Cinsearae

Last Updated:
Dec 17, 2007

Send Message
Instant Message
Email to a Friend
Subscribe

Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 33
Sign: Gemini

City: PHILADELPHIA
State: PENNSYLVANIA
Country: US

Signup Date: 10/19/05

Blog Archive
[ Older     Newer ]


Monday, June 26, 2006

RECRUITING GRATISTA CLAN HENCHMEN!!!!
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hey all!

Most of you already know I'm in the middle of recruiting GRATISTA CLAN HENCHMEN (and WOMEN) to help spread the word about my latest novel, "Caress of a Psychopath". All accepted henchfolk will receive oodles of cool stuff, including a signed copy of the book...get all the details on this link....

http://www.bloodtouch.com/streetteamsters.htm

Hope to hear from you soon!.....

9:47 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

SNEAK PEEK OF LATEST BOOK
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hi Everyone! Just wanted to let you know my latest book is out at lulu.com ( www.lulu.com/content/196639 ) had to rate it 'mature for it's lewd/crude/sex & violence themes. HA! If you want to try your hand at winning a copy, I'm also running a contest at my website, www.BLOODTOUCH.com . Below is a blurb and sneak peek from the book. Thanks for listening, and take care guys!

BLURB: With his penchant for Depeche Mode songs and Goth clubs,an insatiable lust for curvaceous women, a vulnerable spot in his heart for a want to 'belong', a driving need to cure his unending boredom, and unbridled urges to make an occasional murder 'just because', Matthew Clarizio-- better known as 'Sallos' to his Gratista vampire cohorts, makes a debut with his tale of hardships, misadventures and 'sexcapades' during his human life and after his vampiric transition in "Caress of a Psychopath",--a 'semi-autobiography'... of sorts...

It's a nonstop party for Matthew once he joins the nighttime lifestyle. After his aspirations of working in the film industry appear hopeless when he attempts pornographic filmmaking--and fails misearbly--he finds Zeena, a mysterious waitress for a gentleman's show bar who introduces him to her group of 'The Others' a vampiric group of social misfits. Afterwards, it's a wild ride full of unbridled passions, unexpected violence, and arcane surprises even he almost can't keep up with...

The night I was ready, I put all my fun toys in the trunk of my car. Telephone cords, rope, my trusty duct tape, some knives, a battle axe I took out of a vacant-looking room in the house, a gallon of gasoline, some empty glass bottles, dirty rags, a gallon of bleach, some tools and nails, and some sponges.

Youre probably wondering, 'What the fuck--?' unless youre into wreaking havoc on folks, so I'll spare you the details. Everything I have comes in handy at some point in time.

When I looked at how beat-up my car was from the last joyride, and the fact that I had no license plate anymore, I decided to use someone else's car. I had no idea whose it was, but so what. I took all that stuff and put it in their trunk, called on the guys and we headed on out to Feasterville. On the way over, I wondered what was an old fart like O'Malley doing coming from waaaay out there all the way downtown to hunt vamps. I mean, vamps were everywhere. They could live right next door to you and you wouldn't even know it.

O'Malley lived in a quaint little housing development in the area. I only passed by this particular area only a few times in my life. There wasn't much up here except for places like this and car dealerships along with a few specialty stores. Ho-hum.

I took the road into the development very slowly, with my lights off. Places like this looked like a sublevel of suburbia hell.  I made a face as I looked at all the cookie cutter houses, perfectly manicured lawns, and actual picket fences. I wanted to just kick them all down. Life is not some fuckin' perfect utopian place, and these people tried their damndest to make it that way, as if they would be safe in their little haven. What a bunch of weak, sorry-ass, bureaucratic, asswipes!

I was getting a funny vibe from the grounds of this area. This land was disturbed, for lack of a better word.  So, the developers who put this piece of shit fairy tale place together didn't investigate whether the lands were holy, sacred, or whatever. There were definitely some unquiet spirits floating around here.

Well, couldn't worry about that right then. I had other things to take care of.

"Fern St., There it is," Quaid said quietly, pointing to a street off to my left. I went in that direction.

O'Malley's car seemed so out of place in here, but nevertheless, his house was easy to spot, thanks to that hunk-o-junk he rode.

Grabbing the supplies out of the trunk, we all casually strode up to his house, and I kicked open the front door, battle axe swung over my shoulder. Fuck, I didnt care about being quiet this time.

"John?" came a voice from upstairs. Whoever she was, she had a thick Irish accent.

"Daddy!" came two mouse-like voices next. Ooo, little kiddies to play with!

"Dad, did you take care of everything?" A body appeared from out of the dining room area into the living room, where we all were. It was a female, probably about thirteen. She was carrying a tray of cookies, probably getting ready to take them upstairs. She stared at us and we stared back. Then she screamed and dropped the tray, running back into the dining room.

"MOM! THE VAMPIRES ARE HERE! RUN!"

"Dear God!" I heard the mother say, and the two little tykes started screaming too.

"SHUTUP!" I yelled upstairs. "You sound like fucking squealing pigs!"

"Die, you demons from hell!" the mother said, suddenly pointing a fucking crossbow at us! Where the fuck she get that from?!

Twerp never saw it coming. That wooden arrow shot right through his heart. He gurgled, spat out blood and tried to pull it out of his chest, but he dropped.

"TWERP!" I yelled. "You're gonna pay for that, bitch!" I spat.

The older kid came back into the room with a crossbow herself! Holy shit! She shot Keith, but got him in his stomach. He yanked out the arrow and charged at her.

The mother came partly down the steps, ready to attack again. Bertram went after her. She started shrieking when she hit Bert and only got him in his shoulder. He roared, and they started tussling on the steps. He yanked the crossbow from her and backslapped her with it. She went soaring off to the side, breaking the railing in the process, landing on the hardwood floor with a hard thud. He broke the wooden arrow off close to his skin, jumped from where he was, landed beside her, rolled her over and hissed, showing red eyes. His fangs extended and he lunged for her neck, biting down hard. The mother opened her eyes and cried out, clawing at Bertram's back.

"MOTHER!" the kid screamed and tried to go after her, but Keith knocked her to the ground too. The next thing I knew, he ripped her gown and started eating her, a little too close to her groin area, right in her femoral artery. If she screamed any louder, shed probably break glass.

Me and Quaid just stood there, watching. I patiently waited for them to finish having their fun.

"Don't kill them just yet," I said calmly. "We have more stuff to do with them. When you're done, grab some chairs and start tying 'em up."

I looked at Twerp, dead as a doornail. I sighed, stepped over him and casually, I went up the stairs. Quaid followed behind me. I sniffed around. Little kiddies fear smells nothing like grown-up fear. It actually smells sweet. Kinda weird. Almost like cotton candy mixed with blood.

The smell was so heavy, I couldn't pinpoint which room they were in, so Quaid and I took our sweet time busting into each room. I'd turn over a vanity table, dresser drawer, break a mirror--anything to make the kiddies yelp in fear. Nothing so far.

"Come out and play, kiddies!" I said cheerfully, as I broke another mirror with my fist. I opened a closet and tore the clothes from the hangars. Nobody.

"The smell is getting a bit nauseating, " Quaid said, holding his stomach.

"I know. Tell me about it," I mumbled as we walked into another room. The smell was really strong in here.

"C'mon little pork chops," I said and grinned. "The wolf is getting hungry..." I grinned, my fangs starting to extend.

I saw a bed. I flipped the whole fucking thing over, frame and all. Nothing.

"The fuck--?" I said. I thought for sure they'd be there.

But there was a closet.

I levitated myself just enough that my feet werent touching the floor. I glided over to the closet, waited exactly ten seconds, the yanked the door open.

Ah, the wonderful screams of fear.

The smell of it practically smacked me in my face the second I opened the door. Quaid actually coughed. The two kiddies, no older than five, had their arms wrapped around each other, yelling right at me. One boy and one girl.  I tilted my head at them. Hm, this was gonna be more fun than I thought!

I gripped them both up by their collars and looked at each of them. They stopped their screaming; now they were sniffling and crying.

"Aw, don't be afraid kiddies," I said in a gentle voice, my eyes red and teeth still extended. (How oxymoronic, right?) I tossed the boy to Quaid, and the kid squealed in mid air. Quaid caught him effortlessly. I carried the girl like a groom would do his bride. "You'll still be able to see your Daddy come home tonight."

***

Bertram and Keith had the older daughter and mother tied ever so neatly to two chairs, back to back, while the two of them were sitting on the couch waiting for me and Quaid to come down. The mother was barely conscious. She had a nasty bruise on the side of her face, probably from the fall. The girl was still out like a light.

Holding the little girl under my arm, I grabbed a chair, swung it around to face the mom, and sat down in front of her. I placed the kiddie on my lap and proceeded to play horsey with her, like how a dad would do. The mother looked at me wide-eyed.

"Bastard..." she managed to say. "You will rot in hell for this! May God curse you--"

"Keith, shut her up please, " I interrupted, sounding annoyed. Immediately he put a piece of duct tape over her mouth.

"You dont like seeing mommy like that, do you?" I said very gently to the girl, still with my vamp face.

Sniffling with tears rolling down her rosy little cheeks, she shook her head no.

Quaid still held the little boy under his arm, him not saying a word either.

"Want me to let mommy go?" I continued. She nodded yes.

I took a small switchblade out of my pocket and flicked it. I stared into the mothers eyes as I ran the blade down the kiddies cheek, then ran my tongue slowly up the cut. The little girlie squirmed and whined, so I squeezed the back of her neck to keep her still. The mother stared at me, wide eyed, then gave me an evil look. She gave a muffled noise, probably cursing me out again.

Little kiddies taste really sweet! I could eat them like actual food if I wanted to. But I dont think I could do that any 'ol time. The sweetness is too rich for me. I'd consider them an occasional treat, like a dessert or something.

"Well, I'm not gonna let mommy go," I continued in my gentle voice, still staring at the mother. "In fact, Im gonna put you with mommy, ok?"

She shook her head no, and I bit into her neck as I still stared at mother dearest. She tried screaming, but of course, it could barely be heard. Tears went down her face as her little girl wailed like a hurt animal.

"SHUTUP! I exclaimed. Damn, that's such an annoying sound!" I stood up, just letting the kid tumble to the floor. Her wailing got louder.

"Keith?" I said, gesturing to the kid. Again, he got the duct tape.

"Wrap her up with her mom, "I said to Bert, who was all too happy to comply.

"How's the shoulder?' I asked him.

"Still stings a bit, but no biggie," he replied, placing the little girl on her moms lap, proceeding to tie her up.

"And as for you, little boy, " I said, walking towards Quaid. I bent down slightly and stared into the kids eyes. "I've got something very special planned for you. Youre gonna leave daddy a message."

Quaid stood the kid up, and the little bugger was trembling like a leaf. The bastard stomped on my foot and tried to get away, but I caught him with little effort.

"I was gonna make this painless for you, but I've changed my mind, " I said, biting down hard into his throat.

He shrieked and the guys flinched from the sound. I nearly drained the kid dry, took my knife, nicked my wrist a bit to let a little blood flow, and wiped the cut across his tongue. I dropped him.

The four of us watched the boy writhe and gasp and flop around like a fish out of water.

"Dude...this is so... fucked up," Bertram whispered.

"I know, " I said, grinning.

The boy lay still for a full minute. A minute feels like forever when youre actually waiting. Then he gasped, coughed and slowly sat up, heaving and growling like he was hungry. His face looked feral, like a fuckin' wild child or something. Growling, he lunged for Quaid, but Quaid knocked him down. He got up again, and tried attacking Bert. Bertram laughed and picked him up, the kid swinging and clawing at Bert, trying to get to him.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Quaid asked, wrinkling his nose at the kid.

"I think I know the answer to why vamps should never turn little tykes into vamps."

"Humor me. Why?" Bert said, still holding the growling kiddie away from him at arms length.

"Well...look at him! Pure fury with no sense of right or wrong. His brain was still young and undeveloped when he was turned. Kinda says something about the primal instincts of humanity, when you think about it." I said. "Okay, fun's over. Tie him up." I nonchalantly waved at the little monster I created.

"Where?" Quaid asked, the rope already in hand.
                "Anywhere. I dont give a shit," I said plainly.

Quaid tied him to the bottom banister while Bert held the mini-bloodsucker still.

"Now what?" Bert asked when Quaid was done.

"We wait for pops, of course!"

So we fixed the lock on the front door, and patiently waited for O'Malley to come home. I was betting he'd shit his pants when he came in.

***

And shit his pants he did. Well, he could have.

O'Malley came through the door like he knew something was wrong. He gawked at his bruised wife, his two bloodied daughters, and dropped to his knees when he saw his crazy, tied up, vamp son. All the females were unconscious now, only the boy was still up and at 'em. O'Malley didn't even notice us standing behind the door.

O'Malley wheezed, clutching his chest. I thought he was having either a stroke or heart attack. I hoped he wasn't. That would fuck up the last of my fun!

I flung his broken rosary at him, hitting him in the back of his head. That seemed to snap him out of it.

He turned and only managed to gasp as I smacked him upside his head with the flat side of the battleaxe. Bert helped me tie him up to another chair and we waited for him to come around.

When O'Malley finally opened his eyes, he was looking right at me. I had his son untied by then, and I was holding the kid just a few feet from him. I kept the kid still by gripping him right in a pressure point in his neck, rendering him weak on one half of his body.

"YA LIMEY BASTARD!" O'Malley bellowed, spittle flying from his mouth. "I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"Maybe. Right now, you do have a choice. Kill us. or your family dies, or kill your son, and Ill let your family live."

"Thats not my son!" he growled at me. "My son is dead!"

"True," I continued in my calm voice. The kid started growling back at his pop, his eyes white, teeth extending. Pops started bawling.

"No one left to carry the O'Malley name, huh? No future grandchildren will be running around. At least from him. " I snickered, gripping the kid by the neck a little tighter. He winced.

O'Malley regained his angry composure. "I'll find you and kill you. I swear on my life!"

"If I let you live, I corrected him calmly. So, you say your son is dead?" I held the kid by his head, ready to snap his neck.

"Dont," he grumbled. The look in his eyes showed a tiny bit of desperation.

"But you said this is not your son," I replied teasingly. "Make up your mind, old fart."

"Let my family go, demon! I dont care what you do to me, just let them go."

"On the contrary, if I let them go, then you have to kill the thing you say is not your son."

O'Malley roared.  "TO THE PIT OF HELL, YOU FILTHY ABOMINATIONS!"

"Enough with the gospel-ish talk already," I said, letting the kid go. He went right for his pop's jugular.

O'Malley screamed, knocking his chair backward. The kid was a ball of fury; red eyes and fangs. He clawed at his dads face as pops managed to wiggle out of his restraints, grab a small hand carved stake that was attached to his very Batman-ish utility belt, throw his son down, and pummel the stake into the kids chest repeatedly. When he realized what he had done, he stopped and dropped the wooden shard, burst out into tears, picked up his dead, bloody son, and cradled him to his chest.

"My boy!... My boy!" he kept repeating. I leaned back in the chair, enjoying the show. The guys slowly got up from their places and crept up on O'Malley. He noticed.

"BACK OFF, MONSTERS!" he bellowed again, standing up, a stake in each hand now. "I'll kill you where you stand!"

"Well, guys," I said cheerfully. "He killed his son. Should I let his family live?" I got up, and slowly walked to the unconscious females. "Or...should I change the rules a bit?"

"Dont...you...DARE!" O'Malley said, his face red as a beet.

"And why not?! You killed one of our brothers three nights ago! I saw you," I retorted, standing over the older daughter, licking the blood off of her face as I looked at him. "Right in the alley, while he was in the middle of fucking his snack-of-the-night."

"I will destroy you all, with God as my witness! I will cleanse this planet of all of Satans creatures!"

"And more with the gospel talk!" I snapped, overturning the chair with the girl in it. "Waste this dude!"
          Keith and Quaid lunged at O'Malley, and that old fucker moved so fast, stabbing them both at the same time! I shrieked, and he came towards me and Bert. Bert grabbed his wrists and they went at each other the old fashioned way. OMalley socked Bert in the face; he stumbled. Bert came back with an inhuman sock to O'Malley's gut. I swore I heard the wind get knocked out of the old man as he dropped. Bert then went over to the mother, grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, exposing her neck, then bit into her, draining her dry.

I rushed over to Keith and Quaid. Keith was gone; Quaid was still clinging to the last bit of breath he had left.

"We...had...fun, didn't we?" he whispered, and then he was gone too.

I gripped my hair in frustration and screamed.

"FUCK!" I yelled. Bertram gripped his long golden tresses and stared at our now three dead comrades. He started breathing heavy. He walked over to the two girls and paced around them, trying to figure out what to do with them.

"Bert--wait," I said. "Don't get all crazy on me..."

He stood in front of the older girl, got on his hands and knees and sank his fangs into her neck, killing her. Now he had a raging hard on he didn't know what to do with. It usually happens when a vamp feeds, but I guess you know that by now. He got up, went into the dining room so I couldn't see what he was about to do, even though I heard. He jerked himself off. I heard the zip of his jeans, then the smacking, then a groan, and a wet splat next. Ew.

He re-emerged, looking a bit better, and saner.

"One more to go," I gestured to the little girlie.

"I'll let you have the honors," he said, taking a deep breath.

I wasnt in the mood for a sweet treat, but fuck it, it had to be done.

I got up off the floor and went over to her. Leaving her tied up to her mom, I leaned over and gently bit into her. She never even moved. After I fed, I stood up and turned just in time to see O'Malley get up and behead Bertram with my own axe. Poor guy never even knew...

I screamed as Bertrams body dropped and I lunged for O'Malley. I tackled him to the ground, gripped him by his collar and slammed the back of his head against the floor. I was about to choke this fucker to death, but I stopped myself.

I duct taped his ankles to a chair, and taped his wrists together. To keep him alive would be the ultimate torture for him. And maybe leave a challenge for me to deal with later on, if he didnt go insane first. Who knew?

Immersed in total silence now, I looked at the battle damage around me. Everyone dead, and blood everywhere. This was definitely a no-win situation. Just me and O'Malley left.

Then, as any good citizen would do, I picked up the phoneand called the cops.

Knowing I had but so much time left now, I gathered the bodies of my gang, put them in the car, and drove up the block and waited. I had to know how things would go at the O'Malley house.

Five minutes passed, and I heard sirens. Three cars came. Six coppers got out of their cars; three went in the house while the other three stayed outside. The sirens and flashing blue lights must have awakened the neighbors as some started peeking out of their windows and doors, or just boldly stood in their doorways.

Two cops pulled out a screaming O'Malley who was yelling at them about the vampires that attacked him and his family. Another siren. It was an ambulance. Coming to get the bodies, I assumed. I slouched down in the car seat as the ambulance whizzed by me. I giggled my ass off. I was in a car with dead bodies, watching an ambulance arrive to cart out more dead bodies. This shit couldnt get any funnier.

The third cop that was in the house came out, and he and another cop started putting crime scene tape around the place.

When I figured it was safe enough, I drove by the house, and I could still hear O'Malley in the back of the cop car, yelling on and on about vampires. I purposely looked in the backseat as I passed by, and he saw me.  I grinned at him. He yelled again and started slamming his head against his seat, cursing me and damning me to hell all over again, then tried to get the attention of the cop in the drivers seat. Of course, the cop ignored him. O'Malley put his feet up to the window and tried breaking it. The cop called someone on his walkie, talking about him having a 302 on his hands. I think that was cop code for a crazy person.

Alright. Fun time was really over now. I had more things to deal with that involved four corpses in my car.

I wondered how I was gonna explain this shit...

(this excerpt 2006 by Cinsearae S.)

11:11 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

my 'pissed at society' rant
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Writing and Poetry

How is it than an alledged 'civilized' nation became the most un-civilized, heathenistic culture on this planet? Where have the simplicities of common courtesy and respect for your fellow man have gone? Why does man rely on the 'materialistic' to make him happy? 'Wealth', unfortunately, has been equated with status. We have become so barbaric, so violent towards each other, that we don't even think of another's welfare. We have gangs and drug dealers who shoot at each other in the streets and won't even think twice when they hit an innocent child. Those who commit the crime of a hit-and-run flee the site without another thought. We have unfit parents who keep having unwanted children, and in their frustration, kill them. Teenagers, absorbed in the latest fashions, glitzy media, music, and vast forms of 'entertainment' {i.e. video games} fail to acknowledge and lack respect for their parents--the ones who gave them life!But most don't even have respect for themselves--have you ever listened to the obsenities coming from the mouth of an 11 or twelve year old, and even younger? And to cope with it all, we've become the neurotic, drug induced, pill popping, valueless, delusional living dead.
We have come to a time in our lives where terrorism and threats of continued attacks are sadly a part of our lives. Why is it that instead of coming together as a whole, we've distanced ourselves more? Instead of progressing as intelligent human beings, we are instead digressing back towards a more animalistic, "everyone for themselves" mentality.
Being self-centered, obnoxious, and piggish are the ways of the common people, and I can completely understand why other countries see us as disgusting. We hold each others lives without worth. We are quick to blame others for our mistakes instead of taking responsibility for them. Our justice system is far too lax and far too slow. Law and order continues to crumble.
With all that man has done 'for the good of all', it always comes back to haunt us in one way or another. Our modern conveniences trap us, pollute us, fatten us, and at times even kill us. What's worse is that most of us are oblivious to this fact, or simply don't care.
Human beings have lost touch with true happiness and peace of mind--that being spirituality and a closeness with The Creator. It has been said time and time again that 'free-will' will destroy us all, and the ball has been in motion for decades. The time is nearing for us to reap our rewards. Our continuing decaying mentality and sense of decency is to thank for this flop.
It is times like this when I am embarassed to say that I am part of what we know as 'mankind'. The 'human race' is more like 'human waste'.

2:26 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Some words for an X part 2
Current mood: tired

some more old stuff written right before we finally ended our personal hell in '04. Note...I am much better now!!!!!!!!!!

emotional indifference is the cure for my past pains
I requested this common gift for the sake of my sanity.
but i wasn't always this way.
do not ask for me to change this plan
for I would not know how to go back.
the simple joys i seek do not exist in humans
but in nature alone.
I've even been deprived of this
and now I'm completely disconnected from all.
love and joy are mere creations of the mind.
suffering is always abound.
do not question my passiveness,
my inability to express feelings.
i have found them to be inconveniences
and more or less of an annoyance.
emotions are for the simple-minded,
the needy, and the weak.
I am none of the above.
but I wasn't always this way...
---------------
this chasm only grows wider
with each petty argument...
and after all this time
un-civility is still in your eyes.
the more we fight
the more i can see what you
really think of me--
the hatred never did subside.
you guise hatred with love
when i know 'love' never existed in you.
everything is so empty
without feeling
facaded with pointless conversations--
togetherness we never had.
I think I'm through
for I still haven't had time to heal
sadness has walked with me from the beginning
and will still be there at the end.
no one takes the time to understand.
your callousness was always unbecomming
being nurturing is non-existant to you.
to hurt,hide and destroy your only objective
to be with you brings only pain.
-------------------
my sense of humanity has died
i feel noting for these creatures that walk the earth
that deem themselves superior over everyone else
that claim their religion is better than anyone elses
where money rules everything
and everything is money.
how do you expect me to feel sorry for a race
that has no regard for itself?
that would sooner let an innocent die
than take the risk to save them?
no one has respect for another
rudeness prevails wherever you go
hostilities towards our fellow man run rampant
as we've become forced into the mentality of
'every man for himself'.
and it grows with each passing day.
these shallow, soulless, wastes of time and space---

      ---to just have the power to end it all.....

---------
i can't wait until you're nothing but
a nightmare memory
i can't wait until
you're out from under my skin
i can't wait
for the day you say goodbye
for I always saw it coming.

i can't wait for you
to get away from me
i can't wait to purge these thoughts
of the love we never had
i can't wait to smash
this cycle of hate
we've had for each other
we've been locked together in it
for too long.

the only thing constant about you
was your inconsistancy
your only truth
was your own lies.
the only thing you loved
was hate.
the only thing you cherished
was nothing.
demons were your only friends.

you've suffocated me for much too long.
tried to destroy me any way you could
everything I ever did was wrong in your eyes
I was something you needed to ruin, to hurt.
I became the reflection of your handiwork
and then had the nerve to ask me 'why'.

I never saw a future for us,
for there was never a present.
Love was always out of your reach
because that was the way you preferred it.
you can't always get want you want
since you deprived yourself of what you needed.

I will not tolerate this anymore.


 

11:21 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Some words for an X
Current mood: calm
Category: H.I.M.'s music always keeps me calm! Writing and Poetry

These are pretty old, written in '01- '02.... luckily, I don't have to deal with these poisonous emotions anymore.

Words

words are so useless
so imperfect
so meaningless
never being able to find the right words to say
never finding the right words to impress
address...
never finding the right words to help or heal,
only the words that hurt or hide
words that hit worse than any fist
or lie...
words that can ruin something so perfect
words that can change a life,
or try...
words that destroy once they are said
words that can never fix what is now dead.
words that aren't strong enough to bring back
the good
words that are too weak to mend what they should.
words are so useless
so imperfect
so meaningless...

untitled

in this warped, ugly place
that God forgot
the place where
the mindless puppets roam free
wrecking havoc
destroying everything they see
I sit in my room of four walls
a huddled ball of terror and madness
waiting for all of THIS to end.
Waiting for my soulmate to find me
if he hasn't gone mad himself.
what if he never comes?
What if it's too late for us?
Has the end come already?
Hurry chaos, end your reign,
and get yourself over with...

untitled

fear
is all I feel now
when i look at you
and i know you not.
you haunt me
in my dreams
in my waking moments
i cannot stand to look at you
anymore.
you are not the man
that I came to love
you are not a man at all.
i have grown to hate
every fiber of your being
you are a monster to me
a thing of disgust
a rotting body
a loneful specter
who are you anymore?
where have you gone?
what are you now?
My love meant nothing to you
did you even TRY to love me back?
those words were all lies too.
so hurtful, so hateful you are.
stop haunting me,
stop hurting me,
everywhere I go
i feel your eyes on me
what are you now?
will you ever let me be?
I CANNOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE
I can only watch you digress...
                          DIE...

Something From My Vexed Soul

I want you to choke on the pain
you've given me
DIE in the grief you've bestowed on me
Make you BLEED
Make you SCREAM
DROWN in the blood of your misery
Scornfully I'll laugh
and pull you up
Give you a kiss of contempt
and drop you back in your selfishness.
So much hate I feel for you
as I know you needlessly feel for me
you want me to love you
as well as hate you?
It can be done, as you now see.
I'll smear you face
with the blood of your past victims
taste the copper of their Life's essence!!!!
You'll find no warmth in my eyes
no warm-beating heart of mine
you've torn out my very being
you want all yet nothing
you know too much for your own good
those On High look down on you in scorn
you've thrown away what you so desperately
searched for yet AGAIN.
You'll wander these lands
needing what you'll NEVER have.
To want and suffer your eternal puishment.
to bleed in agony
and loneliness
Go and tear out your hair and scratch out your eyes
you see NOTHING
you hear NOTHING
you are nothing but rage
blind, stupid rage
hate and pain is all you will ever know

 

8:57 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thursday, November 17, 2005

on the world and 'society'...
Current mood: contemplative
Category: and moody Writing and Poetry

Suffer

Here we are…

Mindless puppets….

Suffering in our self-made hells

We suffer from our self-induced stress

We suffer from our so-called progress

We suffer from our own neglect

We suffer from the loss of our own souls.

Fed on hate

Fed on lies

Fed on greed

And fed on the ego.

We create a world of deceitfulness

Too afraid to face ourselves

Knowing that nothing lies within us

But pettiness, shallowness—

We are miserable specks of nothingness.

We were created to destroy ourselves.

All are insane.

All do not care.

We are inspired by the grinning daemons

That influence our lives everyday.

Where has piety gone?

To partake in this madness will swallow me whole.

Must I be the one that watches down on everything?

I used to dream of fighting the beast

Just to have a sense of peace.

Now I know that day will never come.

 

Untitled #6

Night comes…

And I often sit and wonder

Is it worth it to worry about the world?

Or should I sit and watch the changes?

What can one little being do

When she can so easily be overthrown?

Those with a voice

Often lose it to death

Those with a heart

Are deceived by many.

Those with a soul

Search forever to find their true mate.

I have been all of these at one point in time

And with many things I now remain neutral…

Cold.

6:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


About  |  FAQ  |  Terms  |  Privacy  |  Safety Tips  |  Contact MySpace  |  Promote!  |  Advertise  |  MySpace Shop

©2003-2008 MySpace.com. All Rights Reserved.