Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 40
Sign: Scorpio
State: North Carolina
Country: US
Signup Date:
02/24/06
|
Blog Archive
[ Older
Newer ]
|
|
 |
|
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
|
10:49 AM - Cold Remembrances
Current mood:  drained
For those who showed worry, thanks, but I'm all right.
Sometimes bad, bad things happen. Things that destroy your life, things that you just know you will never get over...things that change your life and your outlook forever. Especially when you lose someone.
Sometimes other, harmless things "trigger" the anguish of what happen, even though years have passed. That happened to me yesterday morning. I'm still raw, still sensitive...but I'm better. Somethings you just never get over.
 |
Currently
watching
:
The X-Files: The Complete Collector's Edition
Release date: 2007-11-06
|
2 Comments - 2 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
|
6:43 AM - Mixed, Not Fixed
Current mood:  distressed
The horrors of my yesterday don't fade,
The tears have not stemmed or cease to fall;
But I no longer live those yesterdays
And for the passage of time I am so grateful.
There is greatness in my tomorrows,
As there is greatness in today,
Yesterdays are not mine to follow,
But to move forward in a different way.
I have finally found security in a man,
And his bounitful, forgiving, love for me;
Each tomorrow I make my own stand
Bending into a gentle future I can now see.
The future holds my tears, for
They are a part of who I have become,
But I no longer afraid of coming years,
Depending on one man's precious love.
Sometimes the past travels with us,
I have balanced the pain with love today;
Tomorrow I will cry, tomorrow I will trust
In a man that loves and forgives in every way.
 |
Currently
watching
:
Angel - Season Four (Slim Set)
Release date: 2006-11-28
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
5:34 AM - Calmning Thoughts
Current mood:  content
Category: Life
I can think of nothing better
At this point in my years,
To see my family growing bigger,
Young ones to pull near.
My daughter will always be first,
For she is my star that shines most brightly,
But how I revel in her children's birth,
How I love to kiss them, holding tightly.
I'm a goodish age to have young ones at my feet,
Young smiles and gurgles that warm my heart;
I fear of them too much I speak!
But they are my legacy, of my own blood they are a part.
Bree and Shawn are lighthouses in my world,
They are a promise that I will go on...
To embrace that laughing boy and baby girl,
It gives me purpose, Allie and her daughter and son.
|
Currently
watching
:
Angel - Season Four (Slim Set)
Release date: 2006-11-28
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
4:29 AM - My Blessing
Current mood:  strong
I love the way you give yourself over to me,
The way you love me with no holding back;
The way I know without doubt it will always be
This way we are today, with nothing to lack.
You fold me into your big bear arms each day,
I feel the heart we together share, beat by beat;
We have learned never to let the world to get in the way,
While so many lovers bicker, power struggle and cheat.
We blend together spectacularly; we are truly one;
We cannot be together without touching one another.
We are better each year since our love begun,
We were always meant for this, loving, holding together.
You lift me up to a high place and offer me the world,
You are my King, My Liege, The Lord of my dreams...
You made a Queen of a complicated, weeping girl,
You are the only man I know that is all he seems.
My heart is all I have, and it all belongs to you,
You urge me on to be whatever I dream to be;
You are an integral part of all I say, all I do...
You are my eyes so I might all these blessings see.
|
Currently
watching
:
Angel - Season Four (Slim Set)
Release date: 2006-11-28
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
|
11:30 PM - dark passenger
Current mood:  worried
Category: Life
Something within her ebbs and flows
In and throughout her damaged heart;
A dark passenger that thinks and knows
Just enough to keep her torn apart. She cries at night, every night she cries;
Days, months, years with no relief...
The dark passenger sliding 'round inside;
Stealing slowly her reasons to believe.
She no longer allows anyone to see
Those tears born so many years ago,
She tired of appearing so weak ~
As if she'd never be able to let the pain go.
asps/binx
 |
Currently
watching
:
Single White Female
Release date: 1998-02-24
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Friday, July 04, 2008
|
9:20 PM - confidence
Current mood:  happy
This was the piece I sketched yesterday...the piece that just might have given me enough confidence and courage to keep going forward. Any opinions? Keep in mind, it was taken with a camera phone, so the quality sucks a bit.
4 Comments - 2 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
|
5:54 PM - A Prayer
Current mood:  ecstatic
Category: Religion and Philosophy
This is my prayer of thanks for the great and omnipotent Goddess for returning my beautiful son not once from the bloodied battlefields where his path has led him...no, not one blessing, but three times now, Goddess has brought him back to the world he knows. Back to the family that stewed in anxiety, had trouble sleeping, and had too many vivid fears.
People call him my *step*son, but I simply refuse the former word. His bio-mom shipped him to us when he was still a boy, around ten years old, to go off and raise another man's children. He's 26 now, and I have earned the right to call him my own.
We fought one another long and hard for many years...typical divorce issues that effect children and intruding *extra* parents. I never believed I could feel such a passionate and abiding love for my son, but I do feel it. I feel it so much it hurts me inside. He will return to that bloodied battlefield for the fourth time in less than five months from now, and even now, my fears and anxieties breed and fester.
Thank you, Goddess, for enriching our lives with this boy turned fine man of honor, duty, and integrity. We are most grateful and give to you offerings of thanks.
 |
Currently
watching
:
The Six Wives of Henry VIII
Release date: 2006-05-16
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
8:28 AM - Nobody’s Home
Current mood: scared
Nobody's Home lyrics
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh...
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh...
~ Avril
 |
Currently
listening
:
Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
By
Seether
Release date: 2007-10-23
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
1:04 AM - We are Unto Ourselves
Current mood:  crazy
Category: Romance and Relationships
Why do we like girls? with so many men in the world?
What do you all have to recommend to us?
You either leave us hangin' or you're trying to save us,
You exsanguinate our hearts with our very trust.
Too often you believe in nothing you can't see,
Our feminine souls understand one another,
You try us then you trade us ~
You are so rarely worth the bother.
We're soft skinned from beginning to end,
Our lips tastes like lucious fruit...
We have more to offer, full are our emotional coffers,
Which make your meager givings totally moot.
You don't have a stallion's fate, you're just a gelding in wait;
Falling over your fickle, fateful tongues...
Moving from girl to girl as you move through the world,
Or sticking around punishing, till our hearts are wrung.
asps/binx
|
Currently
listening
:
Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
By
Seether
Release date: 2007-10-23
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Saturday, June 28, 2008
|
5:43 AM - Time and Toil
Current mood:  calm
Once I was electrified, my life invigorized,
How young it seemed I was back then ~
I never appreciated that Time would not wait
Nor the youth Time had not taken.
I was so strong, living life all night long,
On that stage I found myself as a somebody,
Affluent in a crowd partying loud,
Snubbing every available authority.
My body can't do those things much anymore...
Somehow Time and toil settled their score
They used me, and I let myself be used....
How could such fun turn out to be abuse...?
asps/binx
2 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Sunday, June 29, 2008
|
5:02 AM - another gem from Frank!
Current mood: calm
Dew on the grass glistens im morns early light
The sweet sounds of swallows singing in a new day
My nights dreams fading into a shadowy memory
The days realities becoming far to apparent.
I sometimes wonder if life has more to reveal
Or are my desires and dreams only just that
The mystery of life seems to daunting a task
All this day brings will fade and become my past.
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Saturday, June 28, 2008
|
11:23 AM - a piece from Frankie
Current mood:  pleased
Category: Life
Moonlight shines on a calm mystic sea
Awakening my sences and stirring my imagination
Pushing me beyond my inhibitions
Thrusting me into a realm of erotic wonder
A sea of thought and deep contemplation
Im driven by the power of the unknown
A vortex of unbridled passion and desire
Dreams of distant loves, real and imagined
Angels and deamons knocking on my door
Im unable to choose which path to pursue
I only feel the warmth and ignore the cold
I want only the joy but the fear still resides
Life is my wonder and I'll take what it gives
But my ability to dream is what helps me survive
I laugh at these thoughts but there all mine to share
No deception no expectation just some feelings bared.
----------- Frankie @ http://www.myspace.com/frankd61
|
Currently
watching
:
The Six Wives of Henry VIII
Release date: 2006-05-16
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Saturday, June 21, 2008
|
5:48 PM - My Daughter
Current mood:  peaceful
Category: Life
A lot of things that can be said about Allie, my daughter...not yet 20 with two babies in two years, but her finest quality, where she really shines, is Motherhood. She was a very young, reckless, very careless when she first found herself expecting my grandson, Shawn.
A miracle happened within her upon finding herself in such a way. She put away the child she was, and she put away childish things. She slipped about her neck and heart the yolk of Motherhood even as she slipped off the mantle of youth's foolishness.
She's a brilliant Mother. All you have to do is look at her children, especially Shawn, the eldest, who has just learned to walk. What a perfect, fearless, and bright child. And very beautiful to the eye. My daughter saw to that. Not to mention she herself had the same beautiful disposition at Shawn's age, and my own Mother claims I myself was exactly the same.
I digress.
I just wanted her to know, I supposed - (and I'm better on paper that verbal expressions) - that I am so proud of her. She fights and struggles with economics and great marital strife, but her children are her irrevocable first priority. She is doting, loving, and strives not to spoil, lest other people find her children intolerable.
You're fighting hard times, My Babylove, My Darling, My Beautiful Lady...but you are doing a splendid job. You are a wonderful Mother. You make me proud. Very proud.
 |
Currently
reading
:
It (Signet Books)
By
Stephen King
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
4:50 AM - Four Hands
Current mood: anxious
Category: Romance and Relationships
There are four loves
With their hands upon my heart.
In two I find warmth,
In one I find a shallow basin,
In the last I find...emptiness.
The first hand lends security and eternal, unabashed love.
The second hand offers up loving embrace, kisses, warmth.
The third hand...there's nothing to share.
The fourth hand is blood, it is forever.
I look at these hands, some reaching,
some withdrawn...
And I shiver.
And I shudder.
My heart blisters,
My heart stutters.
So many choices
Circling 'round those four hands...
Four lives tumbling in my own hands.
They tumble, they tumble.
They are the fabric
Of my consfusions, happinesses, and sorrow.
 |
Currently
watching
:
The Butterfly Effect (Infinifilm Edition)
Release date: 2004-07-06
|
0 Comments - 0 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
|
Friday, June 20, 2008
|
10:56 PM - mixed up, messed up, wild eyes all around
Current mood:  cheerful
Category: Romance and Relationships
Pulling, striving, twisting in my heart,
I wring my hands and wait;
Do I enter the water, swim with my shark,
Or keep to shore, for to sun bake?
This isn't a "grass is always greener" condition ~
Oh, no, it's anything but that sorry state;
But unfulfilled needs, a dim lit delusion ~
It's thirst...a thirst I so desperately must slake.
My life is near to perfect just as it is,
I know I should stick to its shores...
But oh how I long for just one sensuous kiss,
To remind me I'm a woman once more.
asps/binx
|
Currently
watching
:
The Butterfly Effect (Infinifilm Edition)
Release date: 2004-07-06
|
3 Comments - 6 Kudos
- Add Comment
|
|
|
