best spam EVAR!
Current mood: giddy

Today in my email I recieved this.  I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair.  So for your enjoyment here it is:

"You could be thinking to yourself, how did an exotic Oriental fetish such as bukkake could become so popular. It’s rather simple, really. It’s all about traditional, conservative values. And what can be more traditional or conservative than openly humiliating females who cheat on their husbands by taking them into the public square, binding them tightly with ropes and having every able-bodied male in town shoot hot loads of thick, burbling man-sap into the offending wenches’ pleading, upturned faces?

Today, bukkake isn’t a penalty... it’s a way of life! Contemporary, liberated young women of all races, colors and creed have awoken to the erotic potentials of this practice, and nowadays, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a gal who likes it straight up on the face, or straight down the throat, or in the eyes, or all over their heads, whatever way they can get it, really.

If you favor your models cute, your content exclusive and your facials hardcore, then [website redacted] is exactly what you’ve been looking for."

10:07 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

what should I do for my birthday?

so all this crazy shit going on in my life and I didn’t even realize my birthday is saturday!

I really need to surround myself with friends this year for obvious reasons... but don’t have the space for a get together so I’m thinking going out somewhere fun... and most importantly, CHEAP.

last year I went to casa bonita and that would be rad again this year but i know a lot of you all have been to many casa bonita birthday parties this year :D

so... can you think of anything? or do you have a place I can have a party? message me.

2:22 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

i dunno what to title this...
Current mood: gloomy

so...

I’m single.

Please don’t ask what happened, I’m sure I’ll tell you the story at some point if I know you.  Truth is I’m more to blame than anything, and it had unfortunately been coming for a while.

And don’t take this as a crass "come and get me boys!" thing...  I’m not like that... Fuck, right now I don’t even want to look at another man with the way I’m feeling. Just please make sure I don’t turn into a hermit in the coming weeks.

Also... if you know of any cheap apartments or rooms for let near downtown with a cheap to little deposit, let me know.  right now I’m going to be putting everything into storage and living in my friend’s basement till I can get another place.

On the plus side I’m going to get myself into therapy this week... maybe they can pound out some fo the kinks in my personality in the coming months... who knows.

7:30 PM - 11 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

life is boring
Current mood: aggravated

so... I’ve come to the very real conclusion today that my life is boring.

I never have any money to go out... never can think of anything exciting to do for free around this town... all i do anymore other than work is sleep or surf the interwebs in search of more work. I don’t even watch much TV or play video games anymore... ain’t got no cable and have sold most of the games.

this sucks

how come life has to be so shitty without money?

8:03 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I guess life doesn’t suck as much as I thought... *sigh*
Current mood: grateful

Hi all.

The last few weeks have been really hard. I’ve been super busy as well as dealing with all the emotional trauma I’m in. And I’m still working thru all that and probably will be for a very long time. Hopefully I’ve taken enough steps in the right direction to begin the reparations for what I’ve done... and got the ball rolling on a few other measures to help remedy other maladies.

Look I know I’m being vague here... but shit like this you don’t go blabbing about on the internet with and I’m not the type to post and mark it private so no one else can see. what is the point of a weblog if no one else can read it? I may be a fag but I’m not that emo.

but please trust me that I have just been thru what are probably the most emotionally traumatizing events of my entire life thus far.

On a lighter side... had a little ray of sunshine yesterday when I got home from work... Jay gave me one of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever recieved.

But first a little back story:

As you all may know I just spent most of February in LA making Pornography: A Thriller... I was Key Grip as well as played the role of ’The Figure’. I hesitate to say that he’s the film’s killer as he’s not as much a person as an idea... a symbol of death. He was really fun to play since he wasn’t really driven by normal human thought and emotion, he just was there to do what he does.

At any rate, I found out a little bit after being out there that not only was this a SAG ultra low budget agreement (so I was getting my first few hours credit towards SAG membership for the future) but I was also getting paid ON TOP of my crew work for the acting I was doing!

So, digressing back to the earlier topic of Jay giving me a gift... he had photocopied those first SAG paychecks (SAG requires everyone to go through specific payroll services I guess) before we had brought them to the bank and he put those together under the title of the movie and framed them for me!

Though this was not the first time I’ve been paid for acting, it WAS the first time I’d been paid for acting in a film... and from the SAG payroll to boot! so framing it for posterity was extremely thoughtful and sweet on his part.

I love you jay!

Currently playing : Blue Dragon Release date: 28 August, 2007

6:50 PM - 3 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

self awareness sucks
Current mood: ashamed

have you ever had one of those moments where you realize how fucked up you are? where all of what's wrong with you is spotlighted like god flipping a lamp switch on all the shit you are trying to get rid of and out live?

I want to bash my brain in right now.

don't worry... suicide smacks of effort so there's no way I'd do something that drastic... but if i happened to have a stroke and die in my sleep tonight I would be perfectly fine with that.

fuck.

it makes you wonder... why you do the shit you do. or don't do as my case may be. why no matter how conscious of your faults you are you still continue to repeat them again and again and the only thing you can say is "I'm sorry" and "i know" and "I'm trying" and "I promise to do better"... then you do it again... and the cycle continues.

am I that retarded? do i have brain damage? why can't i change how i behave even though it hurts the ones i love and those that surround me again and again and again?

right now I feel like the biggest fuck up in the whole world. I feel ashamed. I feel worthless. I feel like i have nothing to offer the world except shit.

I don't know why I'm fucking posting this on the internet... I guess I just needed to write it out somewhere. I'm not looking for compliments or "it's all right"s... I'm really not the great guy everyone thinks I am. I'm a fucking loser who can't get his shit together when it counts. just know this about me... I will probably let you down at some point... most likely when you need me the most.

6:02 PM - 4 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

it just keeps going...
Current mood: productive

so my stay in LA has been elongated by 3 days. due to losing a location they moved those days till after my initial ticket home. but after much to do an discussion with my hubby I'm staying till the 28th.

I'm glad I could because there is one more big-ish attack scene with my character (The Figure) in this last set of shoots... which is an apartment during act 2 of the script.

when I get home I gotta go straight back to work at rhino and the theatre... however I do have another role in a film shooting in denver (dunno if I mentioned that yet... don't know what role it is either yet) with a group called Uber Films i guess. and am probably gonna be meeting with another writer/director combo that weekend too about that big role I posted about in previous blogs. all this makes me hopeful that I can actually make a go at doing this stuff and actually surive on it :)

anyhoo... gotta finish getting ready. gonna head out a little early so I can get moneys in the bank as soon as they open.

7:28 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

day off
Current mood: cheerful

so filming was put off for today for stupid reasons... still waiting to hear if we lost the location today or entirely.

put a couple of pics up in the production photos section of my pics from what we're doing out here... course if you checked out ZOMBIETRUCKSTOP.LIVEJOURNAL.COM and FUTURESHIPWRECK.COM you would have seen them already.

in the meantime I'm helping my host move around the block to his new apartment, thn he's taking me to lunch and then we're gonna go get shoes.

oh... go to WWW.GIMMESKELTER.COM and order your copy of Gimme Skelter today! should be shipping very soon! support independent cinema and independent distribution!

I also got some good news... remember that casting call I talked about? got a call from the production company saying i landed a role! I was so exciting i forgot to ask which role it was... but hell I don't care. plus they are doing 6 movies over the next 2 years so hopefully this will keep me in work for the time being.

I hope it was the main bounty hunter guy role... would be a great part. but we'll see.

thanks everyone for happy thoughts and good energy and prayers and such. it is hopefully starting to pay off!

also we're getting a pretty substantial refund from taxes this year. so we're gonna get us a nice new king size bed! YAYS!

in the meantime I have to think of something to do for jay for valentines day with almost no money and being out of state. wish me luck :D

12:20 PM - 4 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

week 2 begins
Current mood: tired

so still in LA and haveing a great, if not tiring time.

gads i;m so tired... just got off the phone with my hubby (going over taxes and such) and my brain is fried... don't know why I'm not asleep yet but my hosts are still up so i figure I'd give my last ounce of brainpower to this.

can't think too well to write a post about what's been going on... i kileed another person today which was fun.

the producer has been keeping a sort of production diary over at zombietruckstop.livejournal.com and I guess the still photograher posted some pics on his blog at futureshipwreck.com as well so check them out

gonna fall asleep now... BYEEEEEEEEE

10:38 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

We’ll see if this works
Current mood: crunk

Hey there... Blogging from my phone. Not a spiffy program or nothing... Using Opera Mini Browser for my blackberry pearl. So here I go clicking submit and we'll see if the browser can handle it! :)

12:58 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment