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Dealing with Rejection
this was a letter from someone afraid of rejection and beating down on himself and the response from a dating guru. I'm posting it because i feel some people i know really need to read this. In fact, I needed to read this several years ago, but I slowly had to learn the hard way to master how to be successful with women. The power of the mind can never be overrated.
Question From A Reader:
Hi Joseph,
My name is Dave, I live in Australia. This
is about your E-Mail about the beaten man. I
don't consider myself a beaten man but some
of us out here in the real world have an aversion
to pain, you know the "getting your guts kicked
in" type of pain?
I have tried some of your techniques and still
had no success, just more kicks in the guts for
my troubles, and I don't know about you
but I have a pain thresh-hold and have reached
it, getting rejected or laughed at by women is
painful no matter what you tell yourself when
you get to your pain limit.
What are you supposed to do when this happens?
You can say what you like about calling it a
setback but when you get to the stage that
you start avoiding women because you don't want
to be laughed at or rejected it is not a
setback, it is a confidence killer.
No amount of self reinforcement helps when
you get to this point, one more rejection
or one more woman laughing at you is too
much to take.
The only even partial success I have had
was with a married woman and I didn't know
she was married until near the end of our
chat, this made things worse not better,
unlike most men you target with your advice,
I have morals.
I won't try to chat up a married woman, if
she wants to start a relationship with me
she has to end her existing relationship
beforehand, this woman was looking for
that little bit extra on the side and seemed
quite upset when I told her "Thanks But
No-Thanks."
My theory is that if she would cheat on her
husband then she would cheat on me, even
if she got divorced to be with me, what do
you think?. Solve this in the real world
not in fantasy land.
Dave
===============================================================
My Response:
First off, Dave, all my advice is based
on the "real world."
Judging from your writing, it's YOU who
lives in a fantasy land.
You live in a fantasy land where no girls
like you, where they will ALL reject you
and laugh at you.
This is a magical place where you can't get
a date and are destined to die alone, and
anyone who tells you otherwise is a LIAR.
It's a mystical, magical world you've
created in your head because you want
to feel sorry for yourself and don't
want to do the hard work (yes, that's
right, HARD WORK) to get what you want.
You'd rather just be lazy and feel
sorry for yourself.
This is something all "beaten men" have
in common. They're called "beaten" for
a reason.
They've given up hope.
They look at their lives as a lost cause,
and resign themselves to "cursing the world"
and the all women as hating them so they
can feel justified in their hopeless beliefs.
You believe this, and yet you have gone
to great lengths to contradict yourself
in your own email.
You claim that no women like you and they
all laugh at you and reject you. Yet,
there's this woman, who happens to be married,
who expressed ATTRACTION for you!
Now, obviously you have a standard that
you abide by where you don't go after
women who are married, which is fine.
I have the same standard, but I can't
expect everyone to live by it. Each man
must have his own rules that he feels
comfortable with.
But instead of looking at this as a positive
thing -- that being a woman was attracted to
you and liked you and actually WANTED to be
with you -- you saw it as a negative -- She's
married, so I'm just wasting my time!
Shame, shame, shame on you.
No one knows better than me how hard it can
be when you're trying to go from "beaten man"
to "best man."
I worked very hard at this myself when the
first inklings of "Art Of Approaching" were
being developed from me going out 5 nights
a week to try and break this fear of meeting
women that I had.
I was so obsessed with getting good at meeting
women, I would show up for my job the next day
half-asleep because I was out late the night
before.
I almost got fired numerous times! I was getting
physically ill from the lack of sleep, and when
I first started, I was getting rejected left
and right.
But I kept at it, figured a few things out,
and before long, it became easy! And I
suddenly didn't have to go out 5 nights a week,
I could go out just when I wanted and have fun!
If I had believed as you do, this story would
not have a happy ending, and I probably wouldn't
even be responding to your email, because I'd
just be some other guy who couldn't talk to women.
So coming from someone who's overcome this
obstacle in the REAL WORLD, and not your
depressing, negative fantasy land of evil women
who hate you, listen to me when I say this...
IF YOU FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVES, YOUR VIEWS WILL
BE NEGATIVE. IF YOU FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES,
YOUR VIEWS WILL BE POSITIVE.
This is something ALL men who are suffering
from "beaten man" syndrome should take to
heard. You should memorize those two
sentences and make them your mantra.
Your beliefs shape how you see the world. And
how you see the world shapes your beliefs. If
you walk up to a woman, and say "Hi, let me buy
you a drink."
And she responds:
"Um, you should leave now," and then turns her
back to you (which actually did happen to me
once when I first started out, but that's another
newsletter, lol), you have two ways of viewing
that interaction.
The first way is "Oh God! I'm ugly and no
girls like me! That rejection hurt so bad!
Everyone saw that! I'm a loser! I can't
talk to any other girl in this place now!
Waaaaaaaaaaah!"
The other way is "Wow, that didn't work out
so well. Why is that? Maybe every guy in
this place has used that same line on her and
she's sick of it? I wonder what would
happen if I used a different
line?"
Do you see the difference?
In one example, I automatically reverted to
despair, pain, rejection, negativity. I
heaped blame on myself for failing.
In the other example, I was still hurt, but
I looked at the situation as a learning
experience where I figured out what I might
have done wrong and came up with a solution.
There is a WORLD of difference between these
two points of view.
You, dear Dave, and every beaten man like you,
has trained himself to look at things in terms
of your own failures. You selfishly indulge
in your own feelings of loss and inadequacy.
This is what continues to beat you down.
The guys who are successful with women learn
from these experiences. They start to spot
specific traits in women that they know they're
good at attracting.
They figure out what works and what doesn't,
and only do the stuff that works. They enjoy
the success of their hard work, and they revel
in the good feelings they have while dismissing
the bad ones.
Which sounds more appealing to you?
Getting rejected by women can be a confidence
killer and can be painful IF YOU LET IT. You
have to learn to adapt and do what works instead
of focusing on your pain.
You say you've done "some of my techniques" to
no success. Have you bothered to buy my book?
Have you read it cover to cover?
Did you do the Bootcamp, which is specifically
DESIGNED to help you improve WITHOUT all the
pain of rejection?
Have you done the confidence building exercises
I give you? Have you learned to read
a woman's body language to recognize who's
open to being approached so you can minimize
your "crash and burn?"
Have you bothered to do ANY of this work?
I'm willing to bet you haven't.
Because if you had, your email would have
been a success story rather than a whine-fest.
It always amazes me when I see guys who say
"There was this one girl who was really into
me, but X was wrong with her, so I didn't
go forward, and no other women like me."
Let me tell you, if one woman likes you,
there are others out there who do as well.
You just have to find them, and do the work it
takes to be prepared for meeting them.
Now, I know this email sounds harsh, but
I'm trying to get through to you and every
other guy out there like you what it is
you're doing wrong that you need to fix,
and sometimes that requires tough love.
But I'm not just going to spew tough love.
I'm going to actually give you some tools
to help you overcome this rough patch in
your road to success with women (note that
I haven't given up on you, though you may
have!).
If you're stuck, and you need that extra
push to help you out and go from "beaten
man" to "ladies man," then this special
Package is for you.
And for those of you who just want to get
the basic, bare-bone fundamentals of what
it takes to meet massive amounts of women
with no fear of rejection, then you owe it
to yourself to check out my original ebook,
The Art Of Approaching, here:
http://www.elabs5.com/ct.html?rtr=on&s=lkvr,h3g,mh,ju0s,3s6u,j5yx,77m7
And if you REALLY want to supercharge your
success with women, be sure to take a look
at my Advanced Course here:
http://www.elabs5.com/ct.html?rtr=on&s=lkvr,h3g,mh,cc7d,9nm5,j5yx,77m7
This is your chance to leave your fantasy
land of rejection and despair, and enter
the real world of real possibilities.
Wishing you success with women,
Joseph Matthews
P.S. If you have a success story you would
like to share, or a question you would like
to ask, or a comment you would like to
make, please email me at:
questions@artofapproaching.com
Include your first name and the country,
state/province, and city you live in.
I love to hear from my customers because I
can learn just as much from you as you can
from me! But be sure you don't just hit
"reply" to this email! I may not get it.
Use the address above.
P.P.S. - If you have been enjoying my book
and newsletters, and you run a website where
you think your visitors would be interested in
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5:40 AM
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