Flippy Flyer

With little to occupy me at HQ, and with beautiful summer days quickly ticking away, i went out promotin' yesterday, hanging posters and such for our upcoming yacht-hunting expedition.  In fact, it was around this time last year that i recall  a lengthy flyering campaign for Career Club's ill-fated "cassette release party", under similarly splendid weather.  I hung this poster (which, in a protracted bout of old-skooledness, i made at a Kinko's) all over the W'Burg / Grnpnt metro area, decorating many with highlighter pens.  The attendence at the show in question:  roughly 5. 

Say what you want about "The Club" and The Giraffes, but really, i'm not terribly convinced that these traditional methods of promotion really work anymore, no matter who's involved. I mean when was the last time you actively made note of a poster?  I only did because i was covering others up with my own.  Mindly i don't typically do this, unless the guilty flyer offends my sensibilites somehow.  So, yeah, most of the time i guess.

One flyer i made note of read simply "ART DOESN'T PAY"  This was accompanied by a bottom row of tear-off tags that read, well, "art doesn't pay."  Bitter AND faux-profound, my favorite combo!  I covered up every instance of this trite atrocity i could find, while getting nostalgic, perhaps hypocritically, for my old "Lost Fish" flyer. 

Then there was this doozy, an ad for a band looking for, in all likelihood, a drummer.  At the bottom, it read:

Original!  Indy [sic]!  Commercial! 

... which, along with"Vacation Bible School", qualifies as perhaps the language's only triple oxymorons.

That said, i did see Jesse Blockton on the street yesterday, and gave him a flyer.  So, if he goes, it just might have been worth it.

Holy crap, my favorite Lilys song just came on at the cafe.  What a lovely day.

Currently listening : Beach House Release date: 2006-10-03

5:22 AM - 89 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Well, now what ...
Current mood: blank

There's only so much Small Stakes a guy can play, so, a quick attempt to write, anything.

I find that my preceptions and my appreciation of music has changed radically this calendar year.  I'm not sure if has to do with my stint with Power Chord Academy, my joining the Giraffes, my age, etc.  The only records from 2008 i've listened to repeatedly are The Dirtbombs and Freshkills' new ones.  I know i'm still capable of being floored by a record or song.  I just find it happens a lot less often than it used to.  I've grown tired of anything even remotely "experimental."  The sheer glut of folk and folk-based music prevalent these days i find tremendously disconcerting.  I get pissed off when i think a band can't write songs.  Things like that.  Mostly, if i listen to music at all, i listen to Pandora, usually surf songs, or the garage punk podcasts Jackie downloads.  Same stuff i always listen to, in other words.

Just for a laugh, i recently attempted an Indie Rock Baseball column.  That once-flourishing enterprise has laid fallow since, well, the beginning of baseball season, due both to Hans' married life and my hectic recent work history.  I came across a stack of random CDs i'd set aside a while ago for reviewing purposes, got about two songs deep into a disc by a hideous British band named These New Puritans, and quickly abandoned my efforts.  I can't really make myself listen to bad music any longer.  I can't even joke about it, somehow.  Well, i'd still be up for doing the podcasts.  Those were fun.  But, i think to be a music writer, you have to like music a lot more than i do currently.  Plus, aside from Tris McCall, i'm starting to find all music writing a fraud.  I can go in depth about this if you please.

A few nights ago, i found myself quite bored / broke, and whiled away time digging out old 7"s and giving them a listen.  The Cash Registers record i played on has held up surprisingly well, so that's some good news.  And the "Dishwasher" 7" (Queers, Hi-Fives, Scared of Chaka) will never fail to bring a smile to my face.  Conversely, have you attempted to listen to the Make Up this decade?  Holy calamity, that thing's aged about as well as your average Polish girl.  Then there was weird-for-the-sake-of-being-weird, what-was-i-thinking crap like To Live and Shave in L.A. and the Dead C, but i guess we all have those "experimental" phases.  I sorta miss mine at times.

Incidentally, i got to meet James Canty at PCA, as he is now the 2nd guitarist in Ted Leo's band.  Nice to see he landed on his feet; he was always my favorite player in the Make Up.

I can't really bring myself to write too much about PCA.  It didn't go as bad as i made it sound at times, and the fact is, now that it's over, i'm really glad i did it.  I met a lot of cool folks, both kids and staff.  And, believe me, i learned some stuff.  A few choice observations:

* Virtually every bass player played sans pick.  Ugh.
* Nirvana, Guns and Roses and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (?!) are the older bands the kids are still feeling.  Oh, and Sublime.  I think you have to be under age 19 to even know any Sublime songs. 
* The ratio of facebook friend requests to MySpace friend requests i've gotten post-camp is about 20:1.
* Kids write really good pop songs.  In fact, i think you *have* to be a kid to write a good pop song.  Not "poppy" mind you, but straight up, here's a simple song, with simple hooky lyrics, pop.  There's still a few songs from camp that have been stuck in my head (or at least resurfaced occasionally) for weeks, in spite of me hearing them maybe 3 times.  Which is more than you can say for, oh, Kings of Leon.
* The kids are alright.

Well, i guess i *can* write about camp!  I've been encouraged to whip up an article about my time there, but i don't think i'm quite there yet.

Lastly, for the inevitable show plug:



More writing when i'm feeling funny,
Jens T. Carstensen III

4:40 AM - 89 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

How I Spent My Summer Vacation
Current mood: giddy

So, yeah, tomorrow i embark on my rock and roll adventure / summer job.  I'm going to be the director for the New York branch of Power Chord Academy, a summer camp for teen rockers.  I leave for San Diego to train for a week; Josh Taggart will be there too, as might his fellow Moon Rabbit Jeremy Gibson.  Upon my return, i will be spending the next 5 weeks living on the campus of St. John's U. in Queens, ensuring that ragtag bunches of young rockers write, record and perform in harmony.  In preparation, i rented and watched Meatballs, and felt like i got some truly valuable experience.

So, yeah, that's the scoop.  July 12 will be an interesting day, my only night off during my stint, where i'll be playing live both with The Giraffes (with Goes Cube and Freshkills at the Brooklyn Kickball field at 5pm) and with Cover Me Badd at Adam Altman's post wedding shindig (with The Black Tie Party at Parkside Lounge at 8pm).  So, yeah, if you wanna drop by and say hello, there are two fun free chances to do so. 

Other than that, i'll see you in August!  I'll try and check in and let you know how it's going.  Unless i'm hanging by my underpants from a flagpole.

10:03 AM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I CAN HEAR!

EVERYTHING IS REALLY LOUD NOW.  THE SQUEAK OF MY BICYCLE CHAIN, THE BUTTONS ON MY CELL PHONE WHEN I PRESS THEM, DAMIEN'S VOICE ON THE OTHER END.  EVERYTHING.

EVER SINCE THE DAY OR TWO LEADING UP TO MY TRIP TO NEW ORLEANS, MY LEFT EAR HAD BEEN COMPLETELY PLUGGED.  THE RIGHT EAR WASN'T SO HOT EITHER.  AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT'D GO AWAY, THEN I BOUGHT EAR DROPS - WHICH DON'T WORK - THEN I BOUGHT A RINSING PLUNGER - WHICH REALLY DIDN'T WORK - THEN I BOUGHT A "EAR CANDLE" AND THAT WAS JUST EMBARRASSING. 

SO, FINALLY, MY UNINSURED ASS MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A DOCTOR IN COBBLE HILL.  THE VISIT WOULD COST $100 AND TAKE ABOUT 3 MINUTES.  THE DOCTOR PUT A PLASTIC BIB ON ME, WARNING ME "THIS WON'T HURT, BUT IT'LL PROBABLY GET MESSY."  HE PRODUCED A GIANT, SILVER HYPODERMIC PLUNGER DEVICE - SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS FIRST DEVELOPED IN DACHAU - AND SUBMERGED IT IN WATER.  HE THRUST THIS IN EACH EAR ABOUT THREE TIMES, BLASTING SO MUCH WATER INSIDE MY SKULL MY BRAIN FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING THROUGH A CAR WASH.  HE SHOWED ME THE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WAX AFTERWARD.  HE SAID "CAN YOU HEAR NOW?"  I SAID "YES."

"THE MIRACLES OF MODERN SCIENCE" HE ADDED DROLLY.

NOW TIME TO ABUSE MY NEW FOUND SENSE OF HEARING BY LISTENING TO MIKE AND THE MAD DOG TALK ABOUT THE WILLIE RANDOLPH FIRING, THEN RECORDING BASSLINES FOR THE GIRAFFES.

I LEAVE FOR SAN DIEGO TOMORROW.  I CAN'T WAIT TO GET AN EAR ACHE FROM THE PLANE FLIGHT.  LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES.

9:51 AM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I used to be capable of writing things this funny.
Category: Friends

Though their playing is hardly unique and their singing is occasionally hampered by patently ridiculous lyrics, they exhibit a control of the basic rock format that is refreshing and that bodes well for the group's longterm success.

~ from Rolling Stone's 1973 review of Steely Dan's Countdown to Ecstacy.

Okay, back to the NFL trivia salt mine.  For those of you just joining us, i got a gig writing 1000 NFL trivia questions.  I'm up to question 700 now.  I dare you to stump me on "Fridge" trivia.

8:39 AM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Bloggle
Category: Games

Okay, here's the rules for Bloggle.  Yes, i just made this up right now.

1. Gather between 4-10 bloggers.
2.  Pick a topical subject at random, out of a hat.  e.g. Protesters outside the new store at CBGB.
3.  GO!  All the bloggers get 5 minutes to write a blog.
4.  Each blogger reads their blog out loud.
5.  Each instance of a similar thought is crossed out of all blogs, much like common words are crossed out in Boggle.
6.  The person with the most original thoughts remaining in their blog wins the round!

Not recommended for music blogs.

8:34 AM - 89 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Recent Rock Recap
Current mood: awake

Jax went to a party at the old CBGB last night, packed to the gills with cheerful, aging punk B-listers, as well live performances from Joan Jett, D-Generation and Handsome Dick Manitoba.   There were also some protestors outside.  CBGB is now a high-end rock n' roll clothing store.  Jax made note of the fact that the entire north wall of the old CB's – flyers, stickers and all – has been plexiglassed off, preserved, museum-like for all posterity.  Or at least as long as the store stays in business.  Considering the fate of Max's Kansas City (downstairs a deli, upstairs still vacant), the Fillmore East (a bank) and many other legendary NYC music institutions, i'm not sure what these cats are complaining about.   At least Varvatos had the decency – and good business sense – to properly enshrine his surroundings.  We could use some folks with that attitude (and capital) in, oh, Coney.

Meanwhile, i saw the Black Tie Party ultimately triumph in a set fraught with technical peril at the Lucky Cat.  Have you been to the Lucky Cat lately?  Or at all?  First of all, it's the first place in the city this young year to eclipse the 85-degree mark.  Second of all, they added a stage, but somehow, in the process, the club got even shittier sounding. 

During Black Tie's set: Larry's hi-hat clutch went missing, Larry's hi-hat cymbal came off, Larry's kick pedal came off, Jay broke a string (with no backup guitar), Jay's strap came off, Jay's chord came out, and both mics routinely cut out during almost every song.  At one point, Jay was singing into two mics simultaneously, to no avail.  Plus, about 2/3rds of the set was riddled with feedback.  I half-expected a meteor to come crashing through the ceiling before the end of the set. Even after all this, the fans hung in, and they were rewarded with an end-of-set that sounded great with no difficulties.  That said: bands, avoid playing the Lucky Cat. 

So So Glos and The Sweet Ones were both great too, under similar conditions.

* * * * * * *

A week ago today, i'd gotten back from a business trip to Boston at 5.30 in the morning.   Having slept until 2.30pm - and subsequently napped until 8.30 pm - i had to be dragged out of my bed with the Jaws of Get-a-Life.  Fortunately, there were still Dirtbombs tickets to be had, and a free show at Cake Shop to pass the intervening time.

In fact, the surprise treat here is that Jowe Head was playing an early set in the basement of Cake Shop.  Jowe is the last surviving, active member of the Swell Maps, who also happened to pen and sing their hit "Cake Shop."  Jowe, bald, happy faced and flamboyantly dressed, led a four-piece, incredibly under-rehearsed band through the paces of some shambling, but very nice songs.  Basically, replace Nikki Sudden's heroin with, like, some strong black tea and Vienna Fingers, and you have Jowe Head.  Jackie got a hysterical photo of him after the show, but i don't know how to put pictures on this thing.

We stuck around for a short set by garage rock up-and-comers the Ex-Humans.  A terrific three-piece with, predictably, no MySpace profile. During the set which a hippy kid came up and handed Jackie an orange rose.  How nice!

We still made it to the Bowery Ballroom as The Dirtbombs started their 2^nd song.  The set felt different than the one we saw at Southpaw – more straightforward, and a bigger emphasis on new material, and a bit less drunk – but it was every bit as rocking.  I'm not sure what precipitated Ko Melina's switch from 2^nd bass to 2^nd guitar, but as disappointing as this would seem, she and the band still sounded top-notch.  Afterwards, Jackie tossed her orange rose on stage, where it was caught by (1^st chair) bassist Troy Gregory, smelled by the band to determine it was in fact a real flower.  Jackie's now hooked on Troy Gregory's side project, The Stepsisters.  I'm hooked on the new Dirtbombs record, my favorite of '08 thus far.

* * * * * * *

For those of you who couldn't make it to the most recent Giraffes show, it looked a bit like this, a frothy, disgusting, rocking  medley of beer, warm "mule juice" (labeled as such), Drew's copious back sweat and boutonniere petals.  More folks, more money and more shenanigans than the debut.  It's good to be home.

And we certainly had a better night than B.A. did.  She was slated to do projections for the band going .. us.  As she was hanging her backdrop, the club told her to take it down, citing that it was a fire hazard.  Thanks again, Great White.  Then as she was setting up her projector, someone in the band tripped over a cable and knocked it over, smashing the lamp inside.  B.A. immediately went down to the Green Room and started chugging whiskey.

* * * * * * *

MAS PALS: Sunday night, i finally saw James Sparber's new band and they're great.  I'm not certain when they're playing again, but worth checking out.  Tina's an ace guitarist, and it's nice to hear Jamie on the bass again.  They were playing upstairs at some sports bar in Greenpoint, though, so i can't wait to see them in an actual club.

I did not catch Jeff and Allie on Tuesday, but they have a CD release party for Bel Air (the band) coming soon, so stay tuned.

* * * * * * *

But, now, to the real reason i write.  Saturday's a big occasion: Jackie's print debut!!  She's going to have about 8 pieces hanging at this party:

Plus live performances by her muses, Stalkers and the aforementioned Ex-Humans, who are great, i swear.  Come support your local photographer(s)!

* * * * * * *

Read the lyrics to Cake Shop here.

4:36 PM - 89 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Progress & Prosperity
Current mood: amorous

I’m home now.  It’s 3.45 pm, which means i’ve been up for about 40 minutes.  Jackie greeted me last night with a bottle of wine, two homemade pizzas, a made bed, and most importantly, herself. 

Though i don’t have much ability to conjure up words about it, Cleveland - which now seems like an eternity ago - might have been the most fun show of the tour, the punk rock cherry on the sundae.  Riffs were rocked, beers were tossed.  A goth looking kid on my side of the stage swatted the bass and gave it a loud strum during a breakdown.  One kid, with a white scarf pulled over his eyes, was blindly thrashing out so hard - and was so drunk - he ended up knocking out some of his teeth on a railing. 

One more night on a floor, one more meal of Subway sandwiches, one more stretch of brown late winter scenery, and we were back home, at a decent hour even.  We get back in the van again on Thursday, and - crazy and predictable as it sounds - i’m ready to hop right back in.   It’s amazing how fast these things go by.  I’m looking forward to Boston - that thought not typically a product from a sane mind - but, what can i say, touring is the most fun thing in the world.

It helps when, oh, your bandmates get along (or understand how to argue), the van never encountered any significant mechanical problems and the weather (aside from Colorado, of course) was never a factor either.  Maybe Damien’s right.  Maybe i am good luck.

The Giraffes, Saturday, April 12th, Mercury Lounge, 11pm.  You know what to do.

12:45 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Alive With Pleasure
Current mood: giddy

We stayed last night with the Sundresses, in a house in Newport, KY.  An economically-depressed, awesomely crackity burg, frozen in time.  Kentucky’s 4th largest city, ranking (and situated) just below the Gateway to the South, Covington.  Al Capone used to chill there back in the gangster days.  An old riverboat gambling and sin town, and the air of deviance perseveres, though mostly it seems to take the form of ambling nattering zombies, fueled by meth.

After a delicious fritata made by the Sundresses’ bass player McKenzie, 3/4ths of the Giraffes (you can guess who stayed behind) set a course for the Brass Ass, one of Newport’s several cut-rate strip clubs, with Jeremy Sundress as our fearless leader.  The Brass Ass, within walking distance, could very well be renamed the Boner Killer.  I mean, a cheap, decrepit strip club, with grandmas, and c-sections and crank addicts, sure seems neat on paper.  In real life, though, we lasted about 3 minutes.  The owner of the place drove up and down the long hall in his Jazzy (one of those old-man scooters), and was straightening up the bathroom and mumbling to himself as i excused myself to pee.  The bartender refused to make change unless we ordered a drink.  The women were skank-tastic.  Between the four of us, we spent a total of $2 on this grimey slab of local economy, then beelined it back into the daylight.

We opted to go thrifting instead.  After a brief stop at a pawn shop that was attempting to sell Sacagewas for $5, we ended up at a place called Richards.  As we were walking in, an old white dude said with a wide smile, "go past the beads on the right and there’s a sex shop!"  Woo hoo.  So, i did as instructed, and there was a minor collection of penis pumps and inflatable broads and the usual hoo-hah. Much stranger was the fact that there was a tanning salon on the 3rd floor.  No, no way that’s some sort of front.  I bought a deck of cards, just for the sake of buying something.

We then hit the streets of Newport once again.   Pretty much every store in town sells swords.  I asked our host if Kentucky used to have a dragon problem.

* * * * * * *

At one point, during breakfast i was seated on a couch.  Said McKenzie, "You know who Johnny Bench is?"

"Of course!’ i said, excitedly.

"He used to own that couch."  This made me very happy.  Damien got a photo of me on this Hall-of-Fame piece of furniture.

Speaking of couches, i ended up breaking the leg of the other one later in the day, then, in my futile attempt to fix it, smashed a vase to bits.  Sorry, Sundresses!

* * * * * * *

Jackie (on the phone): "Oh, you’re in Kentucky?"

Me: "Yeah, a town called Newport."

Jax: "Have you seen a Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Me: "Actually, here, it’s just called fried chicken."

Okay, you saw that coming.

* * * * * * * *

I’m in Cleveland now, at the Spitfire Saloon, on the cusp of some western suburb and the city proper.  Op Ivy plays on the jukebox as i walk in.  I see a guy in a Whalers uniform.  I see a Guy Lombardo album cover on the wall.  I put money in a juke box for the first time since i left NYC.  I play "ESP" by the Buzzcocks.  It’s the first Buzzcocks i’ve heard in over a month.  I feel like i got home a day early.

8:24 PM - 89 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Cincinnati
Current mood: confused

You know, i could tell you, using the usual combination of terse-but-indulgent wit and observational pith, about our gig in Cincinnati last night.

Or, i could instead summarize the evening by telling you about the crazed rocker chick who bumrushed me after the show and shouted with maniacal glee "YOU’RE LIKE THE LOST BALDWIN BROTHER!"

Cleveland is the next and last stop, stand clear of the closing doors please.

10:27 PM - 89 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment