because nothing else was blog-worthy
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Blogging

I don't know if you could really classify this as a blog, but I came across it on Sandi's Random Inklings' page. I thought it was a brilliant and interesting read and thought, What the hell? But then I realized I had done something like this as a bulletin awhile back already. And well, we all know how easily bulletins get overlooked - especially with my surveys. *snicker* So, I'm going to do it again. In blog form this time.

9:04 AM - 7 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

choose your disorder
Current mood: hungry
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

"I think I'm gonna become anorexic. Yeah, I'm not eating anymore, I just decided. Starting... now."

It was a declaration I made not too long ago. I'm not exactly sure what prompted the decision, but it obviously had something to do with skinny bitches. Or something of the like.

"You're stupid," my friend said as she guffawed at the thought, apparently not taking me seriously at all.

"I'm foreal! I don't want to count calories and all that shit. I'm too lazy to hit the gym. So I'm just not gonna eat," I declared once more. "Do you see how skinny them bitches can get? Man. I want that."

And that was the end of the conversation. Meanwhile, my friend continued to scoff at my decision while letting a chuckle or two slip out.

Pfft! She's a skinny bitch. She couldn't possibly understand, anyway.

And then... I got hungry. The amount of time that had passed was like, a half hour. Damn... what do I do now?

Water. Yeah, water's good. I'll just drink a lot of water. Enough to fill up the belly and trick it into thinking I'm full. Good idea.

A few glasses of water later, I was still extremely hungry. Hungry and I had to pee. A lot. Man, I suck at this.


(P.S.: Simma' down skinny bitches. I do realize the severity of anorexia, so take it easy. I'm only joking. I got love for all shapes, I was a whiz in Geometry).

7:43 AM - 27 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

true or false (updated with answers in bold)
Current mood: animated
Category: MySpace

So... I've been tagged by the beautiful Bewitched.....

Oh joy. *snicker*

It's an interactive tag and gives me a chance to see which one of you really pays attention to me. Actually, I don't even care but I'm going to do it anyway.

So I'm supposed to list thirteen things that may or may not be true. Your job is to tell me which ones you believe are true and which ones are false. Once I think you all are done playing, I'll pop back in with the answers.

Which I'm doing now. All answers are in bold after each statement. I didn't let the game go long enough, but eh, I'm over it now anyway.

So here we go.

6:21 PM - 16 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

the dating game... episode two
Current mood: content
Category: Romance and Relationships

As I've stated previously, men in this city are a dime a dozen. With that said, finding a date is as simple as finding a panhandler on Burnside street with a cardboard sign. They're everywhere!

Ok, ok... that sounded a little weird. Let me re-phrase that.

It must be a full moon 'cause Boun scored two dates this week. I know. I'm trippin' too. *smirk*

Last week I had stepped out, last minute, to a local bar with a few of my friends. It was the same night I encountered an undercover hater. But that didn't stop me from doing what I do, which is, just being me.

As soon as I walked in, I immediately noticed him. But that was all. Because I don't ever initiate conversation... unless of course, I'm drunk. Then some random dude distracted me by asking if I wanted to shoot a game of pool with him. Naturally, pool shark that I am, I agreed. During the game, I snuck looks at "Twilight" in between shots and saw that he was doing the same.

Should I go say hi? Nah. What if he's just waiting for the next game? Yeah, I should say something. But what if I'm reading him wrong? It's possible. But, but, but... I don't think I am.

I was battling myself as I fucked my shots up. And then I lost. Dammit. My competitive nature took over and my intentions to talk to Twilight diminished for a minute because I was pissed. I could have SO taken him! Oh well.

So my attention went elsewhere and I moved over to the crowd where my friends were gathered - Twilight no longer being in my thoughts. *shrugs* After awhile, we all decided to run over to another bar in a different part of town. As we walked to my car, I saw Twilight walking right behind us. Still, I paid him no mind. When we got outside, I stood by my car while my friends were trying to figure out whose car we were taking.

And there was Twilight again. We made eye contact for a second as he walked to his car. At this point, I knew I wasn't mistaken and figured I'd give him that sign. You know, the one that says, Come talk to me.

And he did.

"Hey like the way you shoot pool, you're really good."

"Oh yeah? So why didn't you challenge me? I saw you watching," I said while I sauntered in his direction.

"Oh nah. I can't let a female a beat me, and I can see that you could."

"Oh c'mon, I woulda gone easy on you," I replied in that stupid half-giggly girl manner. (God I'm such a tool).

Then I noticed that my friends had hopped into the car, obviously not wanting to wait. So I told Twilight that I should go and that it was nice meeting him.

As I walked away, he shouted, "Hold on, maybe we can go shoot pool some time. Can I get your number?"

I turned around, walking backwards and quickly shouted out my digits. "Send me a text so I got your number too!"

And we left.

I didn't hear from Twilight until the next night and we made plans to get together. But this last weekend was sort of a hectic one for me and I inadvertently bailed on him. The entire weekend. Oops.

Finally though, we had our first date Wednesday night. Being that I had only met him a week prior, I would have preferred something in public. But he insisted on cooking me dinner at his place, followed by cocktails and a movie. Hmm... I wasn't too sure, but hell, it had been years since a man cooked me dinner. So I went.

It wasn't as scary as I had presumed because he was a really laid back guy. We got to know each other really well and I must say, he was definitely not like most of the men I've gone out with in the past. And maybe that's my problem. Because... I wasn't really feeling him.

Maybe because I became so accustomed to lame ass dudes who treated me like shit. Maybe I had no clue how to respond and I freaked. Maybe I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don't know.

But... I don't think there will be a second date. Now Cutie, on the other hand, I will definitely being seeing him again.

8:51 AM - 22 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

don’t break your back, i don’t have insurance
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

Seriously, what is it that makes a man want to pick me up? By that I mean, lift me up off the ground. I can't quite figure it out, but I know that I absolutely hate it. What if he can't do it? What if he breaks his back? How embarrassing is that going to be for me?

Extremely!

It could possibly be due to the fact that I'm only 5'2" and most of these men tower over me by a half foot or more. Maybe because I'm so little and pudgy that they want to pick me up and cradle me in their arms. Oh geez. I'm not little by any means. Or maybe, I'm a freakin' challenge to them. Maybe they think that by lifting me off the ground, it will show how strong they are. Pfft!

I'm not a freakin' baby. Stop trying to carry me!

It really freaks me out because I don't have insurance. So if they go hurting their backs by trying to lift me, then they're on their own for the medical costs. 'Cause I ain't paying!

My ex-boyfriend was the ultimate I-am-Tarzan type dude. And well, he was built like it. But every time he'd go to lift me up, I'd pray that he spent extra time at the gym working on his back muscles that day. Seriously. There were other ways I could have broken his back *wink* and lifting me up was NOT going to be one of them.

One of the more scary times is when someone my height or a few inches taller does it. And no lie, it almost resembles a fight between Popeye and Bluto. *ahem* Me being Bluto. But of course Popeye prevails and Bluto is lifted well above Popeye's head and then gets tossed across the boat, or farm, or which ever scene. Not saying I've ever been lifted above someone's head, but you know what I'm trying to say.

On the other hand, and here I am about to contradict myself, I kind of find it... well... hot. I don't know. If a man can lift me up with no effort, then I can only imagine what else he can do for me. Ha! Stop being dirty. I mean, what if there was a puddle in front of me and I didn't want to get my shoes wet? Then he could carry me over it.

What?! My ex did it! I'm just saying.

So seriously, is it just a man thing - or am I wearing a sign that reads, "Carry me."

3:27 AM - 23 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

the dating game... or something like it
Current mood: adored
Category: Romance and Relationships

Men in this city are a dime a dozen - so making a new man-friend and getting his number or giving him yours is as common as stepping in dog poo in a dog park.

*shrugs* I'm not impressed, what can I say? Especially when the poo I'm stepping in takes place in a bar or club. I know, I know. You can't meet a nice guy in a bar, but it's NEVER my intention. Trust me. I venture out for the fun of it, not to meet dudes. I think I'm one of the few ladies, really, who seriously doesn't give a damn about being hollered at.

Which may be the very reason they find me. Because I'm not out there trying to get attention. I could give two shits if you're impressed with my pools skills and like the way I arch my back. Uh, yeah. I see you looking, but my focus is on the table.

However... get a few drinks in me and I loosen up the bad bitch exterior. All of a sudden I notice you noticing me and get all stupid and girly like. Sigh. So dumb. Before I realize it, you're typing in my phone number. Which I ALWAYS regret the next day. Because now the text messages DON'T stop! Even when they go ignored. Half the time, I don't remember you. Or what you look like.

I'm such a terrible drunk. Or a really good one.

Either way, I have a serious problem with losing interest. Mikey says I'm a hard-core flirt. No way! He also says that once I grab their attention, I tend to play hard to get. Again, no way!

But... I do. And I don't know why.

Luckily it doesn't always backfire, at least not with "Cutie." He reminded me a lot of someone from my past, so he immediately caught my attention. And he knew it. We talked, we flirted, we eye-raped each other every damn time we saw each other. He knew I was into him, so I put the ball in his court.

And he made a move.

"When are we going out?"

I leaned back toward him, trying to contain my smile. "Well I suppose whenever you call me."

Now if that didn't scream Ask me for my number! Then he must have forgotten his helmet. But he didn't.

"So give me your number, I want to take you out."

He was so cute. But... what did I follow with?

"I'll come find you later and give it to you before I leave."

Yep. I sure did. I put the ball back into my court. And I walked away. Ooh Mikey thought I was a dumbass for playing games with Cutie. But it just happened! I don't know why the playa wanna-be's can get my number so quick and I strung Cutie along with my little string.

I'm not a complete idiot though, I for damn sure gave him my number before I left. But I let him be the first to initiate contact. Which he did, two nights later. And, I turned him down. Yikes! Self-sabotage is a real bitch, I tell ya', because Cutie was kind of catching on to my unintentional hard-to-get game. Thank Buddha he didn't give up, though.

Because we went out the next night.

And all I can say is, a man who can hustle pool at my level AND pick my ass up way off the ground with not much effort gets moved to the front of the return text messages line.

*squeals* I'm such a fucking girl.

8:39 AM - 26 Comments - 26 Kudos - Add Comment

i’m not a player, i just crush a lot
Current mood: adored
Category: Romance and Relationships

I've been told often of how wonderful my personality is and of how it makes me that much more beautiful on the outside.

Yeah. Thanks for making this fat girl feel pretty for a day. But it is extremely nice to hear - everyone needs a little ego boost every now and then. And although it bodes well for my confidence and self-esteem, I've never allowed my head to swell in arrogance. After all, I'm a realist.

However, it was brought to my attention tonight that there is never any effort on my part when it comes to grabbing the attention of any man I set my sights on. In fact, it's easy. *flips hair*

Heh. But seriously, in the last two nights I've made two new friends, of the male species. And not just randomly. Yeah, I noticed them. They noticed me. I noticed them noticing me. And well, just sayin'... I'm not a player, I just crush a lot. *snicker*

So why is it that I'm still holding onto Sexy - even after uncovering his true persona. He truly was an ass, but I always excused it. I'm done though. I'm at the understanding of where we stand, and I'm good. But he hasn't been completely removed from my thoughts because we're still friends. And it doesn't help that his cousin insists we're only going through a rough patch. I swear he wants Sexy and me to work out more than we do since he's the only one putting forth any effort to reconcile.

And there lies my problem. Until I can completely let go, I think I subconsciously sabotage all future potentials I come across. Damn him.

But in the words of Lil' Wayne: If you leave, your leaving the best. So you'll have to settle for less.

Now if I can keep telling myself that... and believe it, I'll be okay.

1:38 AM - 89 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

welcome to hater nation
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Friends

To quote the oh-so hilarious Katt Williams, Haters are not born. Haters are made. That's right. You tell 'em boy!

We all have our insecurities, but some of us deal with them in a more mature manner than others. It's just the way things are. *shrugs*

People suck, foreal.

But I've come to the conclusion that having a hater is the ultimate form of flattery. Think about it. For someone to invest so much effort into speaking negatively about you just means you intimidate them in some way. So they do or say what they have to in order to feel better about themselves around other people. Obviously it's a sad attempt at distracting the focus from their own sad insecurities. So I say, if they wanna hate let 'em hate.

And I'm okay with that because I know my flaws. I don't spend my days trying to correct them because these flaws define exactly who I am. Quite frankly, my days are better spent perfecting my strengths. Which, of course, I have many of. *flips hair*

The biggest compliment for me though, is when a hater surfaces from the sea of my so-called "friends." Oh yeah, it's great. Because, unbeknownst to me, there have been competitions I've been a part of. From who has on the cuter outfit to whose hair has more shine to it - and even to who pulls more looks from men at the end of the night. Yeah, seriously. It's ri-fucking-diculous. *rolls eyes* And I learned of the competitiveness by accident when one of my haters, err I mean friends, got caught slippin'. Yeah, I see all, I hear all, and I know all. But did I put her on blast? Nah, not worth my time.

The laughable part about it is how I always felt that I should be the insecure one since I'm a big girl. I know, I know. It's silly. But this big girl is more than just a big girl with a pretty face and a kick-ass personality. Which is more than I can say for a skinny bitch with no substance beyond the surface.

So keep on hatin' if that's what you must do. Because we all know... you can't do it like this.

8:47 AM - 89 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

you have her eyes (mini-update)
Current mood: sad
Category: Life

My paternal grandmother came to visit us from Laos in the early 90s. I don't remember how old I was, but the memory of that visit sits fresh in my mind.

It was her first time in the States. The first time she had seen snow. The first time she had seen my sister and me.

My Laotian wasn't very fluent at that young age and her English was non-existent. So communication between the two of us was reminiscent of a game of charades. But we understood each other.

My time before and after school was spent getting to know my long-lost grandmother, learning the language and of her way of life in my country of origin. She spent a lot of time looking into my eyes and touching my hair when she spoke. I didn't understand a single word that came out of her mouth, but I understood her.

One morning, I left for school and she was up early to see me off. "Ok Grandma, I'll be home around 2pm. You gonna be okay?" I asked her slowly in English. She smiled and nodded, responding back to me in Laotian.

After school, I walked into the house to find her sitting on the couch in the dark, staring out the window.

"Um, Grandma. Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"I don't know how to turn on your fancy lights."

"Oh. So then why are you just staring out the window?"

"I don't know how to use the remote."

Wow. She was cute.

So tonight, I just learned that she's days away from dying. Apparently, last night she suffered a stroke and the doctor's say there is nothing more that could be done for her. So, as her final wish, she was sent home to die in the arms of her family.

As much as I would love to pack my Dad up and hop on a plane to go see her one last time, neither of us have our passports. Which means, my dad won't have that last chance to say goodbye to his mother, face-to-face.

And I can honestly say I've never seen him cry. But the look on his face when he delivered the news was heart-breaking, and... I broke down.

I broke down because, although I haven't seen my paternal grandmother since 1996, she's still my grandmother. And the very few cherished memories I have of her are the only ones I have. But when I look at my dad's face, she shines through from his eyes. At the same time, he's says the same thing about me.

There's a little bit of her in the both of us.

** Good news... for now: I didn't know this, but after my Grandma was sent home, she actually fell into a coma for two days. Wednesday evening, my uncle in California called to inform us that she opened her eyes. And spoke. To see if she was coherent, they asked her if she knew her name and where she was. My uncle said she responded, very sassy-like, "Of course I know my name! What's your problem?"

My dad's face is smiling again.

However, even with this little miracle, we're not crossing our fingers and toes because, it really is her time and there's no reason to grasp at false hope. She just had to give us one last great memory to throw into the pile.

Anyway, I included this update because, well I'm not a miracles-can-happen kind of person. Until now. So I wanted to thank all of you for the kind words and prayers. I truly appreciate it and I suppose, if you believe enough... miracles CAN happen.

2:28 AM - 89 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

can’t think of a title, but it’s about a movie
Current mood: amused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

My DVD shelf mainly consists of three different types of movies.

1) Comedies. 2) Chick-flicks. 3) Disney/Pixar cartoons.

I love any and all types of comedies from stand-up to corny ones with Rob Schneider. What can I say? I love to laugh. On the other hand, chick-flicks make me feel all gooey and mushy inside, reminding me that I do have a girly side, sometimes. And the cartoons are thrown in there because my niece lived with me until she was five. They were a great way for me to steal some quiet time for at least an hour and a half. However, it doesn't really explain why I kept buying them long after she moved in with her mom. Ok, fine! The cartoons are mine.

Anyway, I had the chance to catch special previews for some upcoming comedies due out in October. I picked up the passes while waiting in line at the bars. Yeah, I know. I'm just glad I found them in my hand bag the next day because vodka has the tendency to block out small details. *snicker*

So the first one I watched is called 'Sexdrive' due out October 10th. Click the link to watch the trailer. It's freakin' hilarious.

It's about this 18-year-old virgin, high school senior who meets some chick online and goes on a cross-country road trip for a chance to tap that. Sounds a little American Pie-esque, doesn't it? Well it's not. Ok, maybe a little. And it's full of cheesy sexual innuendos and adult humor. With a title like Sexdrive, would you expect anything less?

The other movie was 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist' due out October 3rd. Yep, click the link to watch the trailer.



This movie stars that kid from Superbad and Juno, two of my favorite movies. I liked it a lot more than Sexdrive because the humor wasn't cheesy and corny, and if you don't pay attention, the jokes may go over your head. Maybe. So Nick spends a month depressed because his girlfriend, who is the token slut, broke up with him. His band, which consists of him and two gay dudes, gets him out of his funk for a gig they were playing. This is where he meets Norah. Then the rest of the movie follows them on a long night out on the streets of Manhattan. If you liked Superbad and Juno, you'll love this movie. But... it does sort of borderline chick-flick. Nonetheless, I loved it so much, I can't wait to own it! Even if it IS a bootleg copy. Afterall, I know people.

Hmm... I wonder how I can get a hold of special preview passes to that new Madagascar movie?

2:49 AM - 89 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment