August 27, 2008 - Wednesday
The Shutters Are Closed
Writing and Poetry
The shutters are closed, I'm not opened for business
The power is out and the air is thick
The floor is stone cold but still sweats from the heat
The shutters are closed
I hide
But I don't hide in defeat
This no retreat
I can't just ring a bell for the staff to come serve me any delights
THe shutters are closed
I'm here all alone and solitude is my bedfellow, my confederate.
Silence and regret
There is no door in. no real way out
It's all in my head they say
Knock Knock
Come out and play
They ask
Loudly I think
The shutters are closed
My environment is impossible to describe
Just medication no doctor in his right mind would prescribe
Sure I want out
when it's safe
As the commotion subsides
After the dust settles
When the wind
Blows away all the little suicides
The shutters are closed
I'm sorry I'm such a bother
There is no malice in silence
No recovery in violence
State your business and be gone
Am I worth all this as I climb into my old white car.
Will I ever be rescued?
I'm no knight
I sit here in my quaint
Quaint little corner where...........
The shutters are closed
12:55 AM
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August 23, 2008 - Saturday
Just Quit
Life
If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs.
Deuteronomy 15:7-8
How often do we turn a blind eye to someone in need? Just because we are afraid of them, are in a hurry, or just don't care? I want to be the one that goes out of my way to be there for someone worse off than I. I want to be like "Duckfart" (I love you). HELP SOMEONE IN NEED THIS WEEK!
1:05 PM
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August 21, 2008 - Thursday
Boom!
Life
I'm a walking timebomb!
Will it be my lungs?
Will it be my heart?
Will it be my brain?
Test everything. Hold on to the Good. Avoid every kind of evil.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22
11:07 PM
6 Comments 6 Kudos Add Comment
June 10, 2008 - Tuesday
I love you Pink (I am so very proud of you)
Life
I will always believe in you! Wrap my love around you when you feel weak, when you feel strong or just to feel. Because tha's what big sisters are for. I love you Pink and I am so very proud of you. Because you did what I knew you could do all along.
6:06 PM
3 Comments 6 Kudos Add Comment
Will You Dance
Writing and Poetry
Would you dance with me if it was the last dance and I had no courage to ask?
Would you feel my longing and just walk over to me?
Would you take my hand and lead me to the floor?
Would you hold me close and get lost in the music?
Would you be saddened when the last note played?
Would you promise all of your future last dances to me?
Will you dance with me like each dance is the last?
5:31 AM
7 Comments 16 Kudos Add Comment
May 16, 2008 - Friday
Sea of Yellow
Writing and Poetry
On this night
The melody of the wind reminds me
Of a night shared by the ocean
With the crashing waves
Watching you with childlike fascination
How beautiful you were
How beautiful you are
Now I wake to a sea of yellow
Swaying softly in the breeze
I'm breathless
Amazed
By the exquisiteness
That surrounds me
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith
9:18 PM
5 Comments 6 Kudos Add Comment
Dear Family
Writing and Poetry
Dear family, why can't you love me for who I am
Why is it so easy to judge me or what I'm not
Blood is thicker than water, but you treat me like piss.
Do I not deserve a small piece of bliss?
How am I so fucking wrong?
I'm no longer ashamed
I'm strong
Mind and body
Alas
I have never turned my back to you
No matter what you did
Or what you do
Even as you turn on me now
My loyalty and love
Knows no conditions
Would it be better if I was fake?
Just for your sake?
Is that what it takes?
To once again know your favor?
To thine own self be true
Yet it's ok to falsify myself to be accepted by you
It has nothing to do with a God or his Bible
The God I was taught about told me not to pass judgement on others
So cast your stones and break my bones.
Your words and actions have already shattered my heart.
I have cried an ocean of tears
I have already hurt myself beyond anything you can do.
Strangers have treated me with more love and respect
All you have to offer is pain and neglect
It's no wonder all my life I have been dying to die
I have scars and wounds too deep to ever heal.
The same scars that I try to cover with my own fresh ones.
That is the only way I am capable of feeling
Keep hating me
You can never hate me as much as I hate myself
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith .
8:08 PM
4 Comments 4 Kudos Add Comment
The Unchosen
Writing and Poetry
In my lifetime, as short as it may be
Never have I asked for someone to chose over me
Time after time
Year after year
Someone has always chosen others over this woman sitting before thee
Left in the dark
Sitting alone in this cold
There is no comfort living unparalleled in this obscurity
My existence has been eclipsed by one being or another
here I stand empty handed and broken hearted
Over choices and actions portrayed by others
It doesn't matter that I'm passive, I still feel
I still cry
I still wonder why
A golden child, I have never been
The unwanted child is how you have always made me think of myself
It never fails
I'm good enough until something better comes along
Punished although I've still done nothing wrong
Cast aside
Only because I don't belong
Like Job
I wonder
Why was I allowed that first breath?
An outcast
Until the day
You all celebrate my death.
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith .
7:53 PM
4 Comments 4 Kudos Add Comment
I Do (A wedding gift to my cousin)
Writing and Poetry
This love, these lives, it's a start.
The journey begins with an answered kiss
A simple "I do"
No longer one heart
This moment is owned by two.
A joining of wills, a want for all of each other's tomorrows.
More than a feeling
It's knowing
How
To trust each other
That the future
Will
Make it stronger.
Believing
No one can break the bond,
Solidified
With that simple
"I do".
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith
3:40 PM
8 Comments 10 Kudos Add Comment
Weeds
Writing and Poetry
Don't expect me to rationalize my mood, this is something I don't know how to do.
I'm far too problematic for that
I'm driving all out with the pedal to the floor
This road has an abrupt end, just around that next bend.
The shell I live in has such wicked cravings and desires
Scarification is the desire I must evade
Is this really the bed I have made?
Well I protest this kismet
I don't claim to live here unblemished
I have faults and short comings under my belt
There are feelings, God knows, I wish I have never felt.
Hither I sit, a persona non grata.
Where my own descendants have placed me
My own lineage, my blood, and I have little knowledge of a why.
Am I not legitimate enough to be accepted
I'm a vagabond in my own clan
Where do I turn?
Must the bridges have to burn?
It's easy to conceive why you are my thorn
I just cant comprehend why I am yours
What burden did I place with this unit?
But then again
I have never been truly accepted
And all of you have allowed this
I am the weed
Among your precious seeds
Not the beautiful flower that gets your approval
Ugly to the sight
Sitting stagnant
Awaiting removal
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith
2:26 PM
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April 27, 2008 - Sunday
Thank you Duckfart
Life
Thank you, Duckfart, I love you.
12:10 PM
4 Comments 6 Kudos Add Comment
Don’t
Writing and Poetry
Don't treat me as a child., I'm far from it.
Don't treat me as if I were of no intelligent value, I think far deeper and clearer than most.
Don't shush me when I have a point to make, my opinions have just as much merit as yours.
Don't ignore me, I have ways of being seen, and I will be seen.
Don't disregard me, I have strengths and a will to use them.
Don't try to command me, I am the leader of my own destiny.
Don't belittle me, I am far greater than even I know.
Don't try to corner me, I fight to the end.
Don't cast me aside so easily, you have no idea what a treasure you are throwing away.
Don't judge me, ever, you don't live in my shoes, so don't act like you know how I live.
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith
6:53 AM
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Our new site to remember all of our fallen soldiers
Life
5:29 PM
2 Comments 4 Kudos Add Comment
April 22, 2008 - Tuesday
The Awakening of the Beast
Writing and Poetry
My life
So empty
I was a shadow in the dark
Not really living
My heart was waiting for something
A spark
To ignite
To light
To take away the haze
You stepped in
You set my heart ablaze
So strange this world is
When you are used to walking in somberness
To have your eyes opened
Night has turned into day
Beauty has replaced the beast I called life
Everything is stunning with you at my side.
© 2008 Cynthia M. Smith
6:04 AM
7 Comments 14 Kudos Add Comment
April 16, 2008 - Wednesday
Look at my girls!!!!!!!!!
Sports
5:41 PM
3 Comments 6 Kudos Add Comment
