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How to: Complete online questionaires
Current mood:  creative
Ok, There are a lot of online questionaires going around and I feel it is my duty to run you through some basic questions and guide you on how to answer the questions effectively, maximising responses while revealing very little about your actual self:
Read on
Q:1. First thing you wash in the shower?
A: my voicebox
( Ok first up pointless question, so provide an answer that could be plausible but most likely is not, this will throw 90% of people offguard, and ignorant people may actually attempt to do what you said)
Q3. Do you like coffee?
A: the tastes lingers with me as we speak or read or whatever
(again pointless, but this is so everyday that you should play it up like its very interesting, try to refer to coffee at least 4 more time throughout your questionaire)
Q5. What's the last letter of your brother's name?
A: ----- nicole
(this question assumes, if the question is non applicable to you try and answer them anyway.....even if it doesnt work)
Q7. What are you?
A: doing over there in the bushes?
(either this is a very deep or stupid qustion, so if we follow trend we can deduct that the latter is more plausible, hence the answer shall follow)
Q11. What's the first thing u think of when u hear cabbage?
A: big knives...like real big
( still following trend, we should now introduce the possibilty that we are mental along with being pointless and stupid, this will make future answers even more unpredicatble than before, the element of excitement increases ten fold)
Q12. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
A: no id rather......... insert something......in.......a........potato
( here we abandon logic and sense just for the hell of it.... most people haven't read this far anyway)
Q22. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
A: why not, tax payer funded dinner....non complicated conversation
(here we demonstrate a clever answer to confuse the people who still think you are mental from your response to Q11)
Q23. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
A: the girl next to me
(objectify something that shouldnt be objectified... it will either be offensive or funny, either way you increase chance of people replying)
Q49. Do you have a job?
A: sometimes.... right now my job is to annoy any penguins that enter the library , so far its been an easy day on the job....
( ok i just stopped trying here)
Q53. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A: coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hey remember that question about 20 or 30 questions ago where i've alreday talked about coffee... that was fun huh?
(see, like i said return to an everyday subject and make it seem far more interesting than it is, then people will remember how dumb and pointless this is)
Q:75. Do you have a green thumb?
A:
Hello my name is dr. greenthumb
Id like to tell you just where Im from
In the hills where the trees grow wild with weed fields
The fucking pigs with shields holding the blue steels
Greenhouse effect with the weed connect
(doctor) dea cant keep greenthumb in check (doctor!)
Hps, God bless the whole crop
Please god, dont let me see no cops
Trunkload, ready to hit the highway
Dont let the eye in the sky fly my way
Or we gonna have big trouble, thats no shit
Cant be growin without no permit
But fuck that, I study the 215 trip
That way when they come they can suck my dick
Weed cant grow without attention
Hello my name is dr. greenthumb
( Make a reference to Cypress Hill, the lyrics are funny and support drug use)
Q 90: If , WITHOUT using their name, there's one thing that you want to say to anyone what would it be?
A: Those short shorts, blonde hair and sophisticated glasses, you study social something or other....i don't really care, your just really worth looking at right now... next semester it would be super cool if we ended up in the same class... but I doubt it, i mean i take philosophy and speculate the demise of humanity while you perch upon your seat looking busy, typing, reading, all the things i'm supposed to do too.... but youre very distracting.... it's not your fault...i'm sure you dont need 2000 guys a day watching your every move but i mean LOOK AT YOU! On the superficiality scale....you destroy it! your like a 12/10...which is an improper fraction but you are totally worth violating mathematical rules, amongst other violations... mmmmm
(exagerated, tense, almost poetic and perverted all the way, this is a long answer and is not really that straight forward, this proves you think far too hard about answering from the left field, and much like the coffee refers back to question 23, the sparkly female)
So,
read
learn
apply
benefit
6:21 PM
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