So, I just had myself a little synchronicity. I'm sitting down with a lamb rogan josh and a cold bottle of Cobra, and decide that 'Return of the Living Dead' would make for good viewing accompaniment to said meal. And what do they say in the first few minutes but "Happy 4th." I've seen this film half a dozen times at least, but I had no conscious memory that it was set on the fourth of July. But there we have it. The universe has spoken, and it wants me to address the subject of America.
I know that a good percentage of my readers are American, so I'll try to put this as gently as I can. You may be surprised to hear this, but... a lot of people don't like America very much. In fact, in the UK where I live, and I suspect much of Europe, the Americans are the one nation against whom it is not only acceptable to be racist about, but practically encouraged. Now there are many reasons for this, the most obvious at this point in time being George W Bush. The decision to invade Iraq and ignore Kyoto. Then there's Guantanamo Bay. Then there's Michael Bay. Then there's McDonald's. Paris Hilton. Creationism. The KKK. Nukes. The way you all apparently went insane over a glimpse of Janet Jackson's interestingly decorated breast. The way your nation seems to believe it rules the world, and as such can act as it pleases, above the law, above morality, while at the same time trying to force a bogus moralist ideal down our throats, demonising sex while happily making billions from weapons and oil.
Having said all that... call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I tend to think a nation of people should not be held responsible for the actions of the few at the top. And I think it's probably unfair to hold one nation, however rich and powerful they may be, to blame for everything that's wrong with the world.
As Denis Leary said (in one the few lines he didn't steal from Bill Hicks), "I didn't break the planet, it was this way when I found it, okay?"
Let's forget about America the nation for right now. Let's forget about America the world power. America the global bully. America the enemy of intellectualism. Let's take a moment to consider America the idea.
Much like Christanity, Islam, Marxism and any number of other institutions/concepts you might mention, America is founded on some really, really good ideas. Really good ideology. Freedom of choice. Freedom of speech. Freedom to believe whatever you believe and live however you see fit, so long as you're not hurting others. Sadly, as with all the aforementioned ideolgies, the concept and the reality are pretty far apart. But that doesn't mean it isn't still a great concept. That doesn't mean it isn't an ideal to be lived by, an ideal worth championing.
And sure, you gave us the Bushes and the Hiltons and the nukes and McDonald's. Sure, your culture has all but consumed all the others. Sure, you took the 'Hellraiser' series (which so many people don't realise was British!) and condemned it to DTV hell.
But you also gave us Martin Luther King. You gave us jazz, blues, soul, folk, rock'n'roll. Fenders and Gibsons and Rickenbackers. Edgar Allen Poe and HP Lovecraft. Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Hicks. Marvel and DC and EC. Kubrick and Spielberg and Scorcese. George Romero, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi. Marilyn Monroe. Bettie Page. Blue jeans. Harley Davidsons. Budweiser, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Wild Turkey. Converse and Vans. Rockwell and Pollack and Warhol and Lichenstien. Elvgren and Vargas pin-up girls. Barbecues. Monster movies. Lightbulbs.
And then there's the fact that your flag, no matter how we may try to deny it, just looks so cool.
So America, you great intangible if not omnipitent thing you - you may make mistakes. You may even knowingly and willfully do the wrong thing a lot of the time. But you've contributed so much to me and the world I live in that I can't make out like I hate you. I don't. I don't want to hate anybody. Against my better judgement, I'd like to think we all feel that way.
I'm not dismissing the bad you've done and continue to do, but for all the good stuff that I listed above and the many other (undoubtedly more significant) good things I've failed to mention - I thank you, America. Now, if you could just try to stay more along the lines of column A than column B, we just might get somewhere.
Support Clive Barker’s ’Midnight Meat Train’
Current mood: bummed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Read this bulletin from Horror-fanatics earlier, and reposted; Louise Bohmer saw fit to blog it, so I'm following suit. (Dontcha just love the internet? )
Come on, Lionsgate. It's Clive Barker. Don't tell me that no longer means anything.
Louise's blog follows:
***
If you are a diehard Barker fan as I am, this will annoy you. Support Clive and his work, and let's try and get The Midnight Meat Train the release it deserves. Horror is not wimpy PG-13 all the time, folks. We need variety. And when did we become such wimps? Yes, I am not a fan of gore without purpose, but the gore and story Clive Barker can wrap together create a gut-wrenching tale, indeed. Let the horror people police themselves, and let us decide what is too brutal for us to see in the theater by simply choosing not to attend. Support Clive and The Midnight Meat Train!
Louise xox
----------------- Bulletin Message ----------------- From: Benjamin Bussey Date: Jun 18, 2008 3:31 PM
Horror fans, take note... in a time when a PG-13 'Prom Night' remake tops the box office, but movies like 'Trick 'r Treat' and this one struggle to even get released, these are getting to be worrying times for our beloved genre.
----------------- Bulletin Message ----------------- From: HORROR-FANATICS. COM Date: 18 Jun 2008, 12:05
This is a damn shame. I'm sure most of you have read this piece of news already. It's pretty apparent that Lionsgate isn't going to give this film the wide release that we've all been expecting. Now they're trying to rush it for the DVD release. Hopefully, we can help make a difference. We want everybody to have a chance to see this baby on the big screen.
"My Dear Friends, As you may or may not have heard, due to certain politics, "Midnight Meat Train" is in danger of Lionsgate not giving it a wide release. The below email was brought to my attention earlier today and shows a movement, of sorts, in order to get the picture the proper support and release it deserves. I'm asking you to please help spread the word in order for all to enjoy this film. I want to passionately encourage everybody who cares about my work to use this chance to change the minds of the folks at Lionsgate. I'm excited at the prospect of a movement of people who care deeply enough to initiate a campaign such as this.
Anything any of you can do - be it emails, web postings, word of mouth, and the like - to help encourage this movement would be deeply appreciated. The film is worth the effort in my mind, and I do not want to see my work fall by the wayside.
If any of you have any further ideas, thoughts, or suggestions to help with this effort, please let me know. Thanks, as always, for your help and support."
At the time of writing, I can't find reports of this anywhere other than Ain't It Cool, but they seem pretty certain that Stan Winston, one of the greatest monster makers and special make-up masters of all time, has died.
I really, truly hope this turns out not to be true. The man has impacted our cinematic consciousness in ways some of us have never realised.
Hey guys. Quint here with some absolutely horrible news. We had an unsubstantiated email come in about 20 minutes ago telling us that Stan Winston passed away last night. I couldn't find any reference to it online at the AP wire, Variety, CNN or anywhere, so I figured it wasn't true.
Then a second email came in, which made my heart drop into my stomach, a new person saying the same thing, without any backup. I asked for clarification and got it, so I got on the phone with a friend of mine who knows Winston and got the confirmation.
The father of the dinosaurs in JURASSIC PARK, of THE TERMINATOR, of PUMPKINHEAD and PREDATOR and the Monsters in MONSTER SQUAD and, of course, ALIENS, has passed on.
The man is a legend and created legends. He himself a God in his own right, sculpting Icons that will be remembered as long as people with imagination deem it prudent to tell stories to an audience.
He was a leader in practical effects work, having given opportunity to all top effects leaders today. Winston idolized the people that came before him in the field, like Ray Harryhausen, and sought to make his own iconography, inspiring yet more to follow in his lead.
The picture below is of Ray Harryhausen getting his star on the Hollywood walk of fame, something that Winston was instrumental in making happen. Also pictured is another effects legend, Rick Baker, and director Frank Darabont.
I have one quick anecdote to share. I'm a big MONSTER SQUAD fan and have spoken with many people involved, including Tom Woodruff who worked with Winston on the effects and was even the man in the Gillman suit, as well as the cast and crew and a funny story involving Winston came out of that.
Apparently, he oversaw the film, but gave his sculptors freedom to create the creatures, so as a gag, they sculpted up Wolf Man to look exactly like Stan. Now, I never heard if he saw himself in it, but I do know that he loved it and the final version in the movie IS werewolf Stan Winston.
He won Oscars for his make-up and visual effects work on ALIENS, TERMINATOR 2 and JURASSIC PARK and was nominated for his work on HEARTBEEPS, PREDATOR, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, BATMAN RETURNS, THE LOST WORLD and AI.
And he wasn't done yet. His practical work on IRON MAN is a huge part of what made the film a success and he was working on the new Terminator movie.
There's a part of me that really hopes all this is some kind of giant misunderstanding. I hope this report is in error, but I've gotten too many confirmations now to not mention it.
We can only hope that his memory is done justice by Stan Winston Studios and they keep creating icons for generations to come.
My thoughts are with Mr. Winston's friends, family and fans.
Hello one and all, and wishing you the merriest, friskiest and stabbiest of Friday the 13ths.
I'd been contemplating doing a big old series retrospective, weighing up the good and the bad about that most seemingly inexhaustible of slasher franchises, expanding on this blog I posted back on 13th April last year, and explaining how, in spite of the innumerable obvious weaknesses, I can't get enough of them. But I'm afraid I can't be arsed right now. Suffice to say this. I own a Jason Vorhees snowglobe. And if the following doesn't make you understand the appeal of 'Friday the 13th,' I don't know what will.
NSFW, naturally.
Now I'm ordering a curry and settling down to a night of slasher DVDs (including but not limited to the F13s). Have a great night everyone. Hope you all make it.
Currently
watching
:
The Tripper Release date: 2007-10-23
Another Babes Top 10... GIRLS WITH GUNS!!!
Current mood: nerdy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Hello all. You know, ever since my Top Ten Sexy Vampire Ladies was so well received back at New Year, I've been trying to think of a follow up. It's taken a bit of thought. These things are trickier than you might think. Finding that right balance between maintaining geek credentials, honouring the classics and giving kudos to the less obvious choices, and all the while basically objectifying women in the basest way possible. Hard work, I can tell you. Well, here's what I came up with – my personal Top Ten Girls with Guns!
BEWARE – NSFW, and movie spoilers in some of the clips.
10) Vasquez – Jenette Goldstein in 'Aliens'
"You ever been mistaken for a man?"
"No, have you?"
First evidence of James Cameron's lust for dominant women. There's something strangely alluring about a woman who could undoubtedly kick the living shit out of you. A shame Ms Goldstein hasn't done much since, but her legacy endures: untold millions of viewers have had their sexual orientation brought into question by her performance. Including you. Right now. Don't even try to deny it. You know what I'm talking about.
9) Kitty - Chingmy Yau in 'Naked Killer'
While the title is annoyingly misleading – there are only the briefest flashes of nudity from the lovely leading lady – this is still a gleefully excessive and distasteful film, almost like a feminised HK version of 'Crank.' Except 'Crank' was made afterwards. And I doubt Jason Statham would look as good in thigh-length rubber fuck-me boots.
8) Xenia Onnatop – Famke Janssen in 'Goldeneye'
Honestly, I probably could have made this entire list out of Bond girls: Honor Blackman, Barbara Bach, Halle Berry, maybe even Britt Ekland if I was feeling generous. But Xenia is one of my absolute faves. That the Bond producers had the balls to use a blatantly sadomasochist Russian military superwoman in the launchpad film of Brosnan shows just how keen they were to sidestep the PC dilution of the Dalton films. And what a launchpad for Famke. Such a shame she's never been given another role that takes full advantage of her obvious comedic talents.
7) Veronica Sawyer – Winona Ryder in 'Heathers'
What, did you think I spent my prepubescent days fawning over Molly Ringwald? Maybe I'm stretching things a bit including Winona here – after all, it's hardly an action heroine role. But what the hell. I know I'm not the only one who fell for her watching this movie. I mean, just look at what she does to Christian Slater... (I wanted to do the same thing about twenty minutes into 'Alone in the Dark...')
6) Jane Smith – Angelina Jolie in 'Mr & Mrs Smith'
I suspect this might be a contentious one. Some will probably say she should be number one. There are many among us, I know, who rate Angelina as the sex symbol of our time. And this is for sure one of her best films – pisses all over those bitterly disappointing 'Tomb Raider' debacles. But still... 'Mr & Mrs Smith' is good, but not great. Maybe if they'd gone full on 'R'-rated I'd be happier with it. That said, you can't argue with the hotness of this.
Ultimately, I could probably say the majority of the female cast of 'Sin City' fit the bill. But Rosario sizzles above all as the groin-bothering gunslinger; she really is every inch the warrior woman, the Valkryie. And Carla – well, I just had to include her for that absolutely delicious topless scene. (Of which, annoyingly, the best shots are censored here.)
4) Sarah Connor - Linda Hamilton in 'Terminator 2: Judgement Day'
Well, duh. If you're talking females with firepower, this is a no-brainer. More of that Cameron tough girl fetish in full force.
3) Wai Lin - Michelle Yeoh in 'Tomorrow Never Dies'
I know, another Bond girl, and it isn't even one of the better Bond films. But Michelle Yeoh is one of the most kick ass babes there has ever been in the movies, and it was here that I first saw her in action. It's disgusting that Hollywood hasn't bent over and lined up role after role for her; further evidence, if needed, of how poorly Asian actors are regarded internationally. She well and truly rocks the screen, and as far as I'm concerned is the only Bond girl who truly holds her own action-wise against Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
Okay, now this clip has no guns and isn't even from the same film, but it's the one classic moment that shows how much Michelle Yeoh kicks ass. It's all her.
2) Coffy - Pam Grier in 'Coffy'
You just gotta love Pam Grier. I don't think I can even do her justice in words. Just watch the damn trailer and revel in the awesome lusciousness. Luscious awesomeness. Lush awesomosity. You get the point.
Again, no guns in this clip, but I couldn't help it, I just had to include it...
1)Cherry Darling - Rose McGowan in 'Planet Terror'
What? Another sexy lady top ten, with another Robert Rodriguez female in first place? Is there a pattern emerging here? Ah, what can I say. Ever since her pert torso got splattered in a garage door in 'Scream,' I've had a big thing for Ms McGowan. Christ, I even watched the last five seasons of 'Charmed.' I knew she had a real star turn in her somewhere, and lo and behold, it came in the form of 'Planet Terror.' An instant classic heroine, with an instant classic name, and the instant classic gimmick of a machine gun leg! Shame the gun-leg doesn't make its appearance until the final reels, but once it gets slotted into place, boy do we feel its presence.
That's cool and the gang. Once again, I welcome your applause/bitching/pointing out of anyone I might have missed. Hope this list brought you a little entertainment. Lock and load.
And here to wave us off, the one, the only, the real Cherry Darling...
Reasons why this was a great long weekend...
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Writing and Poetry
1) My new tattoo.
My fourth, and by far biggest to date - originally booked for two two-hour sessions, but in fact it was done in ninety minutes. I'm pretty damned happy with it. Click the pic for the site of the shop - Fallen Angel on Lark Lane, Liverpool - and a bonus prize for the first person to recognise the source material.
2) Hull City are now a premiership football team.
Now I must admit, this means nothing whatsoever to me personally. I don't care about football, I never have, and I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon like so many others just because my home city team is suddenly successful. However, to my elder brothers and my nephew who turns seven this week, it's the best thing ever. There hasn't been such a buzz at a family gathering for some time.
3) Saw my second Indiana Jones movie at the cinema, nineteen years after the last one.
I'm going to keep this brief, as I know my reviews can sometimes ramble... all in all, I loved it. The macguffin was a little odd - leaving behind ancient mysticism in favour of more 'Chariots of the Gods' territory felt a little off - and I wasn't too keen on the characters handed to John Hurt, Ray Winstone, or to be frank Shia LaBeouf. I also could have done without the CG ants, scorpions (and gophers?!) and abundant green-screening. But forget all that. It's Indiana Jones! I can't express how much these movies mean to me. Let me put it this way - before there was 'The Monster Squad,' there was Indy. Yes, he means that much to me! And it's so wonderful to see Harrison Ford on form again, after near enough two decades of sleepwalking through so much worthless dreck. It's no masterwork, but it's so true to the spirit of the original trilogy. Great stuff!
4) I'm a little late annoucing this, but my latest published story is now available, in the company of many great writers...
***
It was hard to keep it from being advertised tomorrow, so we're going to announce it now in tow.
’Help’ & ’Snuff’
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Writing and Poetry
Bit of re-posting: 'HELP' is on the way, featuring my story 'Glamour Girl'...
***
Hello everyone!
I just wanted to take some time out and let everyone know, that "HELP" will be available for sale on Saturday, May 24th. The anthology is completed. The cover is finished. We are just waiting for the announcement that it is available for sale.
The book will be available on Amazon. It won't register on Amazon for one to two weeks from this Saturday. It will be available direct to purchase straight from LuLu until then.
I know LuLu isn't the best printer for something like this. However, it is the most cost effective, since all the money made will go directly to P&E. There wasn't any publisher who could've put this out on time.
The only money spent went towards registering the book on Amazon. It was paid for by Mr. Enck.
Their has been a waiting list ( so to speak) of 65 people so far that are waiting to purchase the anthology. We will also be sending out newsletters and flyers in the mail for folks who have been waiting to purchase the book.
There is a few independent stores that will be carrying the book. Atlantic Books ( East Coast) and Walden Books ( Delaware) We are working on more.
Thank you to everyone for hanging in there with us!
There are times when I get quite insecure about my hair. My current profile pic - standing on a hotel roof in Sakya, Tibet - is almost two years old, but a reasonably accurate depiction of how I currently look, aside from a slightly thicker gut, a neater, trimmed beard, and an even thinner hairline. Yes, I'm slowly getting balder, but I still choose to keep my hair long-ish. And worst of all - it always seems to wind up being noticeably longer at the back. All I'd have to do is go a little shorter on top... and I'm borderline mullet.
~almost inaudible gasp of horror~
There are times when I'm insecure about that. But not today. Today, I welcome the mullet with open arms. I want to flaunt it in the streets with a wife beater and skin-tight acid washed jeans. I want to ride a motorbike down a smoky city street to the sound of Dokken. I maybe even want to shave down to a moustache.
I want to live and breath the Eighties.
And all because I just saw 'Doomsday!'
As all my eagle-eyed long time readers will be aware, I've been very much looking forward to this movie. As I wrote last year, these are the kind of films we should be getting in our cinemas instead of all the fucking remakes. Happily, the 'Escape From New York' remake is dead in the water. Whether it was down to 'Doomsday' or not is open to speculation - but good grief, if we ever needed an 'EFNY' remake, that time has totally past now. Near enough everything about the set-up of this movie - the walled in forbidden zone illustrated via old school Atari-esque graphics, the one-eyed protaganist, the urgent race against time mission, the tribal crazies - it's all 'Escape From New York.' There was a lot of talk of 'Planet Terror' being the lost John Carpenter film that never was, but while Rodriguez may have gone there with the thumping electro soundtrack, even he didn't go to such lengths as to use the same font as Carpenter for the opening credits! And then as we get further in there are the huge chunks of the Mad Max trilogy, and a liberal smattering of 'Excalibur.'
Neil Marshall has openly admitted wearing his influences on his sleeve with this film. Frankly, he couldn't be more blatant if he had portraits of John Carpenter, George Miller and John Boorman tattooed on his forearms.
There has been a bit of bad blood spat at this film. People are calling it dumb and derivative. God knows I have slagged off some films for much the same reason, most notably '28 Days Later.' But what can I say... 'Doomsday' works exactly as I hoped it would. And it's so much damn fun! It might not change anyone's life, but I really struggle to see how anyone could not at least have an enjoyable ninety minutes.
It's loaded with witty film geek references without ever getting 'nudge-nudge wink-wink' about it. It beautifully encapsulates the spirit of 80's B-movies without ever getting camp, even when it gets perilously close - I mean, when the first bars of Frankie Goes To Hollywood's 'Two Tribes' chimed over the soundtrack, I didn't think it could possibly work. But it did!
And while we're on the subject of things I wasn't convinced would work - the casting of Rhona Mitra. I not only didn't know if this woman could act, I really didn't know much about her at all, aside from that she was a Lara Croft model and got raped in 'Hollow Man.' As such I was definitely concerned that her performance would wind being another painful example of pretty girl trying to act tough, like Denise Richards in 'The World Is Not Enough,' Natasha Henstridge in 'Ghosts of Mars,' or the 'Charlie's Angels' films. Happily, no such worries here. Mitra really isn't getting the kudos she deserves for her turn as Eden Sinclair. She really is the female equivilant of Snake Plisken. There's no doubt at any point that this is someone who is not be fucked with, and when she kicks arse, you believe it.
Oh wait - did I say arse gets kicked? That's not quite an accurate summation. Arse doesn't just get kicked in 'Doomsday.' It gets bludgeoned. It gets perforated. After all, why just cleanly stab someone when you could instead bloodily sever their hand and then their head? That's a key part of why 'Doomsday' is so reminscent of the 80's, and such a rare pleasure these days. There isn't a dry death in sight. And, thank fuck, little if any of it is that lame CG blood we're all steadily getting sick of the sight of. And like the effects, the fights and the car stunts radiate that unmistakable 80's feel - the sense that they actually did that shit for real. Aside from one rather glaring moment on a train, there were very few obvious green screen shots. And I bet even those were done instead on blue screen. Just to be that bit more 80's.
Of course there are weaknesses. There's some dodgy dialogue, an underdeveloped plot, and phoned-in performances from Bob Hoskins and Malcolm McDowell. Christ, McDowell looks like he's just sleepwalked off the set of Zombie's 'Halloween' and probably cares even less about his role here. But then, isn't that always the case in B-movies? Isn't that a huge contributor to the car crash fascination around Uwe Boll - how a director so inept manages to secure genuine name actors? I caught about the first half hour of 'Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf' on Zone Horror a couple of weeks ago, and as shocked as I was to see Christopher Lee in that piece of shit, I get the feeling he was even more bewildered than I was, in his wrap around shades and red polo neck... yeesh...
(Not that I am in any way saying Neil Marshall is on a par with Uwe Boll. Christ no. Uwe Boll has not shot a frame of film worthy to wipe the arse of Neil Marshall.)
'Doomsday' is the kind of movie were the flaws should not only be overlooked; they should be expected, and accepted. No, it doesn't all make sense, and yes, as we've firmly established, it is very, very, very derivative. But there's such an overwhelming sense of fun about it all. It's tough, it's rough, it's buzzing with visceral energy. If there's one thing I can say against it, it's that the ending was a bit underwhelming. But then, that was also true of 'Escape From New York.'
Never mind a DVD/Blu-Ray release. 'Doomsday' needs to be launched to the home market on VHS and Betamax. That would be so much more fitting.
And I even liked the Bentley. But there's nothing like a Rolls...
inspired
bummed
)
evil
nerdy
jubilant
chipper
indescribable
electric
will be aware, I've been very much looking forward to this movie. As I wrote 