Bovine Doo Doo
Category: Life

The yard is complete. Each year dwJaniebelle and our next door neighbor coordinate the pots and beds for the front. It's all done very nicely and different each year so it's really something to look forward to in the spring. When they got home from the nursery it was "Bob" job to unload the stuff. You remember "Bob" right? Beast Of Burden! I become Bob when Janiebelle needs something done.

So, I unload a bag of "Cow Manure" from the back and doubled over laughing. I was raise on a 350 acre farm in the middle of Iowa. If you had told me when I was a kid that I could shovel cow shit into a bag and city folks would pay money for it I would not in a bazillion years have believed it. I swear my dear wife purchased a bag of cow shit and the neighbors thought I was nuts for laughing.

We had lots of cows on our farm and a couple absolutely ecstatic bulls. My question to dw Janiebelle was, "How do you know this isn't really bull shit?" "Did you watch them load the bag?" "Can you tell the difference?" "Do you know bullshit when you see it?"  "Have you ever squished fresh warm cowpatty cowshit between your toes stepping in it barefooted?" "I have."

Wow, you probably really didn't want that image in your head did you?

Have a nice day.

Banjo Man

6:11 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I ate the worm.
Category: Life

In this blog I'm going to pimp a friend of a friend. Juel has created some very captivating music. It's one of those that compel the listeners attention in some way and paying attention is well worth the hearing.

Also, on the music front I called Javier, an old bass player friend that I worked with in the early eighties. He's up for another go round starting a new band after some reservations.

"Aren't we too old for this?" he asked.

"Yes, but let's do it anyway!" I answered.

"Ok, I'm in!"

My hair is turning gray and his isn't. That sucks. We worked together in a band once that both of us really hated. It must have been the middle eighties somewhere. We would go in and set up all our equipment then disappear so we would not have to listen to that ass's wife dictate to us about not being too loud and overpowering her dh who really was not a good singer. We would go off and find a cafe down the street and go in for coffee and pie. At precisely one minute before nine (show time) we would come back in the bar and go to work. The boss's look of desperation was priceless.

Javiers house was always a party. He never drank but loved to be bartender and get his guests all plowed. I fell victim to that a few times. Even last night he tried it again. "Quieres Cerveza, amigo?" I don't risk it anymore and was proud that I was able to say no. It was with Javier that I first ate the worm from a bottle of mescal. He said, in Mexico they will fight you for the worm. It felt like a rite of passage.

Old friends are the best.

6:18 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Boy in flight
Category: Life

A look of determination. Both feet in the air and a successful theft of third base.

Home safe in a cloud of dust.

I love this game. Especially when my grandson is playing. His mom, my daughter, thinks that baseball players should not be allowed to spit. "It's gross and my son will not do it!" Before each game I be sure to bring a bag of sunflower seeds and bubble gum.

"Dude, it helps make you spit!" I tell him.

"Thanks, Grandpa. I'll share so the whole team can spit."

He said "Dude" to his mom once. Once!

"My name is not Dude, my name is MOM dammit!"

6:51 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

MOMBOB

Nope, it's not gender confusion! MOMBOB is Milwaukee Original Music Battle Of the Bands. My new profile pic is from playing this gig. It was great fun to hear original music by other bands. I have to compliment the organizers. This was some terrrific music. It's raw and true heard live without the clutter of over produced electronics. I stood up from setting up an amp and stood face to face with Justin.  We chatted about our mutual love of things musical as though there wasn't a huge age and genre difference. I love that about musicians. Gray haired banjo pickers talking shop with young rockers is normal.

He came on with his band "Blueheels" for the next set and can that kid wail on an SG. I really really liked their music. I needed someone to take pics but dw Janiebelle wasn't in a cooperative mood that evening and refused to go with me. I took Marty, my son-in-law who is also a drummer. He took the pics and we hoped he'd get a chance to join a scheduled jam after the competition but the band that came on after Blueheels were tightassed and declared that they would keep playing until they were thrown out despite a time limit imposed by the organizers. They brought their own friends and family (audience voting block).  We left without waiting for the jam.

In other news my grandsons little league baseball team is no longer undefeated. They played the other undefeated team on saturday and lost it 1 to 0 on an error. A real heart breaker. I wish I could have seen the game but I was cooling off some hot women and had to miss it. Cooling off hot women is what I do. They pay me for it. (I repaired the air conditioner at a womens clothing store). 

3:40 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The honey do list is complete
Category: Life

My vacation is half over. I've painted the ceiling, touched up the paint in other rooms, installed a ceiling fan, and on and on and on. My oldest daughter gave me a birthday card last night with a picture of a donkey on the front that says "How are you? My, you're looking fine!" Inside the card reads something about a "Real Nice Ass on the cover."  Girls with tiny asses are girls who look like boys. I prefer girls who look like girls and now it seems my entire family is aware of this preference. My youngest granddaughter is the one who picked out the card.

I took two of my grandsons to see a "professional" wrestling match last week. We go once a month to watch nearly naked grown men in costumes wail on each other. Lots of girls attend this. I wonder why? We stand in line to get front row seats that are in the flight path of wrestlers going over the top rope. A young pretty twenty something blond sat next to me. After the show my grandson Nick said, "Grandpa, she was totally checking you out!" How flattering. I wish I'd noticed.  

Granddaughter Emily and I were talking about music last night. I mentioned a song and she said

"I've got that"

"Of course you do."

"See, it's right here."

She has over 4000 songs on her IPOD and never guesses. She knows exactly what she has on it.  

This weekend I'm taking dw Janiebelle to a quilt show somewhere in Iowa. I live such a varied life.  

3:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It's vacation time
Category: Life

My sister can be a little eccentric. If a form has twenty five spaces for filling out  a name she'll make up a name requiring twenty five spaces. Here's my nephews blog explaining this. "The Blog O' Sean" 

I'm on vacation this week. Yay! I'll be using the time to paint the ceiling, clean the garage, replace the exhaust fan in the bathroom, and various other tasks identified by dw Janiebelle. Do vacations have any other purpose?

Baseball season is here. Not the pro's. Who cares! I'm talking about real baseball. My grandson's little league season opener is monday. His mom said she'd let him pitch this year even though he had a minor injury last year.

5:58 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Bourbon soaked blog

So, I've had a couple. It's late and I'm too old for this late hour. But, the bourbon had soaked in and dimmed the view of the clock. So you get a blog that is continually spell cheked, (shit) checked. dw Janiebelle and I have taken up bowling. I've been watching bluegrass videos and well, it's not related to bowling but enough about that. See what bourbon does? We went bowling today and I lost two out of four. You realize of course that I won two out of four. It's easy for you to understand I spose but right now It's not so easy for me. I'm used to losing to dw Janiebelle. I don't know if I enjoy her success or I simply don't mind losing. Actually, I do mind losing to others but I enjoy the game with Janiebelle. When she wins I genuinely feel terrific. My son-in-law gave me a used ball that he no longers uses. Used balls that are no longer used? That's sad. . We had it redrilled and off I go. Ouch! I always wanted to be able to throw a hook. This ball won't roll straight. The hook is automatic. Imagine if you will throwing the stupid ball at the right hand corner and get a left side gutter ball. Wassup with that? I do it way too often. It's no wonder she wins. I aim it at the ten pin, it goes in the left gutter! Dang!  

Dw Janiebelle and I watched a video of Hank Williams III. It's uncanny how he looks and sounds like his granddad. The song was "I Put The Dick In Dixie" Ok, it's not mainstream Nashville, but the song is cool. Check it out on Myspace videos. (I'm not pimping I'm recommending) (is that pimping?)

I know what you're thinking. Bourbon blog's funny. Let's get this dude lit up more often. K, I'm with you on that.

Jim

9:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Things they just won't do
Category: Life

There are some things that our Significant Others just won't do. Hopefully we are told that before marrying them so that we can make an informed choice regarding the rest of our lives. Let's see, my soon to be dw won't make coffee. Says she doesn't drink it, so she won't make it. So, I'm to spend the rest of my life with someone who won't make a fricking cup of coffee. Ok, sure. No problem. See, I'm easy to get along with. I'll make it myself.

Won't drink beer. Oops! We may have a problem. Will she at least buy beer in the grocery store when my stack of Leinie's Red gets low? Yep, sure. Ok, no problem. She'll stick with Seagrams Canadian I'll drink the Leinie's. BTW how did you guys in Canada figure out whiskey so well? Is it the snowy cold stuck inside winters that got to you?

Won't smoke dope. Ok, I won't either, been there done that poor me another Leinenkugel's.

A telemarketer just called wanting dw Janiebelle to send some money for the Chicago Sun-Times. "We don't have birds. We don't need to clean up bird-shit. Why would we need a newspaper?" Telemarketers think dw Janiebelle is a real asshole. Also, she has a karmic thing for bird-shit.  When we quit smoking three years ago, (yay) the smell of other people smoking really got to her. "Jeez! What are you smoking, rag-weed and bird-shit?" Of course, now her car is a perpetual bird-shit target.

Forward spotter to bird central: "Ok, the garage door is opening send in the first wave."

Won't………. Oh, well we probably shouldn't go there.

Damn..... the rest of my life without that?

6:53 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

He makes me laugh.
Category: Life

Dad's have buttons that daughters know how to push. A very strong instinctive button is labeled "Protect". When that button is pushed a powerful urge to throttle whatever boyfriend is present overcomes dad and beyond that point there be dragons. My three daughters knew that button very well and would often use it to persuade would-be boyfriends they didn't want bothering them to look elsewhere. It was simple. A boy they didn't like would be brought home to "meet" dad. Dad would scare the shit out of him and he'd never return. For dad it's an automatic response.

I remember the first time I saw my oldest daughter with some dirtbag scum asswipe boyfriend's arm around her. I couldn't stay in the room. I knew it was time at her age to be checkin em out but it wasn't easy to watch. The part that sucked was that the boys knew that I knew what was on their minds cause it's what was on my mind when I was a teenager and I knew that they knew that I knew.

I asked one of my daughters once, "What do you see in him?" Her response, "He makes me laugh." Holy crap! If I knew when I was a teen that all I had to do was tell them a joke, make them laugh, and I could get in their pants I would have been the luckiest boy in town. Please tell me it isn't that easy.

I guess the point to this is in the following scenario. One of my son in laws recently viciously, hatefully, verbally attacked one of my other daughters. She and her sister fought with each other all through childhood and that was normal. Now though, a son in law has stepped into that conflict and the button was pushed again. I can't do what I want to do in this case so what can I do?

2:39 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I joined the club!
Category: Life

Well, it's official. I'm now a member of the VFW. When dwJaniebelle and I first went in she waited by the door and I went up to the front to check in. As I chatted with the post commander she was hit on by all these old vets. A couple dozen or so eased up to chat with her. I went back and asked her if she wanted to join the auxiliary and she just smiled and nodded. Hmmmmm! Wassup!

Bingo Girl, my youngest daughter who started this whole thing, was there to join the auxiliary as well. She plays bingo with her best friend from childhood, Elia. Whenever I see Elia I put my arm around her and say, "It's my favorite daughter!" Really spins up Bingo Girl. Her big brown eyes give me that cute eat shit look that I've grown to love and cherish.

I don't think Bingo Girl is aware of it but they play cards on thursday nights. I asked if they play Pinochle cause it's my favorite game to lose but they said no, they never have enough participants to play pinochle so they play poker. Little did they know that Bingo Girl, her mom and dad are all Pinochle freaks and they probably have enough participants now. I'll tell Bingo Girl and maybe she can get something started. Hmmm, maybe I should have dwJaniebelle ask them. They seem to really like her.

Janiebelle and I were in a Pinochle League years ago. She and her designated partner would usually come in first or second. The losing team would win the cards used that night. I took lot's of cards home. I was a beginner then, what can I say!

4:39 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment