Hmmmn...

Was George Carlin one of my favorite comics? No.
Was he one of the best? Probably.
I'm surprised at how I feel about his passing. I'm regretful. Full of regret. Regret filled. (I know... Editing isn't my strong suit.)
Carlin was 71 years old and worked until the bitter end.
How do I know it was a bitter end? Because I'm a Comic, that's what we do. Bitter in comedy is like having your P.H.D.
Although I never had the pleasure of meeting him, I wish I'd had the chance to say "Thank You."
Thanks for lots of things, but mainly for making me realize how lazy I am.
I'm going to start working harder on Monday.
This time I mean it.

11:52 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I hate me phone.

I'm very cool. So dad-gum cool in fact that I can use "dad-gum" instead of the "F" word when describing my coolness and it makes me that much more so.
How dare I say this? I just dare do, that's all.
It happened while growing up a gangly, shy, unpopular kid in the Texas Panhandle.
One day I decided "I am cool and everyone else is just wrong." And by golly, it's been that way ever since.
People do not intimidate me. Situations rarely scare me.
However, if I could meet the person who invented texting, I might choke them with my gangly, shy paws.
Why can't I ever send a text that comes out the way I see it in my head?
Why are words and phrases jumbled so it seems as if I've been drinking since noon?
Why is it every time I hit send and then see what was actually sent, I become the first grader who couldn't figure out the difference between the number 3 and the letter E?  I'm B3cky all over again.



 

11:01 PM - 9 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

ouch..

I just accidentally sat through part of a musical Improv show. My brain...it feels like it's burning.

1:14 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m not supposed to get pudding in my eye.

I am a hypocondriac. Worry is my middle name. If I wake in the morning feeling happy and peaceful, I will immediately do my best to put a stop to it.
Be it 'new freckle' or 'cramp in my thigh' I love to jump to the worst case scenario.
Last week I thought I was going blind in my left eye. Turns out, I should take my eye makeup off before going to bed.
This personality quirk can be traced back to age eleven, when before going to sleep one night I had a long, tearful good bye with my dog..just in case one of us didnt wake up.
We both survived the night, but things were never really the same between us after that.

1:00 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

East bound and down

Today is day four of a two week road trip. My plan was to write every day while I was gone, sort of a "Dear Diary" exercise in discipline.
"How’s that exercise going so far?"  Today is day four.
I’ll  recap the highlights of the past three days but first let me start by saying...
"Yes, I drove." "Yes, by myself." "Yes, all the way from LA to Missouri." "Yes, I know how far it is and am aware of how much gas cost."
I love to drive as much as I hate to fly, that’s why. Let’s move on.
To sum it up so far there’s been bad coffee, wind, rain, couple of books on cd and plenty of Stevie.
Did a show Saturday night for 300 dog groomers. I followed a female magician. Don’t know if she was any good, but I do know she did 55 minutes.
Now it’s Sunday and I’m sitting in a comedy condo (that belongs to a comedy club that I’ve never worked for) killing time until I go to Nashville.
Sadly, those are the highlights to date. I will try to be true to my word and write every day. Unless I end up being true to my work ethic and don’t.

8:51 PM - 6 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh... I get it.

I used to think it was boring to talk about politics.
Then I realized it's only boring to talk politics with people who don't know anything about it.

1:01 AM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

up from San Antone

From the time I was old enough to sneak into bars all I've ever wanted to do was be a stand-up comic.
My life changed during the summer of my 19th year on this planet when the comedy boom of the 1980s hit and Jolly's Comedy club opened in my hometown of Amarillo, Texas.
That's right, THE Amarillo...The one from "Route 66" and "Amarillo By Morning." It's mentioned in lots of country songs because it just sounds like the name of a town you'd hear in a country song.  A small cow town on the plains of Texas. I-40 runs right through the middle of it, leading anywhere but there...which was exactly where I wanted to be.
I can't tell you what year my mother was born. I'm not sure how old my dad is.
But I can tell you the day and date of the first time I ever stepped on stage, and what I was wearing. That was almost 20 years ago.
I have no kids. No washer and dryer to call my own.  But once I was on a flight with Phyllis Diller and we talked about comedy for a few minutes. Sweet.

11:35 AM - 9 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Love to hate you, baby.

It's been awhile since last I had to the energy to write anything. Truth be told, I don't really have the energy now. But God Bless Grey Goose.
Is it normal to have the holiday blues the second week of January? Of course it is. I'm sure it's also normal to lay in bed until it's time to go to bed again.
Relax, this isn't a "poor, pitiful me" diatribe. It just is what it is.
It's been a shit year. My Grandpa died, one of my best friends moved away.. I'm  feeling a little down.
Went home for Christmas. Haven't been there (except for my grandfathers funeral) in three years. My Mom was thrilled to see me, but other than that I sorta felt like Bette Midler in 'The Rose'.
I know, wah, wah! Poor me.
Last week, Comedy Central re-ran my 1/2 hour special...that's always cool. Here's how I found out...I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and before crawling back under the covers, turned on the computer to check my mail.
The first email was from someone named Maryanne Thompson. She said "I'm watching you on Comedy Central, you really suck."
That's the first time I've laughed in awhile.
My comedy isn't for everyone. Thank goodness.
I don't get tons of mail from the general public, but there is a select, fringe group who "get me" and they are who keep me going when the "Men and women are different" crowd make me want to put a bullet in my brain.
But even more important to me are the people who dont get me, even despise me, if you will. These people hate me so much that they take the time to write my name down and spell it correctly. They google me. They find my email address so that they can write me and tell me how much I suck.
It is for these people that I soldier on.

10:46 AM - 21 Comments - 32 Kudos - Add Comment

And in this corner...

I've wasted a lot of my career being bitter towards other comics and their success.
I'd get angry when someone would get something I didnt have. (Gigs. TV credits etc.) Their success felt like a personal defeat.
It took a lot of years for me to realize... the world doesn't revolve around me. (I know, sad but it's true.)
Something good for you, does not equal bad for me. In fact, it has nothing to do with me. I'm not even in the equation.
I've learned over time that it was me getting angry at myself for not working hard enough or just being frustrated at where I was at that moment in my life.
Alas...the state of my life and career are in the hands of no one but me. Crap.
I've noticed some blogs recently where comics slam other comics, basically because they're jealous. Talking trash & throwing down challenges.
Good grief. Get over yourselves. Do you really think Ellen or Roseanne are going to go to the Holiday Inn in Midland Texas for a comedy smack down, to prove they deserve to be on televsion more than you?
Why not harvest that energy for more positive things and see what happens.
Don't worry about what other people are doing, focus on what you do.
It's not always easy, whenever I find myself fighting the green eyed monster, I try and remember what Joseph Campell said "Follow your bliss."  Yours. Not his, hers or theirs. "Follow your bliss."
Possibly the best words ever spoken.
My grandfather used to say something very similar " Mind your own business and stop your belly achin'."
Either way...

10:12 AM - 9 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

A Confederacy of Cunces.

It's no secret how I feel about "all women" comedy shows. I don't do them.. for the same reason I'm not in the Special Olympics.
I really like working with other women comics, but will never do another show where "Hot" "Pretty" or "Girlz"  appear in the title.
A few months ago I was talking about this very subject with my comic friend, Alysia. Other than the fact that she's funny, I like Alysia because she reminds me of me. (I know, how could I not like her?) She's a young, not jaded me. The use to be me. Still excited about comedy and the business. She works hard and never wants to offend anyone. Hopes and dreams still intact.
Ahhh...those were the days that I sort of remember.
Anyway, we met for drinks one afternoon and while talking shop she said something like "I think  'A Confederacy of Cunces' would be a funny name for a comedy tour. 
I stopped mid dirty martini sip...A parody of one of my favorite books of all time. I couldn't believe it. This was the best anti-girl show title ever.
My heart stopped. I grabbed her by her lapel..
"Have you told anyone else that title?" I gasp
"Yes, I told someone they could use it but I don't think she will."
My career flashed before my eyes.
"You listen to me. Call her and take it back." I said between clenched teeth.
"Seriously?" She asked
Downing the rest of my chilled vodka and olive juice I said "Yes, seriously." feeling the burn in my chest.
"Okay. Relax, dude." She said
and I did...and the rest is history...almost...we also forced the very funny Sarah Colonna to become a cunce....which isn't even a word, but they wont print in the newspaper or let us say it on the radio...either way it's still funny....my friends say "I thought you didnt do girl shows?...
its not a girl show....the comics just happen to be women....so shut up...
We are touring cool cities across the country.
Next stop..November 15th -The Purple Onion In San Francisco (dvd taping)

2:54 AM - 13 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment