Backstory on the new photo
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

Last night around 9pm, I went down to the Harp in Costa Mesa to go drinking with a host of people from work. I drank enough to have a decent buzz, and was generally hyper and happy.

Our party was then approached by two ladies who came up and put their hands on my shoulders as they introduced themselves to everyone. Their names were Kelly and Tanya, and they were apparently regular Harp barflies. Monty Markland, one of our designers, introduced the group as Obsidian Entertainment, and went around the table introducing everyone by name and position. We had producers, designers, the HR lady, and even the CEO of the company on hand.

The girls asked what I did, and I told them that I was a game tester. "You mean, you get to play video games all day!?" Kelly said, excitedly. Not feeling like fighting this point, I nodded my head and said "Yeah, sure. I play games all day."

This is where things got interesting.

Kelly: "Hi, Paul. We wanted to come over and tell you that you had the most beautiful hair we've ever seen on a guy."

I've heard THIS before. This is the flattery approach for "CAN WE PLEASE PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR?" This hasn't changed since high school.

Like a good boy, I turned my chair, leaned back, and let Kelly and Tanya play with my hair. Tanya insisted on giving me a French braid, and Kelly mostly just ran her hands through it a bit. The Obsidian employees that were at the table each took turns taking pictures with their iphones while laughing at the entire situation as it unfolded. My default picture is from this very event.

Quotes from the aftermath:

"Man, I gotta go back to QA." – Mike Stout, Carbine (former Obsidian employee, photo taker)

"I've gotta go back to QA, and grow my hair out." – Martin Cluney, designer on Aliens (leaving this week)

"My personal opinion of you just jumped 25 points." – Larry Charles, assistant producer, Aliens

"That was fucking amazing. You're impressive." – Monty Markland, designer, Aliens

"Make sure to take out the French braid before we get to the next bar, so you can get more new hot bitches to play with your hair." – Tina Parker, HR

"You silly mother-bitch." – Feargus Urquhart, CEO, Obsidian

"Leave it to Streifel, with his pretty long brown locks." – Chris Avellone, writer/designer/co-owner, Obsidian

I still don't personally understand how this ended up happening this way. I know that I take very good care of my hair, but I'm definitely not used to the random attention that I got.

I know, I know… "Dammit, Paul, stop being modest." Okay.

6:19 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Operation: Internet Condom
Current mood: optimistic

As some of you who have been reading my bulletins lately may have observed, my computer was the victim of a terrible virus last weekend. Here's the brief:

This hideous concoction wormed its way into my system through Firefox, put up two spoofed links to Windows Security (low-res was the tipoff, other than the whole "icons I don't recognize on my desktop) that could not be deleted (would repopulate once deleted, the second tip-off). Attempts to access My Documents or My Computer found this horrible virus making thousands upon thousands of trash .tmp files and flooding the root of C (and My Documents) with this crap. This process even affected Safe Mode, which meant that I had to seek out other methods for saving my lost data.

On Monday, I received an instant message from Jon (Johnny Rampage). I told him of my plight, and he suggested that I grab a LiveCD ISO of Ubuntu from their website, burn it to a disk, and use it to save what remained on the drive. Knowing full well that Sarah's computer did not have an ISO burning program, my next available option was a drive down to San Diego after work, where Andrew would have the file ready for me to burn to CD upon arrival.

Once at Andrew's, the situation resolved itself rather quickly. Ubuntu provided an excellent "out-of-the-box" method of transferring files between primary and slave drives. During the process, I started looking at Ubuntu and wondering about the possibility of using it as an alternative desktop for my machine. I've always been curious about Linux, but always dreaded the idea of being "knee-deep in Terminal commands." I felt, "You know, I stopped having to use DOS years ago. Do I REALLY want to go back to that shit?"

So, after mulling it over in my mind for a couple of days, I constructed Operation: Internet Condom (occasionally referred to as Operation Internet Jimmy Hat). The idea was this: Linux hardly ever gets virally compromised. I CLEARLY got wrecked by a virus that I encountered while browsing the web. What better way to safeguard myself (and educate myself) than to cowboy the fuck up and install Ubuntu onto my slave drive?

Jon walked me through the procedure on Wednesday evening. There was a slight hitch with the resizing of an existing partition (confusion about program use), but once that got sorted out, the rest of the process went silky. I daresay it was far less of a hassle to do than using my recovery disc on my primary partition to reestablish Windows XP.

What's more, I'm starting to get over my "fear" of Terminal. After learning the magic of "sudo apt-get install [program]", I started wondering if I could start asking for things like "sudo apt-get make sandwich" or "sudo apt-get wash dishes." Silly dreams.

So far, Operation: Internet Condom is going very well. I still flip back to Windows on occasion, and there are still things that Windows does better (why is Firefox on Ubuntu so slow to seek websites?). But, I'm over the hump, as it were. My computer, and all of its data, are intact and saved. And I got a little smarter in the process.

8:13 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Christmas... twenty years ago!?

I must issue the following warning before anyone reads any further: This article may make you feel incredibly OLD, whether or not you are older than me. Also, links have been provided to add insight as much as can be provided. I got sloppy and lazy towards the end of it, but that's all right, because they're fairly well-known names.

So, Christmas has come and gone (so the calendar and the pocketbook tell us) and another year is in the books. Oddly enough, this Christmas happens to be a ceremonial anniversary that I didn't realize until a few moments ago. I've now been playing Nintendo for twenty years. Twenty GODDAMN years. This is made increasingly more pathetic due to my "elephant memory" as has been deemed by Jason Nall; I remember the season perfectly. For fun, I'll recount the haze for you.

When I was about three (~1985), my family would frequent the local Round Table Pizza by our church after services. I remember being sat down at a Gyruss cocktail machine and being absolutely enamored by the music, the control, the fun. It was my first memory as a gamer. I furiously played this game while my brother either died constantly playing Rush 'N Attack or Gun.Smoke; I can still remember hearing Chicago's "You're The Inspiration" playing on the jukebox. If my memory serves me, one or both of my sisters were playing the Ms. Pac-Man machine that sat right next to the swinging exit door, just around the corner from the oddly-placed firepit seemingly no one ever used.

It was not too long after this that I was given a Gyruss cartridge for the Atari 800, and was accused of having a BOSS controller surgically attached to my hand. What's more, my dad would always remark at how often I would hit the reset switch when I messed up the flight pattens of the enemies. Occasionally, other members of my family would play a rousing game of Star Raiders, Mountain King (yes, yes, I know... damn that spider to hell, right?), or for my brother it was either Pac-Man or Zaxxon (Zaxxon came complete with an hour's worth of loading time from a tape deck. Oh, you sly devil, Atari 800. You made fun so difficult). However, when all had vacated the mighty Atari, I further engrossed myself in Gyruss, Centipede, Space Invaders, and the occasional Gridrunner. Mostly, it was Gyruss.

Enter the winter of 1986. I remember walking through the isles of Toys R Us and seeing the Nintendo Entertainment System on display through a thick plate of glass, a video of the Soccer game being played on the system with the controllers, the zapper and R.O.B. prominently displayed. Once I saw it, I didn't need to hear any more. I knew what it was for. I knew what it would do. I wanted it.

For a good month before Christmas, my parents would not allow my brother and I to go upstairs and watch movies on the VCR without supervision. It would become clear to me (with hints from my brother like "Don't look in that back corner there") that my parents had not wrapped the gift. The packaging of the Nintendo had a picture of the R.O.B. virtually staring into my soul, telling me that I needed to be patient. I could not have it yet, it was not intended for me until Christmas... oh wait.

Christmas Eve, there was a tradition I was familiar with as a small child that went as follows: on the night before Christmas, we were allowed to open one of our presents. Knowing damn well what the heavy box with the grey wrapping paper was, my brother and I pacted our gift-unwrapping to unveil our new obsession. Having known of this Christmas loophole, my brother had borrowed a few cartridges from his friend Richard, so as to tide us over until the morning. Nearly as convenient, my parents had brought the old 13" JC Penney TV down to the living room table (which was quite a bit lower than the bookcase it normally sat upon) for this special occasion. Games such as Trojan, Mach Rider, and Excitebike were played on that famous night, with Super Mario Bros to arrive the following Christmas morning. I still remember sitting on the ground in my grandparents' house in Ontario on Christmas Day, reading and rereading one of Nintendo's promotional flyers that came with the system.

The weeks following would be spent attempting to get R.O.B. to work (if someone hadn't insisted on putting the "shades"/dimmer slide on his eyes, he probably would have been more receptive to the on-screen flashes), ultimately failing and having his now-useless Gyromite functionally replaced by the likes of Double Dribble, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, and the Legend of Zelda. Every Christmas and birthday for the rest of my childhood would be further brought to joy by the arrival of more "coke for my nose."

Now, twenty years later, I'm still playing a Nintendo system, and just five minutes after midnight on Christmas Day, I downloaded Super Mario Bros with the remainder of my Wii points. Yes, I beat it in about fifteen minutes when I woke up hours later, but you'd expect that shit from me.

To any and all video games, I quote the following from my first memories:

"You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more than I need you"

Feel old yet?

1:48 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Whether it's Wii or "the Wee"...
Current mood: excited

Good evening, everybody. How's it going? I've got about an hour and forty-five minutes before it will officially be the day of my birth. I must say, I'm in a rather good mood. My current job will be coming to an end at the end of the month, but I'm optimistic about the prospects of finding future employment. I just have to get out there and sell myself again, I suppose.

This season, a few things will be going down that bring me joy. For example, in early December, I will be celebrating nine wonderful years with my Sarah. She's the neatest person in my whole world, and I'm so thrilled she's still putting up with me and all of the fuss I make.

Also, coming next week, as I'm sure all you nerds out there already know... the Nintendo Wii is launching. Whether it will go on sale at midnight on the 19th or later in the day is still unknown at this point, but oh the gathering I will have at my lair. More on that in a bit.

I'm also quite proud of the fact that I was able to see my name in the credits for Neverwinter Nights 2. I realize I'm only QA, but I've never really had my name in the credits for anything substantial before. Makes me feel accomplished and all that.

Back to the Wii... okay, so I suppose it's time I told you all what my family has known all along: my nickname in my family was "The Wee." This was a name most used by my sisters Barbara and Chris, but it still carried as the pet name I was known for, even as I began to stand taller than them. Barbara still refers to me as such to this day, in fact.
What's great about this is that, when I got all excited at this year's E3 in May, I was getting excited over a machine called the Wii. A "Wii for the little Wee," would be how my own mother would coin it. Truth be told, I haven't been this excited about a console since my parents (and brother) told me not to look in THAT corner of their bedroom, where the waiting eyes of the robot R.O.B. bore into the back of my skull back in 1986.

So, I've got about a week's wait until that blasted system shows up in my apartment, and I'm so giddy it hurts. I'm still trying to think of how I want to start the inevitable party at my place... I mean, I know I'll be starting off with Wii Sports, but will I have people play tennis, bowl, or boxing? SO MUCH TO DECIDE!

So, yeah... I'm excited. yarrr.

10:13 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

About my profile lately

By now, you all have seen the new profile picture and have wondered "Paul, what the hell are you scared of?" Truth be told, you can't see where my right hand is in that photo, can you? That's because it's the one taking the picture. Yes, this was an attempt for me to take a silly picture while I was down at Pizza Port in San Diego. I liked it, but I seem to have scared a few people. I'm working on getting a new pic up; once I'm able to get the poster pic from Chrissiefishy, it'll be on like Donkey Kong in a leather thong like nothing's wrong.

I've also been thinking of changing my profile name, though I'm a little unsure as to what to name it. Here are my ideas:

The 30ft Smurf
Naked, Famous and Paul
QA Drone #4527
J.R. Paperstacks
Pico Colorado (to match my "Real Name" on myspace... though maybe only one of you will understand that reference)
Hefty Lefty
The Paul (hey, if I didn't list it, I know three people who would have)
Wheezes the juice

So hey... I can't put up a poll, so just flood me with your suggestions and/or votes. RAWR!

10:58 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Lane ends, merge left.
Current mood: aggravated

To bring you up to speed:

I'm starting to feel better, everyone. I haven't quite obtained my 100oice yet (still can't hit those high notes, and a little wheezing occurs when I sleep), but my cough has lessened and my laugh has returned sans the obnoxious coughing fit that had been following it. My monetary situation is also beginning its steady climb to normalcy; knocking yourself out of work for two weeks does sad things to one's bank account.

Work goes well. Two of my coworkers, Alvin and Jesse, attended a Minibosses concert with me at the Smell on the 14th. It was a great show, albeit with the poor stylings of Treasure Mammal (who has an act that is essentially borrowed from IHYWYP (I Hate You When You're Pregnant)). I still don't understand the "I have a noisebox, I'll play a generic beat and then go mosh in the crowd while screaming into a microphone" genre, but maybe it's because I'm old. I used to not understand techno.

---

This may sound like an old David Letterman bit, but I wanna make sure I'm able to make it very clear to anyone who reads this blog.

There are signs in this world. They tell us things. Some may mislead, provoke anger or fear. Some guide us; I mean, I wouldn't be looking for an immigrant family on the 5 freeway if the sign didn't tell me to. But, that's not really my point.

There are signs in this world that people will never care about. Global warming shows us that people, though they know the dire circumstances, have yet to see the signs that indicate they should do the right thing. Warnings on Sweet & Low and cigarette packs talk of lab mice and/or cancer. And I'm pretty damn sure there are still kids out there trying to out-stupid Johnny Knoxville with a digital handi-cam.

Earth, and the people on it, will do what they want. Signs be damned. However, there is one sign I'm determined for people to pay attention to.

Lane Ends, Merge Left.

Simple. If you merge left, you won't be caught in a jam when the lane ends. Bottleneck avoided. They're great signs. Sometimes they're red because of construction, but mostly they're bright yellow and friendly. They might even have a little merging depiction for those of us drivers that didn't read english when we took that test.

Lane Ends, Merge Left. I like these signs a lot. I have a tendency to stay in the left lane so that I am rarely affected by those needing to merge, but if I were in the merged lane, I would gladly let someone over, were that sign to appear.

But, to be fair, I have yet to see the sign on the road that reads:

Lane has ended. Be a dick. Slowly.

Yes, blue Explorer, I'm talking to you. Did you think you'd save a little time by squeaking in at the last minute, merging in front of those who patiently wait for the early-goers to merge? I remember types like you when I went to high school; you'd hold up the food line by trying to sweet-talk the person handing out the food so you wouldn't have to wait, because your time was so goddamned important that others had to be sacrificed for your general well-being.

Lane has ended. Fuck your couch.

I do my absolute best to be courteous to those who attempt to merge early, but I refuse to give ground to the shitsforbrains who want to wait until the dividing line has gone before merging their happy big-rig ass over to the proper lane. You had time, you hole. You know you did.

This problem does get worse. In California, there are black signs on the freeway that indicate traffic trouble, debris, or general shutdowns. From a distance of five miles, there might be a sign that says, "Left two lanes closed, accident. Please merge to the right lanes." I see this sign, and I merge. Not but thirty seconds later, the guy behind me merges to what will be the choke-point lanes, and floors it, going from 40 mph to what sounded like 70. I know people hate being in traffic, but do they know they contribute with this sort of behavior?

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign. Fucking up the scenery, breaking my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

11:04 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Pneumonia: Don't Get It

On June 23rd, I was hanging out at my place with a few friends of mine when I began having the most raging of headaches. It wasn't a caffeine headache (done with those), and it led to me also feeling the need to cough a bit. The next two days, this feeling of woe seemed to mutate, both in cough and in headache. But, on that Monday morning (the 26th), just as I was thinking I was going to go to work feeling like this, BAM! I threw up. Joy. That cashed me out of work.

And then it continued. Day after day, it continued. Coughing, not eating a lot, drinking lots of Gatorade, fruit juice, 7up and water... and throwing up at night. Finally, on Sunday, the 2nd of July, I found a clinic place in Chino Hills that I could go to without insurance and just pay by cash. After being there for about an hour or so, I was diagnosed with pneumonia-flu, and given a shitton of antibiotics, and given a shot in the ass. The shot in the ass wasn't painful at all (remember, it's me, Paul. I've got a huge ass), and I was able to lean on it AND drive home. Goodness.

Finally, on Thursday, the 6th, I went back to work. Had a few jokers who decided they were going to breathe through their shirts for the day (even though I'm not really contageous at this point), and I was able to work a ten hour day. Nice to get that out of the way.

However, today... while driving to work, I had another cough-induced vomiting incident. Joy. Thankfully, it was small so I just swallowed it to save my upholstery. Some sacrifices must be made!! Anyhow, I ended up showing up at work, letting people know that I wasn't feeling too hot, and they told me to write an email to everybody, and get the hell out and go to bed.

I'm feeling a bit better now, but not nearly as good as I'd like. My voice still has not returned to normal, and my appetite is quite small. Throughout this whole ordeal, my brother apparently came down with the same shit but took it much harder than I did. Then, not even skipping a beat, my father finds out this morning that he's got pneumonia as well. What the hell is going on? None of us are really even anywhere NEAR each other... something going around southern California is scaring me.

2:04 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Goodbye, Pepsi?
Current mood: uncomfortable

I woke up on Wednesday morning (the 14th) and drove to work. I noticed the lines on the road were doubling vertical in my right eye. "Am I just tired?" I thought. "The only other time this happened to me was when I had to drive home after a turnaround in Vegas a few years back. What the hell is wrong?"

I continued to drive to work. The double-vision wasn't so bad that I couldn't differentiate between the false and the true; it was only hazy, but a mite distracting when you know how your eyes are supposed to view things. I got into work, and popped out a can of Coke from the vending machine. As I sat down at my desk, I was seeing the mirages of text above the text that was already there. I took a draught from the can, and noticed... my vision... improving. This isn't good. Why is Coke affecting my vision?

Well, it probably wasn't the Coke. This was probably SOMETHING telling me that I've had some form of soda almost every day for twenty years (two exceptions being camp in 6th grade, and a weeklong trip to Arizona my freshman year when my niece was born where they had nothing but Dad's Fucking Root Beer). Well, it's about time I took a break for a spell from the delicious caramel color nectar.

I haven't had a drink of caffeinated soda since that Wednesday morning. I spent most of Thursday with a raging headache, but the pain subsided on Friday. I'm still feeling a bit of emotional withdrawl (still have an unopened bottle of Pepsi in my fridge), but the only things I've had to drink are root beer, fruit juice and water. Cold turkey.

Today is Saturday. I must get to work.

I can do this.

7:52 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

This is me, being tired.
Current mood: tired

Hey everyone. It's been a very long time since I've signed on to MySpace, but I can't sleep... which is terrible, because I'm so very, very tired. Coupled with that, I have to work tomorrow morning early and long; for the past week or so, I've been working 12-hour days. I just got a two-day recoup, and now I'm ready to get back to it.

I've been working at Obsidian for nearly two months now, and things are going great. I'm getting along well with my coworkers, and as an added bonus, I'm learning to write better. Not to say I was terrible at it before, but I had an obscene tendency to give sentences too many conditional phrases. Then again, I have that problem just when I'm speaking. I must learn to be to the point now and again. It helps get to the heart of matters.

As far as this job goes, I'm not entirely sure how long I will be employed with this company. We've got a deadline to meet, and that might just mean that I'm given the boot in early Fall. This does not mean that it'll be the end of me, as there may be post-production content that may need to be tested, but I'm not holding my breath. I have the wonderful task in the next couple of months of polishing that shitstain that is my resume, and tossing it around to other local game companies. Also, I MUST look into freelancing a trade, so that I can get picked up for something other than a bugtester (even though I'm especially excellent at being a tester, I've come to find out).

I should try to sleep again, I suppose. The weather is getting warmer, which makes it increasingly difficult to actually sleep. Ah well.

On a final note: The Nintendo Wii is the shit. Believe that.

11:46 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Explosions and fire

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. What is your desire?
and hello, ladies and gentlemen. Explosions and fire.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Are you prepared to rock?
Hello, ladies and gentlemen... let's rock... let's rock... let's rock..."
- Presidents of the USA, 'Ladies and Gentlemen Part I'

I just felt like posting that this evening. Everyone, hello. It's Paul. How's it goin? So, while I'm entirely too tired this evening to write out a full post (holy crap, I've been tired a lot this week), I must say that the new job is here, and it rocks. Everyone I work with is great, the little stories and jokes are awesome, and I feel quite useful.

The only negative about this whole job? Absolutely, definitely... the commute. Going to? Not so bad, though it takes me longer to get to work than to go home. But, when I'm driving to work, I'm already in "At work" mode, but driving home, I'm trying to get there as soon as I can to unwind. I'm sure it's some psychological crap I've gotta get over with some awesome CD or something. I'll figure it out.

Either that, or I'll start begging for raging overtime. That'd be awesome.

That's it for me. Thanks for reading. Feel free to drop me a line or something if you'd like to talk, and I haven't called you during rush hour yet.

11:12 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment