the morning after
Current mood: animated
Category: Writing and Poetry

Currently reading : Nervous: A Novel By Zane

04:47 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Is this thing on?
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life

This feels foreign...just a little bit nostalgic.

I can't remember the last time that I seriously wrote a blog and really enjoyed myspace like that.  So many things has happened between this time.

For one, I work for an organization that I plan to retire at: General Board of Global Ministries.  It's not exactly the career that I plan on retiring in but I definitely got my foot in the door.  What exactly is General Board of Global Ministries-United Methodist Church?  Well, it's an organization that touches people all over the globe by providing social assistance to people across the globe, by raising its own funds, getting assistance from outside providers and doing so under the beliefs of the Methodist values. 

Personally, I do not have a church home or denomination but I must say that I admire their social work.  I'm learning as the days go by and it's been over a month and I haven't had one really bad day yet.  Yeah, I may have came across some bad situations but who doesn't in the beginning.  Can I mention the benefits are phenomenal and the people are so nice.  Some...just a little bit too nice and I have to get a little adjusted to that and some just a little too phony for my liking but very respectful.  I can't believe that I actually came across a place that I can finally call the place that I want to retire at.  I'm an Administrative Assistant all over again but I would like to be a director in HR or in a social work division within five years.  Yeah, I have a goal to accomplish.

Other than that, my husband and I are going to school religiously.  I'm still in HR & Social Work...going for my B.S/M.S. (Doctorate's degree if I'm blessed enough to do it) and my husband is going for a A.A./B.S. in Art.  He's getting so damn good at it, especially since he only took one class specifically in the hands on drawing area.

Our son is 13 months rotten and has a little cold right now but he's walking, talking a little bit and laughs so much.  He smuggles food in his cheeks (smile) and eats everything.  Don't eat anything in front of him or you will never eat it by yourself.

I was dieting for a little bit and exercising.  I gotta admit that I fell off.  I want to see if I can lose some more weight in the meantime and start over again.  When I was on the diet, I did lose over ten pounds over a month time.  I have to get the rest of this off by next year, especially if I want to have a possibility of having a number two...who knows when that'll be.

I am in need of a poetry fix and haven't wrote as much.  I miss painting and having an active social life but I had to make some cutbacks.  I hope that I can come back on this thing more often and add some more fun things to my crazy schedule.  Well see what will happen in the next couple of weeks.

Much love,

l.shauntay snell

04:20 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I’d Rather Text than Talk Politics
Current mood: tired
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

The word of the day folks:  Politics!

That shit SUCKS!

Yeah, my fat ass is in the corner top row, second person with yellow on....which they caught me off guard.  I thank Ms. Zimmer for writing this article because she obviously was the only one in New York City who actually gave a shit about Veterans after they come home....speaking in regards to the very little bit of people who attended the press conference at City Hall in NYC yesterday.

I learned that politicians can be full of shit.  Don't get me wrong...I am FAR from naive when it comes to politics, nor do I like getting caught up in it; however, it is sincerely inevitable to do anything in this lifetime without it being in it, whether it comes down to the damn idiot box when you're watching your favorite show to washing your child up and people might think it's sexual harassment washing your kid up for too long in the bath.  Hey!  There's no escape.

It's nothing like actually sitting there in person and watching bullshit artists in action.  The dear commissioner was sitting there passively listening to everyone's pleas to take more interest in Veterans' Affairs but what did Mr. Councilman do?  He played tag on his cellular phone.  What was so important?  I hope it was his wife or kid if he has one or perhaps, the nanny forgot to clean his favorite underwear?  What the hell ever!  I just couldn't believe it but at least he actually was in the room to listen to other people's statements.

What cracked me the hell up was when all of the other non-for-profits spoke, the room was packed and everyone respected them by staying in but when all of the suits were done, they walked in unison.  Coincidentally, the minority non-for-profits were the only ones left in the room and were the only ones not willing to sugar coat it. 

After hearing the absurdity of what our dear government did to so many people, particularly Veterans, in the NYC area when acquiring their vendor's license, I was sick.  If someone would have caught my face in a picture, they probably would have told me to get the flies out of my mouth. 

In that moment, that was truly the icing on the cake for me.  It reminds me of why I have so many woes about corporate America but more about non-for-profits.  Who knows what's going to happen to my program at the end of the month, let alone wondering if my whole unit will have a job.

A brief crash course on what happens in a non-for-profit if you are not aware, is that non-for-profits run on funds from the government, contracts and funds raised.  We do not sell our services nor goods; henceforth, we are screwed when it comes to renewal time if the auditors don't like what they see on our property

Okay, there you got it. 

I never saw many politicians in my life but this is what worries me about the agency that I'm at.  In case it's been that long, I am now a Case Manager: Job Coach.  I love the job and helping people but it has its moments...such as going to the Council.  Social Services has so much politics floating around it that it's not even funny.  Additionally, knowing that a lot of grants are issued from the government, it makes me happy about extra money but pissed tat people fulll in his bullshit.

Well, election time is here and I wonder how many more messages he'll get on his phone while conducting any more in the future.  They're painting their best face on...how about you.

Have a great night everyone!

l.shauntay snell
062508 @ 9:35 P


If you want to check out the article, follow the Metro Newspaper link!

01:12 AM - 3 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

a better time
Current mood: blah
Category: Writing and Poetry

Currently listening : Just Like You By Keyshia Cole Release date: 2007-09-25

01:10 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m Convinced that my Birthday Ain’t Shit...
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

It's been a day since it's been over.

I've found myself psyching myself up every year that it's going to be more different than the last year and every year, I get knocked down with bullshit.

Yesterday was my birthday and I'm officially 23 years old.  One year older, one year wiser and day after day until the next year kicks in and hear some other shit for the next year.

I won't go back too far but when I was 20 years old, I celebrated my birthday bone sick in bed and didn't wake up until 6pm in the afternoon.  I was so miserable that I couldn't even get up to tell my friends thank you for stopping by or even answer a damn door.  21st birthday...I thought that this would be the last day of being a KBS I at my job to get a promotion right?!  No, matter of fact, I got fired on that day and couldn't even accept my promotion.  So, I spent that day inside of MCU cashing out my bank accounts so I could make it for the next "couple" of months without a job.  I can't remember the rest of the day after 3pm because I drunk out my day.  22nd birthday was brought in to a phone call that my father's cancer came back.  At least that day, I made it through 3/4 of the day without bullshit but then this year comes around...23rd birthday. 

23rd birthday seemed like it was going to be cool.  Almost everyone that I came across said to be positive about this day and don't look for anything to happen.  Yeah, and like a fool, I believed it.  I woke up yesterday morning to knowing that I would be attending my sister's graduation from high school.  I wore this beautiful coral dress that I adore.  So, it didn't fit too well along the shoulders and showed a little more cleavage than my comfort zone but who cares, I'm confident because I'm with my husband.  I enjoyed myself for a little bit.  Had my minor annoyances throughout the day but I took pictures of my sister's event and it was beautiful.  We went to BBQ's downtown Brooklyn directly after the ceremony. 

I came home to enjoying the perks of being married...::censored, lol::.. but after that, I started feeling a whole lot better about this day until I got one phone call from my child's godmom, AKA that cool as shit friend that her hubby was in the hospital.  Confident that he would be fine but wanting to be sure, we were going to go see him.  She must've changed her mind about taking me because it's my birthday.  I figured then that this would be the worst part and that didn't kill my mood too much.

I wasn't feeling like myself and decided to go to the supermarket.  Yeah, I know, the supermarket on your birthday?!  Yeah, I love to cook damnit!  Read my status updates for the past weeks because I just put up what the hell I eat, lol.  But yeah, the supermarket folks and I felt better because I got some hot air...like 95 degrees worth.  Still couldn't shake it off so I went to sleep.  I awoke to a 2nd phone call from my mother.  I can hear the mixed emotions in the background and just what I didn't want to hear...another spoiling birthday of my Aunt Doris passing away.

She would have been 68 years old this year on the 28th of this month.  By far, she is the sweetest woman that you could come across and would help you in a minute.  You know how you have family members who don't want to tell you anything when you probably should be concerned...well she's one of them.  She just didn't want to tell me what was wrong with her but the last time I saw her was at a wake for my other aunt's funeral.  Turns out she passed away from the spreading of cancer throughout her body until her organs shut down.  She passed away the morning of my birthday.  Well, can't exactly plan to die on someone's birthday but it felt like that since my grandmother passed away on my birthday when I was five back in 90. 

I tried to stay strong for my kid...positive for my friends and family and this is where it took me. 

Today's beef stew day in a crockpot with some rice.  I'm not up for cooking.  All I will probably do now is make a carrot cake for folks on my job because I promised but I'll see if I'll even do that.

Happy Birthday Latoya.  See you another year, Latoya.

R.I.P. Doris Bonner...never will be forgotten, just hopefully the fams will stay together now.

l.shauntay snell

Currently watching : Swordfish [Blu-ray] Release date: 2006-09-26

11:36 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

ain’t the same no’ mo’
Current mood: ashamed
Category: Writing and Poetry

the mirror learned how to taunt people
a long time ago;
that's why mine sits
with its reflected throat
slit in the hallway
smoking stale cigarette butts
without a taste of death under its breath
because it wasn't too talented
to light me up.

this ole body ain't the same no' mo'.
the handles does every thing
but show me love;
kissing the gluttony filled walls
and obnoxiously revealing itself
through the lining of my clothes.

the world's shrinking
or perhaps its the pants
that fitted me perfectly the other night.
i listen to pro-big sista songs
with ice-cream tears cooling off my lips,
learning how to embrace my body
with the taunts from my mirror's reflection.

they said
aye chile,
that body there
ain't the same no' mo'
but like most things,
you don't miss good things until its gone.

l.shauntay snell
5.18.2008 @ 11:31 PM
inspiration:  ...just one of those nights...

Currently listening : The Real Thing: Words And Sounds Vol. 3 By Jill Scott Release date: 2007-09-25

08:36 PM - 9 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Almost Lost My Baby...Happy Mother’s Day
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

Mother's Day...

No poem for this.  My husband and I were in a big scare for our baby yesterday.  I spent yesterday morning like normal...cleaning up my house but it was more on a thorough level yesterday.  I tackled down my room to the point where you can eat off the damn floor.  I started purging through papers and documents that needed to be filed and I was so entralled with the little one moving around in his room, having fun, that I figured, why not make the whole house accessible to him.  Nothing wrong with cleaning up and letting him roam in the place he lives in, right?

Everything was cool.  He took naps.  Pop, my husband (his mom and I call him that), came home from his examination and he tackled the living room and kitchen.  Overall, I was cleaning and watching him since a little bit before 8AM.  I got tired around 7pm and the baby started getting cranky, so I told my husband to give him a bath and then feed him to give him a smooth transition to bed.  When the little one came out, my husband laid out a blanket out on the floor so he can crawl around.  Besides, he was sitting next to his godbrother, so he was safe...at least that's what we thought. At this point, I finally took a nap.  I woke up to hearing my child gasp for air and screaming in between. 

We don't know what our son got from the floor, especially since the rug was vacuumed and everything was put away but he was choking off of it.  He started turning colors on us and intervals of screaming.  This was a low point as a mom because I couldn't do anything.  My husband panicked and tried to take whatever it was out of his mouth with his finger.  Then, he flipped him upside down and firmly patted his back constantly.  He told me to call 911 but I couldn't even think.  I got in the bedroom and just broke down.  If it weren't for our son's godbrother, I don't know how they would have got the message. 

No anxiety attack can match to the feeling like you are losing your child.  When the paramedics came, they said his lungs were clear and whatever it was must have came out or either it was nothing there to begin with.  We went to Long Island College Hospital and he was cleared within an 1 1/2. 

For me, this is not just a regular Mother's Day.  This is the day that I thank God for giving me a healthy child after trying for a couple of years and losing a baby.  I don't care about materialistic things and no type of gift/flowers can amount to having my family with me.  My gift is having my son with me this morning to drool in my face and sneeze in my mouth (yeah disgusting but I don't care).  I love seeing his smile and his safe body inside of a playpen and walker. 

For today, not just for moms, be thankful for the child that you have at home with you that's safe.  Don't try to kick your spouse's ass for not bringing home that entertainment center or he didn't get no flowers.  Just be thankful.  My child is lucky because when we were there, a parent was losing her child and another one was going under anesthesia for surgery. 

I wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day and if you are a single day, Happy Mother's Day to you too.  Sometimes, us women can forget that men can be single parents too.

Much love myspace,

l.shauntay snell
5/11/2008
inspiration:  E.J., my son and for his brother or sister in heaven

07:53 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Random Haikus: 04/18/2008
Current mood: blissful
Category: Writing and Poetry

11:14 AM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

When Rainbows Cry
Current mood: cultured
Category: Writing and Poetry

one day i will have to tell my child
why the rainbow weeps.
he will lose his innocense
and break mental hymens
and like a girl’s transition into womanhood,
he’ll bleed.

for the first time
he’ll leak society’s woes
from his underdeveloped adam’s apple
hemmorging confusion
down his golden cheeks.

he will learn that his broad nose,
chocolate almond shaped eyes
and thick masculine lips
holds centuries of broken souls,
tainted memories,
embellished American nightmares
and accomplishments
can all be altered
by which shade of the rainbow
he falls in between.

one day i will have to tell my child
why the rainbow weeps
but i wonder
if he will cry the same color
as everyone else’s tears.

l.shauntay snell
april 6, 2008 @ 7:26 pm

Inspiration:  Reading a couple of blogs this week.

04:11 PM - 11 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Standards: A Haiku
Current mood: itchy
Category: itchy Writing and Poetry

04:03 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

She Told Me that I Couldn't Say the Word
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Writing and Poetry

She said her name was Mrs. Flowers
But she wilted my spirit.
She killed almost all of the joyous memories
of a bond between a teacher and a student
when she told me that I couldn't say the word "fuck."

I was sixteen by the way of thirty-five,
Kissing Word-Up magazines,
Crisp issues of Vibe and lets not forget the Essence mag,
Rest In Piece when Time Warner raped the soul
Out of it's history.

But Mrs. Flowers told me that I couldn't say the word "fuck"
And I never knew how to respond to her tune.
Her maple tone lips told me that I couldn't fit in
Because my perm fried all of my roots
And my stupidity anointed my brain cells tighter
Than any stripper's grip on the pole
Working for that cheese
And she told me I couldn't say the word "fuck."

That sweet, fragile teacher told me that I couldn't say "fuck"
But she told me that I didn't have enough dark meat to understand black women's struggles
But wasn't light enough to blend in,
All I could do is try to figure out was what state was her mind in
Because "fuck" to me,
Was more than just some cute verb
That people love hearing themselves say in a sentence.

That ruptured spirit Mrs. Flowers
Told me that I had more tricks up my sleeve
Than Brooklyn crackwhores who laid on their backs;
she expressed to me that my English was "wack"
but Mrs. Flowers tried to break me
Worse than slave owners who kissed permanent tattoos
On my ancestor's backs
And she told me this because I couldn't say the word "fuck."

Mrs. Flowers' knew how to molest my intellect
And cum on my malnourished essence.
She knew how to call me a nigger passively
Utilizing her perfect grammar and correctly phrased interjections.

Mrs. Flowers kidnapped kindergarten's innocense
By kindly telling them that they wouldn't amount to shit;
She taught me how to correctly use the word "fuck" in a sentence.

I interjected by screaming "Wow!"
Gave her a simile by telling her that
"Your blackness is as questionable as your hair weave."
Kissed her with metaphors by telling her that
"Her ignorance builds walls on my unborn seeds."
Constipated her anus by letting her know that

Currently listening : The Real Thing: Words And Sounds Vol. 3 By Jill Scott Release date: 25 September, 2007

10:00 AM - 11 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

Downtime: Tag Your It Beeeyotch!
Current mood: adventurous
Category: Games

Okay...well, I was bored, needed some downtime and played hookey from work today so I had to do this.  Plus my husband is the blame for this one:  I was Tagged!

Okay this is how you play:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog...10 random things, facts or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to tag, listing their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment saying, "Tag, you're it." to read your blog. You can't tag the person that tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you posted your blog so I can read your answers!

01:55 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

yesterday
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Writing and Poetry

yesterday was valentine's day.

the roses are shriveled and tarnished from rotting;
chocolate never tasted so bitter.
the roaches on my kitchen counter had dates
yet all i had was you.

the condom's ripped
and your signature lives aggressively
on the trimmed bushes below my stomach,
threatening me with such hostility in its silence.
he's seeking solace
while i seek momentary happiness
and Lord knows I need you.

the color of hearts
hemmoraged on my tampered dreams.
the nightstand has now been occupied
with misconceptions of yesterday's stupidity,
wire hangers
and Vodka with lemon twists.

yesterday was valentine's day
and who knows if i'll ever see you.
too bad that the roaches on my counter
had a longer survival rate than you.

today is nothing.

06:22 PM - 5 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

This Woman (Sorry Everyone)
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry

Freewrite @ 11:08 PM

i work 12 hour days,
five days a week,
looking for a second job
with blisters on my feet.

come home to clean the floors,
clear my bed,
pay the cable bill
but manage to never watch an ounce of tv.

Baby needs diapers,
Baby wipes got me hustling on the street.
My hands are covered in multicolored poo,
So I said:
To hell with the Diaper Genie.

On the weekends,
Baby might be screaming high pitched
So I might forget to wash my ass
Until I can't stand the smell of my own stench.

Husband needs food
And I have the Chinese Restaurant on speed dial
To get some quick steamed rats.

Mommy's hair's a mess
And her eyes holds
Days worth of bounced checks;
kicked my cat
but my mind's working like a dog.

Grab my purse,
Run back up the stairs for my coat
And I'm in desperate need of a larger shopping cart.

Eyes burning
Toes screaming
Hair's bitching
Ears bleeding;
Hands crying
Soul's dying
Money not multiplying
And the grocery bill
Isn't helping much.

Might get 8 hours of sleep
But I've learned to run on 4.
The landlord wants her money
Or else the repo man will be at my door.

Drowning in debt
And wishing I could get a welfare check.
Can't get food stamps
Because my gross salary
Says that I made two dollars more
Than their set requirements.

My psyche's fried from political rape:
Do I vote for the Black Optimistic
With dreams like Martin Luther King
or should I vote for that woman who's getting pimped by her husband,
Better known as Hillary.

Lint doesn't pay rent
But they're always occupying space in my pockets;
Maybe if I had a louder voice
And talked in riddles,
I could be a black woman president.

This woman's overworked.

Currently listening : I Am By Chrisette Michele Release date: 19 June, 2007

08:12 PM - 10 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Corny Love Songs and Snapple Iced Tea (Might Suck But I don’t Care)
Current mood: adored
Category: Writing and Poetry

For Eric:

As I caress the roots of Africa on your head
and rub against your chest,
I think of all of the things that we've been through.

I remember you mostly by those
licorice shaded rims
With the foggy window tints;
Chocolate resembling,
Thick heart lips
with this look of content...
And I knew from this day on
That nobody could match that description but you.

I remember late night phone calls,
Implanting adult imaged wet dreams in your membrane
At sixteen;
Running up my momma's phone bill
And my daddy wondered how long
He should allow this relationship to breathe
Until he pulls out his gun.

You serenaded me with corny love songs
and vendor machine snapple iced teas.
I'd thank you by aggressively tackling you
Before French class and after P.E.
But that's how I said
       I love you.

I love you for the walks to the Post Office
Or just for getting me some food via delivery,
For that first kiss during a vulnerable moment
While cutting school
And getting caught by your mother
the first we ever got to meet.

    I can laugh now,
    But you'll never know how much I love you.

I love you for all seven proposals
And the romantic way that you asked me to date you
By getting down on one knee;
I guess that's why when I accepted,
You asked me while waking up from a long sleep.

Thank you for our wedding day,
Sticking with me during the cursing,
Bitching, threatening and completely insane times
That you could have walked away
But most of all,
I thank you for those corny love songs
And Snapple Iced teas.

       I love you.

latoya shauntay snell
january 24, 2008 @ 12:08 AM

"....i'm an artist, so respect my shit..." -Erykah Badu, before singing Tyrone live

Currently listening : Live By Erykah Badu Release date: 18 November, 1997

08:39 PM - 12 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment