Daughter’s in the hospital

They admitted Shelby tonight at UNC for depression. Hopefully, she can get the help she needs.

Please understand if I don't respond to emails or messages.

10:19 PM - 10 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

If you’re a woman and you don’t vote, you’re an idiot
Current mood: blah
Category: News and Politics

I don't have much respect for women that don't utilize their hard-earned right to vote. If you can't take 10 minutes out of your day on November 8th to exercise a right that women fought for (Night of Terror, 1917) then you are not much of a woman.

And if you vote for the republican party because of Sarah Palin, you're even more of an idiot. But hey...at least you voted.

1:30 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

*Cough, cough* Is this thing on? Hello???
Current mood: energetic
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Hey peeps...yep. Still here...mostly doing a quick run-through since work has me so busy. But Shelby is out of town for the next week or so and I was wondering if anyone might be free or have some suggestions as to any events.

Much to say but little patience to say it so let's just start with...."life's a bitch, then ya die!"  Okay...it's not that bad, but I am hanging in there. 

So...yeah....that was my question. Hope everyone is well - I miss many of you. The tone of this may be odd as I am a bit intoxicated.

LOL

So......how is everyone??

:)

Currently listening : Baby Got Back By Sir Mix-A-Lot Release date: 1992-02-27

10:10 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Death Penalty: Where do YOU stand?
Current mood: curious
Category: News and Politics

Okay. I cheated. I just blogged this at my WRAL news site.  Eh, Whatever. My words are super important no matter how intoxicated I am. LOL (Frontera makes an excellent Cab Sab/Merlot mix that is smooth. Then again, I don't know shit about wine so my opinion is moot.)

I really would like some feedback if you feel up to it, though.

____________________________________________________

I am just curious. I see many commenters here and there stating that people should be put to death. It seems the support comes from all walks of life, regardless of religious preference, politics or age. I would assume (and probably wrongly) that most Christians and so-called "liberals" (no offense intended) would be against the death penalty. So kindly indulge me and clarify your position.

What religious and political party do you affiliate yourself with and do you agree with the death penalty? Why or why not?

As for my personal stance...I am not religious and I guess you could consider me a "democrat", although I vote for candidates that maintain similiar beliefs on things I consider important to me, regardless of their party affiliation.

I for one am very much in favor of the death penalty, and feel that it is abused in that our courts deliver this as a sentence then never carry it out. This is one of the main reasons I feel that people say it is not a deterrent. Of course it isn't if it's just a couple of words on a court document and never carried out. I think the "deterrent" aspects of it would be much more effective if criminals knew it wasn't a joke. Regardless of that aspect, I feel strongly that people that exhibit certain psychological tendancies (repeat offenders, torture/sadistic, psychotic, pedophilic) should be exterminated as quickly as possible. I do recognize the argument that there is a racial element to guilty verdicts, but I feel that as forensic technology advances, an offender whose case has had adequate appeals should be slated for death as quickly as possible.

As for "cruel and unusual" punishment, this is also a valid argument. In my opinion (and it's just an opinion) I don't understand why we simply don't return to the guillotine. It is instantaneous-barring the arguments that a head "lives" for 20 seconds or so after decapitation. Compare this to our current usage of electrocution, the gas chamber and lethal injection. Although lethal injection seems the "easiest" for an offender if carried out properly. Though it would seem that even this is sometimes botched.

So, guillotine it is. Really. Immediate. No if, ands, or buts. No one has to be present, although I think this would assist the "deterrent" argument quite effectively.

China has the highest number of executions per year, with approximately 470 in 2007. We lag behind with 42 that same year.

What are we afraid of? If a serious offender warrents the death penalty, why do we not carry it out? Why should we continue to pay for the food and board of the people that will spend the rest of their natural lives in prison (and statistically kill correctional officers and other prisoners during their stay)? The offender population will continue to grow, and people, we have to put them somewhere and pay for them.

Why? Why, why, why? It really does boggle my mind.

Currently reading : Ender’s Shadow (Ender, Book 5) By Orson Scott Card

3:05 PM - 25 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Life After People
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

What would happen to life and the Earth after people?

The History channel put together a special feature where scientists and others speculate what the earth, animal life and plant life might be like if humanity no longer existed.

Not only does Life After People explore the remaining life, but it illustrates what will happen to our buildings, bridges and other creations using spectacular CGI effects.

If you haven't seen this, you should. You might be surprised that in 10,000 years, 99 percent of what modern man has built and created will be gone. Even our concrete structures (minus one) are less steadfast than the structures of ancient civilizations. Kind of ironic, isn't it?

And all of those televison and radio broadcasts that were once thought to travel indefinitely into space? According to research done by SETI, they actually decompose into static within one to two light years, meaning they don't even get past our sun.

If you don't have the History Channel, here's a link to the program itself on Google video: Life After People

Sit down. Have some popcorn. And maybe you'll even smile a little like I did.

After all, it really does remind us that we are nothing but a blip in the life of the Earth. And all of this struggling, worrying and sweating we do to make a difference is rather futile in the big picture. Not that we should change anything, of course.

But honestly, when you see Manhatten Island return to original splendor and beauty, it's breathtaking.

And I do find it amusing that much of the intellect, books and art we have produced over the last 200 years or so will not survive the power of Mother Nature.

Now, if we wrote on stone as the Egyptians did....well, you get the picture.

It's an awesome show. You should watch it. You might learn something.

Not all TV is evil.

Currently reading : The God Delusion By Richard Dawkins

2:00 PM - 9 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

How Many of Us Have Them?
Current mood: cynical
Category: Friends

I'm really disappointed in people right now. I have learned in the past couple of weeks that there are just some people whose word you cannot take at face value. I've learned that most people are not honest with themselves or others....

You know, it even disgusts me to see a person put up a front to the general public when you KNOW they are loonier than an insane asylum at max capacity. Ironically, it would appear that's what the majority wants to hear is bullshit - not reality. We're all fucked up, some more than others, but goddamn, don't LIE about it.

I guess I'm even a little mad at myself because I am realizing I have poor taste in friends.

I used to isolate myself from others when things got bad. Therapists used to tell me all of the time "You need friends. You need to have a support network since no one can do it alone."

Over time, I've become better at that. Reaching out to others if I had to.

Lately, I've been disappointed because most of the people I have reached out to have been too self-absorbed to care, or made promises they did not keep. Trust me, if I ask you to listen or talk, I REALLY need it. Alas, my friendship must not have meant much.

It would not even be so bad if these people could have admitted their inability to be supportive right now for whatever reason. But that brings me back to one of my first gripes that most people can't be honest with themselves let alone others.

Another friend (I really think he was trying to help in his own way) told me today "That's why you have to learn to depend on no one but yourself."

No therapist would agree with him, and I think if he had no family or friends he might see it a little differently.

But in a sad way, he may have had a point.

Great world we have. My view is a little hazy right now.

9:55 PM - 20 Comments - 19 Kudos - Add Comment

Let’s See....
Current mood: gloomy
Category: Life

My wonderful complex has informed me 3 months after I moved in that us ghetto people at the foot of the hill cannot use the pool up the hill (where the hell did we get that idea??) Instead, and of course not telling me when I moved in, we are supposed to use another ghetto pool about a mile down the road at a trailer park. Fuckers did not tell me a thing and now they act like I am an idiot for expecting to use the "good" pool. If I had known I could not use the pool, I wouldn't have moved in. I even signed a lease addendum stating pool rules and regulations and the same lady that was as sweet as pie when I moved in here is now acting like she never made the inference that we could use the pool where I pay my rent. Nothing verbal or in writing about any other pool. Talk about misrepresentation. A couple of emails and phone calls have gotten me no where fast.

And now the shocking water bill that was supposed to be $20 dollars a month but when I moved in found out was $80.00 a month....we are charged a minimum fee for 3000 gallons a month whether we use it or not. This month's bill was for $96 dollars and stated we used 3600 gallons. There is no fucking way. I even used a couple of online calculators to estimate usage and the highest I came up with was 2700 gallons. Of course they asked me if I had any leaks (duh...NO) and then put me through to someone's voicemail. Thanks for the help, people. And I know my complex is not going to do shit to help me figure this out.

I have two cracked teeth that have been bothering me for months and even though I have dental insurance they both require crowns at about $1100 dollars a pop with insurance only paying 60 percent. I don't have $660.00 dollars per tooth. That's rent.

To top it off, deadbeat dad, who now owes 10 thousand dollars in back child support, actually called me a few weeks ago to say he hasn't found a job yet in Arkansas (he's been there about a year) and if I would think about putting him up again while he moved back here and looked for a job. Umm.....I don't think so!! Tried that last year, you bastard, and all you did was lay on my couch for two weeks, drink beer and eat all of our food. Yeah. I'm going to fall for that one again.

I just need a break. Everything always seems to hit at once and boy am I tired. Simply tired.

1:00 PM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

FEMA Poisoned Katrina Victims
Current mood: pissed off
Category: News and Politics

Children in Katrina trailers may face lifelong ailments

By JOHN MORENO GONZALES
Associated Press Writer

Orginal article HERE

BAY ST. LOUIS, MISS. — The anguish of Hurricane Katrina should have ended for Gina Bouffanie and her daughter when they left their FEMA trailer. But with each hospital visit and each labored breath her child takes, the young mother fears it has just begun.

1:17 PM - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

"Lady, You Call Him Dr. Jones!"
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Hrmmm. Saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

*WARNING: Spoilers!*

*******************************************

I wanted to like it...I really did. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't horrid. But it wasn't all that great either.

Harrison looked great, and it was nice to see Karen Allen again. Don't let people tell you Indy looked old because I would beg to differ! And of course, Shia. *sigh*

They could have developed the characters' stories so much better and the plot had no definitive climax. I've read a lot about people being pissed about the alien aspect, and although I love aliens and have no problem with those story lines it honestly didn't go well with this series.

There wasn't enough action sequences that we tend to see with the Indy movies, and the CG gophers at the beginning were just plain stupid.

I must say I loved the quick scene at the very end where the wind blows Indy's hat to his son, Mutt (Shia); he picks it up to put it on his head but Indy grabs it and smiles. That right there was a key sign that Lucas and Spielberg have tapped Shia to continue the series...you can take my word on that. Which to me is an excellent choice because I think Shia can hold his own in a big action adventure (think Transformers.)

So, although I wouldn't have missed it for the world, it was a little disappointing although I think it will lead into a new generation of Indy movies with Shia taking the reins, and this I look forward to.

The Temple Of Doom still reins as my favorite, with The Last Crusade  and the Raiders of the Lost Ark coming in equally as second.

Obviously, this is just an opinion much like everyone else so I would recommend seeing the movie if you are an Indy fan.

Or don't.

No skin off my back.

Enjoy your Memorial Day!

Currently listening : Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack Release date: 1999-08-24

9:35 PM - 13 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Deep in Thought (for a minute)
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Ever have a lot of shit bottled up in you that you want to say but you don't quite know how to say it?

Ever get so frustrated with the human race you want to just shoot people in the face?

But still you want to know them; get closer to the fascinating creatures.

Ever think to yourself, "You know, people just don't really know me. They stroll across a picture or a couple of words and assume I am one way, when in reality they are so far off base I wouldn't even know where to begin?"

Then you realize that there are some ways you could communicate differently; take some time to really express yourself and maybe, just maybe, kindred souls will recognize their own and make an effort to see past the surface?

Then you realize how much time and effort this would take and instead you just say fuck it.

(At least, that is the conclusion I have reached.)

I would venture to say that nine times out of ten, a person's initial impression of me (what they think I am) is highly incorrect.

Fitfy percent of that is due to the image I put forth.

The other fifty percent is based upon a person's own experiences and how they perceive the world around them.

I can alter my behavior; I cannot alter their perceptions.

But is it really worth it?

Will I find what it is I am seeking?

Eh.

I'll ponder that for awhile.

I'm too busy right now trying to find ways to entertain myself.

And that's about all the deep thoughts I can handle for one day.

Currently listening : Ms. New Booty By Bubba Sparxxx Release date: 2006-01-10

1:40 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad-ASS
Current mood: curious
Category: News and Politics

I just found out I work with a direct descendent of Chang and Eng, the famous Siamese twins that traveled with P.T. Barnum and eventually settled here in NC to marry two sisters and father 21 children between the both of them (11 to one, 10 to the other).





She thinks she's not famous but knew I would find it interesting.



She is in a picture taken in 2006 of a family reunion by National Geographic.



She is at the right on the second row...lovely Rubenesque woman in a blue spaghetti strap dres with her blonde thin daughter beside of her.



Umm.....yeah.... you're famous in my book.





Simply awesome.





A bit tipsy right now but have a bid on a copy of that issue on Ebay and I'm totally stoked.





Yes. I am a total geek. Chang and Eng are awesome.


:)

More later.





~T

2:30 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Re-fucking-diculous. (Politics, that is)
Current mood: cantankerous
Category: News and Politics

Most of you know that I don't make many comments regarding politics - at least not to the general public. I have my opinions and preferences just like everyone else.

However, I just read an online article outlining Bush's criticisms against the Democrats regarding the oil crisis and rising gas prices. To add to that, I also listened to a portion of an interview with Bill Clinton outlining Hillary's steps to provide short-term relief from the gas crunch. They were good ideas-focusing on a temporary respite from gas taxes (the oil companies would have to cover these) and pushing the development of high milegage vehicles.

This is what I read today:

"On gas prices, Bush again asserted that he understands the pinch on typical families.(sure ya do) He pushed for steps that critics say would offer little help anytime in the short term, such as encouraging construction of oil refineries and allowing more oil drilling in areas where it is now precluded.

"No doubt about it, we're deeply concerned about the high price of gasoline," Bush said along side House Republican leaders.

He said if Congress was worried about the impact that soaring gas prices were having on citizens, it would urge the construction of new domestic refineries and allow for environmentally friendly energy exploration in the United States."

"Energy experts believe ANWR's likely 11 billion barrels of oil—pumped at just under 1 million barrels a day—would send a signal of increased U.S. interest in domestic energy production. However, in the long run, it likely would not significantly impact oil or gasoline prices. And it likely would have little impact on today's prices."

Original article HERE.

Hmmm...They want more oil refineries (which will line their pockets) and drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (which will also line their pockets).

Oh, and there was this:

Bush also called on Congress to approve a $108 billion war-spending bill for Iraq and Afghanistan "without any strings." A measure proposed by House Democrats would prohibit using U.S. aid to rebuild towns or equip security forces in Iraq unless Baghdad matches every dollar spent.

Freaking warmonger. Soooo tired of this shit. At least the dems have a good point...if we give you more money to spend on playing war, at least the city has to match funds.

I'm sorry but I must say that I am really tired of rich-ass republicans that have no concept of what it's like to be a typical American and instead want to spend our budget.

I guess I could go on and on...but what's the use? Either you agree or disagree and I'm a work, don't have much time to rant and honestly don't give a damn if you do disagree.

So I'm done. Sorry for the tirade.

9:35 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Emo, Chick Flicks and Getting Peed On
Current mood: breezy
Category: Life

Little less tired today and in much better spirits. That's a good thing. Didn't take my Paxil or sleeping meds for the last few days, the prescriptions which were renewed at my last doctor's visit. I have to figure out exactly what is making me so tired and cranky and it's really a matter of seeing how everything I take affects me. Had one or two brain shivers today, but I'd much rather deal with that then this unrelenting fatigue that has snuck up on me in the last week or so.

I'll figure it out. I don't have much else to focus my attention on; might as well find the mental plane where I am the most productive.

Watched a great movie last night - laughed and cried and realized that although I miss being loved, my life is not for naught. The movie? An old chick flick that I probably avoided intentionally as I don't like the emotions chick flicks elicit in me. It's not a BAD thing...they just always focus on love, companionship and shit like that - things that I don't have enough of in my life. They remind me that yes, indeed, I am a woman and do have needs that cannot always be served by this so-called wonderful "single" life. You love your children; you love your friends. But there is just a certain type of interaction and intimacy that you cannot share and experience with these people like you can a partner.

And if anyone tells me I'm "needy" or unhappy with myself at this point in my life I will beg to differ. I have learned a lot just in these past couple of years; to enjoy various aspects of my life and who I am. Recognizing the wholeness a partner can bring is not weak. It's actually empowering.

I guess it doesn't really matter what I convince you guys of...it's how I feel that's important. I just want people to know (at least the ones that have been with me here for the past few years) that I have improved my outlook but still don't feel it's "pathetic' to state that life is much more pleasant with an equal to share it with. An equal mentally - I would prefer some physical attributes that I don't possess myself! LOL

Working a few hours a day this weekend, but I might have some kid-free time Friday night and Sat. If anyone wants to hang out, let me know.

Oh, and the movie I mentioned? (as if you really care) The Evening Star, with Shirley MacLaine, a continutation of the first movie "Terms of Endearment" which I also never saw and never wanted to as this is the ultimate in "chick flicks." I kind of stumbled across it on some cable channel, much the way I end up watching the majority of chick flicks that I refuse to see until sometime, somehow, I do. My ultimate favorite chick flicks that always make me cry like a baby (and some of the few times I actually shed tears in life)??

Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes and Where the Heart Is. They will get me everytime.

So see? I do have feelings every once in awhile.

Now...pass me a beer and excuse the belch.

Oh, and thanks to Bridget, I just got peed on for the first time by a baby boy. Dominic is such a little cutie though. That boy is going to be spoiled...I can tell ya that right now!

12:45 PM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Well....POO.
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Mentally, I have been doing fabulous for the past two months or so. The winter blues wore off, and my energy and general enthusiasm for life was at an excellent level.

Until about two weeks ago.

What did I do two weeks ago??

Went and had my yearly physical and since I haven't been on birth control for years, I figured what the hey? Might as well.

Not many options for women over 35 that smoke. One was the shot Depo Provera; the other the IUD Mirena.

I never have liked the idea of having an object placed within my uterus. That's my uterus, people.  Besides, I had a friend last year that ended up in the hospital with uncontrollable bleeding a few days after having one inserted.

So I opted for the Depo shot. I had taken this before, right after the birth of Shelby. Used for it for a couple of years.

Funny. That's also when I first dealt with very serious bouts of depression.

A doctor of some sort had mentioned something in the past about how the shot may have worsened my depression, but this was one person out of the shitloads I saw over the years.

Which brings us back to now.

Since I had the shot few weeks ago, I'm suddenly really tired all of the time and I feel generally like shit.

I just did some net searching and have come across quite a few websites and discussion boards of women who have experienced depression, fatigue and a host of other side effects after taking the shot, although most of these are considered to be rather rare by professionals.

For the second day in a row, I call bullshit. I should know better than to expect all doctors to keep up with current events, because A) info changes so much these days and B) there is just only so much one person can know at a given point in life.

I'm not saying doctors are incompetent; I'm just saying we need to be stronger proponents regarding our own health.

Anyway, off the soapbox.

I am now pissed because in retrospect I realize I should not have taken the shot and now I'm going to have to wait a MINIMUM of three months for the effects to begin to subside. Many of the women's stories I read spoke of "years" before they returned to normal.

I hope like hell that is not the case for me.

I am actually grieving at the loss of the person I JUST was a couple of weeks ago.

It's sad, really. I am struggling so hard right now just to get up in the morning and make it through work. It is an intense tired that I cannot seem to shake no matter how much sleep I have, how many vitamins I take, etc.

Fuck.

This time I actually fucked myself with my own stupidity.

Funny thing is, I haven't used any form of long term birth control in years. 

Hah.

Was I, somewhere in the back of my head, anticipating that I might be getting laid more often??!??

There I go thinking again.

So, here I am now, all protected and shit...but no partner... and I'm too damn tired to even go "catting" for a new one.

It's sadly ironic, don't you think??

Blah.

My life.

A series of unfortunate events.

Oh well.

Anybody wanna go fishing?

*** On a completely unrelated note, I just got some awesome lightweight steel toe waterproof Timberland boots at work. They kick ass! I almost want a pair to wear at home - not that I need a steel toe or anything, but they are so light you don't even notice.

Ahem. Back to your regular programming. ***

1:00 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

SOOOO Done.
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

In the last month, I had my fill of people- both guys and friends - that only come around when there is something THEY want or need.

Or better yet....a guy that spends time talking you up and acting all fascinated just to inform you later that they are "sort of" in a relationship.

The what the fuck are you bothering me for?!??

No more.

I am tired of being nice. I'm tired of being used. And I'm really damn tired of hearing grown men say "I just want casual right now; I don't have the time for a relationship."

Oh, really????

I call bullshit. I work 40+ hours a week. I take care of a teenage daughter all by myself. And I keep my fucking house spotless while STILL having time to blow off some steam, see a movie, fish for a few hours. Even spend time with someone I care about. I MAKE the time. So don't give me those fucking bullshit excuses. I can respect someone a hell of a lot more if they just said "Hey, I wanna fuck you" or "I need something."

Not that this particular line is going to work, either....but at least it's honest.

So no more will I sit by and hope that things will change. Fuck that.

This fucking kitchen is CLOSED.

I may miss sex a little. Hell, I'll miss it A LOT.

And I may miss some of those friends that only show up when it's convenient for them.

But not for long. I will no longer compromise my comfort for others.

Screw you worthless slugs.

I think many people have forgotten that friendships and relationships of any sort are composed of give and take.

Not take, take, TAKE.

Well, since I've never taken shit before, there is one thing I am finally taking now.

My fucking dignity.

Thanks for the heartache and the stain on my bed.

Ahhhh...the memories.

5:45 PM - 10 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment