A change is gonna come (Jesus Of The Moon)
Current mood: exhausted
Category: News and Politics

"well, I kept thinking about what the weatherman said
 & if the voices of the living can be heard by the dead
 well, the day is gonna come
 when we find out & in some kinda way
 I take a little comfort from that (now and then)

 cause people often talk about being scared of change
 but for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
 cause the game is never won
 by standing in any one place for too long"

                                               Nick Cave, Jesus Of The Moon

Currently listening : Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!! By Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds Release date: 2008-04-08

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Der Emess
Current mood: busy

" One has lived life carelessly
  If he or she has failed to see
  That the truth is not alive or dead
  The truth is struggling to be said "

David Berman (The Silver Jews), What Is Not But Could Be If
- from the yiddish proverb:

"Der Emess lebt nit,
 der emess shtarbt nit.
 Der emess ,atert zich."
(The truth is not alive
 The truth is not dead
 It struggles)   

Currently listening : Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea By Silver Jews Release date: 2008-06-17

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Life & death of the late Benjamin W. Blake
Current mood: anxious

Excerpts from the biography of Benjamin W. Blake, a citizen of the Modern Times:

‹‹Benjamin W. Blake was a Christian raised child, born from a socialist mother & a Jewish father; he turned his back on all forms of salvation in 1987, married an atheist in 1989, & left her for a two years journey across the reunited old world in 1992. […] He came back to [her] with a Spanish guitar & started playing songs for his close friends; he was 31 by then. He never thought of a musical career, anyway he hadn't the nerves.

[…] He liked to sit & watch the world as it was going (wrong). Unlike most of his folks, Benjamin never was into politics, though he had a weakness for theory & theoretical talks: most of his friends would call him a lazy bum – they were activists you know. […] In 1997, Ben W. Blake bought himself a new Bible, & read it with a pencil in his hand – taking notes. He was thinking of a book he would write about the Book; he was also collecting memories from his unusual religious childhood. He knew he would not recover faith, though his atheist wife got quite worried about that.

            Once in a while, he'd paid a visit to his parents; he would talk, humble & soft, about everything life ever gave him, and how he should never complain about anything. He wasn't so sure about this, but it made his mother & father happy & quiet, & there's a point in a man's life when all you want is your parents to feel at peace with what you are. […] Driving back home, he always tried to stick to the road, or to the stereo – he tried to contain his thoughts, not to let them overflow; he tried to avoid the "stream of consciousness" kind of experiences that made him uncomfortable with his own self. […] After all these years, Benjamin still loved his wife, & was smart enough to know how lucky he was to have her on his side. She liked his manners, & how he would think of every single aspect of existence as a part of the whole process; she liked how he would react to all kinds of events on the basis of a fair understanding of people's intentions toward each other; […] she knew that Benjamin, though he went through a disturbed youth, had grown into a man of truth & righteousness.

            While driving to a party on the 4^th of September 2001, with his Spanish guitar on the back seat, Benjamin Blake unlikely let his mind drift from one thing to another. He thought about politics & religion, and how neither would make the world a better place nor save anybody – but according to him, both could certainly help people to give a meaning to their everyday-life: and maybe this simple fact is the closest you could ever get to salvation. […] One could assume that only one week later, his perspective on this particular point would have been quite different; but that's where his "stream of consciousness" mood led him that day, and he probably felt uncomfortable with his own self at the very moment he died in a car accident […]. But would he have lived to witness his own death, he'd only have noticed that this very private event wouldn't keep the world from spinning. ››

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mind-blowing
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Romance and Relationships

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the weakest light
Category: Games

She was born so mean
to the world
but there was a small amount of good
at the very bottom of her soul
- that’s what I liked
to see in her
the way she fought
against her evil self

She said : G*D made me like this
G*D made me like this
she said G*D made me like this
the weakest light
in the darkest night

I said : "that’s what i like
to see in you
what God did bet
when he made you"

Currently listening : Crooked Rain Crooked Rain: L.A.'s Desert Origins By Pavement Release date: 26 October, 2004

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Out of the Blue
Category: Travel and Places

If this was your only chance ever to kiss a stranger on a train,
would you seize it ?

I hold her in my arms, she came just like that
- out of the blue

Currently reading : Moby-Dick or, The Whale (Penguin Classics) By Herman Melville Release date: 31 December, 2002

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I never learned how to pray
Current mood: lonely soul
Category: lonely soul Religion and Philosophy

"O Lord, please come down from the mountain,
Some of us are broke and having problems,
And everybody knows, that I know what's going on
And if cars could run on teardrops, I'd be long, long gone"

Currently listening : Tennessee By Silver Jews Release date: 27 November, 2001

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everybody's clever nowadays
Current mood: accomplished

RUBBER RING - by morrissey

"A sad fact widely known
The most impassionate song
To a lonely soul
Is so easily outgrown
But don't forget the songs
That made you smile
And the songs that made you cry
When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said : "Oh, oh, smother me Mother..."
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...

The passing of time
And all of its crimes
Is making me sad again
The passing of time
And all of its sickening crimes
Is making me sad again
But don't forget the songs
That made you cry
And the songs that saved your life
Yes, you're older now
And you're a clever swine
But they were the only ones who ever stood by you


The passing of time leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled (the passing ...)
The passing of time
Leaves empty lives
Waiting to be filled
I'm here with the cause
I'm holding the torch
In the corner of your room
Can you hear me ?
And when you're dancing and laughing
And finally living
Hear my voice in your head
And think of me kindly
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring


Do you
Love me like you used to ?
Oh ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ...


You're clever
Everybody's clever nowadays
You're clever
Everybody's clever nowadays


You are sleeping
You do not want to believe "

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a late afternoon car ride
Current mood: bitchy

i remember seeing you happy in the cold salty waves, though you were mad at me because of churches everywhere; and then back in your parents' car, while i sat in the front seat, i heard you whispering to your mother:
"mum i feel like jesus doesn't listen"
and she told you:
"maybe you don't tell him much..."
first i tried to smile, but then you said YES, and it made me nervous.

Currently reading : Secret Memoirs of Cardinal De Retz By Jean Francois Paul de Gondi de Cardinal Retz Release date: October, 2003

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the lesson

my smile is ruled by hatred
& my eyes are marked with anger
but as soon as
i'll hear the familiar sound
of the rusty doorknob
i'll make up something sweet
i'll make up a charming mask
so that you will never know:
you will never know
what this single hour has meant for me

when you'll open the door
i'll be wearing a brand new face
one you've never seen
one you couldn't even picture yet
and i will keep the secret
of that lonely hour of mine
though i'll bear the marks of it
for the rest of our time

my curious love, my odd mind
a crooked smile

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