Well it is, 'cause I'm in fiction land. But I don't want to end the blogging part with "Too bad I can't stay, baby..." so I'll save my 21st day for another.
21 Days, Day 20: Amuse Yourself
Current mood: amused
I am in fiction land and am only taking this brief break to tell you so.
To amuse yourself, I am treating you to a clip that had me pissing my pants the other night while watching Comedy Central. I am now a Stephen Lynch devotee, hard core. The fact that he was recently in this podunk state and I didn't know and missed it makes me an emotional combination of heart broken and bitterly, bitterly angry.
By the way, the clip is NSFW or, in fact, kids or anyone else who hates swears and takes offense easily. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!
If you like him, there are tons more clips on YouTube. "Craig" is another favorite.
"I'm fuckin' Craig! ....Craig Christ." BMSD
Currently
listening
:
The Craig Machine
By
Stephen Lynch
Release date: 2005-10-04
21 Days, Day 19: All or Nothing?
Current mood: understimulated
I would love to be able to tell you that my breaking my creativity commitment was because I was blazing away on my fiction writing, or that I made a great new art piece or something wonderful like that. I mean, sure, I worked on some paper crafting stuff Thursday night but nothing major. And I could make some pathetic excuse about illness and fatigue (the latter of that would certainly be true--I feel great med-free except for the crippling sleep issues...) but I'm not going to do that. I was spending time with my family, doing some work stuff and basically dealing with life shit. That's all. And there is a part of me that is sighing, saying "How will I ever, EVER get into the mindset that creativity is important if I blow it off, for a birthday, for a holiday, for...God, nothing at all? How will I ever prioritize a creative life? Ever find what I'm meant to do with the creativity I have within me--that I know could be channeled into something satisfying?" I know that people who insist on putting this first achieve. Something, anyway. I know that the most successful people consistently talk about prioritizing their dreams, often to the sacrifice off everything else. So what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I'm still trying to learn about balance. How to balance living and LIVING, you know?
To be honest, after working as a consultant at the old gig this week and spending time away from my family, I wanted to be with them, I wanted to relax and I wanted to try to sleep. That's really all I wanted to do. I didn't want to try to be creative--didn't want to write or craft or do much of anything really.
So much for my habit, G. Sorry. (I should say here, because I can't remember if I have already, that she told me in advance to give myself a break if I took a day or two off, as she had done the same. She's a lot kinder to me than I am to me, for sure.)
I will say that there is still something nagging at me to not quit. So I am going to sign off here and try to work on my fiction pieces for a bit. But I'm scared about three days from now. When there isn't this 21 Days, as optional as they may have been from time to time, hanging over me--will I still make the time?
I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Off to write and be someone else for a while, BMSD
***THIS BLOG IS AGAIN FILLED WITH MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PROFANITY***
***CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!***
So 'lex was saying that I should continue the profanity blog by crediting those who spoke the profanity best. I'm making him do it with me, so here we are, live from the S - D bedroom (bed in fact) as we present the "2008 You Swear!" awards. I wish there was some sort of trophy we could give. Like a hand flipping the bird in bronze or something. Anyway, here goes.
SON OF A BITCH
Our first category is tied!
James Urbaniak As previously mentioned, Dr. Venture says it quite deliciously with perfect cadence in the clip I posted. It is the cadence I employ now when I say this very phrase, preceded, as he did, with a hissed "Why...you..." It never gets old!
Peter O'Toole and Vincent Spano in the movie "Creator" There is a wonderful moment in this incredibly touching film where O'Toole, as a college professor, teaches Spano how to say this with just the right inflection. Spano practices and practices, but never quite gets as eloquent as O'Toole. Still, a great moment in a great movie.
MOTHERFUCKER
Samuel L. Jackson Sam Jackson in...welll...any movie he's ever been in. I am still particularly tickled by the way he complimented Jim Carrey at the MTV movie awards one year, when Jim called himself a bad motherfucker. Sam grinned, as only he can, and said, "Jim? Funny motherfucker. Sam? Baaaad motherfucker." I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. Jackson. I couldn't agree with you more.
'lex would like to add a "right honorable mention" to: Simon Pegg, in "Shaun of the Dead." I asked him to elaborate and all I got was "when he says it in front of his mother." I swear, 'lex is usually funnier than that. But really? That's not saying much. He insists it is the enunciation and disgust that makes it a particularly distinct pronunciation and he finds he is saying it that way a LOT.
ASS-MASTER
Margaret Cho's Mom I think we've established that Margaret Cho, or her mother anyway, sews that one up. Although Eric Cartman has his charms.
PRICK
James Urbaniak Back to Urbaniak in the same clip. I gotta say. Fantastic.
BULLSHIT
George Carlin For his routine on carrying other people's love. The routine leading up to it begins about 35 seconds in, but the specific part we refer to and adore is "Bullshit, Klaus!" which appears at about 2:18. The whole thing is hilarious and I recommend you watch and enjoy. After the kids go to bed.
SHIT
'lex: Monty Python Guy me: Nathan Fillion 'lex made me watch over four minutes of this clip to see a businessman in a Monty Python sketch from "The Meaning of Life" say "shit." I'm not sure it was worth it, but it still cracks him up like a lunatic. So, if you need to see it, go to 4:11 and check it out. My vote is for Nathan Fillion in SLiTHER saying "Shiiiiit!" when he tosses a hand grenade and it doesn't go where he expects it to. It's hilarious. As is the rest of the movie.
FUCK
Kevin Kline There are so many good instances of this, but our winner this evening will be Kevin Kline in "A Fish Called Wanda" when his Otto declares, "I am not a vulgarian, you fuck!" Best. Line. Ever. Honorable mention again goes to Simon Pegg for his hearty "Thank FUCK!" when his character in "Spaced" finds out that his friend Brian's radio is broken and he will not be stuck listening to his horrible break-up music. 'lex added "Curious--both instances use it as a noun." Thanks, Webster. ("You love it!" he adds. And it's true. I'm a grammar whore.)
BITCH
Sigourney Weaver and our friend Mike: Another tie! In honor of Ripley, the first real female action hero, I'm gonna give it to Sigourney Weaver for "Get away from her, you bitch!" in "Aliens." Here's a clip. You may or may not agree, but I love Ripley and I had to honor a feminist icon.
A clip we cannot post, because it does not exist anywhere but in our friend Fred's telling of it, is our friend Mike screaming at his repeatedly stalling truck. He was going to be late for work because it wouldn't start. Fred is in his room getting ready for work himself and looks out the window to see Mike's truck has moved a little bit. He looks again later and sees it has moved a little more. And again. He compared it to watching stop-motion animation. Meanwhile, in the truck, Mike is experiencing the ignition turning, the engine allowing five feet of movement and stalling, and responds, pounding the dash with his fist, face tense with anger: "SHIT!" Then, ignition again, engine catches, car moves five feet and stalls. "FUCK!" screams Mike, with another pound. ('lex is laughing his ass off telling me what to type, and we've discussed this many times. I am laughing too, as I agree when 'lex says, appropriately, "It's still fuckin' funny!") Ignition turns, catches, moves ten feet, stalls. "Yooooooou BITCH!" Mike screams with a smash. (I should add we are both helpless now.) Repeat, repeat. The interweave telling of this between Mike and Fred make it. Seriously. And we are still laughing.
NO TALENT ASS CLOWN
David Herman Granted, this is pretty damned specific, but as 'lex said, it launched a phrase that immediately caught on in pop culture, which will forever be tied to Michael Bolton, which is deserved. Props, David Herman. Props. "Office Space" is fried gold, man.
DOUCHE
Adrianne Curry This is a really obscure reference, but in "The Surreal Life" (shut it) Adrianne Curry refers to Chyna's boyfriend and says, "Still a douche!" in a hilarious sing-song that cracked me up every one of the eleventy-billion times I watched it. I say it in her voice quite a lot. Funny stuff. I'll try to find a clip some day.
Clip searching and wracking our rather depleted brains has left us tired. And, it's after 12:00 AM so I have to go check and see if "Dr. Horrible" part two is posted. So, adios motherfuckers (said in George Carlin's tone, natch.) Feel free to add your thoughts below, if you dare.
Go to the SUPERIOR BLOG and watch part one. Enjoy the trifecta of happiness, Neil Patrick Harris, Joss Whedon and Nathan Fillion, with a a sweet, sweet side of Felicia Day and Simon Helberg.
Go. Seriously, go now! I am sacrificing myself for the awesomeness!
21 Days, Day 17: Sick and Tired. In general. Oh, and a little more profanity. Just ‘cause.
Current mood: rebellious
When 'lex read my last entry he thought that the only suitable comment was to say, simply:
"Vampires?"
Not so much. I'm thinking spider bite. Kind of like Spiderman, but instead of cool superpowers I got a huge swollen welt, itching, bleeding after scratching said itch, a mild fever, fatigue and a really sore neck. So I guess that qualifies me to be "BlarghGirl" or something. Yuck. I have always been really attractive to the biting insects. There are some people who have some special shit in their blood that makes them so, or so I've read. I don't know. All I know is that my mother and I could walk through the same woods on the same path and she would be unscathed, whereas I would look like I had leprosy. Or, as my loving friend L would say, "the herps."
I have considered abandoning this exercise over and over again. I took two days off for pleasure and one in pain. I had a technical difficulty. Now I've been descended on by a plague (of one, but still.) Still, I refuse--I steadfastly REFUSE--to give up. I do it all the time. There was a person in my life (who should remain nameless but I will tell you his name rhymes with "click") who managed to instill in me, without actually saying it a lot, that there was only one perfect way to do things, and that anything else was "half-assed." I carry that now. It's weighing me down. This feeling of only getting one chance for perfection and if I fuck it up it's over. I can't do that. I was reading once about dieting--how many people, myself included, screw up once and then give up the whole thing, feeling like, "Well, it's screwed up now. I might as well quit." The article basically asked--is that the advice you would give a friend? I mean, if someone you cared about came up to you and said, "You know I really want to lose weight, but I ate six cookies today, so I should just quit, right?" would you agree? Would you say, "Yeah, well, that's true. You fucked up and that's not fixable. It's over, really. You may as well hang it up." Of course not. You would say, or at least I would anyway, "So? You ate six cookies--big deal! I mean, it isn't that smart to do on a diet, but if you give up now you are chasing those cookies with a failure pile in a sadness bowl, and that's only gonna make you more miserable." (And thanks to one I admire, Diablo Cody, for referring me to that hilarity by another I love, Patton Oswalt. DO NOT click in the presence of little ones. There is profanity. Of course there is. I posted it!)
I would encourage my friend to let things go. To not be so abusive and self-sabotaging and defeatist. I would tell her to be kind to herself for a goddamned change. To give herself a break. To never give up. That I believe in her, and that I know--really know--she can do anything. That she should never stop fighting for what she wants.
Why is that so hard to say to yourself sometimes? Ever?
In other notes, I have to amend my profanity post. Apparently, Ray Romano's favorite golf swear was "Holy Mother of Cockaroni!" So not cocknocker. I guess I don't know where I got that. But whoever I got it from, I thank you.
Also, I forgot to add "assmaster" to the list. I got that from Margaret Cho. She does a routine about her Korean mother that makes me piss my pants laughing. Apparently they owned a bookstore with a Gay and Lesbian section, that prompted her mother to shout in a thick Korean accent, "Margaret! What is ASSMASTER?" I think it is our cat. But I digress.
I also worked a sum total of 26 hours in the last few days, which I concede is just an average work week for most, but it's a lot for me, lately. Between that and the boyos and these soccer nights from hell, I am beat. So me and my neck herps are off to bed, to dream of a bug-free world, instead of dreaming about making out with Shia LaBeouf like I did the other night. (I mean, really? Why him? "Transformers" sucked!*)
"How do you wanna go out? ...waiting for some Atari bitch to say game over?" BMSD (and Jefferson Twilight)
*Sorry about the Transformers comment, Hels. But the plot, editing and dialogue were bad, even for a Michael Bay movie. Though I will concede, watching the actual transformations was cool and Optimus Prime's voice was badass. Oh, and Megan Fox as the "new Angelina Jolie?" PLEASE. There is no substitute for Angie, who is on pretty much everybody's freebie list. See "Wanted" to confirm that.
Currently
playing
:
Wall-E Release date: 2008-06-24
savage
confused
amused
understimulated
vehement
content
rebellious
exhausted
irate
