Taking Back Monday...

Do you know what sucks? When you get tickets to see Taking Back Sunday at the Crazy Donkey (one of them local trendy hipster clubs the kids like to hang out at) and you think the tickets are for tonight, when they were really for last Monday. This makes me a sad, sad panda.


There are few inventions in the world cooler than the Allen Wrench. It makes putting furniture together fun.


Now that the general erection is aboot a week or so away, I think the most entertaining part of it is watching the networks argue over who is more biased and for whom. It's getting to the point of the WWE vs. WCW during the old Monday Night Wrestling Wars. Chris Matthews was guest hosting "Morning Joe" today and I'm sorry but, once you admit to being near climax everytime to hear [candidate X] speak, you lose your right to criticize anyone.


This is quick but not quite painless. It sits perched on your arm, tacky and irrelevant, a permanent reminder that...oh Christ. We study up nightly, drag you out into those streets before you buckled at your knees. What's it feel like to be a ghost?


The book at home is "America: The Last Best Hope (Volume I): From the Age of Discovery to a World at War."


The book in the car is "A Fighter's Heart: One Man's Journey through the World of Fighting."


Speaking of reading, I was reading this one book aboot how "Millennials," (i.e. the You Tube/MySpace generation) are changing the face of politics. In it they mention how you can text message your vote in "American Idol" and that this is the form of democracy that millennials favor. Think aboot that sentence, and keep in mind that this book was pro-millennial and not against them.

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A quick moment for us...

I think most eCommerce companies rely on office workers to account for half of their annual profits, because on days like today when there isn't much to do is surf the internet, the only thing stopping me from shopping on Amazon is that I'm already backlogged by twelve books. Well that and I'm broke, since like I said, I work in an office.


Speaking of books, I'm reading "Moment of Truth in Iraq." It's the second book I've read in a month that takes place in the Middle East, and at the risk of sounding like the ugly American, would it kill the authors to spell out the names of people and places phonetically the first time they use them?


I caught John McCain on "The Daily Show" the other day, and got to thinking aboot Jon Stewart (who I'm a big fan of) and the effect that both he and the show have had on both pop culture and the political landscape. Imagine, what if Jon Stewart had taken the 12:30AM time slot on either NBC or CBS years ago? He was rumoured to be in the running for both, but he was passed over (Conan O'Brien got NBC and Craig Kilborn got CBS) before he took the job on The Daily Show. The Daily Show was essentially Craig Kilborn's sloppy seconds after he was given 12:30 on CBS. Now look where Jon Stewart is and look where "Craigers" is.

Speaking of Craig Kilbourn, maybe Jim will tell us aboot how he got dissed by the warm up guy and Liz Winstead...


It's looking like a limb torn off, or altogether just taken apart. We're reeling through an endless fall. We are the ever-living ghost of what once was...but no one is ever gonna love you more than I do.


Newt Gingrich tried warning the R's in Congress in 2006 and they didn't listen. They lost. He's trying to warn them again this year. Think anyone will listen? Nah, me neither.


I need to find a good bartending job. Actually, even a bad bartending job brings in decent tips.


This is the coolest website ever. If the link doesn't work (because MySpace sucks with these msplink), just cut and paste:
http://www.therightfoot.net/mystuff/whatever/swf/bubblewrap.swf

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Revenge of the Friday Five

Five random thoughts
1. I couldn't have called Tuesday's primaries any more wrong if I purposely went out of my way to call them wrong on purpose.
2. Do you know what sucks? When you ask your IT guy to find you a bootleg copy of a movie just to woo a girl, and he finds it aboot a month too late.
3. The new "Incredible Hulk" movieis looking better the more I hear aboot it.
4. Do you know what doesn't suck? Having a brother-in-law live around the block whenever you need to move furniture.
5. Marvel Entertainment has a great quarter, and the stock goes up. World Wrestling Entertainment has their best quarter ever, and the stock goes down. I don't get that.


Four non-MySpace sites I visit regularly
1. Townhall.com
2. MMAJunkie.com
3. The Campaign Spot on The National Review Online
4. Hotair.com


Three songs I quoted this week
1. Shadow of the Sun - Audioslave
2. You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
3. Suspicious Minds - Elvis


Two addition to the libray (since they were on bargain)
1. Who Really Cares: The Surprising Truth about Compassionate Conservatism
2. Rediscovering God in America: Reflections on the Role of Faith in Our Nation's History


One question
1. Are you on Facebook too?


Your lyric of the week...

'Cause when a woman's not watching a man knows he can get away with murder - thinkin' what she don't know won't hurt her - but he wouldn't deserve her. If temptation comes and he just can't resist, if every time she turns her back he steals a kiss, you'll see the man he is when a woman's not watching.


Something to get excited over...

And this...

3:51 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

As the snow flies on a cold and grey Chicago morning...

Do you know what is the best thing aboot having an iPod? It's when you're listening to Joe Scarborough and Tim Russert talking aboot Bruce Springsteen, say to yourself, "Self, I think I can go for a little Bruce on the ride to work this morning," and it's already there on the iPod.


One of the benefits of Marvel producing their own movie is that they have more creative control, and this is evident in the character selection of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." You would expect Sabertooth, but Deadpool and Gambit are nice surprises, and the fact that Gambit is played by one of the kids from "Friday Night Lights" leads me to think we might be getting a Gambit and Rogue movie at some point.


My upset pick for the week, while I wouldn't go so far as to say Hillary Clinton will win North Carolina tonight, I think the spread is going to come down to less than three. I still give her Indiana by four.


We're caught in a trap. I can't walk out, because I love you too much baby. Why can't you see what you're doing to me when you don't believe a word I say? We can't go on together with suspicious minds.


I think I need to download some Pete Yorn when I get home. I own the CD's, so it's not like I'm illegally file sharing per say. It's easier to download them from a bit torrent.


The book in my car is " Moment of Truth in Iraq: How a New 'Greatest Generation' of American Soldiers is Turning Defeat and Disaster into Victory and Hope." The book at home is " Gross National Happiness: Why Happiness Matters for America--and How We Can Get More of It."


The exact opposite of the Wolverine movie is the casting for "G.I. Joe." Never mind the fact that he's gone from being the "real American hero" to the "Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity," some of these casting decisions...Dwayne Johnson as Shipwreck? That runt from "Third Rock from the Sun" as Cobra Commander? Brendan Frasier as...anyone?

5:59 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

A pig who goes bananas? What is this, a luau?

While maybe not the best comic book movie ever, "Ironman" was definitely in the top three. Robert Downey Jr. was brilliant. Gwyneth Paltrow was excellent, and I'm not usually a big fan of hers. Also, the movie boasts the three greatest cameos in the history of modern cinema (except for Mayor Ed Koch in "The Muppets Take Manhattan"). One of them was Jim Cramer of "Mad Money." I'll let you be surprised by the other two.


Man Law: If you don't want us to make fun of you, stop providing us with material.


Just when you think this election can't get any more ridiculous, Hillary Clinton had been comparing herself to a horse that was in the Kentucky Derby. Apparently the horse in question came in second place, was injured, and had to be euthanized. ::blinks twice::


She was a fast machine. She kept her motor clean. She was the best damn woman I had ever seen. She had the sightless eyes telling me no lies, and knockin' me out with those American thighs. Taking more than her share, she had me fighting for air. She told me to come but I was already there. 'Cause the walls start shaking, the earth was quaking, my mind was aching, and we were makin it. You shook me all night long


I wonder how many people in either party are hoping for a John McCain win in November, figuring he's only good for one term and they'll get to run in 2012.


Last night was the third wedding I've been at in six-months, and at none of them have they had Crown Royal at the bar. I've been stuck drinking Jack Daniels, which isn't a bad thing per say. It's just not Crown.


So what did you do this weekend?

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The (somewhat late) FRIDAY FIVE!

Five songs I quoted this week
1. Beer for My Horses - Toby Keith w/ Willie Nelson
2. Jesus Help Me - Hurricane Doyle
3. Right Now - Van Halen
4. All I Really Need is You - Neil Diamond
5. Innocent - Fuel


Four new additions to the library
1. Millennial Makeover: MySpace, YouTube, and the Future of American Politics
2. Gross National Happiness: Why Happiness Matters for America--and How We Can Get More of It
3. Moment of Truth in Iraq: How a New 'Greatest Generation' of American Soldiers is Turning Defeat and Disaster into Victory and Hope
4. America: The Last Best Hope Volumes I & II Box Set


Three political predictions
1. The nutroots netroots are going to be blowin' up the blogs Monday morning complaining Tim Russert was too hard Barack Obama and George Stephanapolis was too easy on Hillary Clinton.
2. Hillary +4 in IN, Obama +6 in NC
3. John McCain is going to name Fred Thompson the head of his V.P. Search Committee.


Two things aboot you
1.
2.


One of the best movie reviews I've ever heard
1. Ironman is the perfect fusion of Batman, Bond, and Boba Fett


Your lyric of the week...

Once upon a time I was of the mind to lay your burden down and leave you where you stood. And you believed I could. You'd seen it done before. I could read your thoughts, tell you what you saw and never say a word. Now all that is gone. Over with and done - never to return


To get everyone psyched for tonight...

And this oldie but goody...

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Rev. John is Good (and Politics is Faker than Wrestling)

I work in corporate retail and I have to say, tobacco sales people are some of the nicest people. Maybe they have to be to make up for selling a deadly product, but as long keep brining us breakfast and tell me I look like I lost weight, I say to each their own.

George Washington University sent me an e-mail aboot getting my Masters Degree in political science over the internet. I think I'll stick with buying books. It's cheaper, I'm still getting my learn on, and my job prospects will be the same either way.

On Tuesday morning, I had predicted an Edwards Family endorsement for today. THAT VERY afternoon, Elizabeth Edwards was on MSNBC saying that they could endorse before the North Carolina primary. It's Thursday Liz. Don't make a liar out of me.

Satan, you know where I lie. Gently I go into that good night. All our lives get complicated. Search for pleasures overrated. Never armed our souls what the future would hold when we were innocent.

In case anyone cares, this is the bookcaseGeorge Bush and Nance Pelosi are buying me.

What are you reading lately?

Yesterday the head of the Steelworkers Union introduced Hillary Clinton by saying we needed a president with "testicular fortitude." For the life of me I don't understand which disturbs me more, hearing the words "Hillary" and "testicular" in the same sentence, or that we're now quoting professional wrestler Mick Foley at political rallies. 'Cause I'll be honest, I'm a news cycle away from writing in Cactus Jack in November. How great would those news conferences be?

"President Foley, what's your opinion of the Middle East?"
"Bang Bang!"

"President Foley, how will you deal with the illegal immigration problem?"
"Have a nice day!"

"President Foley, have you considered a Secretary of State yet?"
"Meet Mr. Socko."

6:09 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m a stand-up philosopher...

We've finally named all four kittens: Smokey, Snoopy, Mahoney, and O'Hara. So if you live on Long Island and want a little pussy...wait a second, that's terrible.


Apparently Def Leppard has a new album out, "Tales from the Sparkle Lounge" or something like that. I checked out a few songs and I have to be honest, it doesn't suck as bad as you'd expect a Def Leppard album released in 2008 to suck.


After two hours of Nonstop Barack Coverage (NBC - get it?) last night, someone on MSNBC complained that they're (i.e. the media as a whole) talking aboot Obama all the time (as they've been doing since Iowa) instead of talking aboot other stuff that happened that day. What makes this funny is do you know what MSNBC's two competitors were talking aboot during those very same two hours? Other stuff that happened that day.


Just say what you want to say. You don't have a chance in the world. Can I, knowing how I've tried, still come close to losing you when you are my world? Have I spent so many years trying but in vain to tell you? Don't you know it's true? All I really need is you.


Nine words that, in the history of the English language, I don't think have ever been arranged to form the following sentence: "I tried to fix my coffee mug with Band-Aids."


I don't hate Karl Rove as much as most other people, but everytime I hear him say that John McCain should open up aboot his adopted daughter (that same "black baby" the Bushies used to derail McCain's 2000 bid) I want to crack him over the head with my McCain coffee mug, put it back together with Band-Aids, and then do it again.


"Ironman" is this Friday. As I've said in the past, I'm going to be really disappointed if the movie sucks.

6:25 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Tuesday Quickies...

It sucks being on the weak end of a handshake, especially when by the time you realize it it's too late to get a stronger grip.


It's Neil Diamond week on "American Idol" and each contestant gets two songs. That means two times the Neil. Is very exciting.


My political pick of the week is that at least one member of the Edwards family is going to make their endorsement on Thursday, causing the North Carolina Primary to be closer than anyone is expecting.


Catch a magic moment. Do it right here and now. It means everything.


I wonder if Jeremiah Wright is part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.


I wonder how many twelve year-olds, if not for it being all over the news, would be interested in an issue of "Vanity Fair" with Bobby Kennedy on the cover, or even know what a "Bobby Kennedy" is.


And remember, when life gives you lemons, I say fuck lemons!

8:08 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh, the weather outside is weather...

I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" over the weekend, and while it had a bit more penis in it than I generally like in my movies (once is a sight gag, twice is a running gag, seven times however...) I thought the movie was great. Like "Knocked Up," they blended the raunchy comedy we love oh so much with a touching story near flawlessly. Plus, I don't remember Mila Kunis ever looking that good before. She really pulled of playing the perfect girl we're all looking for that you know damn well doesn't exist.


After both main-eventers got taken out with injuries, the UFC has put together a better UFC 85 than it was before, with title ramifications up the hoo-ha and a double main event of Matt Hughes vs. Thiago Alves and Michael Bisping vs. Chris Leben.


I have a friend who, while we vote for different people, the same things generally piss us off. An example of this is that we have three sitting U.S. Senators (two D's and an R) arguing over who has the better plan to fix our current economic woes NINE MONTHS FROM NOW when they all have day jobs they can go back to and try and do something now. Politics...it's fan-tastic.


Jesus, help me quit these crazy women. Jesus, help me quit this sweet red wine. Jesus help me quit this honky tonkin'. On second though, Jesus, never mind.


The day after the Pennsylvania Primary, the New York Times attacked Hillary Clinton for running a negative campaign. After five days of the polls starting to swing back in her favor, the Times says she looks "energized" and Barack Obama looks "bored." Journalism...it's fan-tastic.


What I really need is to B my L all over someone's T's.


And for those keeping score, the two new books being read are "Theodore Roosevelt: Preacher of Righteousness" and "The Thirteen American Arguments: Enduring Debates That Define and Inspire Our Country."

6:25 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Do you know what Hillary Clinton needs?

People dressed up in chicken suits.

In 1992, Bill Clinton sent people dressed up in giant chicken suits to Bush41 rallies, to symbolize he was too chicken to debate him.  And if Mrs. Clinton, who is a speech away from challenging Obama to Hell in the Cell, started to send people dressed like chickens to Obama speeches, I think that would be damn funny.

P.S.  I might be wrong aboot aboot Bill doing it first (it may have just been something they did on the West Wing), but it'd be damn funny either way.

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Oh shit, it’s the FRIDAY FIVE!

Five random thoughts
1. Randy from "My Name is Earl" is my hero
2. Paul Begala in high definition looks like a character from South Park
3. Two days after I switch my super delegate endorsement on "American Idol" from Carly to David Cook, Carly gets voted off. As goes Rev. John, so goes Idol.
4. This Sunday on PCLIVE! we'll be discusing guns, fat bastards, and the Pennsylvania Primary
5. I've decided to spend my stimulus check on some new furniture. I'm due for a new desk and can use myself a book case.


Four aditions to the library
1. Theodore Roosevelt: Preacher of Righteousness
2. A Fighter's Heart: One Man's Journey Through the World of Fighting
3. The Thirteen American Arguments: Enduring Debates That Define and Inspire Our Country
4. Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription: Notes & Asides from National Review


Three concerts forthcoming
1. Lance Striker and the Rockoholics
2. Van Halen
3. Bon Jovi


Two fights I'm looking foward to
1. Michael Bisping vs. Chris Leben
2. Kenny Florian vs. Roger Huerta


One song I quoted this week (I've been lazy)
1. Smoke Two Joints - Sublime


Your lyric of the week...

We got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds, too much corruption and crime in the streets. It's time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground. Send 'em all to their maker and he'll settle 'em down. Justice is the one thing you should always find. You got to saddle up your boys. You got to draw a hard line. When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune, and we'll all meet back at the local saloon. We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing, "Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses


Eternal Sunshine set to music...

And why my town kicks your towns ass...

5:40 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

What’s my motivation?

It feels weird not having anything to do this weekend. I was able to finished three books I was reading. The next two are "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before" and "Freedomnomics: Why the Free Market Works and Other Half-Baked Theories Don't."


My prediction for Pennsylvania is Clinton by five, followed by three days of Obama supporters demanding she drop out of the race.


Did I mention how I almost got arrested at my sisters wedding? Well, not really, but here's the story. We got to the park to take pictures, and I saw a big tree in a field. I had to go to the bathroom and the tree seemed as good of a place as any. I handled my business and zipped up, when I heard someone knocking on a window. Turns out the park was across the street, and I was on someone's lawn. Yeah, I'm all class.


She was living in a single room with three other individuals. One of them was a male and the other two, well, the other two were females. God only knows what they were up to in there. And furthermore, Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes--Reefers.


Matt Serra...well, it was fun while it lasted. One of my friends got a text messaged that said "That was a bad stop - should have gone to the third." I have no idea what fight that guy was watching, but after the fourth knee to the kidney I was getting ready to throw in the title.


To celebrate Passover, I watched "The Jazz Singer" yesterday. I didn't get it.


Now that you're done here, message this person and tell her you hope she fells better, just because it would be a nice thing to do.

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It’s FRIDAY FIVE time!

Five winners at UFC 83
1. Matt Serra (yeah, I'm a fanboy)
2. Rich Franklin
3. Michael Bisping
4. Mac Danzig
5. Nate Quarry


Four songs I (would have) quoted this week
1. "That's How They Do it in Dixie" - Hank Jr. and friends
2. "Stand Still, Look Pretty" - The Wreckers
3. "Supernatural Supersterious" - REM
4. "No One's Gonna Love You" - Band of Horses


Three wedding notes
1. You would think they'd would make tuxedo shoes with air pockets in them.
2. Know your audience before you give a Presidential endorsement in your toast to your sister
3. It's open bar (i.e., you aren't paying) so feel free to keep bring beer (six at a time) to your table.


Two things aboot white people
1. Nothing rocks the party quite like Journey's "Don't Stop Believing."
2. The only thing we remember aboot "What's Happening" is the time the Doobie Brothers were on the show. "Blackwater" came on the radio when we were on the party bus, and everyone almost simultaneously said, "Man Rerun, we thought you were our friend."


One nominee for the "Open Mic Night at Yuk Yuk's" Award
1. "'American Idol' is a lot like a presidential primary election. Except for people in Michigan and Florida — their votes actually count." - John McCain


Your lyric of the week...

I want to paint my face and pretend that I am someone else. Sometimes I get so fed up I don't even want to look at myself, but people have problems that are worse than mine. I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time. And I hate the way you look at me, I have to say. I wish I could start over. I am slowly falling apart. I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me - you just stand still, look pretty.


Even the country music awards are going political these days...

And them...

3:44 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Actually, I had to share this...

Apparently they make gluten free Eucharist.

That's right, even the Body of Christ is carb free these days.

9:09 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment