If I Could Remember...
Current mood: lonely
Category: Writing and Poetry
If I could remember what it feels like to be loved what it feels like to trust what it feels like to be held If I could remember Then maybe I'd wake up better in the morning If I could remember what it is to be cared for laugh to spoon at one in the afternoon, both awake and relaxed the mysteries of the day to come. If I could remember.... My heart cracks the tears well up but I push it away I won't remember - because it only makes me sad to be at a loss. One day maybe I will remember. But not today.
Currently
listening
:
Daimonion
By
Project Pitchfork
Release date: 2001-05-22
Longest Survey in the World (stolen from Mr. Cellophane)
Category: Blogging
Who do you blame for your mood today? The economy, because I'm in a pretty blah mood due to being penniless at the moment.
What should we do w/ stupid people? Send them all to their own island far, far away.
How long do you think you will live? I don't expect to see 70, but who knows?
What was the first thing you did this morning? Hugged Azazel.
Last person you went out to dinner with? Eric.
Are you spoiled? Not at all.
Do you drink lots of water? Not as much as I should. Wow, what an informative survey this is...
What toothpaste do you use? Biotene, (yay for hereditary bad gums!!)
How do you vent your anger? Paint or clean something.
The last compliment you received? "Your hair grows so fast..." from Nikai.
What are you doing this weekend? Hopefully something will cure the boredom...
When was the last time you threw up? I can't remember.
Is your best friend a virgin? Um...wtf...and no...
What theme does your room have? Fetus skeletons painted on the wall...all reds and blacks...
When was the last time you were at a party? about 2 years ago
Are you a mama's child or a daddy's child? neither
Would you ever join the military? How about fuck no?
The last website you visited? Duhr, the one I'm on currently.
Who was the last person you took a picture with? Tashina
Last person you went to the movies with? I haven't been to the movies in a while. I think I went to the movies with creepy Sean a few months ago, but I don't recall.
Number of layers on your bed? 3
Is anything alive in your room? The cat.
Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week? Forward.
What are you looking forward to right now? My job with Eric. (Thank you Mr. Cellophane! Call me! Give me job!)
Where were you last night? Right here.
Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? Been a few years.
When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout? Sure.
Has anyone ever sang to you? Yeah.
Has anyone ever given you roses? Yes.
If you were left in the woods, would you survive? That depends on if it is freezing or not.
What is your favorite color? Purple
What color are your eyes? Green/Hazel
Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Uhhhh...creepy Sean, and no I do not share that particular insanity. Anyone have any "creepy guy repellent"?
Why did your last relationship end? Because someone didn't want to "take care of" a person that'd been in a car accident. That was fun to find out. *Grimmace*
Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Dad
Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Both
Where's your mom? Somewhere in the city being a hypochondriact...
Can you speak any other language than English? Not much
What is the last letter of your middle name? N
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Fuck yes.
Are you scared of flying? Not from myself, but from others, it seems lies are everywhere. I wouldn't say I am afraid of it - that's silly. But with my jaded outlook, I kind of expect it from almost everyone.
What's the full name on your birth certificate? Barbra Jean Loveless
When was the last time you were told you were beautiful? again creepy Sean - so I don't really believe that. He probably thinks rocks and dirt are beautiful too. Creepy...ugh...
I'll bet you miss someone right now? Well, duh, doesn't everyone?
Are you high? I don't get "high" off of coffee anymore. Eric, where did you find this dumb survey?
Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? Nope
Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films? LMAO not at all
If you had $100 would you spend or save it? Go to the doctor
If there was a large spider in the room, what would you do? Can you say smoosh?
Are you listening to music right now? Yes
How's the weather today? Freezing and cold and freezing and windy and freezing
When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with you life? Probably about 4 years ago
Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else? Depends on the person I am dating....
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? Creepy Sean needs to stop texing me creepy messages
When was the last time you cried? Last night
What kind of milk do you drink? 2%
When is the last time you smiled? today.
Who is the last person to call you? My Father
Do you have a best friend? Yes
How many piercings do you have? 2 in each ear and the septum...5
Do you want more? possibly some day
Do you hate anybody? yes...but I learn forgive stupid people...
Do you have any obsessions? Art, books, corsets, stockings, medical equipment, duct tape, the occult, art, art, art...
Where is your father right now? In Ohio with my siblings.
Who is somebody you can talk to for hours and hours? The cat.
Do you love anybody? The cat.
Do you have a hard time trusting people? Always.
Do you wanna get married and have kids? I used to, but someone who's name starts with an "S" and ends in 2 "T's" destroyed that fantasy for me. Thanks.
What do you think of young mothers? Use a rubber, damnit!
How many pillows do you sleep with at night? 4-5
Do you know anybody whose pregnant? No
Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Not anymore.
What color are your sheets? Black and red
Are you wearing socks? not right now, no
Last person to comment you? A tattoo shop. yay, birthday soon. Old....
Message you? Creepy Sean, (needs to stop before I call the police).
Do you need to go shopping? YES
What are you going to do when you finish this survey? Put on a sweater because it is cold
A good person knows when something is inappropriate. A good person will call someone else out if that person is making them feel uncomfortable. They will put a stop to the actions that are causing them grief by making themselves heard. When the situation also affects someone else, being the friend of the good person, that person has a duty to inform the friend of the inappropriate actions being made by the third party. It takes strength to tell someone that you care for that someone close to them is acting in a manner that is uncalled for.
I call upon strength, for this I have to do.
I am a good person. Nothing lies hidden with me. I will never betray my friends.
Rain drizzles down the stem of each tiny rosebud Clouds covering the sky Like and upturned white bowl Puddles and pools of water Glisten and murmur to each other of secrets we will never know And I smile at the rain.
Many of you have asked me to design your tattoos or do portraits for you over the years. Being unemployed, and car-less at the moment, I now have the time! Please message me if you would like me to do any art for pay!!
'You're like the missing puzzle piece of myself. You make me whole. It's like we were made for each other. You are perfect. You feel like coming home. I want to have children with you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world, and I love the woman and the child I see in you. I'll never leave you. I'll never do anything to hurt you, and I will never let anyone else hurt you - ever. You're safe with me. I need you! I've never felt so alive in my life. I've never experienced love like this. I am so glad that I never have to search to fill the void in my heart any longer, never again. You make me so happy. You have the biggest, most beautiful heart in the whole world. I know that if it were possible, you would save every one and every thing in pain, make everyone's life better. You are so talented. I am so proud of you. It is fate that we met, I know it, I can feel it. It was love at FIRST sight! I've never felt this way about anyone - you're my angel...'
A Love Poem for the Dead
Current mood: lonely
Category: Writing and Poetry
If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up every day to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my icy skin, salt-sweet blood on my tongue, and the feel of your heart beating with mine, within mine... Knowing that I could never find that feeling with any other than you.
Such a shame that you do not exist.
So I lie here, in waiting, forever listening to my own breath...
lonely
tired
determined
bummed
nostalgic
