Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 25
Sign: Sagittarius
City: Lewisville
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date:
10/19/04
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Thursday, November 30, 2006
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Dear Church, don't ever change! I'm your biggest FAN! -Casey
Right now it is 9:00 am and it's about 31 degrees, which considering the wind (according to WeatherChannel.com), "feels like" 18 degrees. I walked into my living room to sit down and write this, and I felt a breeze rolling through my apartment... so I looked to the screen door, thinking it might be open, but it was closed. So I looked above me, and there was the fan, oscillating away, blowing cold air around my already frosty apartment. Ridiculous, right? I think we can all agree on that. You're probably asking yourself, "why am I reading about this?" Here's why I bring it up... I am a worship leader, and it's what I do for a living at the moment. I have to confess that I've been a bit distracted leading worship lately.
I'm able to see people enter into something that's supposed to be so intimate and wonderful between creation and creator... but instead what I feel like I see sometimes is people either just singing, or people praising circumstance. It's like whenever things are going great and things are peachy... "Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!" And when things aren't going well it's..."You give and take away, but (i'll play martyr and sing anyway and), my heart will choose to say blessed be your name!" And that wears me down. Not the act of seeing them worship, obviously, because I can't know their hearts in that moment. But the way we live our lives outside of church, and sometimes in church, more prevalantly we see that there is a disconnect with God. I feel like we have NO IDEA why we're doing any of this "church" stuff.
Church has, in more than my opinion, become a place where people come to fit inside a more structured, morality-laden place where they can come and feel better about themselves, while in a world full of messages that tell us how insignificant we are... (while, ironically, trying to tell us how fulfilled we can be if we buy their products!) The body of Christ, (which is his people, his church - not the building), has done a terrible job of relaying what the gospel is, and what the ramifications of it are. I fear that we preach that following Jesus means "being good" and doing what you're told, and tithing and going to worship services and putting fish stickers on our cars. NO WONDER WE SING MELODIES WITH OUR MOUTHS AND OUR HEARTS WAIT SILENTLY TO SING OF MEANING AND FULFILLMENT!!!
We come to church and consume the worship, as if it is a show put on to be judged. We hear messages as if we're attending self-worth conferences... hating to hear anything that makes us look bad, because we're not there to take a good look at our hearts, only to be told the few things we can do to adjust behaviors in order to appear more Christian, (with the steps all coincidentally starting with the letter F!). We are drones, doing things the way we've always done them... why? I would venture to say that inside us all, even the most seasoned Christians, there is this burning question. What's it all for? This doesn't feel right, why do we do this? But we never actually allow ourselves to question why we're doing the things we're doing. Or to question anyone else about it.
We have worked our way to comfort, by singing songs with lights flashing everywhere... sermons are presented and packaged with clever titles, all with references to something culturally appealing at the time...(DaVinci Code answers, Man Law, iPod world...etc.), and we leave thinking, man haven't we managed to put God in a really nice box here at (insert the name of your church here), I would love to invite my friends!!! This leads me to my final thought...
Church isn't for the church... it's for the world. We have done a great job of building houses that we feel great inviting our friends and "lost-people" to. Instead of building our hearts, (which were intended to be the tool God gave us to love the world with), and enabling us to be sent out as embassadors of Christ... and we become super-Christians inside of our super-Christian-Church-Lairs. The church is supposed to be a place where we're learning how to be people who will GO OUT and change the world... but the problem is that we don't even get to the point where we're able to focus on that change, and that perspective shift... because no one questions why we're doing the things like we've always done them... with the services that in any other building you'd have to pay to see... and then messages that are packaged and sold each week... we don't want to rock the boat, we don't want to be the one in the parade that steps out of line, risking a break in the flow of the parade, always moving and always in line... you know when you question things, then you're more likely to get answers. Maybe someone NEEDS to stop the parade. Maybe we have to get rid of something good, in order to get something back that's BETTER!
I recently read a book called "A New Kind Of Christian" by Brian McLaren and it has revitalized some thoughts that I've had for a long time. It brings up a lot of questions, and challenges many conventional ways of thinking, lumping them together with the term "modern" and musing new thoughts categorically, calling them "post-modern." You should read it. It poses a lot of questions... questions that aren't necessarily answered... but it forces you back into relying on God... and searching His heart... instead of showing up to church and thinking everything is okay... moving on blissfully blinded to what's going on... We need to get back to having some mystery in our relationships with God, allow ourselves to be open to the fact that we may NEVER answer all the questions... let's let go of comfort, and start asking questions... questions that may take a life-time to answer... because then we may actually learn to have an ongoing relationship with God... I think questioning just forces us to hang tight with the Lord. Otherwise, we just move on like we always have, and we become fans running in the living room. In a house that's being coated in 31 degree weather, ("feels like" 18 degrees though!). Maybe we should start asking ourselves why the fan is on. Why are we doing what we're doing... what should we be doing?
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Currently
listening
:
Once Again
By
John Legend
Release date: 24 October, 2006
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9:51 AM
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12 Comments - 19 Kudos
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
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Thanksgiving Food For Thought: Family
Searching for the origin of the word "family," I found that the word comes from a Latin word which literally translated means "servants of a household." Now once you continue on in the translation of the word, you find how we've come to use the word family to represent the people that we are kin to or of blood relation to... but I find it interesting that the origin of the word was in relation not to a bloodline connection, but through the service of connected people in a household. So in order for us to be, according to the origin of the word, defined as a family, we must be servants unto the rest of our household.
I would love to see more families try to implement this into their practices of being a family. So many families have such a crippling cloud that hangs over their "family" situation where they have to prove themselves so that they're validated to be a part of the whole of the group... what would happen if people felt so at ease being themselves because the whole of the family understood the value of diversity and of encouraging uniqueness that instead of causing friction in the face of our differences, we became cultured and stretched as people... appreciating all the parts of the whole, encouraging individuals becoming "servants to the household" instead of "judges of the members."
You know I find it a little more than coincidental that the people we feel most comfortable around, (which should be our families), tend to be the people that have served us with encouragement, and have served us in their constructive instruction... as opposed to the ones we're just related to... so it could be said that a family is really what the definition says it is... mixed with a bit of what we've come to understand it to be... that family IS a place where we feel safe and comfortable... but instead of being defined by the blood we share, "family" could be known as the people who become servants to us, and to whom we serve. Some Thanksgiving "food for thought."
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Currently
listening
:
The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me
By
Brand New
Release date: 21 November, 2006
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10:21 PM
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2 Comments - 4 Kudos
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
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The fast was anything but, and now it's finally over....
Well, hello again to anyone who might be reading this... over the past year I got many different emails about the post I put up about my fast from dating. I don't really know how many people have read or will read any of my blogs, but this one is more of a ceremonial blog, and will probably be less thought provoking... but will provide some insight into where my head's at after a year away from dating.
I have missed dating, but then again I have also been so busy and consumed with life that dating would probably have made much of what I've learned and experienced impossible. Though I did learn a lot from something that resembled dating in my life over the past few months. When I started this fast I was just really put out with LOVE and the pursuit of it. I hate games, and I hate that I'm supposed to read through all sorts of signs that people might or might not give... I love a challenge, but when someone isn't interested and you go for it, it sucks because then you've put yourself out there only to realize whatever "signs" you thought were getting weren't signs... or when you don't put yourself out there, and realize that there could have been something had you pursued someone who never gave you any signs at all... it's all just stupid. I mean it's how it goes, but I think it's okay to be NOT-okay with the process.
So what have I learned through all of this? Here's something for each month...
1. I will never be satisfied with anyone until I'm satisfied with myself, and more importantly I will never be able to be satisfied by ANYTHING completely outside of the Lord, so as soon as I'm able to be wholly complete in Christ, I will be lonely even inside the healthiest relationship.
2. God doesn't put us through situations and trials so we will accumulate all sorts of mental and emotional issues... He doesn't allow us into situations indifferent to our circumstances... but instead allows us to learn from our mistakes, and ultimately I believe that God has all the control in the world, even when we feel like we're making mistakes that might move us away from His ultimate plan for us... I think in order for us to accomplish the tasks He has set forth for us, we have to become the people who can accomplish those tasks... and maybe it will take you losing someone, or not having a father, or having something terrible happen to you growing up in order to help you become more effective in your future calling... think about how little we would be able to minister if we were all just Christians our whole lives with no sort of hardships with which to relate to the world... we would be irrelevant.
3. Love isn't chased after... I think TRUE LOVE will always find us. I'm not saying we won't ever have to do something in order to win the love of that "special someone"... I just believe now that love happens to us, we don't choose love. I believe we choose who to commit to, but who we love HAPPENS to us like breathing... like blinking... like the beat of our hearts.... we can try everything to re-create what this might be like on our own efforts, but ultimately when it happens, it's just something that happens naturally, and before you know it... you're in for it. I have experienced this love, and it tore me apart... but it was the most alive I've ever felt in my whole life... it's been a while back now, but it's set the precedence for what I know real love will be like for me in the future.
4. We were made with so much careful precision, and for us to doubt our relevance is to misunderstand who we were created by. We sometimes get caught up in fighting for what we want so much, that we forget to ask ourselves what we were meant to do... like hammers trying so hard to be screwdrivers... we think we feel so alive pounding away at the nails when our fullness in satisfaction lies within an encounter with a screw, and not a nail... we try so much to fit God into our life stories... when God says "HEY, I wrote you in the story, and I've already picked out your part, and it's PERFECT for you." Sometimes we get this idea like we chose God in this whole faith thing... but the reality is HE CHOSE US!!! The fact that I'm a believer in Christ has less to do with me than I think... I know that He wanted me to be His and that He knew how much I could handle, and so He let me handle it... then when I got to the point to where I couldn't take anymore, He was there waiting on me through the fog... saying, "I knew where to meet you, and I've been waiting here for you, because I made you, and I know what you're capable of... why have you so little trust in Me?"
5. Find what makes you come alive... find what sends your bones in the most perfectly choreographed motions... what stimulates your mind in all the right ways... what makes you feel completely satisfied and do it with everything you have... and at all cost. Just know that if anything like this occurs, it will be because you are fulfilling your God given purpose... NOT that you are just doing what you love... God is a lot smarter than we are, and has given us the desires of our hearts, because guess who shaped our hearts??? The one that holds the stars in place.
6. I love sushi, and have grown to love trying new foods...
7. Worship isn't about us... it isn't about us connecting with God so much as it is about us giving all of ourselves to the one who has given all good and perfect gifts. Worship is a way of living where everything that could effect our choices, decisions and our thoughts are put beneath the feet and at the foot of the thrown of the Living God. When we sing... sing to Him because of who He is, not how we feel. Sing to Him because of what He's done, not what we want Him to do. It's not enough to lead people in singing worship songs... I'm here to live a life of worship where everything I do is guiding people the Christ... leading in songs is just that... what people do with what they are singing is up to them... so to fulfill my calling, I must live a life that says more than the words I will guide people through.
8. It's okay not to be good at things. I am so competitive that I want to win, and be good at whatever I do... but God has shown me through so many random things that as I've said before... I was created with a purpose, so it's okay for me to realize I suck at acting, or at whatever... because it's just helping me to more specifically define what God DID design me for. It's good to be realistic with yourself, and to allow yourself to fail... because maybe you suck at something you're eventually supposed to be good at... if you never allow yourself to fail more than once, you'll never accomplish anything... greatness is found only through failure. No one who was ever considered great was great because they never failed, but because they failed a LOT, they just got up more times than they fell down...
9. I want to go back and finish school and do well... I've never had that motivation in a REAL way, and now I do, and I want to do awesome at school and learn all I can... and then be done!
10. This one is more of something that God has shown me over and over again my entire life, and our pastor says it all the time: To get what you've never gotten - you have to be willing to do what you've never done. To get where you've never gone - you have to be willing to go where you've never been. Quite profound.
11. God has big plans for me... "bigger than I've ever seen, imagined or ever dreamed of." I've had this spoken over me several times this year, and I don't know what to do with it other than to believe that God wants me to know that He's there, and that He knows my heart... and wants to assure me that He's ahead of me somewhere through the fog... and one day when I've gotten so impatient I'm about ready to give up... He'll be the hands meeting my falling body before I hit the ground... lifting me up to my feet and saying "I've been waiting, now let's move on to that thing I told you was coming..." I cannot wait...
12. This fast had less to do with dating, and so much more to do with me falling in love with Christ... falling in love with the romantic God that is constantly wooing me to Himself. Who longs for me when I leave His presence. Who has seen me "whore" around on Him, and give myself to the world over and over again, and regardless of how many times this happens... He waits at the window for me... waiting to see my silhouette in the distance so that He might come and meet me, clothing me with the finest clothes and giving me the biggest feast... and, (at the risk of being misunderstood), romancing me in the most spiritually erotic ways... I mean seriously... creating sunsets for me, giving me the stars to ponder... spilling oceans at my feat... what woman could EVER do that?!?! By name this was a dating fast, but this was more about falling in love. A "Divine Romance."
1:15 AM
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12 Comments - 18 Kudos
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Saturday, June 24, 2006
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Almost done with my dating fast, and here's what I've learned...
This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago. I've been on a dating fast, which has been geared towards growing in my relationship with Christ... and I wasn't really sure what that all meant until the past few months... sorry this is so long, I'll understand if you don't read it all, haha. So here is what God's been showing me:
I have for a while wondered what my purpose in life was, as many of us do. Most recently I started to wonder more intensely about this due to a set of circumstances where I knew that this search for my direction would start to effect people outside of myself. People I work with, my family, and more directly anyone who would wind up spending their life alongside me would be affected by what I decided to do with myself. This is a stress that I've tried to get over, and tried to lay down for the Lord to take, but I never felt any weight lifted off of my shoulders regarding this uncertainty. That is until the last month of my life happened, and happened in a big way. You know how things in life happen to you, like spilling coffee on your shirt one of those random occurrences, and you cant help but laugh to avoid becoming frustrated. Well this was another kind of happening all together. This past month HAPPENED to me, but in more of a controlled chaotic manner like it was all supposed to HAPPEN to me.
I meet with a guy named John Lerohl every Monday morning, before I head to work, for accountability and discipleship. A while back he was trying to help me gain a focus for my ministry and for my life as a Christ follower, and I believe God has finally started to tune me in to the frequency I was always meant to broadcast. Here is how
Before the fall of man, Adam and Eve were in PERFECT communion with God they heard how he felt, because He told them personally. They gained their worth directly from the Lord, himself. They were completely filled because they found everything they needed, (affection, love, acceptance, confidence, sustenance, assurance, worth, pleasure etc...), all from a direct and uninterrupted, unclouded, conscious relationship with God. When Adam felt lonely, (maybe because he looked around at a world full of animals, none of which spoke his language or looked anything like him), God provided his need in a helper that was Eve. So everything Adam ever needed came from the Lord, and when God saw that Adam was lonely without someone to relate to as a human, he provided one. This complete reliance on God is so beautiful to me. I have been reading a book called Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller, and he talks about Moses and how when Moses writes Genesis 2 he spoke 5 times of how Adam and Eve were naked. Why would this be important for the story? I think its because they had no need to be ashamed of their nakedness. They weren't concerned with what each other might have thought about their appearance, because every bit of acceptance and worth came from a direct, uninterrupted relation with the Creator. They didn't need that type of thing from each other. They got it from God. Then if you notice right after the fall, one of the first things Moses says in Genesis, is that they noticed they were naked. Their direct connection, sense of worth, feelings of acceptance for who they were created to be, understanding that they were loved, and overall confidence left them and then they started thinking about each other, and what the other was thinking of a each others newly seen naked body. I think the rest of our history, and I mean world history comes from this separation from God. I know that sounds obvious but I think its something we might take a little time to revisit in relationship to our condition.
Donald Miller in this book I'm reading puts it this way(paraphrased), its like the old exercise where you have all sorts of people on the boat, and you're deciding who to throw off based on their occupations, where they're at in life socially, or their genetic make-up. That since the fall of man, our struggle has been with feeling like we were worth staying on the boat and through our jobs, income, status, whether were on the winning team or losing team, whether were accepted or not etc were trying to prove to everyone else that were worthy of being on the boat. Life is a consistent jockeying for position along the line of worth. But the way in which we measure our worth is determined by our ranking in relation to
everyone else, and in what people say about us, and where we sit in relation to the world.
God has shown me that He wants me to look to Him for my worth. That He created me, and wants me to know what that means for me. Not that I am better or worse than anyone. When I think of me I want to rely on God to show me what I look like. We see through the eyes of the fall. We see each other naked, and broken because were no longer in uninterrupted connection with the Lord, where His glory is shinning through us, without doubt. We are all made perfect through Christ but I think as were leading people to the Lord, that we forget to really tell them what happened through the fall we just give new believers a bit on how Adam and Eve sinned and so were all sinners now we lack depth in explaining the dynamics of their previous relationship with the Lord, and we reduce the intricacies of the fall to Now all men sin, and struggle. I think we have forgotten to tell people what happens when we believe, beyond the fact that well be in Heaven with God one day.
Once we've accepted Christ, we go through a process of restoration, and redemption a redemption to a previous state of existence I believe it will see its fulfillment when were again involved with the Lord in an uninterrupted communion with the Lord. God never intended for us to find worth and acceptance in anyone else but Him but since the fall our lives have been almost completely focused on feeling okay with ourselves based on what others say about us, about how we feel about ourselves in relation to one another, and about where we fit into the grand scheme of things in the history of the world. I believe God wants us to know that were so important to Him, and if we can learn to let that be enough. Not looking at the world with indifference but looking at each person through the eyes of someone who knows their worth, and knows that were not to love others as we would want to be loved but as we HAVE been loved already. I think we just need to realize how God loved us before the fall, and as a continuation of that love, how He loved us through Jesus, to know what were worth. Quit looking to our money, status, appearance, our past, our struggles, others opinions and things to shape our security were looking to these things to make us relevant and worth while to show the world were worth keeping on the boat. God says were worth keeping on the boat. End of story. Why? God gave us a whole book showing us how He tried to show the people in the Biblical days a way back to Him but they always looked to those around them to show them their worth, or their money, and stature God desires so much for us to be a people that find our worth in Him, and His purpose for all mankind is to draw us back to where we started. When the only thing that determined our worth was the one who created us, and assured us that we are so valuable to Him
Tied into all of this is how we perceive others because of the way we see ourselves. I have a friend who told me this recently and asked me, if I ever told anyone, to exclude his name because he didn't want the notoriety, so I will tell it to you, as a tie in to what I want to say. My friend had been praying a lot lately about how he could be a blessing to others. He didn't have an abundance to give to anyone, but really sought the Lord as to how he could help others in need. How did he figure out to do it??? He read in Acts where it talks about giving what they had to those according to their need, and he felt compelled. Not to tell the world to give up all their possessions, but to extend grace that had been given to him back to others, with the sole purpose to bring back some of that AWE that the Bible talks about, when people saw what the people of The Way were living out their faith. AWE in what Christ was doing in the lives of those who called themselves His followers. My friend wanted to demonstrate grace in a way that he was able, and to rely only on Christ for us provision and sustenance for the future. He emptied out his 401K and gave to two guys in his small group who were so much in need of a break. One guy he helped get back on his feet, and another guy, (which got to me as he told me), had been finding jobs all over the place in order to make some money in order to pay off school debts. He had put off his wedding because of finances, and had all sorts of debt to pay until my friend paid his $5,500 debt for him. My friend told me the kicker behind all this was that after taxes his 401K to this point was about $10,000 and after taxes he got about $7,000 back and that was the exact combined need of these two men.
My reason for telling this story is not to say everyone should give away all your stuff, or to sell all you have but instead to illustrate what I feel like Gods intentions are for us today. To find our security not in our 401Ks not in what people think of us. Not in what others say about us. Not in our status socially. Not in our pursuit of our dreams, and the fulfillment or failure of those pursuits. But solely in Him were storing up riches for ourselves on earth when we use acceptance, wealth, assurance, confidence from others, and whether were good enough to stay on the boat as our currency for self-worth. God says in Corinthians that were to store up for ourselves treasures in HEAVEN I think that starts with knowing where our fulfillment and our ultimate worth comes from a loving, jealous God who wants to redeem us back to a place where were naked before him, unashamed. Knowing that with all of what the world calls imperfections, that we are made perfect in Christ, and when we can get to a point where that's all that matters we can join together knowing our worth, which will help us understand the worth of those around us as equals in Gods eyes and we can finally move forward, beyond denominations, beyond gender or race, beyond language and status, and move together as the church, Gods beautiful bride waiting for complete redemption when Christ returns. We have a wedding to attend soon my prayer, and what Gods been showing me is we need to start believing what God says about us in His commitment to us, and in who we are, so we can wed our Bridegroom and gain our assurance from Him gain our worth from Him where the world devalues us as people, God says were his beautiful bride and wants to love us the way we've always dreamed and fantasized about being loved in its fullest state like Adam and Eve were able to experience in the beginning
God sent Jesus to bring us back to this place a little more than just a ticket to Heaven. Jesus sends an invitation to re-enter a place we were made to be. Complete communion with the one who made us. More than fire-insurance for the afterlife but instead a confidence for today that were new people in Christ lets bring back the AWE of Christ by looking to Him for our worth, and banding together as people of value, and not subscribe to a set of morals in order to live out our faith. Lets go out on a limb that we are who God says we are, and that when we accomplish great things, when we fail, when were pretty, when were ugly, when were outcast, when were the best of the best that to Christ, as believers, were all His Beautiful bride together, not separate finding our worth only in Him.
I feel my life's purpose is to help people know who they are in this way. Identity. That's why I'm here, to find myself in Him, and to help others see what God sees in them. If you've made it down this far, then I thank you for taking the time to reading about where my heart is I hope that God can use what He's showing me in your life. I know its not polished, the way I've presented it, but I cant hold it in, I guess that's a microcosm for life were never there, just on our way. I'm proud to know you all, and I would ask for your prayers for discernment in how God wants me to share this. Have a wonderful day!!! You are worth more than you know, and another prayer of mine is that you would start to realize what you're worth, and that you would find your worth in Him. If you have any comments about all of this, Id love to hear your thoughts.
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Currently
listening
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Phil Wickham
By
Phil Wickham
Release date: 25 April, 2006
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12:51 AM
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7 Comments - 8 Kudos
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Monday, December 12, 2005
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22 years, 364 days, 9 hours and 30 minutes
Current mood:  thoughtful
i am old. 22 years, 364 days, 9 hours and 30 minutes old...and counting. i am old. my long, illustrious life has seen me into so many situations that have molded me into who i am. i've begun to see that God has been doing some work i wasn't aware He was doing...things that used to shade the mantle of my life and capture my attention like a thief have begun to lose their luster and have become less and less forceful with their pull on me...and i've noticed that i've come down with something rather peculiar...i've started to come down with a mild case of responsibility...mixed with some discipline...now i have to add that to this point it's in it's mid stages, and not fully in bloom...but it's a start. who would have guessed...
22 years, 364 days, 9 hours and 35 minutes old.
i know what you're thinking..."casey, you're not that old...get over it. it's not that big of a deal, and you're being dramatic." to an extent, you're right...but to think of all the things i've seen, been through, experienced, heard...i could fill a water tower with the drops of stories i have accumulated to this point...and it freaks me out. most of my life seems like past episodes of the "wonder years"..of which i'm only a character, and i'd have to be the voice of the kevin arnold character...because much of casey/kevin doesn't seem like it could have been my life.
the band...i have never felt more stress over one thing in my life since or before a "one in a million" type experience that i went through. i hate the fact that something i love could make me feel the way that i felt when i felt how i did when i felt this before...you follow?
estrogen...or the outward-to-inward effect on my life has now voluntarily found itself out of my life going on 5 months and 3 days now. i have come a long way from where i was when i was consumed with the necessities of affection and emotion that kept me suspended in confusion for most of my life. i hope that in the next 7 months, God will take what's left of my confusion and turn it into something eternally focused, as opposed to temoporally satisfying. the chemicals that will flood over my life will have to wait, while i store up hormones to match.
i am old. almost 23 years old. but i'm thankful for the people who have played characters in my life...for better or for worse, you've definitely added color to the canvas. (*random thought*)~have you ever thought you were in a situation like the "truman show" where everyone was acting and they were all in on it? crazy stuff...
(*random thought 2*)~should we in fact be present-ing presents to our parents, more specifically our mothers on the anniversaries of our perspective births? i mean they endured 9 months pain climaxed by hours of paralyzing agony resulting in years of stressful situations in the form of you, and i. so here's to 23, and to the person who should be getting gift-ed...cause i know you're reading this...i love you mom! happy my/your birthday!!!
22 years, 364 days, 10 hours....and counting.
3:59 PM
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5 Comments - 10 Kudos
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
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3.5 reasons to open
Current mood:  contemplative
3 things....
1.) It's been a little over 4 months
2.) New look
3.) Un(band)ound
3 1/2.) Outta Dodge
1....Not that anyone really checks this thing so much anymore, due to my lack of posting, and lack of insite into my inner workings, but I have had a little time to settle into this fast I'm on...and to learn about what it is that I'm really doing.
I came to understand pretty quickly that my decision to go on a fast wasn't my decision at all. I only followed through with something that had been decided since before I ever even developed an addiction to love, that would require a need for fasting. I have wanted to badly to fall in love my whole entire life....from the days when i was a tank, sitting inside my former, larger, frame...asking girls out in elementary school, to the days when I actually started garnering attention of any kind once i shed the skin of my youth, as well as about 70 lbs. The only problem is that as far and as long and as often as I've looked for love....all I ever found was an empty box of sensuality and confusion mixed with a still strong longing for something more....haha, that sounded pretty dramatic....but anyway, my point is that I'm four months into this thing, and I'm finding that God wants so much to be glorified through my life...in my commitment to Him, in my relationships, in my work, in my play and in my comings and goings. I'm learning that He must come first if I'm to have any success in any of it. 4 down...eight to go, I'm just hoping to develop some awesome friendships until the gate swings open and I can completely lose focus....again...haha.
2.....So I cut my hair, and it was about time. I kept getting, "Hey Kurt, I thought we were dead, how do you keep coming up with new Nirvana albums.." and "Hey Switchfoot!!!"...so I decided it was time for me to part ways with my mop, and move to something a bit more stylish. Love it or hate it....it's new new me, and I'm already taking to it quite nicely....even if I'm the only taker.
3.....Unbound....our band, is at a wierd place right now. I have been so close to thinking it was all over with, and then something will happen and spark interest for another day/week/month....and I've not been able to shake it. I want so much to be able to use writing, and music as a medium to challenge, bless, entertain and inspire people...and I've grown bored with unbound as I've come to know it. So we're moving in a different direction musically....doing stuff we've never done, hoping to go places we've never been. I've tried to take a more active role in pursuing music that will challenge ME, and move ME when I write and play. So that's what I'm doing....I hope people can get into it, but more than anything I want to challenge myself and see what happens....so be ready, if you're interested in where we're going.
3 1/2.....I'm going to be going to Europe in February sometime, and it excites me more than anything. I'm afraid, though, that I'll go and never want to come back. So be prepared to have your fill of me from a distance, as I think I'm a prodigal son of a land I have no recollection, but know in my heart, and in spirit. Who's comin' with me?
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Currently
reading
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Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality
By
Donald Miller
Release date: 17 July, 2003
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10:26 PM
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8 Comments - 10 Kudos
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
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I heart Wichita Falls
So I love all the kids in Wichita Falls....they're the raddest, most diverse, fun-lovin'...gullable kids I've met. They all fall for my dumb jokes....and I wanna stick them in my pocket and take them with me everywhere, -minus the bathroom for obvious reasons. Much love, and you guys should definately keep up with me and let me hear how your lives are going! P E A C E O U T H O M E S ! !
Oh, chelsey....it's called Retaliation, and you call yourself a fan of THE man.
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Currently
listening
:
Retaliation
By
Dane Cook
Release date: 26 July, 2005
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11:07 AM
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12 Comments - 14 Kudos
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
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Day 11
Current mood:  energetic
I stand....and I'm knocked over.
I open my eyes.....and don't believe what I see.
I hold open my hand....and watch as it's filled.
My mouth opens....and His melody falls off my lips.
I don't deserve any of this....but praise the Lord for these experiences.
Breakfast this morning with Scotty was awesome again....and before I get to that I'm going to backtrack a little bit to this past Monday. I meet with a man, John Laurel, every Monday morning at 6:30...which is insane for me, but strangely enough, I've been able to wake up and am always early. I say that because I'm not an early riser...I've really never had a hard time waking up since I've been older, when I know I HAVE to....but this is different, it's like I'm waking up knowing I'm about to be challenged, and I know that life will be flooded into my life through a man I've only just met.
Two Mondays ago John asked me to tell him about my story, so he could know where I've come from, what I've experienced, and where I'm at to know how to approach me, or to understand why I am who I am today. It was amazing to just share my life story with him. Well this Monday, He did the same thing for me, so I could understand how he became the man i saw sitting before me. A man that's wholeheartedly in love with the Lord, and MAN...you wanna talk about a man FILLED to the brim with the Spirit!!! He told me of his colorful, rich past....about his love relationship with the Lord....of his hardships....his amazing successes....and how in all of his circumstances...that God was the focus. This man, who I've come to respect so much starts to curb the conversation to an end, when he says something to me that just hits me like a brick wall..... After telling me about a time in his life when the Spirit moved so much through him that the Holy Spirit physically shook the walls of the building he was in, causing the 25 kids to start speaking in tongues and being overcome with the Spirit...he tells me.... "I see God moving through you, and I know......(Pause)
So I just got a call from John...."Hey Casey, I have about 7 minutes between a meeting and getting back to the office...I remembered you said you wanted to talk to me about something and so I wanted to call and see what was up?"
This is regarding something else I'll mention later....but he totally just lifted me up and gave me a shot of Godly wisdom...."have you set a steak in the ground about where you're at in this situation?....Then no man can move the steak....because it's a bond between you and God....just make sure you're putting yourself in good positions to uphold your stance." AMAZING!!!
(Continued) "I see God moving through you, and just know that as a worship leader you have the opportunity to bring the people you're leading one inch closer to the Lord....and that one inch can rock their lives for the rest of their lives....God called me to challenge those kids that one day to open themselves up to the Lord like never before and the walls shook on the building....and I know that God wants to use you to bring them an inch closer....and that excites me." And then he told me how he's raised his kids in the Lord, and spoken blessing over them, but that as their father he can only do so much and then it's up to them....and that I have the opportunity to bring HIS kids closer to the Father....and then God hit me with what was being challenged. This man who I respect so much has just unofficially issued me a challenge that God could use me to bring his kids to the throne of God through worship....and through the way my life affected my leading of worship. What a fire that set inside me....and even more so that he believed in me....that God could use me to bless and challenge his kids. Then something happened that I didn't expect....after hearing this man's movie-worthy story...he said, "After what's seemed like a little bit of a dry spell...I think I can see that God has got me on the up and up...I mean He brought you into my life, and it's rejuvenating!"....as the tears streamed down his face....he told me about Isaiah 6...and how after the vision of angles praising the Lord he broke down and said..."I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty."....we aren't worthy to see the King, but when we open our lives to Him and He opens our eyes to His interaction with us...we can be taken an inch closer to Him, and He'll use us to bring others one inch closer to the King...and that's what it's all about. I've learned so much from John...but it's a blessing to know that it's just God's way of loving on me personally, through his servant John Laurel.
Scotty and I talked this morning about a ton of things....including taking compliments from people, and how we both struggle with how to receive them...I told him how I just really believe that Satan attacks us in this area so much....because when someone compliments us....I believe this happens in two ways.
1: We defer the compliments, and avoid allowing God to use the compliments to bless us...sometimes we want to be loved by the Lord, and He tries to through people's words and we're so focused on trying to stay humble that we're not allowing God to love us in this way.
2: We take the compliment, but internally we are really proud of ourselves for what we've done...forgetting that, as the Bible says, "apart from God we can do nothing." And Satan uses God's expression of love as a means to tear us down with pride. God showed Scott and I a way to express this, and it goes like this...."In order to continue to live in God's blessings, and to continually be blessed....we need to stop taking credit for God's blessings." I do believe that God will bless us partly on how we've received His previous blessings. If we are blessed and we receive them selfishly, as if we've earned them or merited them....I think our well will dry up quickly. If we are blessed, and people can see the Lord's work in our lives....let us just say..."Praise the Lord!" when people send us accolades. Let the Lord have glory in all we do!!!
Blessings to all who made it through this entry!!! haha....I love to write, and could probably write pages and pages and pages and pages and...well you get the point.....have a good one!!!
Oh, p.s.....my Mom is the greatest Mom I could have ever had!!! I love her endlessly!!!
11:01 AM
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
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True Love
Current mood:  hopeful
So after what seems like an eternity....I felt the need to say something. I'm sick of pretending to be passionately be in love with the Lord. It's worthless. I love the Lord, but my pursiut of Him has not been with passion....unless by passion you mean occasionally reading the Bible, and an as needed prayer time. "Something in my life doesn't make sense....guess it's time to pray..." does that sound familiar to anyone? I have been so active in other pursuits though, that would crush the efforts of my Christ-centered pursuit. Like my pursuit of finding someone to spend my time with romantically....and so that brings me to where I am today....to a place where I know God is saying...."Do you really want to the first TRUE love you have to be a woman...who will eventually pass away? Or do you want to learn what it is to TRUELY and PASSIONATELY LOVE? Becuase if so....love me first, you won't regret it." So here goes....I am commiting the next year of my life to Him alone....without the option of Love beyond Himself when it comes to me being passionately seeking Love. I have one life to live on this Earth, and I've wasted too much time considering another person's love, and not nearly enough seeking my Father's Love, and loving Him back....now is my time to go after Him, Love Him....and see what happens. If you read this, pray for me, and know that I hope that everyone who reads this will develope a desire for His love, because it's there for the taking. The next move is yours....I've wasted enough time.
1:45 PM
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10 Comments - 8 Kudos
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
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Compatabile with me......
My Compatability match? Tell me what you think
Your dating personality profile:
Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. | Your date match profile:
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps her body in top shape.
Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. | Your Top Ten Traits
1. Religious
2. Big-Hearted
3. Athletic
4. Outgoing
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Conservative
7. Stylish
8. Traditional
9. Adventurous
10. Intellectual
| Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Religious
2. Athletic
3. Traditional
4. Conservative
5. Big-Hearted
6. Stylish
7. Practical
8. Shy
9. Intellectual
10. Adventurous
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Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions
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Currently
listening
:
Beneath Medicine Tree
By
Copeland
Release date: 25 March, 2003
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12:42 AM
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1 Comments - 0 Kudos
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