Mrs. I can’t make an appointment...
Current mood: excited
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Dearest Myspace Sluts,

Soooooo....I know I have been an absentee father these days but you know what? I'M BUSY!!! Trying to make money so I can support my Myspace children and put clean diapers on your asses! Now that I got that over with...if any of you are curious why I may have been missing I will explain.

First off I FINALLY got my sewing machines. I have a pure sweatshop going on in my apartment :o). I have decided to start my own custom dancewear and swimwear line. I am super excited...so whether you are flaunting your assets on the beach or for those of you that dance in nightclubs, I am the one you want to go to cuz wherever you are I will make you look slammin. I am working hard to put a line together and I will be selling it through my amazing friend Kat's website called www.PureDelish.com . So I will keep you posted on that kind ladies and germs.

Next, I am doing a new venture with my breastest friend Tarah. We have been working in the nightlife industry for ages now and we are both music obsessed so we got together with an all female DJ agency to take it to the next level. Check out the agency at www.myspace.com/stadjdj . I am super excited about this and hope you can all support :o)

ALSOOOOO I am still doing makeup OBV...I just did the album cover for the coolest Latin group eva Aventura. I am super excited about it. So look out for that sirs!

What else what else....OH YEAH! I STILL love chocolate!!!


LOVE YOU BITCHES!!

XOXO

ChelleIsABusyBomb

9:42 PM - 9 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Whaddayawannaknow?
Current mood: working

Greetings and salutations fine ladies and germs! I have been wanting to do this for a while now but due to complete and utter laziness I have not...UNTIL NOW!! You have bombarded me with crap loads of the same questions for months and months and I would finally like to answer those burning and yearning, intellectual questions that you all keep asking me. So here we go...

Q. ChelleBomb...is your bum bum real?

A. YES FOLKS!!! It’s incredible isn’t it?! I have a real butt! Now you can all stop wondering if my cheeks are made of silicone or stuffed with chicken feathers like a pillow or perhaps packed with a scrumptious cranberry and walnut stuffing like that of a thanksgiving turkey. I mean really people...what kind of a question is that?

Q. ChelleBomb...what is your name?

A. Ummmmm.....it would be Michelle. Some people call me Chelle *pronounced shell* hence the name ChelleBomb...HHHHYEAH!

Q. What do you actually do? Are you a stripper? Can you do a private party for me?

A. I AM NOT A STRIPPER OR A PORN STAR. I cannot believe I STILL get this question. I am a dancer and performer, makeup artist, stylist, designer, and I model but will not call myself a model EVER. Everyone seems to be a model these days. I do it because I enjoy the process and I am usually creatively involved. YAY ME!





Q. You MUST have black or spanish in you right?

A. Listen...folks...just because my backside is bigger than the average white chick’s, doesn’t mean that I am black or spanish. I am Russian, Romanian, Polish, with a hint of French and Irish. A pure European mutt. And why is it when I say I am Russian or Polish people go "OOOOOOOOOH....that’s why your butt is big" OK well if you already knew that Polish and Russian people have big bootays....***and they are white***...then WHY in the sweet baby Jesus’ name would you ask if I were spanish or black HEH!? EEHHHH ZEH!




Q. Will you marry me?

A. No :o)

Q. Will you send me nude pics?

A. No sirs...I had a really funny picture up of me laying in the sand with a sand castle in the shape of a penis but Myspace removed it...I didn’t know sand penises were considered vulgar. Oh well.... But no folks you may NOT have a nude photo of me you sick sick animals.





Q. What can I do to get a body like yours? Do you exercise? What do you eat?

A. Ladies, appreciate the body you have. If you need to lose weight then do so, but nothing I say will get you a body like mine...it is MY body. I just started working out. I have danced my entire life and that is probably why my body is the way it is AND genetics. I am starting to see changes so I am getting my butt into gear and eating healthier and working out. So all I can say is eat healthy and exercise and stop trying to look like other people because your bodies are BEAUTIFUL on YOU. :o)




Q. ChelleBomb what is your favorite makeup and can you give me any tips?

A. I love all different kinds of makeup. Favorite concealer: MAC...the one in the little pot and it has an SPF30 in it. Favorite mascara: Lancome Difinicils or Loreal Voluminous. Favorite lipstick: MAC Lady Bug (red) Angel (pink). Favorite lip liner: Lancome le lipstique in Charme and MAC in Cherry, Spice, Cranberry, and Soar. Favorite lip gloss: ALL Christian Dior, Chanel, and MAC lip gelee...ohh and this YSL gloss that I saw with gold flecks in it...IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Favorite bronzer: MAC Bronze, and Geurlain. Favorite eyeshadow: Makeup Forever, MAC, Nars, Matesse. Favorite eye liner: Lancome Artliner and MAC for all the colored ones. Must have brushes: eyebrow brush, powder brush, contour blush brush, blender eyeshadow brush, contour eyeshadow brush and lip brush. Favorite foundation: Bobbi Brown, Loreal True Match and Chanel oil free. WHEW!!! I bet the guys got one word into this one and skipped to the next question. LOL




Q. I am coming to NY. Do you have any recommendations on what to visit or nightlife I should check out?

A. There is a really cool show at the Museum Of Natural History in the planetarium called Sonic Vision. You will thank me. It rules. The Bronx Zoo DUH! Madison Avenue window shopping...you know you can’t afford it...just stand there and look...you know you wanna. I do. LOL. Go buy me chocolate at Neuhaus when you are in the area. As for nightlife...go to a hookah bar, go to Pacha at least once, swing by Snitch *rock and roll bar*, Plan B, do some karaoke in a private room with your friends, hmmmm...if I think of any other cool spots I will let you know. Restaurants...too many to list!!! Cafecito! Yummy cuban food for cheap. Caravan Of Dreams for my vegetarian friends, Blue Water Grill, Patsy’s, Spice, Milon *indian food in the weirdest place EVER*, Blue Smoke, Acme, Stanton Social and I am waiting for Justin Timberlake’s place to open! YUM!

Q. ChelleBomb why do you rule so much?

A. Because I do and if anyone tells you otherwise they are evil people that can’t be trusted.

XOXO...gotta go to work...

ChelleBombWouldRatherBeSleepingThanGoToWorkButSheIsGoingBoatingTomorrowSoYay!

ANYMORE QUESTIONS!? Drop em in the box.

5:59 PM - 40 Comments - 53 Kudos - Add Comment

Check Out The New Calendar I Am In!!
Current mood: excited
Category: Art and Photography

Hey everyone!! I am really proud to be a part of this calendar project! The team was amazing and the proceeds go to carefully selected charities. It is for a really great cause so please go to their site and check out more! You have to buy the calendar to see my picture but I can tell you it is VERY sexy. ;o) ENJOY!!!

XOXO

ChelleBomb

P.S. This cover picture is not me...it is Sabina...SILLIES! Don't you see her tattoos???

Item can be purchased via www.myspace.com/seulcontre, just click the "BUY" button below the cover of the calendar..

- Heavyweight Full-Color Gloss 12 month Calendar.

- Unique monthly images shot by celebrity photographer Dale May (www.dalemayphotography.com).

- Calendar months featured in English, Spanish, French.

- 5th spot color, gold-inked calendar grid/detailing.

- Each month features a different pinup image, showcasing some of the top names in their respective industry.

- Custom hand-painted flash images watermarked on the calendar grid, designed by world famous tattooer, Seth Wood.

- Proceeds to benefit Breast Cancer Research/Foundations.

- For the cost of a t-shirt, you can help make a difference in the lives of others.

*please note that item will ship the week of August 1st.



Check out Seul Contre Tous for information about the calendar, the models, the crew, and our 2007 Art Show.

7:59 AM - 18 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Sun, Sand, and Ham
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Travel and Places

Hey germs! I wanted to share my trip to a magical land where the unicorns run free, ham is the staple food, and sand gets wedged in your ass crack. Yes you guessed it! A little place I like to call Dominican Republic. Cedric and I ventured to this plantain rich island for some R & R, a wedding, and FUN!! YAY!! So lie back, get comfortable, get your dental dams (people who have seen the madness that is Robin Byrd will understand) and get ready for some silly ass pictures.

OK here we go...this is the President of D.R.



Oops...that's not him!! This is the President!!




Well...Presidente beer...





As you can see we wasted no time getting our drink on...and again in pineapple glasses...mmmmm




That evening was spent making fun of the local wall hangings at club Mongu. I mean honestly...they deserved it.







The following night was the wedding. What a class act...getting drunk and crunk at an island wedding. I wouldn't have it any other way.




The next afternoon we played a sport that miss Trancia made..."ghetto volleyball" We had no net and made an imaginary line...in a very small section of the pool. Whoever lost had to drink Bacardi 151 shots...3 of them. Well...We were the losing team and had to take these HORRENDOUS shots...they did not even have 151...it was some generic version of it....it burned my throat for a week causing me so speak like The Grudge. AHHGHGHHHGHGH.








As if the shots were not enough...we went back to the club and drank some more. My liver was actually waving a white flag by the end of the evening.



Apparently at the clubs out there you are not allowed to lean on the seats...ummmm....ok...I listened obviously.



So after we had 3 full days of getting blasted we decided to take a vacation from our vacation and went to Sosua beach. We had some yummy Dominican food beachside. As we were looking at the menu the ocean swept it away. Stupid ocean...but Cedric quickly retrieved it. He was our hero!




Here is Cedric and his twin Sammy!



LOL...oh and here was my twin from the pool!




We quickly got sick of relaxing on the beach and wanted to get back to partying. We went to the best club in D.R. Called Opus. Incredible!




It was so exclusive and the doorman gave us such a hassle to get in. Thankfully Cedric slipped him a hundred dollar bill and he let us in.



The music was pumpin and the dance floor was PACKED!




We waited nearly an hour at the bar before we could get a drink!!




We got tired of waiting at the bar so we left and went to VIP so we could get bottle service. It was so tough to get in and I had to show a little leg in order for them to seat us.




We were hanging out in the VIP with all the biggest celebrities from P. Diddy to Paris Hilton...it was truly a night to remember.



There was such a large choice in men that I didn't know which one to dance with first!





Cedric had something up his sleeve with the DJ.




He showed me his Saturday Night Fever moves and boy was the choice easy for me to make. I TOTALLY was gonna bust some moves with my boy Cedric Travolta. Look at that form!!




Since we were dancing and drinking and acting like fools for the last few days, we decided to do some water sports and ATV excursions to get back in touch with our nature side.








Now...I have a lot of cushion on my ass...but not enough for the wave that I took that sent us flying through the air. The landing made my ass numb for about 4 hours. The guy back at the base said he has never seen a girl hold on like I did...that they usually all fly right off. That's right baby...sheer terror will keep you holding on for your dear life.

Cedric rented the coolest car on the planet "Fast and Furious" he has great taste in vehicles.



We drove to a place where we were going to have a 3 hour ATV adventure...I had such a great time. I was scared to drive it at first but I quickly got the hang of it.




We took turns driving every half hour.




Midway through our trip we stopped at a stand to get drinks. There was a cute puppy that of course I had to bother.


Then the ice cream man came which made us both VERY happy. The ice cream tasted like cake!!! YUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!



After the ice cream the tour guide took us to a beach that had bugs that bit the crap out of me!!! I couldn't wait to leave. UGH! I HATE BUGS!!! But we got cool old, dead, tree in the water shots!





Now...I just wanted to tap in on one point. Our hotel incorporated ham into almost every item on the menu. Since I do not eat ham this was a big problem for me. Here is what a typical night of dining looked like for us.


Ham in the water...






Ham in the fruit.



Ham in the strawberry tarts




Ham in the pizza!



Ham in the freakin sushi!





I really wanted some yummy bread.




I opened the bread and got lucky! There was no ham!!




But when I opened the butter there was FFREAKIN HAM IN IT!!! GRRRR




We had enough and complained to the manager. They promised that they would give us a free dessert the following evening and assured us that is would have no ham in it.
The next night after dinner we got our delicious coconut ice cream!


We got ready for our first bite!


But then I noticed something pink in the middle of the spoon! Low and behold it was a piece of salty ham!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Cedric had had enough!!! He was so disappointed and threw his napkin down. I mean look at him. He even had a custom made ice cream shirt made for the occasion and the wronged us!! They wronged us so bad!!!



Well the following day was our time to go home :o(


Goodbye Dominican Republic!!! I will miss your ham the most!!! NOT!!!! If you look closely all the white spots are ham factories. True story.


So I hope you all enjoyed!!! I bet it made you feel like you were actually there with me. If not the just put a heat lamp next to you and a honey glazed ham for virtual reality-like effects! Happy travelling folks!!!!


XOXO

ChelleIsNotAFanOfHamHamIsNotAFanOfMeAndThatIsOk

Currently reading : Green Eggs and Ham (I Can Read It All by Myself Beginner Books) By Dr. Seuss Release date: 12 August, 1960

2:47 PM - 29 Comments - 51 Kudos - Add Comment

Check Out The Cover Of DJ Times!!
Current mood: artistic
Category: Music

Hey Everyone!!!!! I have been absent for another month...I know. Trust me, I wanted to tear every blonde hair folicle from my head because I could not get internet service. Verizon drama, Time Warner Drama, Wireless connection drama...but guess what?! I am back! YAY!!! I wanted to show you some cool stuff I have been up to. First off I styled did the makeup and modeled along side my best friend Tarah and DJ Jonathan Peters for the cover of DJ Times magazine which is out in April! Go check it out!



I also created this concept for Jonathan with my insanely talented friend FrizzyCube. I styled the shoot and did all the makeup as well. It came out pretty incredible. It is for Pacha's Saint Patrick's day party this saturday March 17th! Get your tickets and check that party out. It is sure to be amazing. They have huge posters of this image up all over the club.



OK Folks...I promise not to be missing in action for such disgustingly long periods of time again. I felt like a crack head going through withdrawls. Shaking, night sweats, foaming at the mouth...all that because I missed you all so much! Let me know what you think of my new work!! It is much appreciated!!

XOXO
ChelleSaidToStopHatingHerBecauseSheNeverMeantToAbandonYouItIsAllVerizon'sFault!

2:27 PM - 25 Comments - 32 Kudos - Add Comment

Night Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let The ChelleBugs Bite!
Current mood: enthralled

I am a hellion...




No really...I am. And when I go away to a tropical island, spend a night out with friends, combine that with heat, alcohol, and a sunburn from the depths of the underworld, you get a maniac.




On that fine evening, one of our friend's decided to get PLASTERED. One piece of advice...don't do that around me. I will torture you. Tarah will torture you. Together....we WILL torture YOU.




And that is where it all began...


Our first victim was our friend Mark...well...his foot at least.


It all started with a lone fry.




Then a lovely slaw.




Lycopene is good for you.




A hair tie and some shaving cream never hurt anyone.




TEAM WEAK.




A pickle and a sprinkle of baby powder...




Add some q-tips...




Finish it off with a bar of hand soap with a ketchup smiley face and you have a masterpiece!




BUT ALAS!! Our victim has escaped!!




This battle is not over. What do we have here? A sleeping maiden? Get her!






Blue is your color m'lady...





Splenda anyone?






Signs signs everywhere are signs...




And now the toilet paper and an iron!




The Marriott Way...what a great read!




Proof that WE did this and not some other genius.





When will it all end?!?!






You know what the worst part was?? She never woke up. We cleaned the entire room and all of the items we put on her were placed in their proper spots and she woke up like nothing ever happened...until we showed her the pictures. HA! AND NOW LOOK! THEY ARE ALL OVER THE INTERNET!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! So...who wants to go away with me?? Thinkin twice now huh?

XOXO

Chelle'sGonnaGitchahttp

11:23 PM - 60 Comments - 89 Kudos - Add Comment

Fun With Porn Stars
Current mood: mischievous

Hey there labias and genitals! I am FINALLY writing a new blog. I know...you feel abandoned...and you were...but I am back and ready to give you some ocular orgasms with pictures from the AVN Expo!
Let me tell you...this was some experience. I mean, we all watch, have watched, or will watch porn sometime in our day. Getting up close and personal with it is another story. It was very educational to say the least. So why was I there you ask? I know you want me to say that I was in my first double anal, lesbian, horse movie...but I unfortuately have to inform you that I wasn't. No...I was simply there to help a friend with his booth. Meet Danny...

Danny has been my friend for many years. He created a website called BigDaddySurvey.com. It basically is like a Zagats guide to strip clubs. My evil twin and I were asked to help him with the booth and sign people up for his site. If they did they were entered to win $200 in free lap dances at the club of their choice. YAY THEM! So Danny flew us to Vegas and hooked us up with a HUGE apartment style suite at the Manalay Bay hotel (my fave in the summer). My favorite was the bathroom. They had a jacuzzi and seperate shower with a steam room and yummy Bulgari soaps and shampoo that gave me some of the best hair days ever.

So here we are at Mix on our first night out in Vegas. The dinner was good there...tiny french style portions though...and you all know how I love to eat. Wasn't cuttin it!


After dinner we went to Tryst and got our drink on. Look at the size of those drinks! Too bad there was no alcohol in them! CHEAP BASTARDS! LOL

We left and decided to go to Tao where we were greeted by aliens. I mean...talk about uncomfortable...

So we go to bed and it is our first day at the convention. Here we are at the Big Daddy booth lookin official!

So we are supposed to be manning the booth correct? Well...yeah...but...there are so many crazy things to look at. "Danny can we go take a look around?? We will be right back I swear!" LOL so off we went to explore.
The first oddity we came across was this lovely life sized doll. It was a pervert/necropheliacs dream come true. It felt like death, looked like death, yet had strangely big fun bags that were entertaining to jiggle. What creeped us out the most was that you can order this for $795 and you have the option of having a head on it or not. Ummmm....OK. Not only that you had the option of add ons such as eyes, nose, pubic hair, a mouth...etc...I mean...I am getting the chills. Well anyway I was announcing to the passers by that Tarah was the body cast for this lovely work of art. I never said I was nice.Next I ran into the lovely Taylor Wayne...

Then we came across a lovely set on plastic people. No no...not movie stars silly...mannequins. Although her boobs were lovely, they were rather hard and uncomfortable to use as pillows.But I guess in her friend's case hard is ok... LOL ewwwwwies

We decided to hit up GayVN.

Ummmm.....aren't these boys supposed to be gay?

That deserved a nose picking...

Werqqqqqqqq bitch!!!!

After GayVN we headed over to Club Jenna and Digital Playground where we got our pictures with the sexy Sophia Rossi and Jesse Jane.


Well that completed day 1 at the expo. The next day got even weirder.
I mean...ummm....can you even?

Ehhhh....errrrrrmmmm.....hehhhh....nice pants...perhaps I should have asked him if they modelled the planet he came from.

Oh look! It's the Easter Bunny! What a funny place for him to be! I guess if you think about it then it really isn't that far fetched...you know the expression...fuck like rabbits...yeah...

Take me to your leader!


Can you please point me in the direction of the like-real penis thrusting machines?

Just when it couldn't get any stranger, Gene Simmons comes out of nowhere and starts telling us to dance with him as cameras are filming us. After it is all done we went to get a picture with him...he is a pure giant.

After Gene, we visited the Bang Bros. station where I gave a speech on abstinance.

Then we headed over to CockBusters where we were asked to be commentary hostesses in one of his films. I declined the offer. I know you are all disappointed.

Here we have Mistress Rhiannon...each boob was bigger than my whole head! Talk about lower back pain!

The final day was so insane so after when we finished, Tarah and I jumped in our Deep Throat car and drove off.

OK we didn't but we would have liked to. We went back to our room and took a nap. We then got ready for dinner which happened to be right next to the AVN awards. You had to walk by the red carpet in order to get the the restaurant. Tarah and I were asked to pose about 60 times. We laughed and went with it. So if you see us in the paparazzi shots...we are total liars! We went with the story that we were Swedish sisters and had a line of products called Vagi-blonde. It dyes your pubes blonde so you can look as swedish as us. LOL! We even had the accent! I know...we rule.
After dinner we hit up Forty Deuce, House Of Blues, and then Empire where Jonathan Peters was spinning. Here we are having a grand ol time.


What blog would be complete without me making a grotesque face?

The next morning we went to the airport to go home. Do you think the weirdness stopped there? Nope. These gentlemen wanted a picture of us...so I said fine but only if I can take a picture of them taking a picture of us. They agreed. THEN...the guy on the right gave us both $100. I mean...OK. Just gave it to us. I was not complaining since we did a little shopping at Ceasar's the night before. Thanks guys!

And there ya have it folks! Our trip to Vegas!!
GOOD DAY PIGS!

11:49 AM - 42 Comments - 67 Kudos - Add Comment

This made me cry...
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Music

...tears of extreme laughter. This has to be the funniest/cutest thing I have ever seen. Thank you POPtarts for posting this on your page...I love you lots! SOUTH POLE WALK IT OUT!!

Gangsta Happy Feet Remix



Add to My Profile | More Videos

6:22 AM - 7 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Dirty Girls Have More Fun!
Current mood: Procrastinating cleaning my apartment kinda mood.
Category: Procrastinating cleaning my apartment kinda mood. Fashion, Style, Shopping

Hey fashion whores! I did a show for my good friends Pasqual and Delicia's new line "Dirty Couture" so go check it out! Their clothes are so awesome and they have stuff for guys too! Oh and everything is beyond comfortable which is just the way I like it. Their link is www.myspace.com/dirtycouturenyc

Currently listening : Barbie Girl By Aqua Release date: 17 November, 1997

1:10 PM - 24 Comments - 31 Kudos - Add Comment

Why would anyone want to be my friend?
Current mood: Insane in the membrane

Clearly I am insane...

Currently listening : Diary of a Madman By Ozzy Osbourne Release date: 02 April, 2002

12:55 AM - 182 Comments - 225 Kudos - Add Comment