Economic Stimulus = Increase of Debt

600 bucks just for filing your taxes? Sounds like a good idea right? Think it over. This will not be free money, this money is loaned to the American government at interest from the Federal Reserve. Sure it will be nice to receive a few bucks from the government instead of the norm which has been the government borrowing money from the Federal Reserve for war, which is the most profitable for the central banking system. Our Federal Reserve is a private corporation owned by a few elite families, the Rockafellers, the descendants of J.P. Morgan, and the richest family in the world, the Rothschilds, among a few others. The Reserve can print as much or as little money as it decides to, controlling inflation, the national debt, and taxes.

This Economic Stimulus Plan is no more than a bit of extra printed money which is literally worth no more than the American public values it at. This printed money is backed by nothing but good faith that it has value. Warren Buffet’s net worth of 62 billion dollars is mere pennies compared to the net worth of the shareholders of the Central Bank. In fact, the Central bank could call in their loans at any time, making the government scramble for the cash, raising taxes, destroying the stock market, millions would be homeless, penniless, making the market crash of 1929 feel like a warm spring breeze.

I urge you youthful taxpayers, do not blow this 600 dollars on hi-tech gadgets, booze, drugs, trendy clothes, whatever you’ve already decided it was going to be spent on. Invest in precious metals, gold or silver, something with a stable value which can not and will not be considered worthless when the debt is called in, because that hour is quickly approaching.

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Past Weekend’s Performances Plus...

Last weekend was great. I went out to show off some comedy chops in the beautiful upstate New York cities of Rochester and Watertown, had some laughs, few drinks, fun times were had by all.

Well almost all. Let me state for the record that I have never fucked a hooker when using the pseudonym Joe Blair, nor have Joe Blair and I ever tag teamed a whore. I apologize for singling you out Joe although a good 80% of the crowd didn’t know that you were standing right there.

On to Rochester. The show Friday night was at Monty’s Krown with Sonorous Gale, The Emersons, and Trystero. It was Trystero’s record release show and the first time I’ve ever seen them without Amy. I went .. Trystero and did all I could to heckle the shit out of them. Heckling of bands by a comedian who is a friend of the band’s can only lead to hilarity, any other time, it sucks. And hilarity did ensue. Not only was it the first time I’d ever seen Trystero without Amy, it was the first time I’d seen them without John Smith wearing a hat. John, you look amazing, grow that hair out mad scientist style, trust me. Oh the bar was the shit too. Amazing array of beer, bottled, draught, it was all good. Being a performer getting two free beers made the selection all the sweeter.

Then Watertown. My first time performing in front of a bunch of people who I went to high school with, and my dad was there. I busted out some classic bits, plus I sprinkled in some fairly new material that will surely end up as classics. The crowd was attentive and seemingly impressionable. The imprint I made on some of those youngsters lives will hopefully be positive, I would love to see someone emerge from the burgeoning Watertown NY scene as a comic. It was really cool to see a fresh eager crowd and Super Gnarly seems to be doing a great job of getting acts in the door that will help the scene thrive for a long time to come. Being that this sort of thing has been lacking in NNY for years, I was very pleased to see it. Biclops was amazing by the way, I can’t believe that I saw that band in Dubtown of all places.

Thanks to Sonorous Gale for letting me tag along for the two day stint, it was a blast and we’ll have to do it again before you exist no longer. I will be performing will Sonorous Gale again this Friday in Buffalo NY at Staples of Allentown also with Perfect Plex, (holy sweet band name!!!) and Crappy Dracula. All new material, come check it out Buffalo, even if there’s a Sabres game on. For anyone who saw my shows in Rochester or Watertown and would like to see me again, let me know, I’m always open for out of town dates.

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Going to School in Your Underpants
Current mood: Shaven

In this day and age, it's difficult to think that the thoughts we have are truly our own. With so many great, (and no so great,) minds of the past and present, it feels egotistical of me to think that I have an idea that is unique. The key is fighting past the ego which is so present in our daily world. The media in our society wants us to think that everything is about satisfying one's self, with so many choices of what to watch on TV, chain restaurants that let us customize our dinner combinations with options we never had as children, the internet which lets us see, hear, and say whatever we want at any time of day, it really seems like it is all about me. The consumer is bombarded with so many choices that we usually just pick the same things we would have ten years ago when our choices were more limited. But it's not about satisfying us, it's about placating us.

You don't want to watch this? There's something you like on one of the other channels. You don't like scalloped potatoes? Have some green bean casserole. Already checked your email? Jerk off.

Don't believe that you as the consumer has a lot of power in this country, because you don't. The producers will eventually come around to your desires, but only if their's are going unfulfilled. Do I think Pepsi will ever make a Mountain Dew with organic cane sugar instead of hydrogenated corn syrup or brominated vegetable oil just because I eat healthier? Do I think Wal-Mart will stop expanding, tearing down trees, putting up hideous discount eye sores that put local businesses out just because I don't get my pharmaceuticals, clothes, and snack food there? Do I think the major media corporations are going to give me the truth about what elected officials are doing behind closed doors that I will never have access to just because I want the truth? The answer to all three of these questions is a resounding no, I would be foolish to think otherwise. Millions of people drink and eat shitty food, which is what producers want so that consumers spend money on diets, exercise, and surgery to fit the body types we're also being sold. Millions of people shop at big box stores, which is what producers want so that they can make money by selling us products that make them more of a profit, (although they seem discounted,) because the people making them are overseas and don't desire the wages and working conditions that were fought for from the start of the industrial revolution. Millions of people are fine with not being told the whole story in the news, which is what producers want because that means we are comfortable with the lies that we have bought.

But, if instead of thousands of people wanting these things stopped or changed, hundreds of millions did, then we'd be getting somewhere. Let us stop thinking just of ourselves being the key. Although each individual plays a vital role in making a drastic change for humanity, we cannot do it alone. We need to remove the blindfolds of all of our brothers and sisters. We can no longer accept the lies we've been sold and have purchased, with vigor, just because the truth is a whole fuck of a lot scarier. Deep inside of everyone is the truth. It has been hidden from us, but it is inherent inside us. We all know that something is wrong, but we have accepted it as right and have moved on. Let us move past seeing the ego as being one's self and selfishness, and see it as it was intended to be seen. As consciousness. As having power as a human being to speak, to think, and to be - without the shackles of our oppressors. The thing that is scary to me is that we've been wearing them for so long, that we might be scared to not wear them, kind of like the dream where you go to school in your underpants.

Are these unique ideas? Absolutely not. They might be packaged in my own personal way, but the point is to not be afraid to let the ideas out, to not be afraid of going to school in my underpants, to not be afraid to say something isn't right, and I don't like it one fucking bit.

Currently listening : Houses Of The Holy By Led Zeppelin Release date: 19 July, 1994

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Random Stuff

This is a jumbled list of things that I have thought or done over the past few months

I'd like to state first and foremost that I truly believe that the most important professional wrestling feud of all time is Andy Kaufman vs. Jerry Lawler. This feud was before Vince McMahon held his first wrestling Pay-Per-View, and Kaufman's berating of not just Lawler but of all of Memphis set precedence for guys to follow. The fight breaking out on Letterman was also genius, before that, the rest of the nation didn't really know about what was going on in their feud, the late night fight escalated it to the national media's attention. Kaufman and the commentators also called Andy a star. He really wasn't a "star," he was more of a role player, but damn if those southerners didn't take that bait like a big ol' Lake Barkley largemouth. The WWF took note of that and have since taken anyone from the worlds of screen and sports and have put them in the ring as "stars." Oh to be a professional wrestling villain, to enter an arena and have thousands of people screaming for your head, thank you for paving the way Andy Kaufman.

If you would like to draw, but you don't think you have the skills to do it well, get yourself a pencil, (if it doesn't have an eraser make sure to get one,) a sheet of drawing paper, and an eighth of mushrooms. Draw lines, shapes, and let the mushrooms show you the rest. The experience will stay with you and you'll be sketching like a pro in no time.

A while back I was involved in some very cruel insect torture. I packed a live ant into a bowl and smoked it. His exoskeleton held up pretty nicely but his insides must have bubbled and boiled. I think it did make me a little bit higher than I would have been without the ant. Then I came to realize that if there were 40 ft tall giants that could pack me into a bowl and smoke me, I wouldn't mind going out like that. I mean, getting burnt to a crisp would really suck and all that, but at least I wouldn't die like a wuss. Natural causes, give me a break. If I die in my sleep, I better be sleeping on a tour bus like Cliff Burton.

I submitted some words to the urbandictionary.com, be on the lookout for the definitions of oh my ganj, cannabis h. sativa, french hash, and dickhole fucking to show up soon on that website.

No playoffs for the Bills again this year. Here are some things I would like to see happen in the off-season so their chances next year will improve.
1. Replace Steve Fairchild with a chimp. Seriously, the guy is one of the most incompetent play callers I've ever seen. If Fairchild could get the offense moving in a positive direction in the Denver, Dallas, and Cleveland games, we'd be looking at the playoffs this year. Marshawn Lynch is an amazing running back, but he can't carry the team. Do the Bills even run a slant pattern, ever?
2. Next year's schedule does not have New England playing the Bills off of a bye week. Give the Patriots an extra week to prep for the Dolphins or the Jets in '08. It's seriously been like 5 years in a row we see New England after they get an extra week of rest, set it up so we see them a week after they play the Colts.
3. Get some cornerback help for Terrence McGee. When he had Clements on the other side it was fine, but he can't cover everyone.
4. Improve the run defense. I don't know if it's missed tackles or what, but if you're constantly giving up 100+ yd games on the ground, you won't make the playoffs and if you do happen to sneak in you're gonna get knocked out early.
5. I like Trent Edwards a lot, but we can't go into next season with him already named our starting QB. I'd like to see him and J.P. improve and use both of them during the game like the Arizona Cardinals were doing with Warner and Leinart before he got injured. If you're changing quarterbacks in the middle of the game, the opposing teams defense is going to have to adjust instantly. If you don't have one standout star, use them both.
6. The rotating schedule has AFC East teams playing the AFC West and the NFC West. Granted, we're gonna be looking at San Diego and Denver, we've also got a shot at the worst division in the NFL. The UB Bulls could put four wins up against the 49ers, Seahawks, Cardinals, and Rams.

If you haven't seen the movie Paprika, go out to your local video rental store and get a copy. It's so fucking beautiful.

Just as we are all individuals capable of unique thought, ideas, vision, and creativity, we are also all connected as one, to each other, to the earth, the entire universe. Inspire those around you, but don't be afraid to be inspired by your peers too. Inspiration doesn't have to come from a drug, a renaissance painting, or a classic novel. Sometimes it comes from the most unlikely of places.

2:31 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

October 11th Nietzsche’s
Current mood: Savory

Hey all,
I'm doing a show at Nietzsche's (248 Allen St BFLO 14201) on October 11th. This is my LP recording/benefit show. I'm doing a full forty minutes + to be converted into record and CD format. If you see me out and about somewhere, chances are I will have presale tickets with me. They're 7 bucks, you'll be charged an extra 35 cents at the door.
But I couldn't do it alone, oh no. Performing also on Thursday the 11th are The Score, Josh Smith, The Magictonez, the Collective Funtime Band, and Sonorous Gale. There will be a few more additions so keep checking back with me to find out what's going on.
For now, I will be cooped up inside my writing hole trying to figure out if I have forty minutes worth of comedy ready or if I need to bulk up a bit. Don't offer me a beer, don't offer me any pot, I need to get real level headed for this show. Thanks friends.

BV

Currently listening : Shades of Blue By Madlib Release date: 24 June, 2003

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4 inches away from certain death
Current mood: In Pain

I woke up yesterday feeling pretty good. I had a couple of different jobs lined up. The first one was assisting in a tree removal. I've been working with this tree company for nearly a year now. I started right after the October storm and things have just started to slow down from the massive wreckage. About three hours into it, the bulk of the work was done. I was cutting up some large logs underneath the tree when my boss told me to switch saws with him. I heard a terrible yell from the climber on the top of the tree and a moment later, a medium sized log, about 40 pounds, cut from nearly sixty feet up in the air, comes crashing down on my bicep. One inch over and my shoulder would have been broken, 4 inches over and my skull would have been smashed and I would have died. I wasn't wearing my 2 millimeter thick helmet at the time, but I'm not so sure that would have helped. So I'm gonna buy a football helmet to wear to work. Hopefully it would protect me better than it did Kevin Everett.

This summer has made me feel like I'm the greatest father ever. Sure, I might not make 6 figures a year and our apartment is too small, but at least I didn't go visit a brothel and leave Willow in a 90+ degree car for two hours. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a parent now, but the stories of children being left alone in the heat with no food or water seemed to be like 20 times more this year than any year before. Sure I feel bad for the kids, but I don't mind hearing those blips in the news. It gives me an excuse to not feel as bad about staying out until the bars close in Buffalo. And then there's the parents who don't even neglect their children, they just straight up murder them. Sometimes they cut them up and put them in trash bags. Other times they call the police on themselves and feel no remorse. Like Niagara Falls woman Shauna Mahoney last week. She smothered her 17 month old son with her bare hands. Local media picked apart the fact that she calls herself a proud parent on her MySpace page. Tom got so much pressure from the Buffalo news media that he made a new option for your MySpace profile listing for Kids. "Have kids, but I just want to smother those whining shits." Chris Benoit's posthumous profile was updated accordingly.

The fifties and sixties had the Rat Pack. An influential group of actors and singers including Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., and Frank Sinatra. The 80's had the brat pack. A group of young actors who were in John Hughes movies. Let's move to present day. Who's a group of young people that can be described as popular or influential? Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Nicole Ritchie - The Twat Pack. Three quarters of which will have served jail time by the end of the year. The other further committed career suicide earlier this week. As if marrying K-Fed and having two of his kids wasn't bad enough, she showed up wasted to perform at the video music awards. Then afterwards, in the closet rap star Kanye West bitches out MTV for not giving him an award? It's the MTV video music awards, it's not like any of that shit matters. It's not like you lost a Teen Choice Award. That I could see complaining about. You're in the Twat Pack too now Kanye.

Currently reading : Galapagos (Delta Fiction) By Kurt Vonnegut Release date: 12 January, 1999

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Buffalo News Headline
Current mood: Savory

Bush Compares Iraq to Vietnam

...and I think to myself, "Hey, the motherfucker is finally admitting he was wrong!"

Nope. He's comparing the two to GAIN support...!?!?!?!?!?!? To say that we left Vietnam too early....HOW COULD THIS STRATEGY POSSIBLY WORK?!?!!??!? Anybody that remembers Vietnam will agree that there are numerous similarities between that war and "Operation Enduring Freedom," but saying that we left Vietnam too early is a slap in the face to all Vietnam war veterans alive and passed. Including my Uncle Peter who I never met because he died to to complications from agent orange.

Quoth the Bushman: "One unmistakable legacy of Vietnam is that the price of America's withdrawal was paid by millions of innocent civilians."

This is a reference to the Cambodian Khmer Rouge government, lead by Pol Pot, killing Vietnamese citizens. The Khmer Rouge came into power BECAUSE of U.S. involvement in Vietnam. Hmm, we fight a war against communists and end up creating more powerful and dangerous communist leadership, now we are fighting a war against terrorists, where is this going?

More Bush brilliance: "There are many differences between the wars we fought in the far east and the war on terror we are fighting today. But one important similarity is that at there core, they are all ideological struggles."

First off as a member of the grammar police, when comparing two things, both is a more appropriate word than all. Secondly, there aren't that many differences between the two wars, only the names and places have changed. BOTH are unpopular wars that continued despite the outcry for peace. BOTH supported two criminally minded corrupt presidents getting re-elected. BOTH were preemptive wars no matter what the bogus Gulf of Tonkin resolution was about. Then all you have to do is draw the parallel lines between the Kennedy assassination and 9-11. Thirdly, the phrase ideological struggles is so painfully arrogant, the only other people I could possibly imagine using it are LBJ, Nixon, Reagan, and G.H.W. Bush. How can we fight wars over ideology? Who's ideology is right and who's is wrong? That is no justification for war.

Our future as a nation does not depend on our success in Iraq, it depends on ridding ourselves of our oppressors and having enough strength and proper ideology to not become oppressors ourselves.

Currently watching : Hot Fuzz (Widescreen Edition) Release date: 31 July, 2007

2:04 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

2008 Republican National Convention
Current mood: Savory

I didn't really intend to blog about the 2008 GOP convention, I just wanted a subject that people love.

The convention will be held at the Xcel Energy Center in Saint Paul, Minnesota from September 1st to the 4th. Bring your prescription drugs, bibles, cowboy hats, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" maxi-single, and life preserver, you can't vote from the bottom of the Mississippi!

Currently listening : Tago Mago By Can Release date: 19 May, 1998

8:12 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Strange Daze
Category: Blogging

It's a week and a half later, and Cho Seung-hui is being pushed into the backs of our minds as more news is being made such as the Democrats push to get out of Iraq and hockey playoffs. I can't help but think about it being that no one has made an attempt at making sure this never happens again. The same thing happened after Columbine, a prayer vigil, weeping, and before you know it, it's eight years later and you have to do an internet search to remember that Harris was the last name of Eric, (it's probably the pot and the fact that it seems like such a common name, I didn't forget Dylan Klebold.)

Well, that prayer vigil might make people feel a little better, but it won't prevent anything from happening again. The youth of this country are fucked up, (myself included,) and all of the prayer in the world isn't gonna fix it. The fact that religion and prayer are such crutches for people make it seem as if they are just another part of the problem. So what is the solution? Well, it's not easy, but let's start with the parents.

I know that the Columbine kids and Cho aren't the only three school shooters ever, but they are arguably the best, (or is it worst?) examples so I'm just gonna roll with them. All three sets of parents had to know something was wrong in their child's life. If they didn't, then they weren't being parents. I know Cho was a college kid, but you are a parent until you or your child is dead. Both Eric Harris and Cho Seung-hui were on anti-depressant drugs. Maybe it's time for parents to stop being so pre-occupied with their own lives, trying to choke down that pill called the American Dream, (it's really no wonder that pill is hard to swallow, it's the size of a Super Wal-Mart,) and think about what these drugs are, what they can do to their children, and start getting involved, no matter what the child's age is. Or at least check the kid's closet for pipe bombs and automatic weapons. "But we don't have time, what about our careers and friends and cleaning the house and bills and the grocery list and reality tv..." Well now your kids are dead and they killed a bunch of other kids too, there goes worrying about your friends at least. Way to go mom and dad.

How about the teachers? Reb and Vodka made a video for a SCHOOL PROJECT called hitmen for hire. They walk around in their trenchcoats and threaten a bully by saying that they're gonna shove someone's head so far up his ass that he's gonna cough up dandruff for four months. They were graded on this! Cho wrote plays that you can see being enacted on youtube about some kid killing his step dad. Now Cho was given psychiatric evaluation for some of this schoolwork, hence the anti-depressant drugs, but shouldn't teachers do a little bit more than filling out some paperwork and handing the problem off to someone else? No, teachers don't get paid enough to do that. If your salary plus knowing that you made a difference in someone's life isn't compensation enough, maybe you shouldn't be teaching. In both cases teachers were killed, one a holocaust survivor who was holding the door shut so his students could escape. That's a fucking teacher.

But at the top of the list are the people pulling the strings, our state and local governments, (I know Va. Tech was a private institution, but this Korean kid did go through Jr. High and High School in the state of Virginia.) I can really only scratch the surface on this topic for it is way too deep for this probe. Every single one of us is no more than a number to these people. A number that has to learn a defined curriculum. A number that may or may not receive discounted school lunch. It's no wonder most of our teachers suck, they're working for these assholes. You wanna know why 7 year olds are on Ritalin and 14 year olds are on Zoloft? It's because the drug reps line the pockets of high powered officials. These pills might work wonders on some people, but medicating the numbers that these pharmaceutical companies are medicating is only for one reason, profit.

Which brings me to cannabis sativa or cannabis indica. One of the most popular arguments for marijuana legalization is that the taxes that people would pay on it would bring our country out of debt. If cannabis is legalized, as a drug, it is virtually non-profitable. YOU CAN GROW YOUR OWN! It's not like tobacco, an extremely difficult plant to maintain and cultivate, it actually aerates the soil and makes everything easier to grow after one outdoor growing cycle. As far as the other uses of hemp; fabric, paper, fuel, rubber, food, etc., that is very profitable. Which makes the plant a major enemy for big oil, synthetics, conventional paper mills, etc.

Imagine then a partial conversation between Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had cannabis been a part of their lives on the date of April 20th, 1999:

EH: *inhales bong "Dude, can you believe it, when high school is over, we never have to go back again, man." *exhales bong

DK: "I know, and to think, we almost killed a bunch of innocent people and then turned our guns on ourselves." *inhales bong

Or Cho Seung-hui making a different video in his room

CS: *inhales bong "Oh well, I'm still a virgin, at least I've got pot and internet porn." *exhales bong

Could cannabis have spared either of these tragedies from happening? We'll never know. But shit, I'm sure it would have been more effective than prayer.

Currently reading : The Trial By Franz Kafka Release date: 1964

8:43 AM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

Best Thrift Store Find EVER!

Erin, Willow and I decided we'd go to the Airport Plaza Goodwill store right off the 33 in Cheektowaga yesterday. Nothing spectacular at first. Then I happened upon a Carolina blue Members Only jacket. Perfect fit! Normally that would make any thrift store trip worthwhile, but it wasn't over yet. I started looking at the trinkets and knick-knacks in the back of the store and I came upon this mushroom wall hanging.



Nothing that special, some piece of crap that was popular in the 70's. That's what I thought at first. Well, I flipped the piece of crap over to see the price, and something catches my eye. It's hollow and it looks like there's money stuffed inside. So I picked it up, brought it over to Erin and said hey check this out. Well I pulled the bill out and turns out that it was not one, but two hundred dollar bills. So we looked around the store some more. No more money was found, but I came across a Husker Du tape, a Man on the Moon DVD, and this St. Kitts West Indies hat that I've been rocking since I found it. The goldmine, er, mushroom wall hanging cost a whole quarter, or negative $199.75, if you want to be precise about it.

12:57 AM - 12 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment