Stuff I Should Have Posted Earlier
Current mood: blissful
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Here is the Hashmas Poem from this year.  Enjoy

Hashmas

Twas the Night of the Hashmas

Twas the night of the Hashmas

When all through Haggin Oaks

Not a single person knew

Of the strange running folks

The trail had been laid

And the beer checks had been set

Soon there were to be Hashers

On that you can bet

The Hares were ready

For the Hashers to give chase

With visions of cheap beer

They were off with no haste

And No Hair with flour

And Mommy with Beer

Had just left the Hashers

To be chased soon like Deer

Soon the streets were filled

With "On Ons" and "R Us"

For the Hashers were running

To find some cheap booze

Away they ran

After the trail of flour

Hoping the beer was cold

And had not yet gone sour

The Christmas lights around

Were a colorful sight

That aided the runners

And gave them good light

They came upon X's

All circled with O's

At each they sent out

Fast women and quick Bro's

With the Front Running Bastard

Ahead and so quick

We all heard calls of

"Slow down you stupid Dick"

More rapid than greyhounds

The Hashers all came

And Mommy soon shouted

And called out each name

"Now Super, now Dalai

Now Nipples, and Pussy

On Cockoff, on Butthook

Limp Noids don't be a wussy

Come Kegel, come Tri Tit

Hurry up, don't go slower

Come Diamond, come Exhibit

You too Diablower"

"All come and enjoy

A glass of cold beer

I'm glad you all found

The sign of Beer Near

Now off you all go

After No Hair give chase"

Said Mommy to us

"And have fun, this ain't a race"

And so the Hashers left

Chasing Down Downs and Mirth

Never will you find weirder

Runners on this Earth

With names that confuse

And embarrass your Mom

We are the Hash House Harriers

Our club is the Bomb!

< SPAN>

Currently watching : The Vice Academy Collection, Vol. 2 Release date: 05 December, 2006

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Excrementos' Tropical Run
Current mood: creative
Category: Sports

Ahoy hoy fellow Wankers!  It's been awhile but I'm sure that this blog will be just as shitty as usual.  Today I will be blogging about last night's excursion to the tropical North West of Bakersfield.  The Hare, Excrementos, decided to treat us all to his inaugural solo haring.  With promises of PBR, tropical sights, and roasted pig, the Bakersfield Hashers decided to show up (PBR is what we live for).

With the Hashers decked out in our finest tropical/Hawaiian garb, Excrementos started the run on a promising note.  There was to be 3 beer checks, views of lava, sand, and exotic animals.  Little did we know that we would be so disappointed.

After a couple laps through the local neighborhood and a shiggy laden "lava field" the hashers were greeted with their first BN.  In the distance was seen a large pile of dirt/sand.  Did the Hare dare plant the sweet ambrosia of PBR amongst the heaps of soil and pass it off as sand dunes?  Yes he did, and yes we still enjoyed ourselves (beer will do that).

Off we were to find the next allotment of Barley Pop.  Before the drinking was to commence, the hashers were treated to some exotic animals in the form of "Maui Cowies".

Shortly thereafter, the Hashers were treated to their second BN located next to a supposed Sandy Beach (a.k.a abandoned lot).  To our chagrin, no beer was located anywhere near the beach.  With thirst in our throats and hate in our hearts, the hashers left that place of distress in search of our beloved liquid bread.  In the distance a third BN was found and this time we were rewarded with the beautiful sight of the beer wagon.

Come to find out, Cum Pond W and Diablower were not as competent as Excrementos had hoped.  They were unaware of their blunder of not making it to the second beer check.  Rarely has a cold shitty beer tasted so good.  With the proper apportioning of the ol' suds, the Hashers were able to make it back to the A for a backyard barbeque.

Making our way to the backyard of Excrementos, the hashers were delighted in finding a wicked cool pool and a very friendly dog.  With some ball busting cannon balls and general pool shenanigans, we were ready for the down down circle.  There were plenty of regular crimes and nothing too noteworthy.  The On-After though was.  Excrementos delivered on his promises of good food and drink.  An amazingly well smoked pig butt and some salmon left the Hashers full, fat and the Mai Tai's left us sassy.  The debacle of the second beer check could have ruined the entire run, but Excrementos was able to save his inceptive hash trail.

Next week we have Butt Hook's golf run to look forward to.

On On Wankers

Currently listening : Brewed in Texas, Vol. 2 By Various Artists Release date: 02 August, 2005

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Cum Pond W's Ridge Run
Current mood: Wankerish
Category: Wankerish Sports

Welcum to the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers somewhat weekly installment of the Hash Run Blog.  Or as I call it, the BHHHSWIHRB.  Today's chapter covers yesterday's (4/09/07) run.  The Hare was Cum Pond W with assistance from Josie and the Pussy Warts.  In true Cum Pond fashion, the Pack was subjected to a Gulag-esque run with the promise of food at the end.  The Wankers who dared, where charged with running 5 different loops up and down the hills of Hart Park.  Interstitial to the loops, each Hound got to slake their thirst with a beer before proceeding to the next loop.

Loop I was populated with all of the Hashers.  The longest of the loops, it contained some interesting fauna of the local area.  Near the top while cuming down, the alertest of Hashers was rewarded with a large, thick black line of ants.  Ants are so stupid, blindly following the ant in front of them.  Sounds like a lost Hash Pack.  While navigating down the serpentine rocky ravine, the hashers got to see some old Pussy.  A poor little kitty had lost its battle with life and was circled with flour by the Hare to bring attention to its existence.  The loop ended up with no human fatalities and a number of Hound drop outs.  Beer was enjoyed by all, except the FRBs who took it to be an athletic event. 

Loop II shared a beginning with Loop III and an end with Loop I.  The start of the run was circumvented by a couple short-cutting shiggy loving Hounds.  The only points of interest along the loop were the local flora.  Several of the native wildflowers where in full bloom and some interesting dingle berry bushes where out and about.  The downhill portion was another rock strewn arroyo with the largest rocks of all the loops.  Beer once again was guzzled to keep the Wankers hydrated and more Harriers bowed out of the run.

Loop III saw the setting of the sun.  Those lucky enough to be at the top of the ridges were compensated with an amazing sun set over the Chevron Kern River Oil Field.  Long live Big Oil!  The end of the loop had a very windy wash with the used in Toad's Wild Run?  With its high banks, the Hashers were able to control their downhill speed by going uphill on each curve and slow down.  Those of us who are larger and have more momentum gladly used these conveniences.  At the end, many took a little more time to imbibe their beer and catch their breath.

Loop IV started with a precipitous uphill climb.  Anyone not blessed with the genes of a mountain goat had to go up nearly on all fours.  Once to the top, the downhill portion went fast.  The light may have been fading, but by this time enough beer had been ingested to lower ones inhibitions and the canyon running became easier.  The cheers of the unfinishing Hashers also helped to bolster the confidence of the Pack.  Once again beer was consumed and a rest was gladly taken.

Loop V was the shortest of all but was a good hill climb.  The Turkey/Eagle split was a laugh.  A Wanker had to be able to fly like an Eagle to take the split.  With the music stylings of Guns and Roses, the start of the loop was enjoyable.  Once to the top, the Hashers did not have to take a wash down, this time they got lucky and were able to finish on the road above the Kern County Sheriff's Department shooting range.

With the run completed, the circle was started.  The crimes included disqualified Hashers, Drinking in a style unbefitting of a Hasher, and general Wankerish dealings.  The Hounds who did not complete the run/skipped a loop/did not drink a beer in-between loops were all sent to the inner circle for a down down.  Pecker Wrecker was called in for drinking wine.  The only thing keeping her from getting numerous down downs for this unhashlike behavior was that she drank it from a water bottle.  The anniversary of Commander Cock Off's birth was celebrated with the shower of beer upon the birthday boy.  Palm the Pink was able to bestow the Hashit upon another Wanker after adding a small surfboard.  Cum Pond W was rewarded with the Hashit for making the intense run and for unceremoniously getting rid of the Hashit the last time he received it by placing it in the trash for Pussy Warts to find.

With the Down Downs completed, it was time for the On After.  We were treated to cold fried chicken and potato wedges, warmed deviled eggs, and delicious birthday cake.  A good time was had by all after the run was completed.  The only way to forgive a hellacious run is with delicious food. 

I hope you had a fun reading the latest installment of the BHHHSWIHRB.  Please direct any glowing comments to yours truly and any scathing comments to your ass.

On On

Bloodery Nipples

Currently watching : Debbie Does Dallas

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Limp Noid's Check Happy Run
Current mood: horny
Category: Sports

Hello Wankers and welcome to the latest installment of the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers MySpace Blog.  Today I will be discussing our recent run from our RA, Limp Noids.  The run started out from the Don Hart Drive East parking lot.  It was a beautiful night and many of the Bako Wankers were feeling a little cold.  The beer was cold and plentiful so the complaints were soon ignored.  Limp Noids had only one bit of information for the run.  We were to be on the lookout for a Historical marker on trail.  With that, Limpy was off with a ten minute head start.

After some more beer consumption and cold weather complaints, the Hashers went running off to catch their flour laden Hare.  Away they went across Stockdale waiting patiently on the sidewalk for a moment of traffic calm and then again on the median for a chance to cross the busy highway.  Once on trail across the thoroughfare, the Hounds ended up in the pit next to the CSUB soundstage where they found a Turtle Check.  Commander Cockoff went off to find true trail.  Soon enough we were off on trail.  After about 20 checks and a fence vagina, the Hashers were rewarded with their first Beer Check of the night in an empty field of the CSUB Sports complex area.  Mommy Queerest was there to help out with the beer can pick up.

The next leg of the run had another 20 or so checks and a few more fence crossings.  The FRBs were a somewhat whistle shy and soon the pack was spread out with the rear running Harriers getting their panties in a wad.  Everyone soon caught up to each other at a very large fence crossing.  Most of the Hounds were in denial that "Fence shy" Limpy would have the Hash cross such in imposing barricade.   The trail did cross the chain link wall and all were soon across and off in search of beer.  The second beer check was soon found near the corner of Stockdale and Calloway.

The final leg of the trail wound its way through the Kern River riverbed, dirt bike trail, and bike trail.  All found their way back to the A for an enlivening round of Down Downs.  Limp Noids explained the Historical marker was the Turtle Check in the pit.  This supposedly was the site of the very first Turtle Check for the Bako Harriers some 4 years ago.  The crimes included peeing on trail (nearly half of the Wankers were guilty), Titty Pity Beads (for Josie and the Pussy Warts at Mardi Gras), and Stretching (Bako newcomer Excrementos).  The Down Downs ended on a high note with two name bestowments.  Hasher Irma is no more, she will now be known as Spema LaDouch.  Hasher Sam also ended his namelessness with the assigning of Peter Swellers for his recent bout with Poison Ivy in the Crotchal region.  Josie and the Pussy Warts also was able to hand off the beloved Hashit after finding it in the garbage from Cum Pond W, wearing it to Mardi Gras, and adding a giant pair of panties.

Peter Swellers was the proud recipient of the Hashit.  With the Down Downs completed, the group found their way to Rusty's for some nourishment and libations. 

I hope you all enjoyed the latest update from the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers.  Feel free to leave any glowing comments.

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On On Wankers

Currently reading : The K.I.S.S. Guide to the Karma Sutra (Keep It Simple) By Anne Hooper Release date: 17 January, 2002

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Bring 'Em's Rooftop Multi Check Run
Current mood: amused
Category: Sports

Welcome back Wankers.  I'm back again for a good blogging.  Feel free to drop some comments about the musings.

Last night a few of the Bako Hash regulars and irregulars were treated to a short and beer filled run put on by our own Bring 'Em Young.  Each of the 6 beer checks were located on the top of a parking garage in downtown Bakersfield.  There was a couple returning hashers and one new hasher in the mix.

Starting out at the Superintendent of Schools parking garage, the Hashers were soon treated to short lively runs interspliced with shitty beer.  Each Hound was given a plastic beer cup bedecked with each's name.  At each barley pop check, Bring 'Em would place a dash on the side of each Hashers cup that was more than half full.

The Hare pre-layed the trail and planted the beer on each rooftop.  He guessed there would be more Hashers than who appeared so there was plenty of beer to be had for all at each Check.  With 6 beer checks and the Down Downs, each Hound was pleasantly soused.

The Down Downs were fun as always.  The typical crimes of Christen Names and using the C-word were doled out.  Porno Pipi showed up late and was chastised for her tardiness.  Red Rocket showed off his Hound Raising ability by getting Hasher Michelle to come.  When all of the singing and beer chuging had been performed, the Hashers made their way to Pizzaville USA for the On After.  More beer was consumed and plenty of food was eaten.  All in all, the run was succesful.

On On Wanks

Currently listening : Countryman [Digipack] By Willie Nelson Release date: 12 July, 2005

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Pecker Wrecker's Hard Luck Run
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Sports

Hello Bako Hash House Harrier Blog readers.  Thanks for not having a real life interacting with others and for reading this amazing blog.  Today, I will regale you all with the tale of Pecker Wrecker's Hard Luck Run.

The run began in the old Montgomery World Plaza parking lot.  What an amazing site, what with the giant recycling bins nearby and the travelers who recently lost a loved one.  Pecker Wrecker decided to lay a live trail with the help of her beau, Hasher Sam.  With the hares off, the Hashers stood around wanting some cheap crappy beer which was locked away within Hasher Sam's truck, what a cold hearted Hare.  While waiting to give chase, the Hashers were solicited to donate money towards the purchase price of a ticket to Mexico for a man who recently lost his mother to the cold hands of death.  With much ballyhoo, the traveler offered to sell a $50 gift certificate to Toys R Us.  Unfortunately, the downtrodden traveler did not know that the Bako Hashers are cold-hearted assholes.

The Hashers were then off to find the Hares and the glorious Pabst Blue Ribbon.  The check happy Hares laid a trail through industrial areas and angry dog friendly neighborhoods.  The only misstep was by Bloodery Nipples who showed off his flour finding abilities by running over three giant lines without seeing them.  The real Hashers ignored Bloodery's attempts at leading them astray and soon found the first Beer Check in a deserted lot.

After the delectable PBR had been drank, the Hashers gave chase to the Hares.  The second segment of the run led the Hounds through downtown Bakersfield.  With a turtle check in front of Cinema 19, the Hashers amused all with tales of the movies inside.  Our very own Bruce Jenner (aka Cummander Cockoff) was the final runner to the check and had to find true trail.

Which is which?

The trail found it's way to the Alley Cat where the Hounds were rewarded with cheap beer and Kick Ass Classic Rock.

With that, the Hares completed their nearly perfect square jerk with a Northerly final leg to the start of the run for a rousing round of Down Downs.  The crimes were plenty and the beer was cold.  The highlight of the circle was the sunflower oil baked barbeque chips.  With the Down Downs completed, the Hashers decided to reconvene for the On After at Kosmos to watch the Ohio State Buckeyes complete their undefeated season with a convincing win over Florida. 

Uh-oh, That's right, the BCS sucks major Donkey Dong.  How can an undefeated team rank behind a team with two losses (to unranked teams)?  Because too many people have a major hard-on for USC.  Losers.  Sorry for the football rant, I just believe that we would all benefit from a playoff system for 1-A football.  Anyways,

On On Wankers

Currently listening : Retaliation By Dane Cook Release date: 26 July, 2005

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Starting the New Year Right
Current mood: dirty
Category: Sports

Welcome to the New Year Hashers!  Some of you made it to the run last night, the rest of you are lame-o losers.  Butt Hook was the first Hare of 2007 leading us through the streets of old Westchester and the Killer Kern River. 

The run got started from the Racquetball parking lot next to Beach Park.  As is usual, the Hashers were late to arrive.  Once the Hare returned from laying trail and enough Happy New Years had been given, the pack was off to find the magnificent Pabst Blue Ribbon contained within the trunk of Butt Hook's ride.  11 Hashers began the run that was to have 1 beer check and be a "short" three miles.

After a short tour of the residential area East of Beach Park, the hashers were lead to the Not So Mighty Kern River but were given an out to walking through the water with a narrow uneven cement "bridge".  Passing through Hobotown, the Hashers were on trail to get some PBR that was more than well deserved.  The Hounds were soon rewarded by stopping in the old Costco parking lot and consumption of that Sweet Ambrosia, Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Once the Harriettes decided that they were cold enough from standing around and drinking ice cold barley pop, the pack was back at it running out toward Buck Owens Boulevard.  The Hare played a nasty trick by laying trail next to, but not into, Teasers Pleasers.  What a bloody wank.  The trail turned along Hwy 99 where Bloodery Nipples amazed all with his prowess of hopping fences when there is an obvious lack of fence 15 feet away.  After passing through a fence "vagina" and crossing Rosedale, the Hashers were lead once again across the Krazy Kern River but this time we were not so lucky in the keeping our feet dry department.

The Kern River is not flowing as mightily as in the spring so the crossings were not too hazardous.  Two hashers did succumb to the ice cold watery depths of the Kern.  Bloodery and No Hair Where did not follow the proper flour dots to the crossing of inches deep water and instead took a step into a nut sack deep hole.  With that behind, Tri Tit (nee Hasher Natalie) found trail off toward Truxtun and onward to the Down-Downs.

The circle was eventful with a returning Hasher, the naming of a Hasher, a virgin Hasher, and the bestowing of Hashing New Year's Resolutions.  Marilyn Man-ho regaled all with her tales of just not coming to the runs.  Hasher Natalie was renamed Tri Tit in honor of her skin flashing exploit at her virgin run.  Bloodery Nipples was able to make Hasher Nilay come to her inaugural run.  She made all laugh with her joke:

"What do you call a policewoman who just shaved her pussy?"

"A Cunt-stable"

Butt Hook had a creative hair up his butt and created a game where all the Hashers in attendance where given a Hasing New Year's Resolution.  Some of the more colorful were Cummander's to "Go down at least once on each bearer of the Hashit during 2007" and Hasher Nilay's to "Have sex at least once with the Hashit on each time she receives it during 2007."

With the Down-downs completed and the Harriettes complaining of it being cold, the Hashers made their way down the street to the old hideaway, Pizzaville USA.  There, the Hashers were satiated with pizza, chicken, and plenty of beer.  All were also captivated by Boise State's spectacular win over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.

Next week, we will be lead by Pecker Wrecker so call MED-FLYS for updates on her run.  Good luck to all and remember:

"Take 'er easy, and if she's easy, Take 'er twice."

On ON

Currently listening : Holy Roller By Reverend Horton Heat Release date: 20 April, 1999

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Bloodery's Competition Spectacular
Current mood: horny
Category: Sports

And so the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers Blog begins again.

This past Monday, the 4th of December, we were treated to the most amazing run of all time.  Bloodery Nipples granted all of us the opportunity to participate in some drinking games while enjoying the full moon.  The run began near the corner of Stockdale and Buena Vista.  About 17 Hashers joined in on the run.  Boa Cuntlicker made an appearance after leaving us with Beaver Cleaver for the Right Coast last summer.  She came to Bakersfield to see us all while Beaver has been deployed to Pakistan for a year.  Semper Fi Marine! 

The first leg of the run was filled with much complaining, pissing, and moaning.  All of the hashers were needed to find the way, as this run was busting at the seams with twists, turns, and amazing course changes.  Everyone was treated to Pabst Blue Ribbon and a rousing game of Quarters at the first Beer Check.  Everyone was broken up into teams of 4.  Two teams to a table.  Each Hasher was given a cup of sweet Ambrosia and the first of each team got a quarter.  The first contestant had to chug their beer, grab the quarter, and bounce it into the now emptied cup.  Once that task was completed, the second player could drink down, grab the quarter, and bounce the coin into the cup.  The team to complete all four quarter in cup missions was allowed to choose either to drink a beer or make the losing team drink.

After the awesomeness of Quarters, the run was again afoot.  The trail crossed through some great Shiggy and into the Riverbed of the Killer Kern.  The Full Moon cast an amazing light down upon all and showed them the way without use of flashlights.  The Hashers soon found their way to the second Beer Check where they were treated to an enlivened round of Beer Golf.  Bloodery Nipples gave an impressive demonstration of how the game would be played.  Each team would chug a beer, crush it, and then hit the can for distance with the provided 5-Iron.  No Hair Where was able to raise his team to victory with and amazing reverse/left-handed swing.  No team was able to get within 10 yards of Bloodery's crushed can.  After more beer, Exhibit Whore's tossing of the 5-Iron, and some more pissing, the hashers were sent On-In for the celebratory Down Downs.

Bloodery Nipples was given a Hero's like welcoming into the circle for his Kick Ass trail.  Other crimes where doled out, the Hashit was bestowed to Exhibit, and more imbibing of beer rounded out the run.  All in all, everyone was exhausted, bloodied, and a little aroused by Bloodery's Full Moon Competition Run.

On On Wankers

Currently listening : Morning Wood By Rodney Carrington Release date: 15 August, 2000

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Pecker Wrecker and Commander's Heat Run
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Sports

Well, this past Monday was a warm one. Pecker Wrecker and Commander Cockoff decided to have an in town run for the hashers. We started in the hobo utopia world of the Bakersfield Museum of Art. Pecker Wrecker has a particular fondness for this area because of her past dealings as a young single woman in Bakersfield in the Speed Dating debacle. The Hares went off and after a good head start, the Hounds went chasing. The Hares were sighted within a couple minutes of the Hounds leaving and a chase started. No Hares were caught. The first beer check was in the parking lot of Hobo Heaven, the Bakersfield Library and Amtrak train station. The second leg of the run led the Hounds through a promising neighborhood until they lost the trail. Luckily, the Hounds could overcome the shortcumming of the Hares trail laying ability and found their way to the second beer check at Beale Park. After some constructive criticism by the Hounds to the Hares, Pecker and Commander ran off for the third leg of the run. The Hounds were led back downtown. After a refreshing splash in the Rabo Bank Arena fountain, the Hounds were rewarded with beer at Tailgaters. From there it was On-In to the BMOA. The Down-Downs were nothing special. The run was a good distance and had a bit of cooling water. By far, the hottest, wettest bitch on the run was Red Rocket's black beauty, Raspberry. The on after was conducted at Pizzaville, USA and all rejoiced. Meet us next Tuesday for Josie and the Pussywarts 4th of July Run/Party.

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Spas' enigmatic Run
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Sports

This past Monday we had our weekly run. Spastic Colon was the Hare and decided to have an enigmatic run. With the help of a digital camera and a color printer, Spas printed out pictures of each check point and the harriers had to use their combined knowledge of SW Bakersfield to find the checks where they would find the clues for the next check. Unfortunately, the harriers put their trust into the FRB of the run, Limp Noids, who decided to take us all on an extra long run. With a total of 4 beer checks, everyone had a good time and had plenty to drink. The down-downs went well with plenty of crimes and we all retired to Me-N-Ed's for some more cheap beer and pizza. Be sure to call MED-FLYS to find out about the next run.

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