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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
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New England World Cup Song
Check it out on my Profile.......:)
8:54 PM
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
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GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN/MAN
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.
9:10 PM
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Tit Monday
>Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now...
>
>That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the
>tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than
>you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again.
>There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and
>goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a
>heartbeat.
>
>And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At
>last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy.
>For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time,
>the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls
>getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.
>
>After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly
>dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this
>season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape
>is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many
>dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at
>dusk.
>
>Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts
>braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in
>summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye
>before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging
>out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...
>
>And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival
>of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is
>Tit Monday.
>
>Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a
>moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be
>precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above
>16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt
>to 22C on 24 April.
>
>And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early
>summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit
>Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not
>prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer
>clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again
>until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One
>after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered
>nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale
>where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where,
>instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.
>
>So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text
>your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early.
>There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a
>couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But
>your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep
>your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra
>straps.
>
>As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a
>summer make.
9:09 PM
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Woman's diary / Man's Diary
Woman's diary :
Thursday 20th Sept 2005
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.
I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.
I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love.
He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else.
I cried myself to sleep.
MAN'S DIARY:
Thursday, 20th September 2005
Spurs lost to Grimsby. Gutted. Got a shag though.
9:07 PM
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WOMEN Please read carefully!! After all it's only 7 weeks tomorrow...
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to
girlfriends, fiancs, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in
general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in
June/July this year...
List Of Rules.
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose
it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If
you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on
right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to
the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up
the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please
do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the
games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and
I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about
football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead
to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one"
game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time
together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you
have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we
can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule ..2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World
Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this
comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League,
etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
9:06 PM
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Monday, April 03, 2006
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Diving Photos. HAVE A LOOK!!!
Just got back from Diving in Egypt, and for all you dirty minded people. I mean the scuba type not the breathe through your ears and have a tv in your forehead which make you a womens best friend. Well you might compete against their rabbit!!! and I do not mean the carrot eating type!!
9:18 AM
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