The rumours have been confirmed
Current mood: amorous
Category: Life
Hello all my pimpettes, alien hoes, and wanna be aliens!
That's right.... ol' BPA has returned to Earth to recruit a new bunch of lovelies to make me money across the universe... my last batch have all retired, got broken, or had babies! (none of them mine, thank Voltron!)
Anyway, in case you are saying to yourself right now, "Self, I don't believe it. That green bastard left and never said good bye. How do I know it's really him and that he's really back?"
Well, here's the proof! Here's a video of some guys talking about whether or not a picture of me peeking in some other guys window is real or not...
The man behind the curtain
Current mood: nervous
Category: Life
So, you may have notice that I haven't been as active here after I completed the story. Here's why....
I've been in and out of the hospital due to my condition. I have partial paralysis from the waist down.
When I was young, I fell out of a coconut tree while trying to climb it. I did a lot of damage to my lower back, and I haven't been able to walk since.
I'm now 18 and finishing my home schooling. I don't get out much and usually don't have much contact with the outside world besides the internet. My parents have been a little over protective of me since the accident, and I don't get a chance to leave home often.
I don't know how I came up with the idea for BPA. I really don't believe in aliens. And I definitely don't know how to be a pimp! It just sounded funny, and having taught myself how to use photoshop, I made the images.
I wish I could show you a picture of what I look like, but i'm not allowed to have a web cam or digitial camera. My parents are afraid of cyber stalkers or whatever.
So that is my story. Thank you everyone who has supported me in my little game. I'll try to keep it up. I just hope some of the *magic* hasn't worn off now that you know.
So, my friends, I think it's time to put a real face behind the alien.
yes, it's true... i'm going to be coming out of the 'closet'.
Many of you have tried to pry info out of my over the past months, and I can't hold back any longer.
I haven't decided it i'm going to make this revelation private or not, so to be on the safe side, add me as a friend (if you haven't already) in case I make it so.
I think a lot will be explained when you find out who I am.
So after being abducted one evening, Devin, aka Trampy, decided it would make good reading for everyone if she were to ask me a few questions. I said sure, as long as I can post this image of her
I'm sure it has a wonderful backstory to it that I would love to hear some day!
But this is about me.
So here's the interview!
So, Big Pimpin' Alien, how exactly did you become a Pimp? I was not aware that Aliens had prostitutes.
Of course we do! It's not only the oldest profession in the world, but in the universe as well! It's just that in many of the other worlds I have my girls, they're not as uptight about sex as you people are here. I mean really... you all freak out about a 1/2 second nipple slip during the half time show of the super bowl, but during the commerical break, you have no problem with guns and explosions and killing... and that's just the air freshener commercials! Please! Make love, not war!
As far as my entrance into the "biz", my high school guidance councilor suggested it. Of course, this right after I had my way with her on her desk. She said, "Ok..so now I'm your bitch. You should think about pimpin' me out." So I did.
I see, so you wrote a pretty lengthy blog series called "The Abduction." What was your inspiration for the story, and are you planning on doing anything else with it?
Ah yes, the story. I have to admit that I didn't write most of it. Stephen the Tapeworm, my lawyer, came up with most of the idea. He was looking to find a way to string people along for 4 months with cliff-hanger like episodes of a short story. We were also talking some of the better abductees we've had on our probe table and we recalling one that I almost quit the "biz" for and wanted to settle down. But it turned out that she was a hermaphrodyte, and I like my lovers to have only one set of parts.
I don't know if I'll do any other stories. Quite frankly, colloborating with Stephen on this wasn't so much fun. He'd like to stay up late at night talking story lines and such, and I usually wanted him just to crawl back up my ass so I could go to sleep.
Yes, I can see how that would be a potential setback. Now, I don't want to be a spoiler for those who have not read it, but in the last chapter of your tale you said that you and a human would be repopulating the unknown planet. Can you describe, in detail, how brothers and sisters could have children of their own?
Sure. They have sex.
Need more detail? The guy puts his "wee wee" in a girl's "who-ha." He moves it back and forth a lot, and after a minute or two, sperm comes out into the girl. 9 months later, she had a baby.
Wow, thank you for clearing that up! Now I see that you have your own website for T-shirts. Do all of the profits go directly to you?
No, I use the profits to benefit the orphans on Taroc 7. Their homeland is war-torn, and many of their parents have suffered horrible, bloody deaths, usually in front of the children, who are traumatized and scared for life.
I kid.... yes, it goes to me. Sadly, I've only sold one or two. I was going to use the profits to fund a video blog, but I see that no one is interested in seeing that... or if you are, go to www.cafepress.com/alienpimpstore and get a tshirt, thong, or coffee mug (or all three)!
Now, this may seem like a weird question but I feel it is important to ask, regardless. Are you a fan of country music?
That really all depends on the country. Why just last week, I was in Florence, Italy and the intergalactic pimp convention, eating pizza at an outdoor cafe while a large italian man sang "O Solo Mio" several times. That was quite good.
But if you're referring to this stuff you call country in the US, then no.
I see you have a varied taste in music. Neil Diamond..such a classic. And we all know how he feels about aliens from his song "America." OH wait.. wrong kind of alien.... how about "Song Sung Blue?" No, that's not it... you know, the song about that little raisin looking chap with the finger and the glowing heart light thing?
I expect with you being Big and Pimpin', you got lots-o-hos. Are you planning on buying all of them a Valentine's gift? Only one? If so, what would you buy?
I'm getting them all a set of Ginsu knifes. They can cut through a tin can and still slice a tomato like butter.
Well BPA, I am certainly grateful you agreed to the interview. Is there anything you would like to add for all your fans to know?
I'd like to spread sum love to all of my fans out there..and you know who you are! Leave a candle in your bedroom window so I know where to come to and abduct you!
amorous
horny
nervous
