Vagisil Screening Kit...
Current mood: sore
Category: Writing and Poetry

i just saw a commercial for the Vagisil Screening Kit. You don't need that, ladies, just give ol' B.W. a call. I'll screen your vagina. I'll screen the shit out of all your vaginas.

I watched the show "How I met Your Mother" tonight for the first time ever. That one guy from that Sarah Marshall movie is on that show. Who knew? That was followed by "Two and a half Men". Isn't that the number one comedy on tv? I think someone told me that. I watched the first minute or so. That kid is a real crazy piece of work! Then I caught the end of a show where people bet on weird stuff. They bet whether or not a kid could stick 10 spoons on his face at once. he failed and cost a few of the celebrity (?) contestants some coin. I think they were celebrities. I recognized one comedian guy from the 80s, i don't remember his name and I don't have a clue who the other "celebrities" were. One might have been Jerry Rice.

Speaking of football, what the fuck is going on with that big, fat, crybaby Brett Favre? I don't have anything against the guy, but what kind of weirdo weepily retires from football after every season then comes back every year? Do you think people buy him presents when he retires? How awkward is it for everyone when he shows up in the locker room the next season after crying and retiring at the end of last season? Twice, right?

I'm half watching "The Mole" right now. I guess it's fine. I don't really understand the point of the show, but somebody may be a "mole". Maybe one of the contestants has a big hairy mole on their ass. They should only let people with big moles on their faces be on that show. There is a pretty sexy bra commercial they keep showing and it looks like you can buy Nirvana t-shirts at Target these days. Maybe that was for JC Penny's. Who gives a shit anyway?

Well, this whole thing has been a big waste of time for all of us. I had fun this past weekend working with my friend Doug. He's a pretty fun guy even though he has bubble gum for brains. He gave me a nice new nickname too (see below). Well I'm gonna do more of nothing now. sorry for wasting your time. To make it up to you, vagina screenings (and my underpants) will be 1/2 off all week.

Latron cool dudes,

Befriend-On

(apply directly to the heart)

Currently listening : It’s Only Right and Natural By The Frogs Release date: 1994-05-26

8:53 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

mail!
Current mood: sore

We're all tuckered out from a day of golfing horribly, but while I have inforness access, I wanted to send some big "shout outs" from Rockingham Palace to Joe Vernon and John Merriman for their awesome packages and some weird stuff from a few others whose names escape me at the moment, but they receive medium sized shout outs because their packages were slightly creepy.

We're still rocking our tits off up here, so if it strikes you, drop something fun in the mail and have it delivered to:

221 Thurston Hill Rd.

Richfield Springs, NY 13439

I'll be here for another 15 days or so and Thrustmorton Cockgobbler will be here even longer.

Keep it rizzee hizzees,

Blogdizzle Blizznotch

Currently listening : Spiderland By Slint Release date: 1994-03-31

8:15 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Upstate NY
Current mood: sore
Category: Travel and Places

Greetings Blogoteers!

I've been in upstate NY just outside of Cooperstown for the past week and a half or so and I will be here for a few more. Myself (Buck Futtner) and my Foi Gras cohort, Douglas Fir have been painting houses and recording the biggest rock album of all time ever. There's no internet, TV, or cell service where we are (unless I come to the coffe shop in town, like now) so, it can get a little boring between creating monumental rock anthems. Maybe you can help.

If you get a wild hair and want to mail anything to us, our address is:

221 Thurston Hill Rd.

Richfield Springs, NY 13439

Spread the word.

We're not looking for anything in particular- it's just nice to be surprized with a package every now and then. Maybe containing a coloring book, remote control cars, video tapes, expensive guitars, or even hot nude photos and videos of yourself (ladies only)- anything you think a couple of rock stars in the woods might enjoy.

That's all for now. We're gonna buy obnoxious outfits and go golfing now. We can't golf, we're just going to play poorly, drink beer, and drive around in golf carts while pissing off golfers.

Thanks in advance, and enjoy rocking out with your stockings out.

~Kermit the Blog

Currently listening : Here Come the Warm Jets By Eno Release date: 2004-06-01

10:11 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

14 ways to tell if your wife is a bitch...
Current mood: sore
Category: Quiz/Survey

1) Her name ends with a "y"

2) You know how to drive a bulldozer

3) Your neighbor has a day job

4) You've had your mustache since the tenth grade

5) Some guy just gave you the finger

6) Your brother-in-law is fat

7) You have a "secret stash" of anything

8) Someone just rang your doorbell then ran away

9) You named your gerbils "Strunk" and "White"; then stuck them in your butt

10) Fake-ass banana phones make your ear-hole hurt

11) Your nephew just ran your foot over with a Big Wheel

12) The balogna slices in your t-shirt are getting gross

13) There are bumper stickers on your car

14) You hired someone to yell at you all the time

~Blogton Sinclair

Currently listening : Taking Tiger Mountain By Strategy By Brian Eno Release date: 1990-08-31

3:14 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Rupert Murdoch Does Not Blow Babies
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hey guys,

Rupert Murdoch doesn't blow babies or anything like that. I was just joking. Some guys came to my apartment last night and pointed out to me that jokes like that aren't funny.

sincerely,

B.M. Walsh

Currently reading : Rupert Murdoch: The Untold Story of the World's Greatest Media Wizard By Neil Chenoweth Release date: 2002-11-12

12:24 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Rupert Murdoch blows babies AGAINST THEIR WILL
Current mood: sore
Category: Life

That guy is such a "baby blower"

Bring it on, you Aussie cum-rag!

That guy owns this thing, right?

Currently reading : Rupert Murdoch's China Adventures: How the Worlds Most Powerful Media Mogul Lost a Fortune and Found a Wife By Bruce Dover

3:38 AM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

MAD MONEY!
Current mood: sore
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I rented that movie. Watch it. It has queen Latifa, Katie Holmes, and Diane Keeton. They rob a bank or something.

I give it ten million stars out of my eleven million star rating system.

Everybody rent it today at 8:30pm, flashmob style

P.S. Rupert Murdoch blows babies

Currently watching : Mad Money Release date: 2008-05-13

3:19 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I HAVEN’T "BLOGGED" IN A WHILE!
Current mood: sore
Category: Blogging

NOW I TYPE IN ALL CAPS. RUPERT MURDOCH CAN SUCK MY DICK.

doesn't he own this thing?

will my shit be deleted?

who knows?

Haiku-ish?

Look at that..I'm a poet and i didn't know it, look at my feet (and cock), they are Longfellows.

I collect 9-11 memorabilia,

My new rap name is TRU DATT (with uumlats over the u and a)

and my rap band is called

             DA

TALLYWHACKERZ

P.S. FUCK YOU, RUPERT MURDOCH

Currently reading : I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide By Dorian Solot

2:55 AM - 5 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

I’ll tell you one thing...
Current mood: sore

I forgot what I was gonna say.

Well, since I don't have anything to say, here is a list of some things and sayings:

a) Boring-shnikov (saying)

b) That's the way things go, buddy (saying)

c) Dildometer (thing)

d) Say it ain't so (saying)

e) Underneefya (thing)

f) Party-Mix (thing)

g) Problematic menopause (saying)

h) Boring! (thing)

i) Kandy Korn (saying)

j) Tuxedo twat (saying)

k) Bucket of knowledge (thing)

l) Solemntician (saying)

m) Jacker's Elbow (thing)

n) Blower's Cramp (myth)

**********stop reading if you already read my retarded bulletins**********

28 WAYS YOU CAN TELL YOU HAVE A BONER:

1) your penis is erect

2) You are a gay

3) you just wrote "wash me" in the dirt on somebody's dirty truck window

4) a bumblebee flew into your shorts and stung you on the butthole

5) you are looking at a poster of Pamela Anderson

6) your brother just farted into your mouth

7) you live in Boner City

8) you are a German Shepherd

9) your mailman just gave you a Blumpkin

10) you have your own Hanna Montana

11) you just got shot with a laser beam right in the wang

12) you have digital cable

13) there is macaroni and cheese smeared all over your balls

14) you just applied Head On directly to your asscrack

15) there are slices of balogna stuck to your tits and butt cheeks

16) you accidentally slammed your wife's foot in the car door twice in one day

17) Dracula just bit you on the penis

18) you are all frozen in a case in some museum

19) you just got done hang gliding

20) you are an Asian guy with a perm

21) you have Restless Dick Syndrome

22) your grandmom just fell down the stairs and has a spider on her wig

23) you are getting your hair cut by a mummy

24) you are a fire engine

25) somebody keeps yelling "Baba-Booey" at your funeral

26) your parakeet flew into a mirror for like the 1000th time

27) you just found out from your doctor that you might be a redneck

28) your penis is haunted

and here's 28 more ways:

1) You just beat Chewbacca at table tennis

2) David Blain just christened your baby

3) Whatever happened in Vages stayed in Vegas

4) Your hair is curly

5) You are surrounded by black dudes

6) Your car has seven wheels

7) An Asian lady just kicked the game winning field goal

8) A werewolf just grabbed your heiney up through the toilet hole

9) Dandelions are all over your lawn

10) Somebody just told you to "keep it real"

11) Your mom looks like Frankenstein

12) You only eat rye bread

13) You wear a hat

14) You have a "Ginger Spice" scrapbook

15) You vote for change

16) You bribed a senator

17) You put a pen in a pencil sharpener

18) You blame stuff on things

19) Somebody told you that today is Thursday

20) Complaining gives you gas

21) There's a spider in your butthole

22) Spelling is not your strong point

23) Your muffler just fell off

24) Hair-do's are not for you

25) You pay for gas

26) You own a shark

27) Your sleeves are rolled up

28) You just bought a one-way ticket to Boner City

I like making lists.

~Blognest Blogingway

Currently listening : Shit Happens Release date: 31 October, 2006

2:02 AM - 11 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

If I started murdering people...
Current mood: sore

..there'd be none of you left.

Charlie Manson's accent sounds a lot like Georgie Bush's. Prove me wrong.

Either you're with us (me and Chuck) or against us.

I'm gonna go blow some shit up now.

And by "shit" I mean balloons!

It's party time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~The Blogtoid

P.S. All the presidential candidates are full of shit and hot air.

They are sharts.

Currently listening : Eternifinity By Mattoid Release date: 08 February, 2005

11:51 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment