One of my favorite things to do in high school was spending the night over my friends' house on the weekends to I could watch Def Comedy Jam. My parents would never add HBO top our cable package so I'd have to watch it elsewhere (along with real sex). One of my favorite comedians to grace the stage of Def Comedy Jam was Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones. The premise is simple. He'd say "Hammm...burger" after every line. Laughter ensues. It may seem like lame schtick; and it would have been had any other comedian tried it; but Hamburger made it work. Be so kind and check him out in action; try not to laugh...Hammmm....burger:
Currently
listening
:
Paper Trail
By
T.I.
Release date: 2008-09-30
I wish I had footage of the practice sessions
Current mood: jedi
Category: Blogging
I was deeply involved in church when I was in high school. Naturally, I despised most of it and it eventually led to the manifestation of the demon that I am today. In order to keep my and my friends interest, there would be little "fun" church things planned that we'd be forced to go to. My church was predominately black and sometimes we would visit some of the white congregations and vice-versa. There would be "plays" and "concerts" we'd go to as a group at other churches in order to sort of mix things up a bit. Below is footage of an example of some of the great stuff we'd witness on these trips. Imagine a bunch of pissed off teenagers sitting in the audience thinking about which girl was going to let him finger her later on that night while you watch. Be sure to watch all the way to at least the 1:52 mark where it really gets good.
Currently
listening
:
Top Ranking Release date: 2008-07-15
Everyone loves a girl fight. Am I right or am I right? This week provided us with some good examples of tisks between the fairer sex. Without further ado here are three of them in order of increasing sexiness:
WNBA Fight This is the least sexy of the three since these are "girls" in the most generous sense of the word. I like a little more feminine qualities mixed in with my bitch brawls and the WNBA isnt the first place I'd look for feminine anything. If I were looking for a good horse fight, this would be a better fit. They do have vaginas and ovaries so they make the cut nontheless.
Wendy Williams -VS- Omarosa Sometimes we like fights because we are rooting for a certain side to prevail; other times we take joy in the fact that there's a chance both parties would be destroyed. The later is the case in the spat between these she-devils. This one is great for two things: two people everyone despises, and an instigating audience. I love how the audience screams "ooooh" after each jab. Holy shit Americans are stupid. I'm sure Wendy's talk show is going to last for a while. Omarosa is a prime example of how the phrase "hate-fuck" came about.
Danica and Milka argue in the Pits This was the best ruffling of feathers by far. You have tempers flaring, towels throwing, grease, sweat, jump suits, bras, panties... Well you couldn't see bras and panties but that's what I saw with my third eye. Danica just wants to "talk" and poor Milka doesn't want to listen. They should just hold each other and start to softly kiss and run each others fingers through each other's hair. Just see what happens from there and I'm sure they could come to a resolution.
I was just chillin', net-surfin', minding my own business when I came across this pic of Helen Mirren in a bikini. She's 63. I'd do her. I'd pour my milk down every wrinkle she has and let it drain into my bowl of cocoa puffs. Congratulations to Helen Mirren inaugural Cougar of the week of my blog.
I do this around 3 o’clock at work everyday
Current mood: ditzy
Category: Blogging
Sometimes you just know you're fucked and you have to pull out all the stops. This is what's called dynamic problem solving which is where you have to think on your feet.
He had the effort, but the execution wasn't there. He could have sold out more on his fall, and you have to take the ammonia better than that. If you're facing 42 years in the yard, you have to go all out. It would have also helped to not have a ball-busting Nancy Grace-like Judge. Oh well, he'll have 42 years to step-up his acting game.
I’m pretty sure we all know the answer
Category: Blogging
Most of the asses I've eaten have been bleached, disinfected and perfumed. I'm positive Shaq has never done any of those things to his anus. Shaq's ass probably tastes like Shaq's ass.
Seriously, in the Shaq/Kobe saga, I'll always be a Shaq guy. I grew up watching Blue Chips, "listening" to Shaq-Fu, and "Don't Fake the Funk on a Nasty Dunk". Kobe never has and never will have the mass appeal that Shaq has.
Happy Birthday to ME!
Current mood: happy
Category: Blogging
I am 348 months old today. Twelve months away from 30 (gross!). That's 4.1 dog years; OMG! Seriously, just wanted to take the time out to thanks my family and friends who have been there for me. I would not have made it 29 years without you guys. Fun facts about my birthday: Here (type in 6/20/79 and you can even do your own!); my lifepath number: Here (those guys pretty much nail it every time). What am I going to do for my birthday? I can tell you what I'm not going to do: go to work. I'll take it from there and see what happens. I might just sit on my couch, maybe even blog all day, a 25 cent peep show is not out of the question. We'll see, I'm pretty much the spur of the moment type.
Currently
listening
:
Seeing Sounds
By
N.E.R.D.
Release date: 2008-06-10
Malibu describes my weekend
Current mood: fermented
Category: Blogging
I'm sure you're just dying to know how my vacation down in Charleston went over the long weekend. I mean who wouldn't want to know such important info. I was going to post a run-down of the weekend but thought better of it because we're in a recession or something, and there's a 90% chance your broke ass had a staycation over the long weekend. I don't want to rub it in so I'll let my man Malibu from the old school American Gladiators describe my weekend at the beach.
Guess who’s Bizack...
Current mood: anxious
Category: Blogging
"Still smellin' crack on my clothes..."
Damnit, I miss your ass. I know you missed me and I promise I won't leave again. I would explain where I've been, but that would make too much sense. I'm weird and anti-social so I'm going to act like I never left. I'm back in full force. I'm not sure you're ready for what I'm about to do to you. My man Jack Black and "Tenacious D" pretty much sums up what you've got coming to you:
amused
jedi
ditzy
happy
fermented
froggy
anxious