Personal Responsibility
Current mood: pensive

There's been quite a bit going on in my life lately.  Some of it happening directly to me and some of it happening to those I care about.  I've been close to jumping into the pity pot (it's such a comfortable place to be) but one of things I've learned over the years is that I need to take responsibilty for my life and the choices that I've made.  People have said to me, "what's your part in it?" and that's the point...I always have a part in it.  Sometimes my part is 100%, sometimes 50% and sometimes 1% - or anywhere in between.  See, I can't walk around playing the victim anymore because I'm not a victim - a person can only be a victim for so long until they become a volunteer.  The reason why I'm not a victim??  Because I choose to take Personal Responsibility.  So I had this revelation today and decided to google that term, "personal responsibility,"  and this is some of the stuff I found...

"PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IS NOTHING OTHER THAN THE FREEDOM TO CREATE OUR OWN LIVES. Yes, responsibility is equated with freedom and power. Once we awaken to this fact, we become liberated and empowered. Once we become aware of this truth, we shed our victim mentality and gain the power to transform ourselves.  Don't we want to be accountable, answerable, and responsible for the life we are creating for it? By accepting that responsibility, we unleash great power and transform ourselves. It may be convenient for a caterpillar to have so many legs, but it remains earthbound. It is far better to make a dramatic change and transform ourselves like a butterfly, so we can take flight and explore a new world."

What is accepting personal responsibility?

Accepting personal responsibility includes:

• Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life...:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

• Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

• Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.

• Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.

• Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.

• The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.

• Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

• Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.

• Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

• Not feeling sorry for the ....bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

• Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.

• Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

• Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears, and burnout prevention.

• Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues, and positive points.

• Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background, and awareness.

• Working out anger, hostility, pessimism, and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment, and misdirection.

How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?

When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:

• Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation, and acceptance.

• Chronically hostile, angry, or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.

• Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.

• Overwhelmed by disabling fears.

• Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.

• Unsuccessful in personal relationships.

• Emotionally or physically unhealthy.

• Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food, or unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.

• Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.

• Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others.

• Resistant to vulnerability.

What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?

• It's not my fault I am the way I am.

• I never asked to be born.

• Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?

• I want you to fix me.

• Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.

• Why go on; I see no use in it.

• You can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.

• God has asked too much of me this time. There is no way I'll ever be able to handle this.

• When do the troubles and problems cease? I'm tired of all this.

• Stop the world; I want to get off.

• Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.

• How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.

• How can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my life has been?

• My parents made me what I am today!

• The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do to change that.

• Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism, and closed mindedness all stand in the way of my becoming what I really want to be.

• No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.

• You have to accept the luck of the draw.

• I am who I am; there is no changing me.

• No one is going to call me crazy, depressed, or troubled and then try to change me.

What terms are used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility?

What behavior traits need to be developed in order to accept personal responsibility?

In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:

• Seek out and to accept help for yourself.

• Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.

• Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.

• Affirm yourself positively.

• Recognize that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make.

• Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions, and events in your life.

• Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust, and insecurity.

• Take risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.

• Take off the masks of behavior characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.

• Reorganize your priorities and goals.

• Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.

6:38 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Enough is enough
Current mood: stressed

So when does this end?  I've got to be honest here, I've really had enough crap thrown on me this year to last quite a while.  Turns out my father is in the hospital, yet again, and this time I find out by e-mail because, according to my mother, she "wanted me to know and since we were playing phone tag..."  Are you fucking kidding me???  First off, he got admitted yesterday and I find out today?  What part of last week's argument did you not understand when I was pissed that you didn't tell me he was going in for tests which could lead to a hospital stay??  And I don't care how much fucking phone tag we play, you don't tell me in an e-mail.  And now because they live in that fucking hell hole of a state, Florida, I have no clue if they are being honest with me about his condition.  He's fine, he's fine...that's all I hear, yet he seems to keep ending up in the hospital.  That doesn't sound so fine to me.

Seriously though, when does this end?  I've really had enough.  Since the end of March, it's been nothing but one fucking thing on top of another fucking thing.  Some of it has directly affected me, some the people I care about but guess what?  It's still affecting me.  How much can one person take?  How much longer is this going to go on?  When does the break come?  When will the peace come?  How the fuck am I supposed to keep handling this shit without having a breakdown?  I feel like they keep throwing more and more shit on my shoulders and expect me to be able to carry it.  Guess what?  I'm strong but I ain't this fucking strong.  I'm really friggin' tired and I just want to go to sleep and wake up and this be all over but I know that won't happen.  I've just got to keep walking through this and it will eventually end.  I don't know when but eventually.  By the way, "God?  Make it end fucking soon."

12:18 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Beatin’ time is a losin’ fight and I guess I’m doin’ alright
Current mood: grateful

Hadn't heard this song in a while but it struck a chord yesterday...

"I'm Alright" - by Jo Dee Messina

Well it's been a long time glad to see your face
I knew we'd meet again another time another place
Can't believe it's been so many years
You'd better grab a chair and a couple of beers
Lookin' good in your three piece suit
You know I always knew you'd take the business route
You were always the one to follow the light and you look like you're doing alright

Been singin' for my rent and singin' for my supper
I'm above the below and below the upper
I'm stuck in the middle where money gets tight
But I guess I'm doin' alright

I'm all I'm all I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight so I guess I'm doin' alright
O- oh o-oh, I'm alright
Got a good old friend here with me tonight and I guess I'm doin' alright

Well we had a lot of dreams when we were younger
They thought we were crazy but we had the hunger
We kept a lot of friends skipped a lot of class
Been on top of the world and knocked on our
We lost touch, we lost in love
We lost our minds when things got tough but
Beatin' time is a losin' fight and I guess I'm doin' alright

I'm all I'm all I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight so I guess I'm doin' alright
O-oh o-oh I'm alright
I got a good old friend here with me tonight and I guess I'm doin' alright
Well I guess I'm doin' alright

Well I hate to see this evening end
God only knows when I'll see you again
Just send a fax or send me a letter or give me a call that would even be better
Give the kids a kiss for me and say hello to the family
And tell them all my future's lookin' bright
Well I miss 'em but I'm doin' alright
I said I miss 'em but I'm doin' alright

I'm all I'm all I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight so I guess I'm doin' alright
O-oh o-oh, I'm alright
Got a good old friend here with me tonight and I guess I'm doin' alright
Well I guess I'm doin' alright
I'm doin' alright

Currently listening : Back in the High Life By Steve Winwood Release date: 1990-10-01

5:09 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Wee Bridget

2:27 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Here I go again...
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

So here I go again...Back to that very bad mental place...the place where I start wondering what is wrong with me...why don't I have what these other people have...that pity pot place...

I'm hoping that some of the reason that I'm in this mental place is due to PMS but to be honest with you, I have no clue when I'm next due for my period...so it could be PMS or it might not...I'll find out sooner or later...

It amazes me how quickly I can go to this place in my head.  I was perfectly fine last night, this morning, yuck...should have stayed in bed.  I'm sitting here beating myself up for things that are not my fault...I'm just telling myself very negative things...what I really need to do is get out of my head, it's a very dangerous place to be right now...

When will I truly have acceptance of my life and the way things are?  I do so well for long periods of time and then something knocks it down.

Now what I need to do, is get out of this mental place.  Work on getting back that acceptance, that serenity that I had.  And then and only then, will I be able to get back to that tranquil place in my life. 

Currently listening : Scars By Papa Roach Release date: 19 May, 2005

12:58 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Memories
Current mood: content
Category: Life

Here are my pictures that I had to take off of my main page so those with dial-up modems would be able to load my page... Enjoy...

Currently listening : This World We Live In By Radney Foster Release date: 04 April, 2006

8:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Spoiled Brats???
Current mood: calm

Made in the USA: Spoiled brats 

Posted: November 20, 2006 By Craig R. Smith (c) 2006 

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll 
data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, 
right? The same magazine that employs Michael (Qurans in the toilets at 
Gitmo) Isikoff. Here I promised myself this week I would be nice and I 
start off in this way. 

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with 
the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is 
unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the 
citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. 

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I starting thinking, ''What we are so 
unhappy about?'' 

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days 
a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the 
summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these 
unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery 
store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in 
the last year? 

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic 
Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through 
each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would 
find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having 
thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is 
just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, 
emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. 
Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if 
necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home, you 
may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, 
a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch 
equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your 
belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen 
TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a 
bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack 
or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or 
militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 
percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, ! social and political freedoms we enjoy 
that are the envy of everyo ne in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 
percent of you folks unhappy. 

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world 
has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great 
disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed 
people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have 
and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we 
live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no 
plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval 
rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark 
days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of 
recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in 
the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from 
terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that 
is out there defending you and me? 

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have 
volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom. 
There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. 
They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' 
discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case 
scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig. 

So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of 
Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds 
it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car 
crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at 
the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit 
corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they are going to 
allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special 
about how he didn't kill his wife but if he did ... insane! 

Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut 
off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of 
your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. 
There is exponentially more good than bad! 

I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C. Forbes in 1953: 

''What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on 
the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, 
social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly safeguarded by the 
Constitution of the United States , 'the most wonderful work ever struck 
off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.' Yes, we Americans 
of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may 
hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.''

I suggest we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we 
don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to 
future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance. If we 
are not careful this generation will be known as the ''greediest and 
most ungrateful generation.'' A far cry from the proud Americans of the 
''greatest generation'' who left us an untarnished legacy. 

Remember our troops, hunkered down on foreign dirt fighting to protect 
our way of Life. 

Currently listening : Real Live Woman By Trisha Yearwood Release date: 28 March, 2000

1:39 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Patterns
Current mood: melancholy

So here I sit again contemplating the patterns in my life.  Why do I make the choices that I do? 

Currently listening : Willin' By Jon Randall Release date: 21 September, 1999

6:44 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes
Current mood: frustrated

So, tonight I got into a fight with someone.  Nearly punched them.  Not a very good idea.  Anyway, I allowed this person to push my buttons.  This is not acceptable.  What bothers me even more than them pushing my buttons, is that I allowed my buttons to be pushed.

I was told that I was a bully.  That they hoped I didn't speak to certain people in my life the way that I spoke to him.  That I was "losing friends like I'm losing hair on my head.  I should look at my part in it."  Fuck him!!  First off, it amazes me that anytime this person is being told something that they don't like, such as it's time to take responsibility for their actions, they get defensive and angry and then go after me.  Well you know what, I've been hearing the same excuses for four fucking years, sorry that I'm tired of it.  But bullying them??  I don't think so.  I would rather someone tell me the truth about me, call me on my shit, then enable me in negative behaviors.

As far as "losing friends like I'm losing hair on my head.  I should look at my part in it." at least I'm not bald.  I'm sorry that I don't want people in my life who threaten to bash my head in with a baseball bat, who manipulate me to not be angry with them by saying, "well, if so and so was still with you he wouldn't have relapsed.  His biggest mistake was ending things with you."  Knowing perfectly well that I feel guilt and responsibility for someone picking up and using again (yes, I know that I'm powerless and that it was their choice to pick up, but still, sometimes I still feel like I could have done something different).  I'm supposed to keep this manipulator in my life?  Or how about this "friend," the one who says they're going to show up at a certain time/place and either shows up hours late (literally) or not at all?  What type of friend does this?  I'm sorry but someone who can not keep their word and show up when they say they will is not a friend.  Or finally, my favorite, the person who is supposed to be your best friend but disappears and stops speaking to you and the rest of the world for a few weeks and when they decide that they have finished reflecting on their life feels like you should just welcome them back with a hug and say "yippee!!  You're back!!"  NO!!!  I don't appreciate being abandoned.  That might not have been the person's intentions but that sure as hell is how it felt!  So yes, I have looked at my part in these situations, I've looked at it with my friends and my therapist and everyone else who matters and you know what?  You know why I'm not friends with these people anymore?  BECAUSE I'M GETTING HEALTHY!!!!!! 

I'm sorry, no wait, I'm not sorry.  I want people in my life who I can count on, who will call me on my shit, who can show up for me when they say they will, who won't manipulate me, who won't threaten me with physical violence (on tape no less), who won't constantly break boundaries, and who won't abandon me.  What a fucking shame that I don't think these behaviors are acceptable anymore.

So here's the final word everyone, I'm done, again.  Tell me when I'm repeating the same behaviors (or should I say "Bully" me like I was accused of).  Tell me that you are sick and tired of hearing this crap.  Do not enable me anymore.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

I tried.  I tried to allow someone back into my life who I once cared for a great deal.  I told this person if certain behaviors started up again the friendship was over.  I tried to forgive.  I bent over backwards and where did it get me?  Absolutely fucking nowhere.  It got me to the point that I almost physically assaulted someone tonight.  I've grown too much to revert to this type of behavior.  So, I'm done.  No more shall be spoken of this person.  I no longer want to know what is going on with them or their life.  I don't want to hear what is happening.  I don't want to hear about their insanity.  I just want my life back.  I want my serenity back.

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that it has turned out like this.  I didn't want it to go here again.  I should have known better.  Nothing changes if nothing changes....

7:40 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Yes Or No
Current mood: sick
Category: Religion and Philosophy

       You can only say Yes or No!
 You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

Kissed someone on your top 8?
Yes

Danced in front of your mirror naked?
Yes

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
YES

Been arrested?
NO

Kissed someone you didn't like?
YES

Kissed a picture?
YES

Slept in until 5 PM?
YES

Had sex at work?
yes

Fallen asleep at work/school?
YES

Held a snake?
no

Ran a red light?
YES

Been suspended from school?
no

Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident?
NO

Been fired from a job?
yes

Sang karaoke?
YES

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
YES

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
YES

Kissed in the rain?
YES

Sang in the shower?
YES

Gave your private parts a nickname?
NO

Sat on a roof top?
no

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
YES

Broken a bone?
NO

Shaved your head?
NO

Slept naked?
YES

Blacked out from drinking?
YES

Played a prank on someone?
YES

Had a gym membership?
YES

Felt like killing someone?
yes

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
no

Cried over someone you were in love with?
YES

Had sex more than 9 times in one day?
no

Been in a band?
NO

Subscribed to Maxim?
no

Shot a gun?
NO

Played strip poker?
NO

Tripped on mushrooms?
NO

Donated Blood?
YES

Eaten alligator meat?
yes

Eaten cheesecake?
YES

Still love someone you shouldn't?
NO

Think about the future?
YES

12:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment