MySpace Is Being a Wanch
Current mood: aggravated

Blah

So my page has not wanted to let me on.

I dunno what's going on with it. For real. For a while had me thinkin I had forgotten my pw altogether. So if you write me and I don't anwser ya, chances are.. I am not ignoring you... myspace is being a wanch to me.

So those who matter , have my cell phone , my other email addie, all kinds of ways to get in touch w/ me. If you need me, then use em. Please :] Hopefully though, tomm... it will let me on again. We shall see though :]

But just wanted to let you all know that. Didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything.  Because I am really not. Not On purpose anyways :]

8:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Cupid finally gave me something good_ Brandon!
Current mood: loved

So, cupid has a weird sense of humor. For real haha. Didn't I just say a week ago, love was not in my future for a while? But cupid, he has a strange sense of humor. Haha. Oh well. :] I don't mind.

So me and Brandon have been talkin for a lil' while now. Before I even wrote that blog. We talked about gettin together when he came back and seein where things went. So through all the talking, things kinda fell back into place. Fell back where they were 6 years ago. Cept this time a whole lot stronger. We were immature back then. I won't lie :] But like I said, things started fallin into place.Thanks alot to Brooke too. Thanks you so much for convincing me to go ahead and talk to Brandon again .If you hadn't of convinced me it was -k-, I dunno if I would have but you convinced me it was k. I am so glad you did , because of you, I am happy now :]

Cupid decided that he didn't like my new views on love, my new I didn't need it, if it happended, it happended kinda thing. So he decided to take matters into his own hands and knock me flat on my ass. Forgot a lil arrow, like there u go, lil love tap.. he was like gotta make sure she realizes what she has right in front of her, I will just knock her  down. But luckily, seems like he took Brandon down with me  I don't mind fallin so much, as long I don't do it alone. He also made sure I fell for an awesome guy this time. He's sweet, there for me, def not bad looking.. at all, makes me smile and puts bad thoughts in my head ;]

He makes me really happy, he makes me smile all the time. He does lil' things to make me smile. He's in Iraq, putting his life on the line for his country and still finds time to make me feel special and to make me smile. Guys here couldn't even do that. He writes me emails every day that he can get online, walks through the cold and freezing rain to get to a computer , so that he can write me. Calls me when he can get use of a phone, just to let me know he is thinkin about me. I always wondered what coulda been , all those years back and sometimes all it takes is a 2nd chance. A 2nd chance I am thrilled we got :]

I know things won't always be smiles and butterflies. We are going to fight sometimes. Not going to get along. Probaly wanna strangle each other. It happens. But even when we fight, and we don't get along, I am still going to love him and be there for him and be there beside him. Even when  I am mad at him, point of it all is, he's still mine to be mad at it. But I am also going to make him happy. I am not going to let him doubt how I feel , or hide my feelings like I use too. This time I am about making us work  No Matter What !

I worry about him every day. But he comes home in March, so I can make it one more month. Maybe not with all my sanity in place, but I can make it  I love you Brandon, you better come home safe to me and in one piece cuz I like your pieces where they are at.  I will be waiting for you.

See , told you I wasn't keepin you in the closet babe ! Lol :]

6:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

2008 is the year Stacey is going to be happy :]
Current mood: accomplished

So I finally after many weeks of debating, picked my resolutions :]
I figured I'd think long and hard on them, that way this year.. I don't do like usual, make them and then break them .

1) Be Happy :D That is the main one. Let go of all the pain from the year before, stop judging people by what Jason did, stop seeing bad in every1, stop mistrusting every single person I meet and have fun and be happy! :] I got closure the other day with Jason. I still talked with him and well, 2 weeks ago he did something to finally make me THAT mad... I know ppl are like he lies to you, cheats on you, uses you and after all that , he never made you "that" mad. Well he did but I had misguided notions about love and friendship. That is done now. Half the reason I am stuck in the past and so obsessive and neurotic is bc I still talk to him and can never let things go. That's done as of yesterday. I got my closure and told him I hope him and Karma have a good time together :] So this will be the year, I am happy damnit ;]

2) Finally get back into my old jean size. I know every year I said " lose weight" and every year I lose some and then put it back on. I want my abs back! I am gunna post those babies on here. I printed them off and hung them on the fridge ,so whenever I think " I want a snack" I see those and are like apples are on the counter . I was miserable with Jason and have doubted my self for a year since we broke up. Thinkin no man will like me, thinking I am fat... well you know what, whining never fixed anything . The gym and a good diet... well that does ! Crystal is my back bone in this. She's getting married March 28th and we decided to go at this together and we support each other. Amazing how having someone support you and be there for you , helps sooo much! I still slip up sometimes and eat bad and then hate my self for it, but progress takes time and here in the next year, I am going to have the body that makes guy stop , turn and stare :D Then I will get to go through the " does he like me for me " dilema.. oh well :]

3) Learn and swallow my pride some.. if maybe, just a lil . I have a horrible habit of not saying I am sorry, of getting into fights and then not giving an inch or admitting when I am wrong. I am going to try and learn to swallow my pride a little. Pride never kept anyone warm at night or came over at 2am because your life had just fallen apart and you needed someone . But just a little, because sometimes you can swallow your pride a lil' to much and I am not down for that.

4) Learn to be more indpendent . I still rely to much on my daddy and momma. But mainly my daddy. When something goes wrong in my life, I run straight to him and expect him to fix it.. like he did when I was little and skinned my knee. Only thing is now a kiss on the forehead and an ice cream can't fix everything. He's also gettin old. I need to learn and take care of my self , so I can take care of him and momma. Dad spent 28 years of his life n the Marines loving and protecting his country, almost 25 years loving and protecting me, he deserves a break. Momma too. :] So I am gunna work on this. I am not dependent on people, but I could def learn to deal better on my own :D Why I am going to move out soon,  and get back into RN school, so I can learn how to live on my own. Scary, I know ;]

5) Start doing things I like more. I love philosphy and plan on reading up on it more, maybe attend some debates.Art.. I enjoy art, I am going to take back up drawing and painting, that was always so relaxing.  Maybe go to the art museum more, more broad way shows because I love broadway shows. Go on more road trips, def more road trips. Go places and do things I love. Go to museums, see more of the ancient world ( in the museums), go and see more art museums, go to amusment parks and laugh and live and enjoy being young. Good thing my friends love me and enjoy random things because we are going to be doing more random things now :]

 Notice love isn't mentioned in there anywhere. I am not against finding someone and fallin head over heals into stupidity. But I am def not puttin it in my list of things to do in 2008 :] But if it happens... 

 then I will def deal with it :]

I've stopped letting Jason's past actions define my future. It's wonderful. I feel almost free. It's the best feelin in the world. 

2:03 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

2008 questions :]
Current mood: sick

This one's all about what you want out of '08!

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Yes, I can't stand the one I am at now but I am gunna stick it out till the new yr :]

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Not so much lookin but if it happens, then I'll deal with it :]

3. New house?
I am movin into the same apartment complex as Liz in May.. does that count ?

4. What will you do differently in 08?
Work out like I should and maybe try and let my guard down a lil'

5. New Years resolution?
Get back in shape and this time, make it count


6. What will you NOT be doing in 08?
Going through a horrible break up with muh fiancee :]

7. Any trips planned?
Goin to Orlando or Cali in July , and before that... MAYBE VA and Nash.. but depends on my work schedule

8. Wedding plans?
3 of my 4 bestfriends are havin weddings and I am helpin them plan it.. does that count as havin weddin plans? hahah

9. Major thing on your calander.
Get back into School for My RN... March 28th for Crys wedding and then June and July for Liz's and Brooke's weddings :]

10. What can't you wait for?
To get back into RN school, so I can get this started off right

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
Be able to keep up a work out program and I'll be honest.. MAYBE find a guy I can be with, maybe stop meeting every1 eleses soul mate but my own

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
My bein so closed off to people

13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
I graduated from LPN school.. honestly, somedays I didn't think I'd make it.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I always try and be nice to them but I am gunna try and help momma out more :]

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
When I lose weight, I'll wear tighter stuff and stop hidin unda clothes 2x's my size :]

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Rehab is def for quitters and I aint no quitter ;]

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
I think I got a pretty decent one now but I will give betterin it a try

18. Will you do charity work?
If I find time and someplace I don't mind volunteering at, sure

19. Will you go to bars?
yea.. I like it there

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I always am.

21. Do you expect 08 to be a good year for you?
I hope so :] Can't be any worse than 07' was

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
I grew up and found out that underneath it all, I am a pretty damn strong woman :]

23. Do you plan on having a child?
Not this year for sure, maybe around 2010... or after

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
4 of them for sure.. to be honest, I am thinkin about weedin out alot of the ppl I talk too cuz they bring to much drama w/ em and they.. just annoy me, so probaly not all of them will be around next yr :]

26. Will you be moving?
I will in May

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Drink With Crystal and My Sis and whoever elese... hopefully Liz :]

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Ethan :] I have a few guys who wanna kiss me at midnight but I wanna kiss Ethan , kinda  a 2 yr tradition now

30. One wish for 08?
Get back into Rn School :]

7:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Q n A
Category: Blogging

..> ..>

Q & A All About Me!

The basics FULL NAME?: Stacey Leigh :] BIRTHDAY?: Aug 2nd, 1983 BIRTHPLACE?: Memphis, TN HEIGHT?: 5'5" ish, a lil bit taller than that HAIR COLOR?: Naturally dark red but I bleach it blonde and then dye it all kinds of colors EYE COLOR?: Dark green ZODIAC SIGN?: Leo SEX: female WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?: Black tank top and care bear pj pants :] Your Family ARE YOU PARENTS TOGETHER?: Yes DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?: 2 sisters and a brother MOMS NAME?: Maragaret DADS NAME?: Bernard DO YOU HAVE STEP PARENTS?: Nopes IF SO WHAT ARE THERE NAMES?: IS FAMILY IMPORTANT TO YOU?: very much so Your Friends WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?: Liz WHO ARE YOUR 3 CLOSEST FRIENDS?: Liz, Crystal, Brooke, Missah ( You are gettin 4 cuz I have 4.. so Deal)                                                    WHO IS YOUR NEWEST FRIEND?: I have a new friend? WHO IS YOU OLDEST FRIEND?: Liz WHO IS THE FUNNIEST?: Actually they are all pretty funny, they all make me giggle :] WHO IS THE LOUDEST?: Brooke Or Missah , it's kinda a tie                                                                                                             WHO DO YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME WITH?: Lately Been Brooke and Crystal :]  WHO IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU?: Liz, Crystal,Brooke, Missah and My parents WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?: yep I sure would and I'd give a bullet to someone over them too. Relationships...Past Present and Future ARE YOU IN A RELASHONSHIP?: Not at this exact moment WHATS THE NAME OF YOUR BF,GF OR CRUSH?: It's not a crush but I do have an um intrest but we shall see how that goes DO YOU LIKE BEING TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single but taken won't be so bad with the right man HOW MANY XS HAVE YOU HAD?: Way to Many   WHATS THE LONGEST RELASHONSHIP YOUVE EVER HAD?: 4 1/2 yrs, 5 if you count the time we were talkin n just dating ARE YOU A VIRGIN?: If you gotta ask this one, you don't need to know DO YOU WANNA GET MARRIED?: Eventually DO YOU WANT KIDS?: Yes IF SO HOW MANY?: 2... 3 at the most, after 3, I am cut off Favorites COLOR?: Black and hott pink FOOD?: Chinese DRINK?: Sweet tea or Dr ppr ALCOHOLIC DRINK?: Tequilla makes her clothes fall off lol SONG?: Hmmm I dunno, I like alot of songs :] FAST FOOD?: Taco bell SEASON?: Spring MONTH?: October and June ANIMAL?: Cookie May and My fish , My cat died :[ PLACE TO BE?: With my friends, doin whatever MOVIE?: The crow or highlander CAR?: Camaro Have you Ever BEEN IN LOVE?: yea BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW?: yes BEEN ON A PLANE?: yeah when i was like 10 BEEN OUT OF STATE?: yeah DRIVEN A CAR?: yeah ATE AN OCTOPUSS?: yups, i love sushi Who What When Where was the last MOVIE YOU SAW?: the Last Die Hard THING YOU ATE?: Grilled Catfish PERSON YOU TALKED TO?: Liz SHOW YOU WATCHED?: Csi PERSON TO CALL YOU?: Liz person you hugged?: Brooke and Blayden person you made out with?:Oh wow, that was way back.. crap, Jason? oh that's not good, not good at all ( just so you know... that was like a year ago, so no he's not cheatin on the new girl, you hoes) person you slept with?: Ethan time you were drunk?: lol Friday Night ... Oh wow, that was... fun haha, the room was spinnin crystal, I am tellin you, it was the room and not my head :/ time you threw up?: Friday night after about drink 15 lol Just some questions do you have any piercings?: Lots of em actually, I love them tattoos?: None yet, in the summer if you could live anywhere where would that be?: Montana are you shy or outgoing?: a little of both, depends on who I am around do you go to partys?: Not really, they aren't as much fun as they use to be who do you look up to?: My Dad and the guy seeing... cuz he's kinda tall compared to me :]                                                                                            If you could meet any 3 people who would they be?: God * i have some questions but i dont wanna die to find out and a few need some anwsers ! ( Lol I had to keep that anwser brooke cuz I loved it)* Plato cuz me and him need to discuss these forms of his * My Gramps, I never got to meet him This or That day or night?: night mcds or bugerking?: mcd's vanilla or chocolate?: vanilla flowers or candy?: Flowers coffee or tea?: Sweet tea sun or moon?: moon funny movie or scary movie?: Either, I like them both, just NO chick flicks pizza or buger?: pizza ( cheesse or bbq) First thing you think of when you hear this word spoon: Spork batman: cat woman love: My Friends and Family ice cube: Rapper potatoes: Mashed stop: Ethan test: Not again Bush: Why Last 10 questions who do u miss right now?: My Aunt Joyce *Rip* when was the best day of your life?: When I got my LPN license when was the worst day of your life?: when i lost my aunt Joyce do you believe in soul mates?: Yes and I believe I am meeting everyone eleses soul mate but mine whats your worst fear?: Losing ppl I love do u believe in ghosts?: Yes, to many weird things have happended around me for me not too what are your 3 most prized possesions?: My familyn Friends, My Self respect and  my lpn license If you could be with anyone right now who would it be? Wouldn't you like to know, but I aint tellin cuz those who *need* to know, Already do ;] what song describes your life?: That song ******, if you aint heard it, you just wouldn't understand :]  whats your most missed memory?: Seeing my Aunt Joyce's smile and just being able to be near her.

3:09 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Fill In :]
Current mood: adored

So , I am bored, can't sleep.. this is goin to suck tonight when I go to Crystal's house but Oh well, I am young, I can handle it :] But thanx to J*me, I am gunna fill this out, cuz he's given me something to do besides go crazy or take a shower... I probaly shoulda opted for the shower instead ;]

My ex is still: The reason I don't trust men one bit and find it so hard to get close to them

Im listening to: Dead Silence, and I kinda like it

Maybe i should: Go jogging and then take a shower, instead of take a shower and then go jogging

I love: My Familia, My Friends and the woman I am finally becoming

I dont understand: how people can be so fake and play so many games

I lost respect for: guys in general

The meaning of my screename is: Do I really need to explain it? I date mistakes, enough said

Somewhere someone is: Over in Iraq, missing their family this holiday season

I will always: Be there for those people I truly care about and sometimes those I don't care that much for

Forever seems like: A really long time and Forever never really happens

I never ever want to lose: My self respect

Your mobile phone is: Sitting on the desk beside me

When i wake up im the morning: I am goin to try and wake brooke up, so I can steal some pictures... but I'm already up, so I am just waiting for Brooke to wake up now :]

I get annoyed at: Guys and their immature games

Parties are: not as much fun as they use to be

My pet: should be asleep in her kennel but she's probaly awake waitin to be let out

Today I:  will Be busy and love every minute of it :]

I really want: Be happy with my life and find someone I can be happy with

I live: one day at a time and one smile at a time, even when it's faked

I work: At the most horrible place ever!

I think: there must be something wrong with me but...but quite a few guys say different so , eh :/

I smell: The roses I bought my self

I see: Firecracker swimmin around in his tank

I sing: Not all that well, so don't ask me too

I daydream: not that much anymore, dreams are for those who believe in them

I want: To pay these cc's off and move out, maybe find someone worth keepin around

I cry: when nothing in my life makes sense anymore

I love: Ethan Nathaniel and My Friends and Family

I fear: I am never gunna find someone who can compliment me , not complete, I can complete my self.. I want a man who can compliment me, even though with all my options you'd think I'd have one by now , wtf :/

I hope: I can finsh out this Rn sooner , than later and stop bein so fickle

I eat: Way to much junk food

I drink: to many cokes, I need to drink more water, alot more water

I miss: when life was simple and a scraped knee was the worst pain you felt

I forgive: way too easily

I drive: Not that good most days

I dream: I don't really know anymore

I believe: that people can accomplish alot more than they let them selves

I hate: myself at times and the games ignorant lil boys play ( seein a pattern here, lol)

2:39 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Rules For Dating Me

So seems that lately.. guys wanna date me. For what reason I dunno. But they do. Annoying , really.  I finally got it through my head I aint unattractive though .. haha. About time, right? :] I got told 3 times wed I was beauitful :] For some reason Ethan gave guys an opening, I guess and they would tell me how cute he is ( cuz he is) and be like man he's a handful isn't he.. ( which he was that day.. I think he snuck out the window and hit the crack house while I thought he was takin a nap..) then they would ask' where my man was and I was like what Man, he's the only man I got and they would tell me I was beauitful and that some guy was n idiot to have let me go.. ( I totally agree .. some guy was n idiot). So I decided to make a new list of rules before a guy can date me, this also goes for my friends who try and introduce me to ppl... please check yes to all of these before introducing them to me :]

1) Must have Balls..seriously, I am tired of guys who lie and play games , I should not be the one w/ balls in the relationship. I don't care how you find out. Just find out. I got asked out last week and told the guy I needed to make sure he had balls 1st , so to drop his pants.. I think I scared him but.. there you have it.. if they are anything less than a man.. don't bring them near me.

2) If it's cold outside and I am freezing, which does happen, must be willing to offer your jacket up for me. Why? Because it's just something a guy should be willing to do, chances are I won't take it and will just get in it with you but.. there you have it.

3) If I come runnin to you with tears runnin down my face, comfort me and ask who's ass am I kickin babe and if I give you a name.. hell, go kick it for me. Simple enough. I want a guy I can hide behind, not the guy who's gunna hide behind me, I can take care of my self but .. would be nice to be able to take a break sometimes.

4) Cheating, is not cute. In fact I do believe next guy to cheat on me .. might not walk right for a good week , but good news is.. you'll be single and able to really be with the other girl, just not real sure how much she'd want you with your balls  lodged in your stomache.

5) I can be moody, untrusting, a lil compulsive and neurotic at times, gotta be able to deal with that. I can come off as obsessive but it's because I dunt trust .. plain n simple. When and if I trust you.. it'd stop.  

6) When I am sick, be willing to come and just comfort me. Even if it's just commin over, renting some movies and cuddlin w/ me on the couch . Just be there.

7) Ebonics, not allowed. Convo , a must. I am not the smartest girl in the world but I'm not the dumbest either, I gotta be able to have a convo with a guy. More than once too. You know looks are good, bein attracted to each other, wonderful... but when they new "lust" wears off, gotta have something elese.

8) Be able to admitt when you were wrong. I have a bad temper. But I am also pretty forgiving. I will forgive almost anyone, for just about anything. I know people make mistakes and do things they wouldn't normally do. Just tell me you were wrong and usually we are cool. Well depends on what you did too.. might take sayin a lil' more than that.

9) ... I don't mind payin sometimes, I know guys go broke datin us girls. We are some expensive lil' things. But at the same time, I aint payin all the time, if you can't afford me, don't even try and get with me.

10) I like stupid things, the zoo, broad way shows, museums, ... I am more than willing to go and do things my guy likes.. that I could really care less about but at the same time, gotta be willing to do stupid things with me . I have a ton of kids n my family, so when I gotta go to a birthday party for them, and ask you to come and pretend that sponge bob is the greatest thing ever.. or pablo from backyardigins, don't pout to much.. it's only for a few hours.

11) I like to go outta town, even if just for a weekend. I like when people go w/ me. Enough said.

See, not to hard to keep happy. I have high expecatations, I expect alot but nothin outrageous. I also figure , when and if I commit to someone I give 100 % of me, so I deserve at least that much :]

12:34 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

End of 2007 questions

2007 IS COMING TO AN END

1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Well No, I ended one a couple weeks after the new yr and haven't been back in a "serious" one since

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
yeah ,Aug 2

3. Cried yet?
Yea, it's a weakness

4. Been on a diet?
I am thinkin about bein on one right now, I get on one and then get tired of it.. it's complicated

5. Pulled an all nighter?
yeah, I spent alot of the new yr in nursin school, what u think?

6. Drank Starbucks?
I live there somedays.. carmel fraps

7. Went Camping?
no

8. Bought something(s)?
to much stuff... I gotta stop random shoppin sprees

9. Met someone special?
Nopes, I did just recently run into an old friend I was very close too though, about 2 weeks ago.. haven't seen or talked w/ him n like 3 years, so that rocks :] I missed him a lil'.

10. Been out of state?
No, I am plannin on gettin outta state soon

12. What are you thinking about?
How I wanna go home and eat some of the pumpkin pie that liz made espcially for me cuz she loves me and wants me happy :]



THiS YEAR HAVE YOU --------------------------------------------------------------------

1.) Hugged someone?
I have hugged lots of people

2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
Yes, a few peoples bed too's haha.... and yes literally Slept you pervs

3.) Got a job?
Yes.. got my license and got a new job

4.) Loaned out money?
Yes

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
No

6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?
No... I have like 4000 roll over mins, gunna take alot to dent that

7.) Been called a slut?
lol, sure, alot.. but most the time by my friends and they are jokin and by jealous girls who can't even get a guy to look at them once, let alone twice

8.) Done something you regret?
Yes, let my self care

LAST --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Person you hugged?
Liz Ann

Last Person to call you?
Kas

When was the last time you felt stupid?
About 2 weeks ago

Who did you last yell at?
Ethan and I yelled " No" alot

What did you do today?
Got zero sleep cuz ethan beat me up in the bed all night and woke up cryin alot, then went and ate w/ ethan and dad and liz ( Ihop rocks) , and then took ethan to the park... and now I am playin Karoke with Crystal, I am a good Madonna :]

TEN FACTS --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

01. Name?
*Stacey

02. Natural hair color?
*Dark Red

03. Initials?
*SLF

04. Hair style?
*Below my shoulder blades and sometimes curly and sometimes straight and sometimes just blonde and then sometimes blonde, black and red

5. Eye color?
*Green

06. Height:
*5 ft 5

07. Pets:
*1 Cat, a dog and some fish and then me and liz's love child *nopey*

08. Mood?
* tired and moody

09. Where would you rather be?
*in bed asleep but I got alot to do before I can sleep

10. What was the last thing you drank?
*A dr ppr


TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE------------------------------------------------

01. Have you ever been in love:
*yes, I have

02. Do you believe in love?
*yes, just believe I aint in it right now but I know it's real cuz almost every1 around me is in it and happy

03. Why did your LAST relationship fail?
* He took me forganted and cheated on me and then just decided to ignore me, so I decided to walk. He ruined my trust, totally.

04. Have you ever been heartbroken:
*yea, shattered more like it

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
*you know, I don't think I have actually

06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
* damn ... liz... I meant to tell u :/ hahah jk. No , can't say I have.. I love her more than anything but ... stephan has dibs on marryin her

07. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
*nope, I am pretty outspoken

08. Are you afraid of commitment?
*yes, I have commitment issues

10. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life?
*Actually no, I think 2... maybe 3 have been serious. I know at least 2 were, the 3rd one is debatable

EMOTIONS-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
01. Are you missing someone right now?
*Nopes, just my Bed

02. Are you happy?
*yeah if i could just get a good nights rest

03. Are you eating anything?
*no but when I get home I am hittin up that pumpkin pie :]

04. Do you like someone right now?
* I like alot of people...but none as in a " i wanna date" u kinda way right now, maybe later, maybe tommorrow, maybe not :] We shall see.

9:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

One Flaw in Woman

Brooke sent me this poem tonight, and poems rarely make me think. I love poetry, I love the art of it, the esscence of writting feelings down into words that almost everyone can some how relate too.. but most of the time, poems fall so short of that. They lack conviction and feeling and just turn out to be ramblings , someone thought sounded "cute". But this one really made me think. It's so true too. We carry so many burdens and yet , we still manage to bend and not break, and yet so many of us, my self included, lose sight of our own self worth some where along the way. Once you lose it.. it's so hard to remeber it.

                             One Flaw In Woman

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart

-and she will do everything

with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.

8:00 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Sew In Your Mouths Lies

Why is it everyone is fake today? People claim they are real and like it when people keep it real and yet they hide behind masks and are  fake as hell  . It bothers me to no end. I try and be real, I try and not say things I don't mean and I try and only do things I can back up later. Maybe I am one of those rare people who think about how what I say and do is gunna effect someone elese. I guess havin my trust broken down so much, has made me realize, how valuable a thing it is. It takes years to build it and it can be broken within mere seconds.I've noticed it's  almost like people thrive on lies these days, and games are acceptable. I  really almost wanna take some sewing string and sew peoples lips shuts, sew their lies in their mouths before they ever have time to mutter them.

 So, I've realized alot of things lately. About me, about others, about things in general. I got told I seem obsessive a week or so ago and that bothered me, I've been called a bitch , a slut and alot worse things and go figure.. that is what bothers me. I guess it's because I live by the rule if I care about someone, even a tiny bit.. I don't hide it and I'd rather them they know I think/ care about them , than be left to wonder. So I asked a few people I've known a while and I feel a tad bit better. They said I could probaly seem that way if you didn't know me well but that I was far from it, that I just tried to make sure people knew I cared when I did and that my bein so there for them, made them feel strangely comforted.I was also reminded I write people outta my life, as quickly as I write them in, that if I was obsessive I'd still call and write after I've decided they weren't worth it but I don't. I do have my pride.. in fact somedays, that's all I have left at night. I sleep with it like a blanket.  So, I guess I feel better about that. I guess I could seem obsessive. Ok, yea I probaly did. But like I said.. I'd rather someone know I think about them , than not know. I also VERY seldom care about guys , so when I do, it's kinda a shock to me.. esp when I barely know em. I dunno how to handle it sometimes, I get so scared of bein hurt again but at the same time, am scared to never feel something again. Oh well, such is life. I care to much sometimes and guys in general are spineless bastards.At least I don't lie though or play games, I mean what I say and won't lead someone on.. not in my nature.

I was also reading my friend Scott's blog, every since he found God, he's been writting some pretty deep stuff. He wrote one the other day about love and alot of the things he said, are so true. I wish guys would realize them. You dunno how much we need you sometimes and even those of us who seem so strong and can handle the world, need you to be there for us sometimes. Maybe turning off a game just to hold us, or opening a car door, telling us we are beauitful.. even when we are sick and look like a truck ran us over. Why is it, so few guys realize that? I can't tell you how often things have gotten to be to much for me and I just wanted someone to be there .. and my girls, they have been... but my guy? Heaven Forbid he could stop what he was doin for a lil' while and be there. Sometimes you gotta stop and put someone elese 1st.  I have been guilty of puttin my self 1st so many times, but I've also put others 1st. I guess that's something I can work on. Well then again maybe not, I should put my self first sometimes.. hm.

This had turned into a venting blog, and ask me if I care , cuz I really do not. I've also decided, drama is the most annoyin thing in the world! It seems half the people I know are involved in stupid drama. Then wanna drag me into it. Wtf? Handle it your self. I get so sick of people saying " I am gunna.." and then not doin it. If you are so sick of something , handle it and then let it go. Very few things in life are worth gettin that worked over and for example.. a girl you went out w/ ONCE... is not. Now if your gf or fiancee or wife , was being a bitch and doin the stuff this girl had done.. ok, that might be n ok time for some drama... but after one date? Not worth it. It's all so pointless. But then again, I aint dating and don't really plan on it for a while ( watch that change lol), so I dunno how I'd react to the same thing, probaly alot diff but then again, that's me.

I think I'v ranted enough for right now.... actually, I just can't concentrate right now, so maybe later

10:47 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment