some people aren’t real.
Current mood: bummed
Category: Life

Some people aren't real.

You can touch them

But what's touch beyond the human body?

Some people aren't real

They might tell you they are

But what are words from a hollow mouth?

Some people aren't real.

Some people aren't real.

Some people aren't REAL.

Real.

And it leaves me thinking….

Those stupid fucking wastes of space

Making the sane claustrophobic with all their insanity

Go back to your plastic kingdom

But eh…

I can't think that for long

I somehow still have compassion for even the fake and plastic

They make not be real, but they are human…

I hate when all of my fucking poems end on a high note

But that's what life has been lately

(In its own fucked up way)

Except for the story I heard today…

About a man who wrecked his motorcycle

His girlfriend was thrown off the back and killed

But really she was another man's wife with two now stranded kids

And it still leaves me thinking….

Some people aren't real.

11:44 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Something I really need to share...
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

Buddhism and myself

I have never, in written word, spoken of my deep love for the Buddha's teachings.  And it's funny because they have shaped every aspect of the person I am now.  It's simply the pursuit to be awake, to see life how it REALLY is, to eliminate all false perceptions and beliefs.  But, "religion" is still a very personal thing to talk about.  All too many people have mental blocks and their own religious conceptions and misconceptions shaping their view.  Imagine removing all of the filters and simply seeing what is.

As a Buddhist, you explore every aspect of your existence.  The Buddha never simply tells you to believe something.  His message is to LEARN IT FOR YOURSELF.  He provides the tools to allow yourself to simply see what is.  Isn't that what we really want in life?  Maybe some people prefer delusion, but I want what's REAL.  Give me fuckin' TRUTH.  I would hate to live in a world which doesn't exist.   Our thoughts and perceptions paint our reality like an image on a canvas.  REALITY is the canvas, not the picture painted. 

I have questioned every single aspect of Buddhism.  Doubt is a very useful tool, it keeps your mind leveled.  Without doubt one would have full trust in everything and would lack the ability to discern the best course of action in any given situation.  One must look at everything from as many perspectives as possible to get the clearest picture of what is. 

It's not about BELIEVING in God, it's about putting things to the test.  We have nature at our disposal.  What is truth will resonate in all aspects of life.  So question God, if he's real you'll know it because you've experienced him.  Once you KNOW you no longer have to BELIEVE.

So I ask, why stay perpetually stuck in the believing phase when you can simply know?  Blind faith is a dangerous, dangerous, dangerous thing.  (Yes, it needs to be emphasized that much)  All we really KNOW in this life is what we've experienced, what we've touched, held, felt...  Without that we have to have "faith".

So yes, I am absolutely in love with the Buddha's teachings (I say that instead of Buddhism b/c a "religion" is defined by many other factors separate from the actual teachings within the religion).  If I ever seem genuinely happy, at ease and content with life, it's because of his teachings and my application of these teachings which has brought me to feeling that way.  I have found NOTHING other than a LIMITLESS supply of happiness applying and trying his teachings.

That's what LIFE is all about is it not?  To be happy?  The ultimate pursuit… mans one true goal… the Pursuit of Happiness.

So how could I not love it?  How could I not love being happy?  Sincerely happy…  Happy because I'm living in truth, I'm striving to do what's best, I'm working for the common good of the universe.  My main concern and drive in life is to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings.  I can say that WHOLE HEARTEDLY.  And the only way to relieve suffering is through learning; learning the tools to dispel harmful feelings and actions. 

I hope this dispels at least one person's false beliefs upon Buddhism, because ignorance is the most dangerous evil of all.  Why does everyone fear a devil which they can't even prove exists??  I see ignorance killing people EVERY DAY!  That's what is real.  You can KNOW that…

As a seeker and follower of truth (you can look at me as a private investigator with the sole purpose of bringing you solid evidence to lead you to the truth), I have been filled like a tiny cup underneath a waterfall with the truth and the happiness this "religion" has brought to me.  That is NOT to say this "religion" is for everyone.

The world in its current state could and should NEVER be all one religion.  "Religion" is about customs, ceremonies, the rituals which go along with it.  THAT is different for everyone.  People like different things. 

That's why Buddhists say you can be a Buddhist and also be a Christian, a Muslim, hell even an Atheist.  Because it's not about the titles, it's not about believing or not believing in God; it's about the pursuit to know what's real and the desire to do what's right.  If it's true, it's true.  TRUTH is what keeps a religion alive.. if people don't believe in something then it immediately fails. 

One must look at ALL religions as having pieces of truth, and when you apply DOUBT then you have the ability to discern what is true and what is not.  There is no need to fear the unknown.  Ignorance is dispelled by knowledge and wisdom.  Learning is THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY TO LIFE.  Fuck Buddhism, fuck all titles and religious affiliations… at the end of the day it's about being happy and knowing what's true, what's real.. and how are you EVER going to get there without knowing how? 

I will say…almost all other religions offer happiness AFTER death.  I DON'T WANNA DIE AND THEN FINALLY BE HAPPY!!  It's about being happy NOW.  The future is of no use to me, it doesn't exist until it's now. 

So, I hope you all understand my intense passion and love for something I never speak of.  And the funny thing is… I haven't told you more than one thing the Buddha actually taught… that is for you to read on your own pursuit for knowledge and happiness.  I just had to share my findings.

It felt sooo good to get this out…

1:07 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Ways to Change the World for the Greater Good of All Sentient Beings
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

I originally posted this a little over a year ago... but I felt like reiterating the message.

Ways to Change the World for the Greater Good of All Sentient Beings

Written By Carrie Holmes

Stop waste and remove clutter.  Use what you need.  Share the rest.

Make your own decisions.  Think for yourself.  Be yourself.

See the big picture.  Remember (Tulsa) is only a city in the state of (Oklahoma), in the (United States of America), on the (North American continent), on the planet of Earth, in the Milky Way galaxy, spinning around in a universe we are only beginning to understand.

See the permanent versus the impermanent.  Life is a process of life and death.  Accept the nature of what you are and your surroundings, and recognize the power which is infinite.

Approach everyone you meet with loving-kindness.  Good energy is contagious. 

Take responsibility.  This is your life.  You are in control of your own actions.  Don't blame others.

Learn from your mistakes.  Mistakes are only mistakes if you never take the time to learn from them.

---------------------------

And this is one of my favorite sculptures to date.  I don't know if you've seen it before.  It's in Dallas at the Nasher Sculpture Center.  100 ft high... straight to the sky. 

"Walking to the Sky" by Jonathan Borofsky


And if you don't hear from me for a bit.. I'll be out of town, riding on rollercoasters, trains, and subways.  It'll be a special birthday.  :)

11:40 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Words are words, as life is life, as love is love.
Current mood: quiet
Category: Writing and Poetry

12:00 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Heavy feet on my heart
Current mood: inquisitive
Category: Writing and Poetry

They spalled my heart with their heavy feet
Pounding, resounding hatred
They hope to extirpate
All I have worked for
Their indurate nature is spreading
I pick up the pieces
But never will I let them break me again
They yammer, mouths like a hammer
Pounding, resounding hatred
Ignorant motives driven by ignorant thought
The army of the blind
Of the brain washed
Of the greedy
Band together like molecules
Arms with no end
Marching to the governmental drum
Pushing me down with the presidential thumb
This ain't 1984
Big Brother ain't just a television show
I've been branded, tested, and thrown in front of judgment
Defending my solid ground
As They pulled the rug out from under me
And I sank
One hand pinching the Achilles heals above me
They stomped my spalling heart
Heavy feet
Pounding, resounding hatred
The battle has yet to begin

1:13 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

the kind of thing you don’t want others to read
Current mood: chill
Category: Writing and Poetry

I’m falling short
Like high water pants
Not quite long enough
To make it

But I will not
Stop
The forwarding
Of a river
Which has needed to be crossed

I have no more use
For a substitute
The kind which induces happiness
I must find
It on my own

So I sit
Intoxicated
A hypocrite
Who knows their hypocrisy

Maybe they’ll let me free
Freedom is the sweetest taste in the world
I sit
And wait
Sober
For freedom

How wrong am I?
To want to stay high
I feel so close to home
Not a home forever
But a very comfortable pillow
Wrapping its arms around me
Whispering "it’s okay"

A hypocrite with no bad intentions
A human indeed
A stellar super nova sitting on top of space
Why would you ever want to pull me down? 

I am sorry sisters of sobriety
For my resistance
I will come in time
Now, just let me be
Please just let me be

 Tomorrow is a new day
Which no human being has ever experienced before
And that enough
Is reason to live
And in the back of my mind I know
I’ll live
Yeah,
I’ll live

11:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

i shot him down
Category: Writing and Poetry

perhaps too much
not enough
time spent
with the rush
of the crush
most other girls blush
as i stand
gun in hand
shootin bullets at my man
it’s sentimental
cleansing
consenting suicide
as my confidant abides
we escape the prison
of prejudice and pride
he kneels down
as i drown
him and i
my only reply
was the pulling of the trigger

Currently listening : Robbers & Cowards By Cold War Kids Release date: 10 October, 2006

8:33 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thrill Ride, Beneath the mask of a better man
Current mood: cultured
Category: Writing and Poetry

lost on the subway
middle of the night
the Thrill
of not knowing
hoping
trusting
we'll see
I drift
I trust
lost on the subway
middle of the night
The Rush
Of guessing
I'm alive
I believe,
I'm alive.

Vicious & kind
With motives at hand
Making me squirm in my seat
From the stare
Of his passive aggressive eyes
Mocking me
Pleading for acceptance
Begging to be punished
Like a naughty little boy
But all I see
Is a bitter old man
Lonely & tormented
By his own disappointment
The bags of his eyes carrying his selfish tears
As they grin at me
And then stretch out
As his eyes open wide
And he pushes out his bottom lip
Beneath the mask of a better man
Inconsiderate & inappropriately informative
Chopping my words like the kyusho jutsu he studied in college
He gets off on his knowledge
Like a book with an ego
I was done with his preface
When he told me how to live my life
Like he's qualified
A writer of fiction does not make fact
Trying to inflict his fantasies upon my reality
It never was, and never will be, real
Never to be published
Never to be dated
I close the book
And walk out the door
The End.

Currently listening : Everything Is Everything By Donny Hathaway Release date: 12 December, 1995

5:08 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I did
Current mood: inquisitive
Category: Writing and Poetry

I’ve traveled through saturated delusions of how it should be

Got caught in the raging river of self satisfaction

Washed up on the sunny shore of love

Danced with blisters on my feet

Across a fiery bed of coal and magic

Let the fairies braid my tangled hair

 I shed my clothes for the local boys

Played my guitar and swayed to the beat of their lonely hearts

Gambled carelessly my prized possessions

Bet my fortune on the light at the end of the tunnel

Crawled out into the real world and found a blanket

Slept until my dreams became tangible

 Built a lean-to upon a steady shoulder

Pulled myself up and held his hand until it held me back

Jumped out his window and picked my shoes up off the lawn

Journeyed to truth and drank purified wine with monks and farmers

Spun my head back around and drove home to dusty Oklahoma

Looked into the eyes of an eager stranger and shared a smile

Explored the boundaries of human connection and communication

Settled in subtle happiness

Decided I needed more

Threw on my walking shoes and headed to Arizona

Toured the west on a Greyhound bus and left my past behind

Became formally introduced to myself as a whole

Discovered my toes for the very first time

Spoke with my inner Dalai Lama of beauty and self

Smiled at my face in the mirror and just let it be

I moved into my temple of the sun

And now observe the stars nightly

I spin my tiny body around looking up at REALITY

I’m a speck

A tiny dot

A collection of energy swarming together for the snap of a finger

I laugh and smile, looking up to the sky

Down to the earth

Forward to the horizon

Left to the past

Right to the future

As I stand in the middle

1:00 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Correspondence, the Carrie Killer
Current mood: distressed
Category: Life

If there is one thing every day that I feel guilty about, it's correspondence with people.  I never can seem to keep up and in contact with all of my phone calls, e-mails, and letters. 
It bothers me writing this because I can think of people who have sent me e-mails that I still haven't responded to, I haven't written my prison pen pal in over a month,  and there's plenty of lingering messages and missed calls in my phone.
I do the best I can, but it never seems to be enough in this department.  I love all of my friends and most strangers I come across... but it's the correspondence which eats up so much time and energy!
I am a total perfectionist when it comes to written word.  I don't care if it's a text message... I have to have EVERY word just the way I want it.  So, writing a simple e-mail usually takes me twice as long as the average person.  And if it's some important matter it can take three to four times as long.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it makes me nauseous thinking about the whole thing.  If you people only knew how terrible I feel!!  Well, that's why I'm telling you.
I wish writing this would release my guilt but no such luck. 
I just need to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!
I suck at returning your attempts to contact me, doesn't mean I feel anything negative towards you, doesn't mean anything other than I got bogged down with other things and after a certain point the guilt consumes me to the point I can't respond at all. 

So, please please please don't be mad at me.  Please please please don't tell me I'm a bad friend.  I'm doing the best I can!

8:12 AM - 7 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment