Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 30
Sign: Virgo
City: OCEANSIDE
State: CALIFORNIA
Country: US
Signup Date:
06/24/04
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Blog Archive
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Saturday, March 01, 2008
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do you believe in magic?
Current mood:  satisfied
Category: Life
i think it's official. i love march 1st. it's magical. it's the beginning of good things. it's the harbinger of beauty and spring and summer and all that is right with the world. it means that warm summer days are right around the corner. lazy days. beach days. happy days. boozy days. days where i don't have to do anything at all. days where i don't put on anything more than my bikini. days where my greatest concern is when i get to take a nap. days where i get to wear my cute sundresses and sleep with the windows open.
i didn't want to go to work today. not at all. i like my job. there are definitely days that i don't like it as much as others, but i work for an awesome department with awesome people and i get to help. what's not to like about that? only today was just not easy. if there was ever a day where i wanted to play hookey, it was this one. the beach smelled so real and inviting this morning. the mist was like angel dust on my skin. there was no sound at all aside from the waves. i wanted to freeze time and soak the moment in. the ride in to work was just as tough. i honestly wanted to keep driving around and not go anywhere at all. then i got to work. it only worsened. seeing the bars on the lower deck and knowing that such thick walls separated me from the real world was awful. on a brighter note, all improved when i got to leave.
i don't know what this week is going to be like, but i do know that i want to try to soak in every little glimmer of beauty while i have the chance to be outside.
aah, spring fever. this is thy sting paired with thy sweet embrace.
10:26 PM
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Tuesday, November 06, 2007
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departing flights
Current mood:  sad
Category: Friends
sometimes life's ironies just stupefy me. this is one of those moments. you say goodbye to a dear friend. you see many other dear friends. you wonder about them. you catch up. then you depart. and after a few hours of intense emotion with these folks, you know you're just going to fall back into that same routine. losing a friend makes you realize how much you need to tell those around you how much you love them. so you do. then you depart. and what about that friend that you lost? you always remember your last encounter, whether it be in person, letter, or on the phone. you briefly catch up, talk about the latest and greatest, then you talk about the next time you'll get together... then you depart. only this time, you'll never see him again. you'll never hear his voice again. you'll never get a weather report again. you'll never fight with him again, or chuckle over the stupidity of the past fights. you'll never ask how his daughter is and hear him talk about her for the next 15 minutes straight. you'll never hear that excitement in his voice about the future. why can't we know when those last times are going to be? how often would we have made that last encounter really matter? what if we could have said, "glenn, you really mean a lot to me and i really appreciate you." why can't we say that to those that are still here? are we afraid that we'll say it too many times and it won't matter any more? are we afraid of sounding weird? are we afraid of what the other person will think? god i hate saying goodbye to people i never got to say goodbye to. especially the ones that gave me so much to smile about... like glenn. i hate the fragility of life. i really do. i know that there are reasons for this, but i don't want to accept them right now. what if we just could have had a chance to love him a little bit more? to tell him, to his face, all the things that we said about him today. to let him see how much we love him. but it's too late. he departed. we departed. we left without knowing that we'd never have next time. damn.
8:27 PM
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Friday, October 05, 2007
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me... as we know it
Current mood:  giggly
Category: Quiz/Survey
12 Weird things....
Rules: Each player starts with "12 weird habits/facts about yourself." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own with 12 weird habits or facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says they are tagged and to read your blog.
Here I go...
1. my favorite thing about older guys is their necks
2. necks in general make me all weak and quivery inside
3. if a person doesn't have a good set of eyebrows, i just can't get over it. it will be a distraction throughout every interaction in the future.
4. i truly think i have a mild case of ocd when it comes to brushing my teeth. and it's not so much the frequency but the weird way i do it. even my friends make fun of me for it.
5. i hate walking over manhole covers and other openings in the ground. i will walk over them, but as a general rule, i try to avoid. my fuzzy logic is that if i avoid it 9 of every 10 times, i'm significantly reducing my chances of falling through. i don't want to fall through.
6. my claustrophobia can be traced back to my early childhood years when i was terrified to be placed in a shopping cart
7. i don't like typing with capital letters but i figured that since i turned 30, i might as well go for the change… except on myspace. but when i handwrite, i typically only use caps.
8. i secretly love my job. a lot.
9. i have a tactile obsession and have to touch before i buy.
10. i think scars, veins, and well-timed goose bumps on the right body are incredibly sexy
11. scooby doo still scares me sometimes
12. i like to fight and i don't always want to win. i desperately need people who can hold their own with me.
Tag: yvonne, tony, tranese, roland, beth, sarah d
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Currently
listening
:
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me
By
George Michael
Release date: 14 November, 1991
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9:18 PM
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1 Comments - 0 Kudos
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Wednesday, April 04, 2007
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motivation
Current mood:  grumpy
Category: Life
i have none. not a lick of it. i don't want to do one single bloody thing right now and i have to do tons of things. this can certainly cause a conundrum within a person. i don't want to go to my lesson. i don't want to eat breakfast. i don't want to think. all i want to do is sleep and i can't even do that the right way these days. boy am i an angry gumball today. hmm, i'm not even so much angry as i am grumpy. that's it. i'm a grumpy gumball. grumpy because i can't sleep and because that's all i want to do. grumpy because i have to do things and i don't wanna. i swear i feel like a 5-year-old about to throw a temper tantrum.
it might behoove everyone to stay away from me today.
i like that word. dammit, it almost made me smile. grr.
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Currently
listening
:
D?j? Vu
By
Crosby Stills Nash & Young
Release date: 06 September, 1994
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9:28 AM
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4 Comments - 5 Kudos
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Wednesday, March 28, 2007
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a fairly tale
Current mood:  tired
Category: Life
once upon a time, i was growing up. suddenly, i had a brother. i was 11 when he pounced into this world. then i realized that i love him. i've not rested since that moment. and i've never been happier. i got lucky with that charmer. he's beautiful. and he's smart. and i love him. and i'm glad that he's mine.
it's funny, when you realize that your baby bro teaches you the important stuff. you can't help but pause and wonder what you've been doing with the rest of your time here on earth. but that's how it's supposed to be. and you can only hope that he listens to you too, occasionally. hopefully.
you got lucky. i got luckier. i snagged the best of 'em.
love you, munch. tons.
10:34 PM
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Monday, January 01, 2007
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macaroni and 3 martinis
Current mood:  excited
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
wow. so 2006 is over. i hardly know what to do about that revelation. i swear, guys, i became a superstitious freak of nature just in the course of one day. i made the (in)fortunate mistake(?) of reading about superstitions related to new year's eve. there are a lot of 'em! as i was reading, i was just thinking that it was all, well, interesting stuff. there were a few things i absolutely couldn't do. kissing my partner in crime, for example. he's at work. so what... that's supposed to mean that we'll have an entire year of bad luck? screw that. circumstances prevent it. no big deal. but then after i got home and started getting all my last-of-the-year stuff done, i started to think about these superstitions. ya know be what? i gave in to tons of them. i put a basket full of things that represent things that matter to me– life, fun, pets, joe, friends, family, prosperity, all sorts of stuff into a basket to bring into my house for the new year. the tradition states that somebody is supposed to bring in little tokens of good luck but if you live alone, you should put said tokens into a basket and lead it in by a thread so as not to break the threshold. my tokens were representatives of things that matter to me, and i brought them in with a huge smile on my lips and a little tear in my eye. i can not believe that i'm like this! it's a riot. see, the thing is, i'm super excited about this new year. i'm not sure why. i've never been like this on new year's eve before. i've never made a list of legit resolutions to keep, but i did this year. i've never had to stay up to greet the new year, but i did this year. what is it that makes this year so much more exciting than the others? i'm intrigued. it's like i'm a little kid with unlimited cash in a candy store. i'm seriously all a-flutter over this. yeah, and as if the superstitions were on my side, just after midnight, my neighbor came over, which took care of finding a tall, dark, handsome man to be the first visitor in the house. he might not be technically tall, but he's got dark hair and he is rather handsome. it certainly worked for me! it was actually really funny. given his state of intoxication, i'd love to know if he remembers any of tonight in the morning. fun times. we sat outside enjoying vodka (what better drink is there with which to bring in the new year?!?) and talking about everything from the food chain and being naked in the wilderness, to books and roman emperors. it was fun. it was actually the perfect way to start 2007. these years pass by so quickly. it bums me out sometimes. this might actually be one of those times. 2006 was gone so fast. what happened to it? aah, that's of no matter right now. it's a new year. a new day. a new start. there will be opportunities that none of us can comprehend. blessings that none of us can see. and that is really dang neat.
happy 2007, all my dear friends. i hope it's full of wonders and amazing joy.
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Currently
watching
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M*A*S*H - Season Six (Collector's Edition)
Release date: 08 June, 2004
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12:55 AM
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2 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
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kids
Current mood:  sore
Category: Life
this not having kids thing can be a joke sometimes. it's a joke because i swear up one side and down the other that i don't want any, but i've got so many! i had a very good, fulfilling day of cleaning yesterday. it was awesome. i had some wine (okay, i was drinking all day long, but that's okay with me), and i really did get a lot done. i'm actually even sore from it today. so at the end of a long, rewarding day, i decided to take a bath. that, too, was incredible. it was comfy, cozy, the birdie was being quiet (she lives in the bathroom), and all was well. i was going to read a magazine, but i decided just to relax quietly instead. and then the kid walks in. yep, the darling georgia peach. she throws open the door as wide as she can and left it that way. why can she open doors but not close them? wonder if she might secretly be a boy cat. nah. anyway, suddenly that wonderful, cozy bath became cold and full of sound. georgia had a lot to say and she sat right on the edge of the bathtub telling me all about it. then she wanted to see about aggie. only aggie was asleep. then she checked a few other angles. then gave up and came back to me. needless to say, i wasn't in the tub too much longer after that point. how in hell can parents do this on a regular basis?!? my mom has no idea how lucky she was that her two kids are so damn self-sufficient and entertaining.
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Currently
watching
:
Mash TV Season 11 (3pc) (Full Dub Sub Sen)
Release date: 07 November, 2006
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8:49 AM
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4 Comments - 3 Kudos
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Monday, September 18, 2006
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reality
Current mood:  cynical
Category: Life
ya know, every once in a while something can happen to make you really wonder why you bother to put any effort and energy into people. maybe a person will just stab you in the back for no reason whatsoever, or the front for that matter. sometimes it's not really better when they have the courtesy to do it to your face. sometimes it actually hurts more. and then on the other side of the coin, sometimes friends leave and you can't do a damn thing about it. it's just that time where you need to part ways. why does it hurt so badly either way? and why do so many crappy situations all happen at the same time? why do you continue to put forth the work it takes to enable a friendship to flourish? i know there are so many blessings to friends, but when you suddenly lose them for whatever reason, it makes the whole journey seem so not worth it. this is really one of those nights where i'd much rather live very alone, very far away, and not care. i'll take my cat and my bird. i'll be happy with them. happy enough. oh the unfair ironies of life can certainly piss me off. my little bubble of trust seems to be losing air moment by moment. why, in god's name, do we continue to put ourselves out there when we just keep getting hurt again and again? it's fucking masochistic. it's stupid. i don't want to do it anymore.
6:27 PM
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
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summer fling
Current mood:  hot
Category: Life
i love summer. i love it like nothing else. even when i feel miserable and wish that i wasn't hotter than hell i love it. i love it when i can't sleep because it's so hot. i love it when i can't cool off in my car with air conditining or fresh air. i just love summer. and i'm not ready for this one to be over. granted, we still have about a month of toastiness or so, but i'm just not ready to say goodbye to this one. yeah, i'm looking forward to halloween and the yummy smells of fall. sure i'm looking forward to wearing sweaters (i really have a thing for sweaters!) and taking long baths, but given the choice, i'd rather keep this around for a bit longer. i'm just simply not done. i guess in some ways it's nice to have parking within 1/2 mile of my house but i could handle it if the waters were warmer still. that was nice. why does summer never last long enough? i remember being in elementary school thinking that it always passed too quickly but this is ridiculous. at least in elementary school i knew how to live it up. i didn't do a damn thing during summer other than swim, work on my tan (shut up...), and hang out with friends. where did i go wrong?
labor day just passed. i love that holiday. it's my favorite drinking holiday. i sat outside with some booze and a fire and read. that's about one of my favorite things to do on my favorite day of drinking. i did good. just wish it could have lasted a bit longer. maybe some day i'll figure out how to make time go a bit slower. it goes too fast. we can never take advantage of the time that we have. even if we try, it still doesn't seem to work too well. why is that?
8:35 PM
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3 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Friday, August 04, 2006
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proof i care only about me... part 17
Current mood:  pensive
Category: Quiz/Survey
1) Where was your last kiss?
silly, it was on my lips!
2) What color boxers/underwear are you wearing?
pink with cute little green froggies all over 'em.
3) What are you listening to right now?
sirius' classic vinyl, three people talking on different phone calls, the keys that i'm typing, a printer, and a bunch o' radios.
4) What's your favorite number?
8
5) What was the last thing you ate?
strawberries
6) When was the last time you smiled?
just a moment ago. i do that a lot.
7) How is the weather right now?
freakin' air conditioned to oblivion. i'm freezing my butt off! outside it looks sorta pretty though. clouds off in the distance, sun mostly out. nice.
8) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
mark. i gave him a verbal gold star for the day. boy am i proud.
9) What is your worst habit?
dunno. i enjoy all my bad habits far more than i should. i embrace them. none are the enemy.
10) Do you drink?
uh-huh
11) Do you smoke?
i've never checked
12) When was the last time, if ever, you blacked out?
the last i can remember was when i got my first tattoo. ages ago. that's what happens when you keep your head between your knees for two hours then stand up really fast. go ahead and try if you wanna, but you might as well take my word on it.
13) Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
yes. i have this gorgeous girlfriend/boyfriend ambiguous she/he. boy it rocks my world.
14) Your Hair color?
red
15) Eye Color?
technically brown, but they're the same color as my hair. freckles too.
16) Do you wear contacts?
nope
17) Favorite Holiday?
halloween
18) Favorite Month?
july
19) Have you ever cried for no reason?
not really. i always have a reason even if i don't want anybody to know what it is.
20) What was the last movie you watched?
brokeback mountain. and i liked it. yes.
21) Favorite Day of the Year?
winter solstice. that means that it's all getting better from there. the days finally start to get longer, the weather will (eventually!) get warmer, it just means good things are on the horizon.
22) Are you too shy to ask someone out?
um, no. as shy as i can be, that's not a problem for me.
23) Last advice you gave to someone?
i think it was more of a threat than advice. don't know if that'll do.
24) What was the highlight of your weekend?
my rick visit
25) Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla. and no, that doesn't mean that i like boring sex. don't even try to pull that one on me.
26) Where is the last place you went?
well, to work, i guess. but i'm still here so i didn't really go anywhere. i just arrived.
27) What did the last message on myspace say?
it was sarah d replying to a message i sent her. and she said that starfruit is yummy. mmm...
28) Who was the last person to call you?
hmm... who was it? med unit, i think.
29) What was the last sports game you watched?
i actively watched the padres & astros yesterday and half-assedly watched the d'backs lose for the big boss. i watched for the big boss. they didn't lose for him.
30) When was the last time you slept in someone else's bed?
man, it's been a while. probably last time i slept at 3, actually.
31) Favorite color?
grey. i don't give a fuck if you wanna say it's not a color. it is to me and i like it. screw the rest of you.
32) What are you wearing?
sexy redkap dark blue work pants, boots, white t-shirt, dark blue work shirt, and adorable argyle socks. green ones.
33) What were you doing before this?
workin'. just dispatched a fire and i'm working on my to-do list. i've already gotten a bunch of things checked off and i'm not even halfway done with my shift. yay me!
34) Any pets?
yes. and i've got a couple animals at home as well. cute little kitty, cute little turtles.
35) Favorite Drink?
yes.
36) Butter, Plain, or Salted popcorn?
when i don't give a rat's ass about my health, i like it buttered & salted. regularly i just get it salted.
37) Dogs or Cats?
yes. i'm limited to cats because of space, but i'd like to have a big dog one day. my dream dog preferably.
38) Favorite flower?
plumeria
39) When was the last time you got in trouble?
define trouble...
40) What did you do?
pleading the 5th
41)Have you ever loved someone?
so they say
42) Who would you like to see right now?
rick
43) Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?
surprisingly, yes.
44) Have you ever fired a gun?
mmm, yeah.
45) Do you like to travel by plane?
love it. gets you there quick.
46) What websites do you go to frequently?
yahoo, glamour, myspace, google, imdb, netflix
47) If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
i'm actually not too picky right now. i'd be home, in bed, at the beach, swimming, working out, in a sauna, in hawaii, in alaska, in georgia, in pennsylvania, in transylvania.
48) How many pillows do you sleep with?
one under my head, one under my arm, leg, or belly, depending on what hurts most at the moment between my elbow/shoulder, hip, or back. isn't sleep supposed to be pleasant?
49) Are you missing someone?
yes
50) How was your day?
better than many, a bit worse than some. not quite what i was hoping for, but i'm survivin'.
9:16 PM
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2 Comments - 2 Kudos
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