Of Materialism and Madmen

It seems that all my blogs lately have been rip-offs of Travis'. Until he tells me to stop, I hope no one cares.

Travis had a seemingly inexplicable event happen to him. He saw something. He doesn't know what it was. Maybe he saw nothing. Maybe he saw something that, under different circumstances, would have been perfectly normal. He doesn't know. I don't know. You don't know.

Now what do we do?

Over the past decade or so there has been a great trend towards pitting 'materialism' against 'irrationality' as if there were no other options. You are either a staunch materialist (the universe is all there is, matter is all that exists) or else you are nuts. This is almost taken is if it's self-explanatory nowadays.

Try this: What comes to your mind when I say the word 'supernatural'? Probably a ghost or a crazy person or something. And yet the word means merely something that exists outside the natural world. Now that we've discovered we are living in the 'Goldilocks Universe', even the materialists are forced to accept the existance of 'other worlds' (multi-verse means almost literally 'other worlds'). But apparently by calling it 'the multi-verse', you are able to retain your sanity. Other possibilities are 'irrational'.

The most critical thing someone can do at any juncture is to decide what to do with all of your a) reason, b) experience and c) practice. These things write our world view. What should you do with these three things? What should I do? They are each integral to who we are and how we think. What do you do with your experiences? Do you allow them to shape your world view, or do you force them to fit into your world view?

When the materialist tells me that I have some sort of cognitive dissonance with my 'reason' if I don't see it his way, I am forced to come to the same conclusions about his materialism. So, G.K. Chesterton explains:

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The Mind of a Child

My uncle committed suicide a couple of weeks ago. There was some deliberation between my wife and I concerning what to tell our kids (4 and 5 years old).

We opted to stick to our policy of complete truthfullness, as it seems to be working out okay so far. I think kids can pretty much handle anything as long as it is explained to them in terms they can understand. This way, there is never any point in their life where we have to say: "Remember when we told you that as kids? Well forget about all that, this is how it REALLY is."

This policy gets tough sometimes and it requires some deep considerations for some of the more delicate topics. Still though, I think honesty is always better than sugar coating. Have you ever had someone withhold information from you because 'they thought it would make you upset?' Nothing is more infuriating to me.

I've heard parents say that you shouldn't talk about suicide because you shouldn't introduce the idea into their heads. I think this kind of logic is nonsense. Half of the appeal of suicide for kids is in the taboo. Open up the subject and the taboo goes away. Also, I personally think it's important to let it be known that suicide is a terrible option (at least when it comes to most of the reasons people do it) and that there are people out there who really do care and will help, regardless of how poor they might be at expressing it.

In most cases, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In India, there is a veritable epidemic of suicide among farmers due to low crop yield and rising debt. Do you know the average amount of debt an Indian farmer commits suicide over? One thousand dollars.

If you've got problems, try to put them into some kind of perspective. Depression is ruthless. Whenever I'm in the throes of it, there honestly doesn't seem to be any way out of it and perspective seems to be the first thing that goes.

Also, I love you guys. Worse comes to worse, I've got a nice clean basement that is always open to anyone who needs it, free of charge. Need some time to get things together? Need a place to stay? Need to start over? Give me a call, I'm normally up until like 4 in the morning.

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Best Films of ’07

In an obvious plagiarism of Travis' blog, I'm listing my top ten favorite films of '07 (in descending order to heighten suspense)

10. Live Free or Die Hard (what can I say?)
9. Juno
8. The Orphange
7. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
6. There Will Be Blood
5. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
4. Zodiac
3. Eastern Promises
2. 3:10 to Yuma
1. No Country for Old Men

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In the Mouth of Madness

The other day, a lady from Child Protective Services came to serve me papers.

There was a knock on the door and when I opened it I saw a woman standing there. She asked if the kids were home. I said yes and she handed me a card and said she had to get the paperwork from her car. I looked at her card which was something about 'Child Protective Services' and I looked over into my Living Room where Alaina and Carson were playing. Alaina was dressed up like a Princess and Carson was dressed up like Batman, pretending to fight off a 'bad guy' in order to save her.

It took the lady a couple of minutes to rummage through her car and as she was doing so, I was racking my brain trying to figure out what in the world could be happening. She eventaully came back up to the door and asked: "Okay, where are Jamie and Andrew now?"
"You must have the wrong house." I said.
She gave me a look like I was pulling one over on her. Then she said "Is this 2762 Tim Avenue?"
"No" I said, "This is 2777 Tim Avenue" Then I pointed to the gigantic address posted on my porch, two inches away from her unbelieving face.
It took her a couple of seconds to realize her mistake and then she got a little snippy (apparently trying to save face) "Well where is 2762?"
"I have no idea. Like I said, this is 2777." I pointed out the address to her again in order to emphasize her stupidity.
Then she left in a huff.

I closed the door and went into the living room and my daughter asked me "Who was that?"
"That could have been the end of everything I love" I thought to myself. Instead I said: "Nobody."


Sometimes is seems that we're all living our quaint civilized lives with a great vast bleakness surrounding us on all sides. Or as Colonel Kurtz better stated it in his prophectic vision: "I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving."

We may be surviving, Kurtz, but to what end? And at what price?


Is anybody following what's happening in Texas at the 'Yearning for Zion' Ranch? The state has confiscated over 400 children and taken them away from their families based on one phone call which is looking more and more like a prank call every day. At first I was glad when I heard the news because the reports were so disgusting of what was going on there. But now I'm taking another look at it. At the behest of one prank call, we've broken up hundreds and hundreds of families. Some are saying: "The ends justify the means". This to me has always been a scary thing to say. Escpecially when it is adopted as official government policy.

What if someone called the State about my kids as a prank and the woman who knocked on my door did have the right address?

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Lasting effects?

MEMRI is an interesting site. They take (selected) media from the Middle East and translate it without commentary. I highly recommend periodically checking it out if you’re at all interested in Middle Eastern goings on.

Here’s one from the other day. It’s a children’s cartoon series from Iran called "The Child and the Invader". If I’m not mistaken, Homer Simpson is the voice of ’The Jew’.

http://www.memritv.org/clip/en/1715.htm

What puts an even more ironic twist on the whole matter is that it’s posted right below an article about Muslim’s being upset about a cartoon strip about Mohammed.

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Framing the argument

I sorry to keep up these serious blogs, but some things just need to be said. While post-modernism and the Federal Reserve are definite problems facing the world right now, it occurs to me that there is something far more prevalent and detrimental that needs to be dealt with. It seems like everybody knows about it, but nobody really talks about it. Well, hit the ’Back’ button now if you don’t feel you can handle it, because it’s time for some brutal honesty:

 Men shouldn’t have to worry about putting down the toilet seat. This nonsense has gone on far too long. Now that we have a woman president (well in a couple months anyway) there is truly no more need to hold onto this archaic practice.

 If any women actually read this blog, they might be saying at this point: This man doesn’t understand our position. Let me assure you that I do. I’ve heard all of the arguments and none of them hold any water. Before looking at them however, let’s take some time to look at the situation logically.

 Now, in the perfect world, every bathroom would come equipped with a urinal, so this debate would never need to made in the first place. Since apparently this isn’t socially acceptable, we’ve got to make due with what we have. And what we have is a single device that is equipped with a movable seat. If this seat is always left in the ’down’ position, there is a great chance that it will get peed on when men use it. I think that men will generally acknowledge this fact, but for the most part, these occurrences are not within our ability to control. Every once in a while we may get it in our head to vindictively hit the seat on purpose, but this is by far the norm. Mostly, it’s one of the following three reasons:

 1. While performing the final ’wiggle’, a few stray drops go off course. It is a scientific fact that the last few drops of pee always end up in your underwear as you are exiting the bathroom. In order to alleviate this fact of nature, men will usually try to shake out the final drops before they zip up. Depending on how vigorous the shake is, this can cause some undesirable results.

 2. The ’unexpected trajectory’. This usually occurs if you hold it in too long. When this unfortunate event takes place, the entire stream is sent flying off into a direction other than what was intended. Usually this constitutes more than a couple of drops however. I’ve had unexpected trajectories that don’t even hit the seat at all, but fire completely off target hitting the floor and occasionally the wall. Women are generally unaware this occurs because on the rare chance that it does happen, men will usually do something to clean up the puddle they’ve made, thus getting rid of the evidence. A few drops are sure to be missed however.

 3. The ’split pee’. This is by far the most shocking thing to occur during urination. The ’split pee’ is when you’re all perfectly lined up to relieve yourself, but instead of one straight stream, you get two streams that go off in two wildly different directions. This leaves the man standing in bewilderment frantically trying to decide which stream he will move into the proper place. The results are usually similar to the ’unexpected trajectory’.

 Now whether or not we do it on purpose isn’t the point. The point is this: It happens. So to prevent it, the toilet seat needs to be lifted up. And this is where all the problems come in. You see, for time immemorial, woman have lobbied for the following:

 FOR MEN:
1. Man goes into the bathroom.
2. Man puts the toilet seat up.
3. Man pees.
4. Man puts the toilet seat down.
5. Man leaves.

FOR WOMEN:
1. Woman goes into the bathroom.
2. Woman pees.
3. Woman leaves.

 
You’ll notice something obvious about this scenario right away: The men have not just ONE additional step to take, but TWO! This hardly seems fair in a world where equality and tolerance is king. It is especially unfair when the solution seems equally obvious: If you’re a man and you have to pee, lift up the toilet seat. If you’re a woman, put the toilet seat down. There’s no reason a man should have to take on any additional responsibility. Look at this:

FOR MEN
1. Man goes into the bathroom
2. Man puts the toilet seat up.
3. Man pees.
4. Man leaves.

 FOR WOMEN
1. Woman goes into the bathroom.
2. Woman puts the toilet seat down.
3. Woman pees.
4. Woman leaves.

 
What I have just described is a scenario that is perfectly fair and unbiased.

 At this point, I usually hear an argument that goes something like this: "But if a woman has to go pee and the toilet seat is up, she might fall in!"

 I have never understood this argument. Why should this hypothetical man have to accommodate this hypothetical woman’s incompetence? It’s like a man saying to leave the seat down the whole time, and if there’s pee on the seat, then the woman should clean it up. I don’t expect the woman to accommodate my mess if I make a mistake, why should I accommodate hers?

 I’m going to take this argument a step further now. I actually feel that it should be the woman’s responsibility to put the toilet seat back up when she is finished. You might be thinking that this adds on an extra step for the woman, and it certainly does. But before you start arguing, consider this:

 When a man goes pee, he actually has to physically touch his anatomy in order to aim it. If you force a man to lift up the toilet seat before he goes pee, that means that the man has to grasp the UNDERSIDE of the seat (we’ve all seen those brown polka dots hidden under there!) and then after touching the diseased seat, HE HAS TO HOLD ONTO HIS PRIVATES WITH THOSE SAME HANDS!!! It is illogical, disgusting and downright oppressive to even think that this should be an acceptable practice. Instead I say this: The toilet seat should always be left ’up’. If this causes more work for the woman, then so be it. Any other scenario is quite frankly, inhumane.

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Neither Federal, nor a Reserve...

I hate talk about economics. I hate reading blogs about economics. I hate listening to programs about economics. I hate economics.

I hate it, because the whole system seems stupid to me. Not just stupid but incredibly stupidly assinine. I was talking to someone just last week who said that his Dad just made something like $3,000 on a $1,000 investment because of some finaggling he did with his stocks. The person that was telling me seemed very excited about it, and couldn’t wait to do the same thing himself. As he was talking I just kept thinking about how many hours I’d have to work at my job to make what his Dad did by doing absolutely nothing productive whatsoever.

9:26 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The 20th Century

Apart from war we have managed to kill the following:

A million and a half gypsies
A million and a half Armenians
6 million Jews
A third of the population of Cambodia
20 million Ukrenians
About a million Hutus and Tutsis and an undeterminied number of other Africans
50 million Chinese
Who knows how many others.

All in all, we're talking at least a hundred and seventy million people killed by governments in the 20th century alone. And remember, this is all apart from war. Add those numbers up and who knows what you might get.

Add also to this: lust, dishonesty, rape, greed, power-plays, etc. and we come to the end of the 20th century, the bloodiest century since the dawn of man, and we invent post-modernism and declare proudly: There is no such thing as evil.

Now that is truly evil.

Currently reading : Justification and Variegated Nomism, vol. 1: The Complexities of Second Temple Judaism (Wissenschaftliche Untersuchungen Zum Neuen Testament. 2. Reihe. 140) By D. A. Carson Release date: 01 December, 2001

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A Chad Gibbons Tribute to Ingmar Bergman

"Who cares what Chad Gibbons has to say about Ingmar Bergman?"

                       - Chad Gibbons while contemplating whether or not to write this blog.

We can no longer say that Ingmar Bergman is one of the greatest living filmmakers today, because he isn't alive anymore. I, however, feel that it's perfectly reasonable to call him one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, living or dead, and so I will. Although Bergman passed away two days ago, his films remain. And as long as they remain and are watched, he will continue to change the way we look at movies.

Ingmar Bergman was a Swedish fellow born early in the last century and throughout his career worked as a writer and director not only for films, but for numerous television programs and theater work as well. I've seen a lot of his stuff and although I can't say all of it is great, the movies of his that do stand out are some of the greatest ever put to film. His most famous work, "The Seventh Seal", is probably the most easily recognized, yet least watched movies of all time. Even if you haven't seen it, you will still probably recognize this:

The thing about Bergman is that he is intensely honest. To watch a film of his is to watch a film devoid of any cliché or attempt to force emotion out of you. They are so unique and effortlessness, that every year thousands of hippie film students go to great effort copying his originality while trying to be effortless and original themselves.

Let's take a look at a few of my personal favorites.

Fanny and Alexander (1982)

This 1982 film was apparently supposed to be Bergman's last, although he continued in theater and television right up to his death. The story revolves around a young boy named Alexander (his sister is Fanny) and shows the events of his early life as seen and experienced by him. Bergman introduces us to his family, with all of their imperfections and their sincerity just as if we were at a family reunion of our own. As the film progresses, tragedy inevitably occurs (as it seems to in everyone's life) and we see how Alexander deals with it in his own mind.

This, I think, is what makes the movie such a powerhouse of emotion: We have all been there. As much as our family and our parents attempted to protect us and help guide us through all of life's miseries and mysteries, in the end we all had to face them ourselves and deal with them in our own way. There is an inherent tragedy in this (especially for me now as a parent), but it is also inevitable.

In Fanny and Alexander, reality and imagination blur and occasionally switch places. Even some major plot points and their consequences are caused by seemingly mystical activities. This is standard in the mind of any child. By the end of the film, you have come to love Alexander, because a part of you IS Alexander. And to watch him attempt to make sense of this life is to watch yourself do the same.

Shame (1968)

Sometime in the future or in the past, a war rages in some country in the world. It doesn't particularly matter to us, and it doesn't particularly matter to the main characters of "Shame" either.

Max von Sydow is an indecisive and soft spoken husband. He is the consummate 'nice guy' and loves his wife, Liv Ullman, who is a somewhat overbearing and take charge woman, constanlty wishing her husband would be more aggressive. When a dead paratrooper is found in their yard one morning, the war is suddenly forced upon them. Through a series of incidents that make will make you squirm with the stark reality of their situation, they escape from both sides of the conflict, but have turned against each other.

During the final course of the film, Sydow's wife explains to him she has absolutely no respect for him and never has. Pushed past his breaking point, he finally becomes kind of man that his wife has always been wishing him to be. But his transformation is a horrible thing to behold. As you watch his old character die off and this new monster emerging, there is almost a sense of triumph when you see that his wife realizes just exactly what she has been asking for.

Every man should watch this film.

The Seventh Seal (1957)

This is the granddaddy of them all, as far as the film schools and critics are concerned. Anyone interested in film will very quickly find themselves watching this masterpiece. I don't personally feel that this is Bergman's best, but it definitely does stand out not only against the rest of his work, but against the rest of cinema as a whole.

The movie starts with Max von Sydow on a beach with a chessboard. Death approaches him and they begin to play. Throughout the remainder of the film, the knight embarks on a quest across a plague ridden Europe deep in the throws of the Dark Ages searching for some kind of purpose in his life.

I've seen it three times now over the years, and each time, I could swear I'm watching a different film. I can't say much more about this movie, because like nearly every other Bergman film, the movie changes depending on the viewer. If you've never seen it, do yourself a favor.

Virgin Spring (1960)

Virgin Spring is an absolute masterpiece. All I need to tell you is the premise for you to want to go out and see it, so here it is:

A young girl in 14^th century Sweden is brutally raped and murdered on her way to church. The two men that committed the vile act end up asking for food and shelter from the dead girls' parents, not realizing who they are. During the night, the father discovers the truth about the strangers and... you'll have to watch it to find out the rest.

Through a Glass, Darkly (1961)

My all time favorite Bergman film and the first in his so-called 'trilogy of faith'. This is without a doubt the most brutally honest film that has ever been created.

A wife and husband are spending the summer on an island together with both her father and younger brother. The woman suffers from hysteria and is convinced that God is in the upstairs bedroom of their house.

This movie is nothing but the characters. There is nothing but dialogue and interaction, and yet you won't be able to take your eyes off the screen for one second. Four of the scenes in this movie would rank very high on my list of the most memorable scenes of all time. 1) The dialogue between the father and his daughter's husband on the boat, 2) The ending of the play put on by the woman and her brother, 3) The last line of dialogue in the movie (as powerful as anything I've ever heard), and 4) When the woman finally sees God.

Perhaps it is this film more than any other (with the possible exception of his follow-up, "Winter Light") that explicitly shows the somewhat tortured man that Bergman was inside. Throughout his filmography you get the sense that he was always searching for something just out of reach.

I certainly hope that he found it.

Well... thus ends my tribute to the late, great filmmaker Ingmar Bergman. In closing, I'd like to recommend that all of you go out to your local library and pick up a copy of one of these movies and experience them for yourself. I'm in the minority in saying this, but I personally feel that two of his most highly praised works, "Persona" and "Cries and Whispers", were not all that good. Perhaps they are both over my head, but I think that there are much better selections for you to choose from besides these (additional recommendations upon request).

Thanks for your time.

Currently watching : Autumn Sonata - Criterion Collection Release date: 18 January, 2000

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5 of the Goofiest Scenes in Film History

Comedy is highly subjective. What one person finds funny another finds offensive. That being said, I am now going to arrogantly claim that I have compiled five of the funniest scenes ever captured on film. The scenes which followed have all been choosen for their goofiness so that you should be able to enjoy them without much explanation for them. These are not the 'Top Five' funniest scenes of all time, because not all of the scenes that would be on that list are on YouTube. So the official title of this list would be this: "The Top Five Funniest Scenes in Film History Which Have So Far Been Uploaded to YouTube."

This list was difficult to compile. Making a list of all time funny movies in general isn't too bad, but trying to nail down a specific scene from each movie which captures the high point of its hilarity is another thing all together. This is why you won't find any Marx Brothers movies on this list. Every scene in every one of their films is non-stop gags and is nearly indistinguishable from each other (although the mirror scene in 'Duck Soup' was very close to making it.)

Also, I need to point out that neither Buster Keaton nor Charlie Chaplin has made the list. This is due entirely to the fact that there aren't many good scenes of theirs on YouTube, which is a shame. The opening to 'City Lights' would most definitely be on here were it not for that. Perhaps a supplemental list will be made in the future.

Without further ado... The List! (in descending order)

Number 5

The Movie: Slap Shot

The Scene: The Hanson Brothers first take the ice

About half an hour into this movie, a group of three brothers (The Hansons) are introduced as new members of Paul Newman's hockey team. Nothing much is said of them except some speculation from the team that the owner traded them for a used puck bag. They are intensely odd and gung-ho about everything, even though they do nothing but sit on the bench and play with their remote control cars in their hotel room.

About halfway through the film, Newman finds himself with most of his team out of commission. Not really caring about anything anymore, he decides to through them in:

Number 4

The Movie: O Brother Where Art Thou?

The Scene: The Movie Theater

George Clooney and Tim Blake Nelson sit alone in a movie theater and are out of ideas. Earlier in the movie, their boon companion John Turturro was loved up by some sirens who turned him into a toad and was subsequently squished by traveling Bible Salesman John Goodman. If you've already seen it, keep an eye on George Clooney's reactions for extra laughs:

Number 3

The Movie: Planes, Trains and Automobiles

The Scene: The Expressway

Steve Martin and John Candy (reason enough for this clip to be on the list) are trying to get home for Thanksgiving. While Steve Martin sleeps, John Candy gets carried away singing along to the radio and throws his lit cigarette butt in the back seat of the car. As the car heats up he tries to take off his coat, but ends up with his arms pinned behind the seat. He panics, slams on the brakes, and gets on the expressway going the wrong way:

Number 2

The Movie: Blotto

The Scene: At the club

This scene comes from one of Laurel and Hardy's 1930 two-reelers. These guys were without a doubt the best comedy duo of all time. Any scene I picked of theirs would have qualified to be on this list.

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy have snuck away from Stan's wife for the evening and decide to go to a night club with a bottle of booze. After drinking the entire bottle, (which turns out to not be alcoholic anyway) Stan thinks he is drunk. His wife shows up at the club with a rifle (presumably to murder him?) and Stan can't help but laugh at the situation:

Number 1

The Movie: The Pink Panther Strikes Again

The Scene: The Murder Investigation

I had to include Peter Sellers on here somewhere and Pink Panther Strikes Again has the best scene in the whole series.

Before I get to that one though, there's a scene earlier in the movie of Sellers house servant, Cato attacking him with a bo staff: