EVERYTHING has words associated with it!

On Tuesday I was sitting in my Uses of Personal Experience in Creative Writing class, feeling overheated and dizzy, the symptoms of  the flu that was about to hit me for real a few hours later. We had just organized our desks into a U as per the instructions of our superfluously grotesque teacher, who had stepped out, presumably to devour a stick of butter and iron her heavy black robe. I'm not looking forward to any of the four hours I'm about to experience. I'm liking "I should really drop this fucking class." So she comes back in, and from the moment the first syllable of her screech hits my ears, I develop a fucking migraine. "This isn't a U! This is a (chortles) indented U! You guys (referring to me and my deskmate) - move!" Or she didn't even say "move". She fucking moved her stupid fucking hands in the direction that she wanted us to move. So, I did something I've wanted to do in horrible classes since 6th grade. I grabbed my shit, walked out. Didn't say anything, I just quit. And that's been causing some issues for me.

So I quit my Uses of Personal Experience in Creative Writing class because I fucking hated going to it, then I got the stomach flu really badly Tuesday night, and that lasted until Thursday, then some other stuff happened and I realized that Radiohead's Kid A is second only to In the Aeroplane Over the Sea as all-time best-constructed album, all the songs flow into each other and everything, it's great. But today, oh, man. You have no idea.

Today? I was working at the desk on the second floor, and this lady, maybe in her late-20s, with a haircut that says either "Fuck you, I'm hella punk" or "I have a learning disability and I cut my own hair" comes up and starts yelling at me about her computer. So I try and help her fix it, but she keeps doing stupid shit, and yelling angrily, because she really wanted to print out documentation for a marriage license. At this point I gathered that she had Tourette's, and all the random FUCK!s were starting to bother the other patrons, but I couldn't kick her out for having Tourette's, that's discrimination. So I walked away, and she apparently forgot about getting married, because the next time I walked by her computer she was looking at a Craigslist personal ad with lots of exclamation points and partial male nudity.. I probably should have stopped her, but if I reported every person who uses a library computer to troll for Craigslist sex, there literally would not be anyone in the fucking library anymore. Except little kids.

Fucking little kids.

The little kids play this game called RuneScape, which is like World of Warcraft, only even more awful and sad and pointless, because the graphics are such that it can be accessed and rendered using Internet Explorer, so its just these like screen-saver looking 3D graphics with little red and blue knights hacking at each other, and these disgusting kids with buzz cuts and stupid fucking sports clothes pushing each other and calling each other faggots then asking to borrow each other's Wand of Protection. So as I was sitting behind the desk, listening to two of America's future contractors and roofers chase each other into the Spanish media section because one of them had stolen the other's Chest of Desolation, Tourette's syndrome lady comes back, I thought she had left, demanding I fix some issue with her computer. This one, though, I could solve pretty easily, so I asked her for her library card number. I watched her write it down on a piece of paper, mumbling all the while Stupid.. motherfucking.. shit fuck.. motherfucking.. and thought to myself "I should really quit this fucking job."

But I can't quit everything I don't like, I have to have some degree of self-control. I need a job, too. As much as I fucking hate it, I feel worse if I'm just sitting around not doing anything. So, you know what? Whatever. I'll stay. But I'm not moving my desk into a fucking U formation. That's bullshit.

Currently listening : Kid A By Radiohead Release date: 03 October, 2000

11:06 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

arrr

Hey (I'll preface this by saying I'm very tired and need to go to sleep, so if this becomes progressively more incoherent.. that's why.) - if you're thinking about writing a series of nautically themed free verse poems and then turning them in to a writing workshop class so I have to read and comment on them - don't.

Screams up and down the coastal lines

Dark night paths and dirty feet

Lead to drinking and dander on the beach

Naked nipples hard in the frosty sea

Early morning consumption across the water

Fog and virginity have dissipated

If that isn't stupid and pointless, then I don't know what is. People need to stop acting like losing their virginity is important and meaningful. And here's the thing - the fog is a metaphor for your virginity, right? Well, then you probably don't need to fucking say that. That's kind of the point of metaphors. But the hell's up with the whole ocean-based aesthetic? What does that have to do with anything? It doesn't evoke shit. I mean, what's next, a poem about a grizzled bearded fisherman?

Wind breaks down the bodies

Children float away

Old fishermen with beards of barnacles

Shake their sorry heads

Fire burns bright at dawn

The remains we made of this town

Who the fuck told you you were a writer? And how ridiculously badly did they want to fuck you? "The remains we made of this town," you're really going to end it like that? It sounds like the middle of a Bruce Springsteen chorus, only shitty. And apparently written about the Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Alex says there's a perverse pleasure in reading terrible poetry, but when you have to really read it, and write about it, and tell the person how you felt about it... fuck. This reminds me of Eugene Mirman's poem about bad poetry.

Your words, my mind

They slap against me like waves of "What the fuck?"

Your imagery is like a bus driving to space

The passengers are bad ideas, pointlessness, and self-congratulation

Your words are unnecessarily long, dull daggers

I don't know what you learned in dagger school

But you treat your poetic license like a transgender Thai hooker

Doing with it as you please.

You're a diplomat smuggling kuggerands into the country

Consider your poetic immunity... revoked!

Currently listening : OK Computer By Radiohead Release date: 01 July, 1997

11:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

oh, and

while i was writing that last one, I was listening to "Airbag" by Radiohead. Probably the 147,000th time I've listened to that song, but for the first time I noticed that there's like some weird flange-y scratching going on towards the end. So much to those songs.

10:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

amateur porn and orange peels

Ohhh man today was like not.. very good. I didn't sleep enough. Class sucked, none of the interesting people were there, just a grad student talking about revision for like an hour and a half.

I've been thinking about things that I like a lot better in theory than in practice. I like that Brother Ali is an blind albino Muslim indie rapper, but I don't really like listening to his music. I like that there's girls out there who are whimsical and dance sober for no reason, but (with exceptions) I can't stand being around them for more than 15 minutes. I'm wondering if I feel that way about sex. I haven't had any for a ridiculous amount of time (like almost an entire semester), which might be why I'm wondering that.

There's this dude in my poetry class who's a virgin and he's like a couple years older than me. He's a virgin and he doesn't seem to want to even attempt to do anything about that. And he just doesn't care, he can walk around wearing camoflage pants and a jean jacket, like he's in 8th grade. Say whatever the fuck he wants, not always be calculating people's reactions. And I'm thinking, "Hey. Maybe that would be cool. To just be able to talk to a girl without wondering 'is she sending some kind of signal that I'm supposed to be picking up on? What's the implication behind that last sentence?'" That would be nice.

I guess. I don't know. I'm also really kind of tense right now, and hella bored..... so yeah, I'm not going to be taking a vow of chastity any time soon. But what I'm doing right now sucks. Basically, I don't know how to initiate anything, which is why I used to go to parties with lots of drunk people, because sometimes in that situation its socially acceptable for girls to initiate things. But I hated the music they played at those things so I stopped going, and just expected the same thing to happen, like, during the day. Sober. That shit has happened maybe twice.

So I don't know, you know, whatever. I actually just wrote that sentence. "So I don't know, you know, whatever." I need to stop saying I'm a writer if that's the kind of shit I write. I don't know. Somebody, give me some advice. Or have sex with me. Or both.

10:23 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

thoughts are misguided and a little naive

You know on the front page of MySpace now, when you put in your name and password? Like, they've always had that Cool New People thing going on, but I guess now, to get the kids interested in politics, they have every third Cool New Person be a presidential candidate. So now every Cool New People section is like a dude with stunnas and a blunt hanging out his mouth, an drunk girl making out with another drunk girl, and Mitt Romney.

Speaking of that.. I don't know, I really don't want to vote for any of these fuckers. I mean Hillary reminds me of my friend's nextdoor neighbor when I was in high school, and every time she gives a speech I feel like she's yelling at me for smoking a bowl under her deck. I guess I kind of like Obama, even though I've never really heard him say anything, and have no idea what he stands for. I just like that he's up front about his smoking. I hate how afraid everybody is of cigarettes now. Like in movies, if a character has to smoke but the actor doesn't smoke, he'll just like put it up to his lips, and he's so obviously not actually hitting it, like he doesn't breathe out any smoke or anything. Fuckin'.. if you don't want to smoke, don't play someone who smokes in a movie.

That scene in Departed when Alec Baldwin's like "Yeah! I'm gonna smoke! You don't smoke do you? What are you some kinda health nut? Go fuck yourself!" Like without any space in between any of those sentences for Matt Damon to respond. That was a good movie.

10:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

with a suit made of electricity, i ran through the great wall of china convincingly

Waiting for my Craft of Poetry class yesterday, I was sitting in Burke Hall, and there's all these people in the hall there who have made like these rack things out of PVC pipes, and they're spreading out animal hides or something. It might have just been brown paper.

But anyway, I'm sitting there, and then this nondescript average Southern Californian sororityish girl walks by carrying a framed painting. The painting is good sized, plus there's this elaborate gilded frame. The painting is of Ben Stiller. Like a close up portrait of fucking Ben Stiller, done in these psychadelic colours, like purple and green and shit. Why would something like that exist?

And then later Devon was saying something, and then he's like "And Nick's trying to say I'm a.." and nobody remembers what he said after that because it's Devon and no one really listens. But Adriana was sitting next to him and she's like "He's saying you're a Victorian pope?" Which is what I should have said, because that is what I'm going to call pretty much everybody from now on.

12:03 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

untitled blog post #237

Everybody over at Virginia Tech.. don't know what to say. The world just got a little bit more post-apocalyptic.

Jessie, I hope you're okay.

8:14 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

small problem now/only seems bigger

I think there's a spider on the wall.

I love you.

11:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

steak machete

Web log. Ummmm.. yeah. Fuckin'..

okay.

No. I had something. But I forgot.

Oh. I had my eyes closed during Craft of Playwriting class because she told us to close our eyes, and it was this exercise where we had to imagine eating a lemon, but it was dark, because I had my eyes closed, which makes sense, and she's up there yelling

"TASTE WITH YOUR MIND! TASTE IT WITH YOUR MIND!"

It was fucking surreal.

But this one dude. Fuck. It's like, I'm talking to this girl sometimes, and if I say anything he's always like "Ehh he's just saying that to get in your pants." Pants? Who even fucking says that? But its embarassing because I kind of am, and I know he's just saying that to get attention because I used to do the exact same thing. When I was like 13. But still, it's cool having someone around who's like that much more socially awkward than me, it makes me actually look kind of regular. Talkin' about I'm hypnotizing her with my electric pants. There's no way that means anything.

My new sweatshirt is very soft.

The town has no need to be nervous.

I neeeed to sleeeeeeep... why won't you, let me... sleeeeeeep.........?

Currently listening : Let It Bleed By The Rolling Stones Release date: 22 August, 2006

11:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

we pop like orville redenbacher

Today

i woke up at fucking early in the morning so i could drive people to the fucking airport, then i went home and couldn't get back to sleep because i drank coffee and so i ate hella chips then i went to school and when i got there my class was cancelled so i ended up driving 50 miles for like no reason and i got home and i thought i had some kind of alcoholic beverage but i hella did not.

This day is going terribly. Help

4:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment