arms like a lunatic, so I flipped him the bird again. Long story short, he crashed into the meridian. I pulled over to see if he was okay and then yell at him if he was. Turns out he was having an asthma attack and was trying to wave me over for assistance. Oops!

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On a completely unrelated note, the new movie that Cedric Yarbrough (Dep. Jones) and I are in comes out on August 24 in the following cities:

Tempe, AZ: Valley Art 1 Theatre
Los Angeles, CA: Fairfax Cinemas
San Francisco, CA: Opera Plaza Cinemas
Denver, CO: Starz Filmcenter
New York, NY: Quad Cinemas

Here's a trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgFVppU7_Mc

Currently watching : The Cosby Show: Season 3 Release date: 05 June, 2007

2:18 PM - 16 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

BIG NEWS - YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!!!!
Current mood: hyper
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Normally I write these blogs in Clemmie's voice, but not today, because this is REAL NEWS:

The indie film I did with CEDRIC YARBROUGH (Dep. Jones) called CLOSING ESCROW (you can see a clip is on my "real" page) just got a distributor and will open in limited release (Los Angeles, Phoenix, New York, and two other cities TBD) on August 24th. It will also be available for rental at the usual places.

This is a BIG DEAL for everyone involved because it's taken a long time to get this film off the ground. We wrapped principal photography in 2005, and it made a smash debut the HBO Comedy Festival in March of this year. (I won a special jury award for my performances in this film AND in another all-improvised film COOK-OFF, which is still looking for a distributor....)

If you've ever bought a home, sold a home, lived in a home, applied for a loan, had buyer's remorse, or wanted to smack a realtor, you will love this movie.

Love, love, and love,

Wendi McLendon-Covey

Currently listening : North American Scum By LCD Soundsystem Release date: 12 March, 2007

3:34 PM - 30 Comments - 47 Kudos - Add Comment