Matthews attempt at humiliating the shameless
Current mood: vibrant
Category: Blogging

O.K so Matthew has done his interview me thing and I have responded to him by saying interview me. Amongst his cynical requests for me to be honest (as if I would be anything else) he asked the following questions attached are my best responses.

Honesty Tim!

1) You are a proud aetheist, but have there ever been moments in your life that would suggest something supernatural or unexplainable by standard science?

I don’t claim to have all the answers to life the univers and everything but I do know that are minds play tricks on us. When our brains are given limited information they kind of fill in the gaps and hence menacing figures are seen in shadows, and fluffy sheep in clouds. I was brought up in a religous family and was told and went along with the fact that the world was a bad place and many of us were possessed by evil spirits. What really turned things for me was when I started being more independant of mind and asking questions about the whys and wherefores of the religion of my parents. I was told that I should not be asking such questions and that it was wrong to lack faith in this way. This pointed to a weakness in the whole web, i asked myself why should I not be allowed to question that is after all how people learn. So I carried on asking the questions, much to the disgust of my parents and their peers. The further I dug the thinner and more vaccuous the positions of the religion appeared to me. For the first time I found my own answer (it may not be right but it is my view and not that forced on me by the dogmatic). I don’t belive in god, you probably don’t believe in a whole heap of stuff that some folk do and this means you are athestic towards that view; be at buddhism or great spaggheti monsters, I went one step further. Things go bump in the night doesn’t mean there is a ghost.


2) What is the most dishonest thing you have done in your working life?

Wow that is a good question, I try not to be Machieavellian (if that is spelt wrong I don’t care). I guess like most people I have told the odd inconsequential lie but I try no to. I am pretty straight with people and somethimes that can put my staff or me in an uncomfortable position, I try to be fair though.

3) You are a man of the world, so what is the moost number of times you have masturbated in a 24 houur period and explain the circumstances in which this arose?

ROFL, a lot (more than 10) probably the latest issue of Razzle when I was 19 and a bored student. Certainly not in recent times, I just couldn’t be bothered any more, and the wife say’s it keeps her awake.

4) Have you ever made a large purchase and hidden the cost of it from your wife? What was it and why?

Of cousre I bloody have. Examples

Golf club membership Boy Price £975 girl price £400

Suzuki GSXR 1000 (that’s a motorbike Matthew) Boy Price £5k Girl Price £3k

The best one was in a motorbike dealership, the salesman said why not buy this bike (it was a fireblade I think) and I said ’the wife would kill me’ he replied ’buy it in the same colour she will never notice’.

Why, do you really need to ask she’s a women if it doesn’t go on her feet she doesn’t think it’s worth buying.

5) There is a fire at a family gathering and you can only save one person from all your blood relatives and your wife. Who do you choose and why?

My daughter no contest. 

Currently listening : Ghosts I - IV By Nine Inch Nails Release date: 08 April, 2008

12:22 PM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Still shrinking
Current mood: energetic
Category: Podcast

I know what your thinking, the worlds crappest blogger is back.

Well you are correct I am back, but this time there is even less of me. 3 and a half stone less.

Happier Fitter and Broke (I have had to buy a whole new wardrobe).

2 Stone to go.

Be Happy!

12:26 PM - 15 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

News and stuff
Current mood: energetic
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Now after a brief spell away I am back and refreshed after the epic battles with that fiend lard.

So what have I actually been doing outside of the strange fantasy world that exists between my ears.

Well I have got myself a new job that I start in April. This is good for me and sees me going on further in my career. All good stuff, the family and I have to move to the Kings Lynn area but the wife is right behind this as houses are dead cheap there and she has her eye on something with turrets.

The down side of this is that I have to work out my three months notice period (they wanted to increase it to nine months but I resisted furiously). Being a dilligent sort of chap I am still motivating my team to acheive more but when I handed my notice in it all came as an anti climax, 'I'm going to leave' boss replies 'ok' I go back to work and carry on as normally as possible. Wierd huh.

So we have a house to rent sorted and are moving there end of may so if any of you people want to buy a nice little semi in Bedford let me know, i'll knock a tenner off the price for any subscriber to my blog (can't say fairer than that can you).

Oh a brief update on the weight loss/ health thingy. Still going strong I have lost three stone now and I am making it to the gymn about 4 times a week, however it is packed at the moment as all the new years resolution makers are in there; as is weight watchers I ahd to stand for the meeting the other night!!

Will give further updates as they happen folks.

Currently reading : Metal Swarm (The Saga of Seven Suns) By Kevin J. Anderson Release date: 10 December, 2007

10:30 AM - 17 Comments - 15 Kudos - Add Comment

Super Weapon
Current mood: triumphant
Category: Writing and Poetry

The next chapter

So Nigella was out of the evil clutches of the insidious Lardman, despite his slurs on her character and nature she was physically uninjured by the ordeal. Whatever Lard had done to her during her brief imprisonment had left a psychological scar deeper than I had imagined it seemed that this would take more to solve than the concentrated shot of Vitamin C I had given her. Given time it became obvious that she would be of no use in the fight to stop the evil spread of Lardmans mass rendered pig fat onto the mall nurished masses.

My plan lay in ruins there was no way Nigella was in a fit condition to broadcast no matter how sophisticated Space Station Multibionta was. A change of tactic was required.

'Ensign Carotene; contact General Egg on the video link; encrypted channel B12'

'Aye, Captain' repled the young ensign, like all the crew of the space station Carotene had been rescued by me from a life of mal-nutrition. He owed the me everything but I demanded only his loyalty and nutritional awareness.

That moment General Egg appeared on the screen

'Ah Captain Sanatogen, I see you have rescued Nigella from the evil Lard's clutches. Is she ready for the transmission'

'Unfortunaltey not General it seems that the few moments she had in his greasy clutches have had severe psychological effects on her. She cooked for me this evening and the muffin didn't rise'

'This is far worse than we imagined Captain, we must stop Lard before the people of Britain become indoctrinated in his oily web of deceipt'

'I will take him on in single combat General, my mineral enhanced skin will protect me from his assault'

'No Captain I have other plans for you. You must defend the super weapons station Omega 6. My scientists are working on a super saponification laser that will transform all the worlds lard into harmless soap. Even kebab shop owners will smell sweetly when we are done.'

Tune in next time folks and find out if the good and wholesome defenders of nutrition can fend off the evil peddlers of lard long enough for the saponification laser to be fired and save us all from an oily grave.

To Vitamin K and beyond!

Currently reading : Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management (Oxford World’s Classics) By Isabella Beeton Release date: 13 March, 2000

12:58 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Truth Justice and the Vitamin Way
Current mood: confident
Category: Writing and Poetry

I drove home from a day at the office with rain beating down on the car roof, december was a wet month and the dark evening did little to lift the mood of the oppressed masses on their journey home.

I arrived at my humble house and greated the wife and daughter and all was well. As I slipped off my shoes and begun to relax I noted the flashing of the V phone. It could only mean one thing somewhere vitamin issues were occuring.

With a press of a single button the sofa parted down the middle to reveal a silver escalator. I journeyed down into what appeared to be a shabby room with a few pieces of equipment, a S459 automated vitamin rifle a throw back to the 'cold war' those were the days when a simple halib orange could prevent a nasty case. This was merely the anti chamber where the fiend Lard had been only the other day, It would have been unwise given the uneasy nature of the alliance to let my former Nemesis see the full range of facilities at my command. The second secret door opened revealing the teleport unit, I operated it and stepped onto the control deck of Station Multibionta

Ensign Carotene snapped a salute, 'Captain sir Lard Man is on the move'.

'I know ensign we are in league, track his movements and report them to me. He has no knowledge of my ultimate plan once he has delivered Nigella to me all will become clear'.

To Vitamin K and Beyond!

Currently reading : You Are What You Eat: The Plan That Will Change Your Life By Gillian McKeith Release date: 28 March, 2006

12:58 PM - 7 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

New Bike Alert
Current mood: energetic
Category: Sports

So folks it is my birthday just after christmas and I have decided yet again to buy myself a present. Incidentally I am very good at picking them for me and hardly ever get it wrong.

So keeping going with the athletic/diet theme I have brought myself a new bike (the pedal type).

I already have a mountain bike that is great for off road stuff but the suspension makes it heavy and inefficient on the road (the government didn't buy the reasoning either but then she is a girl). So I now have a hybrid bike as well, to look at you would say it looks like a mountain bike but it is not, it has bigger and much thinner wheels and your hand position is higher. The net result is that on the raod and on fairly even paths it goes really fast for not much effort, pretty cool huh!

So I will be test flying it tomorrow on a quick 10 mile jaunt at lunch time (should take about 38 minutes, i've done it in 35 on a mountain bike but I was a lot fitter then). I'll let you know how it goes. Later in the new year (september) I will be doing a 200 mile ride for this charity http://www.orangutan-appeal.org.uk/ I'll be hitting you all for some sponsership closer to the time.

Now I have been asked to go back and play rugby again and I have to say I am in two minds about it. Yes I would love to spend time with my mates getting muddy and hurting people for fun. The downside is last time I played properly I tore my achilles tendon and couldn't walk without a limp for three months. So todays question is should I go back and play again or is the risk of injury stopping my current surge of activity too great you decide.

Currently playing : Crysis Release date: 13 November, 2007

12:07 PM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

What the hell time do you call this to come home young man!
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

OK Here I am after a brief absence, where have I been?

Well Those of you that have met me will have noticed that I carry quite a bit of excess weight around, so nothing too surprising about that. I don't show you my picture as I hate having my photo taken due to not generally liking the look of the photo's. The rest of you put up with this whenever you see me but I can choose not to look in the mirror and also not to look at any photo's that are taken.

That was all going along ok the wife nagged a bit but that was about it; that was until I went for a helath and wellness check that work sent us on. Now rather than the usual 5 minutes with your GP this was a bit different, it took nearly three hours and involved having part of my chest shaved. Well what an eye opener that was, you kind of fool yourself that bursting buttons off trousers is not really a problem and that everyone must undo a button when they sit on the couch to get comfortable. Well this sort of avoidance of the issues saw me on the cusp of 20 stone (that's 270 pounds to americans and 125 kilos to enlightened metric people). Not to mention that most of it sat around my waist that the doctor described as ' a greater risk than smoking' (which apart from a few cigars I gave up 7 months ago).

Also he reckons that the 30 units of acohol (thats about half of what I was drinking but I lied about this so as not to get into trouble) was far too much and I should in fact only be drinking 21 or less. Oh and apparantly I'm unfit as well.

So what to do, I set about getting rid of it. It may sound trivial to some people but I needed help (I was totally out of control with food and drink showing a load of addict type behaviour, hiding stuff etc) I have been going to weight watchers now for 2 months and have lost 27 pounds since the end of September.

I have also joined the local gymn and been there about 5 times per week for about 2 hours per visit. Mostly cardio vascular stuff elliptical trainer, exercise bike and rowing machine. This has been going on for around 4 weeks and has kind of dominated my time when not at work. The government (wife) has been a real star; paying for it and making time available for me to go there. Oh and I did a class called Spinning (they should get torturers to use that instead of all that blood and knives methods it would be far more effective) look it up on the net what an intense 45 minutes that is.

So the net result of this at 17 stone 5 and not 19 stone 4 is that I feel bloody great, it's a bit like waking up from a really bad dream where for some reason I have not wanted to do anything and have been really grumpy and bad tempered for fucking months on end.

Now this is not the sort of blog your used to from me but that's where I am in the world right now.

Currently listening : Y34RZ3R0R3MIX3D / [CD/DVD Combo] By Nine Inch Nails Release date: 20 November, 2007

12:11 PM - 16 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Where is Tim?

OK, so I am crap at myspace and have been neglecting you lot, sorry.

I have a long list of reasons why I have not been here much, mostly to do with work. You may have seen on the news but the food industry is really in trouble at the moment and I have been really busy trying to get price increases out of our customers.

So I reckon I have missed about 427 blogs and announcements so in your own time please list the following in your comments.

1. How you bin?

2. Did you miss me (if not just pretend a bit)

3. Have you seen the Bourne Ultimatum yet (cos it rocks)

4. Will you be going to dippers cmedy night cos I will and can give lifts etc.

TTFN

Currently playing : Command & Conquer 3:Tiberium Wars Kane Edition DVD Release date: 26 March, 2007

12:04 PM - 13 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Can not talk right now as I am reading Harry Potter
Current mood: pensive
Category: Blogging

Title speaks for its self. See you in about three days!

Currently reading : Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) By J. K. Rowling Release date: 21 July, 2007

11:52 PM - 17 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

I am PANTS!
Current mood: crappy
Category: Blogging

Much apologyness and all sorts of grovelling type gestures to you all, I have not exactly been very talkative of late.

I have been sort of busy doing other stuff like work and also getting out and doing some exercise type movements on my 'off-time'.

Now many of you are speculating as to Danny's whereabouts and here I can offer a service as he lives nextdoor. I can tell you that he is in at the moment and that he will be getting his ass kicked on the golf course tomorrow night. If you want to send abuse his way but can not get through in the usual myspace way leave a comment on here and I will pass it on. Unless it's one of you lurvely ladies (you know who you are) saying you love him in which case I will change my name to Danny and pretend they are for me! Shallow and yet likeable, that's me.

So I will now go through the 4000000 unread blogs and add some vaguely amuzing comments.

Is Death really having a party? If so have I missed it? Even more if so is he having cheese and pineapple snacks on cocktail sticks as they are my favorite.

Toodle Pip

Currently watching : Hannibal Rising (Unrated Widescreen Edition) Release date: 29 May, 2007

12:20 PM - 27 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment