The next James Bond movie is titled The Quantum of Solace. Meaning:
The measure or amount one takes comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress.
Skip that fact that it is a title to an action spy movie, the idea or concept of the title floored me. I guess I never thought that that feeling could be defined in words so well.
The only other way I have ever heard that said was "throwing myself a pity party."
Rednecks got a bigfoot body in their grandmother’s deep freeze.
Something greatly depresses me about the idea that Jed and Nathan found a bigfoot in Georgia and didn't skin it and eat it. What next, Aliens in Alabama?
Let's face it, although Austin has a great A Room Comedy Club, the heart and soul of Austin Stand Up is at the Velveeta Room. It's the club that Austin Comics typically get their first paying gig, test out their new material, and forge friendships by undergoing the hammer and anvil that is the Velveeta Room stage.
Austin is lucky to have a room like the Velv and this weekend we are celebrating her 20th Anniversary but invading the Esther's Follies stage to give our beloved mother stage a little well earned rest.
We'll be doing shows in the big room Thursday through Saturday, June 12-14th, 2008 to celebrate 20 years of processed cheese.
Thursday, June 12th, 8PM: Ronnie Velveeta hosts OPEN MIKE on STEROIDS. 20 headliners will be performing to celebrate 20 years. So, if you headline the Velveeta we want you to perform this night.
Friday the 13th, 8PM: Matt Bearden and Matt Sadler co-headline this night with a lot of Velv favorites including; Brendon Walsh, John Raybon, Ruby Collins, Chris Allen, Bryan Guttman and lots more.
Saturday, June 14th 8 & 10 PM: BIG CHEESE NIGHT: Kerry Awn, Nancy Reed, Tom Hester, JR Brow, Howard Beecher and SPECIAL GUESTS including Brian Malow and Robert Hawkins.
I'll be up on Thursday and Friday Night, but I encourage any real fan of Austin Comedy to come to all of the shows.
If you need more info, write me an email and I'll get back to you.
[18:37] Rabon: I just figured out the best music to listen to while doing this job. Joy Division. [18:37] ME: sucide watch on Rabon stat [18:37] Rabon: hahaha [18:38] ME: Shit I love Joy Division but I can't listen to it for very long without wanting to jump off a building holding an armful of puppies
Rooster: Sunnie, Albert Im, Faye Hair, Andrea "D.O.C." Grimes, Steve, Lori, JR, and Summer.
My favorite people are at my last show of the weekend. I turn my performance up to eleven. I felt like I hit the show the way I should always. Mic out of the stand. Animated andas savage as I can be. I enjoyed the craft again and it showed.
Hung out afterwards. Loved some of my oldest friends in our drunken state with clothes on.
Followed Chuck and Jeremy to a goth bar after to meet Ruby, who was bartending. Ruby, whose is wicked awesome, always bring smile to the faces of friends, served shots to us. Goth techno beats happening. Without pause Jeremy starts RUNDMC's "Tricky." Flawlessly, Chuck and I follow his lead. Offended Goth snirk then have to laugh. Good Weekend that has 2 more days.
This was passed onto me so I thought I would share it.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book Let’s see the results...
"Why aren’t you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an’ everything
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I’d be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn’t a question. "You have your mother’s eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry’s wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, ’Alohomora!"
The troll couldn’t feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry’s wang had still been in his hand when he’d jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll’s nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Ok I have found, definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn’t think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn’t want to... or did he? O_______O Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
’Get - off - me!’ Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
Funniest Person In Austin First Round Lineups.
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Parties and Nightlife
I’ve hated this time of year over the last few contests. I hate this contest even more. But then again this is the first time I’ve really felt like doing it in over 3 years. The one thing I do know on my night in the contest is that several good people will get knocked out of the contest.
Monday, April 7th
Host: Brendon Walsh
Bob Khosravi Bobby DiPasquale Chris Keimling Dale Alexander Dario Konjicija Eric Krug Irshad James Joel Keith Jonathan Pace Joe Staats Lil Charles Lynette Lamonica Meghan Miller Mike Faerber Shane Hebert Stephen Cole Terrie Hembree
------------- Monday, April 14th
Host: Kerry Awn
Abby November Andrea Grimes Andy Heald Arthur Simone Bailey Carey Moore Chris Allen Daniel Jackson Eric Peterson Joe Joe Johnny Recio Kurt Liptak Mason Lerner Matt Kalbfleish Seth Cockfield Steve Cox Tommy Bates
-------------- Monday, April 21st
Host: Matt Bearden
Alexy Ronaldo Allie Rolison Antoine Bradley Jackson Bryston Brown Carlos Ibanez Chad Warren Chris Florence Chuck Watkins Heather Burnett Irving Louis Jake Flores Jimi Tolliver John Sizemore Kerri Lendo Paul Henley Scott Hardy
---------- Monday, April 28th
Host: Mario DiGiorgio
Albert Im Art Mack Ashley Moreno Damien Booker Dan French James Deary Juan Salinas Justin West Keith Smith Lance Gilstrap Mason Wilder Michael Creed Michelle Guardabascio Natalie Cox Ramin Nazer Ruby Collins
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Monday, May 5
Host: Kerry Awn
Ben Johnson Chad McMinn Chrinsta Lopez David Cole David James Donna Lee Faye Haire Jay Donahue Jeremy Valdez Kenneth Ulstad Leah Chaney Matt Willis Michael Navarrete Ryan Dilbert Steven Goff Todd Merriman
---------
Tuesday, May 6th
Host: Nancy Reed
Alex Garza Amy Samet Bob Dipasquale (error? they’ve got him listed twice) Brian Jacobs Chance Royce Chris Trew David Dettmer Fred Bothwell Holly Lorka Jeremy Neal Kat Williams Michael Stansbury Michiel Dillon Nick Ramirez Sean Mooney Trey Galyon
working
drunk
amused
frustrated
ashamed
disgusted