The centre of hell is called Madrid

Dear diary,

We've just found the centre of hell. It is called Madrid.

This week Matt had to go on a business trip to Salamanca in Spain and I would join him as his lovely assistant / escort service / girlfriend. And so we took off on a sunny Sunday to fly to Madrid. The minute we set foot on the soil of this so-called metropolitan, things started to go really not so good. MORE...

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Meow a girl, meow yet a woman

They grow up before you know it, don't they? Kittens, I mean.

It feels like it was only yesterday when we welcomed that little black-and-orange furrball into our home. She was so small, I mean, really tiny, even for a kitten. Playful, but cautious, funny, excited and easily content. Now, all of a sudden, according to our family calendar, she's six months old, and therefore she's ready to get sterilised.

Although of course she did grow tremendously in the past few months, it still seems so soon to let the vet perform surgery on something the cat isn't even aware of yet. She's so small and vulnerable. She's still just a kid. MORE...

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The unexpected side effect of the flu

7:30 AM. Time to wake up and welcome the new day. Except my body doesn't seem to want to. Nor do my eyes and head in particular. Come to think of it, my mind doesn't want to either.

8:00 AM. Still in bed when Matt comes back from his shower.
"Don't you think you should come out of bed?"
"Meeeeh…"
"No really, come, I have made you a cup of coffee."
"I don't want coffee. I want nothing. My head hurts."
"Please, Cecile…"
"Then why don't you just fuck off?"
And off to work he goes.

I grumble and think to myself: I'm self-employed so I can sleep a bit more if I want to. I can do whatever I like.

11:00 AM. New thoughts find my brain. MORE...

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Creativity: a gift or a skill?

Last night I felt a spark of creativity. Sadly I had nothing to direct it to. On the other hand, I felt like spending some quality time with Matt. Putting one and one together, I enthusiastically suggested: "Let's do something creative together, anything you like: designing a board game, planning the perfect murder, a new clothing line… Anything goes, as long as it's creative and together with you…"

Thinking I had just uttered my best plan ever, I expected a happy face and a never-ending list of ideas from Matt. But no such thing. Instead Matt's face dropped... MORE...

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Cutting the knot on tying the knot

Matt and I, we are going to get married!

Now, don’t get too excited. Matt hasn’t asked me yet. However, ages ago we did discuss whether we intend to get married someday. And we do. Proposal was going to be Matt’s thing. Hey, I’m only going to be asked once in a lifetime, so I’m not giving that away to a "negotiated-over-the-kitchen-table" kind of marriage.

In the past few months I really felt well about how we were handling our relationship and I thought I was entitled to start expecting things. I had this dream, for him to ask me on our holiday this July, right on top of one of Norwegian’s most beautiful fjords. But some place else would have been good as well. Or sometime later or even earlier. I knew, I felt, he was going to ask me in the next few months. Our relationship just felt so damn unbelievable right, I knew things could only ever get better. And better. And better. Until death do us part.

Then I made a terrible mistake... MORE...

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A tomboy view on shopping

All the siblings and their significant others sit and chat nicely at the big family table at Matt’s parents’ place.
"We should go to … (fill in name of city) some day," one of his brothers suggests, "It has a great DIY store / exhibition about a beta nerd subject / something else boys are interested in."
"Great, then your sister, Cecile and I can go shopping for shoes in the meantime," his girlfriend replies.
I cringe.
"Uhm, yes, how lovely," I react softly. "No, I do not want to go shopping with you!" I hear myself think.

(...)

Now, I may have my crazy bits, but in essence I am a normal girl. I like boys, dressing up for parties, gossiping about others, manipulating men, chatting, going for coffee, holding grudges and chatting some more. But I simply hate the girl approach to shopping for clothing and shoes... MORE...

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Friends: groups versus individuals

Suppose you were very curious and decided to ask me what I experience as the most intriguing aspect of my relationship with Matt. I’m sure you won’t, but suppose you did. I’m pretty positive that my answer would at least mention the fact that Matt is part of an actual "group of friends".

It’s all quite cute. Their group consists of somewhat 20 members, I think, all of which have known each other since they were teenagers plus their current significant others. Although they see each other only a few times a year, they arrange a real weekend away for everybody every year. They have given the group a funny name and they communicate with each other through a secret weblog. Like I said: all quite cute.

Unfortunately, however and tragically, I really do not enjoy groups of friends very much. I prefer my interpersonal relations to be one-on-one.

I must confess that I might be a bit prejudiced. You see, I... more...

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Tolerance or indifference: the Dutch awoken?

I have a confession to make. I’m Dutch. Born, raised and still living in the land of wooden shoes, tulips and windmills. The country of weed, prostitution, abortions and gay marriages. The nation of tolerance.

Yes, tolerance… Is that really what makes a true Dutchman? I’ve done some research and would like to present some statistics to you.

* Gay marriages. Approximately 20% of the Dutch are against it. 10% believes sex between two people of the same sex is wrong.
* Euthanasia. Okay, we were the first European country to take care of legal possibilities for it in our laws. But nearly one third of the members of parliament was against it.
* Drugs. Somewhat 6% of the Dutch have used cannabis recently (in the past year). This is more than countries like Finland and Portugal, but less than... more...

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The practice baby that goes Meow?

These days I sometimes feel like I might want to have a baby. Don't worry, nothing's going to be born in the next nine months and I don't intend to get pregnant in the nearby future either. But we would be able to handle it right now, financially and emotionally. In addition, I'm absolutely positive Matt would make a great dad. Even though I'm not saying I want to actively breed one right now, if I was to become pregnant accidentally at this point, I think we would probably decide to keep it.

Scrrrrrraaaattchhhhhhhhh…

A curious sound stops me in my writing. Followed by a sliding sound. Then a crash. And a 'meow?'. I feel my eyebrows and forehead fold in a slightly annoyed facial expression. I get up from behind my laptop and walk into the living room, only to find... more...

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10 things I love about you

My cute cookie,

You're gone again. Again you went snowboarding without me, just like last year. I have plenty of things to do and many fun dates with friends, so the week will probably go by in a daze. I'll be fine. But I badly and madly miss you already.

I'm not so good with hellos and goodbyes. I tend to just hop into a grief cycle, mourn about my loss and then forget who you were again. Forget how much you mean to me. Remember last year? You came back and I had forgotten how I felt for you. It was so confusing. I recently found out that this is called 'lack of object constancy'.

(...)

In order to avoid that situation this year, I wanted to make a list of all the things I love about you. The things I really miss this week. It's for me to read as a reminder when I fear of losing my feelings for you. It's for everyone else to see what a brilliant, loving and funny thing you are.

Matt, my special sweet cake super man. This is what I miss about you. This is why I love you.

1. That silly thing you do with ... more...

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