The Heart is Broken
Current mood: gloomy
Category: Romance and Relationships

Well it sure has been a while since i last blogged. I just feel by writing thigs down will be a form of coping.  My heart was recently broken.  I thought only the first cut is the deepest.  The first cut was definately the ugliest but i don't know about the only deepest.  Cause this one is pretty bad.  But who am i to compare one ex with the other.  Maybe since i was ready for the last break up, it didn't hurt as much, i did most of the hurting while actually wih him.  One gets to the point when enough is enough.  This last break up though was completely unexpected (speaking of the current ex).  I wasn't ready to let him go, I thought I was, I thought i was over the relationship, but now actually experiencing it, man it hurts.  I'm sure i'll be fine, it's not like it's the end of the world.  It's just something else i have to deal with in life.  Maybe we can stay friends, maybe not, only time will tell.  He was a really good guy.  Just wasn't the one for me i guess.  So i sit here in my room alone thinking about if things could have been different maybe i'd still be with him and i wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog.  I've been telling myself it's the right thing to do for the both of us.  But why does the right thing have to hurt so bad.  I don't know.  Maybe it's just that time in my life where i should be single for a while (Lord knows i've said that before).  Maybe it really is me though that  just can't keep a arelationship going.  Don't get me wrong during breakups this is a total natural feeling and i need to come to terms with myself and know that it was time to live my life as God intended.  I'm sad and hurt especially when those little things come to mind, they are called memories those little bastard thoughts that linger after the break up, that make his loss even more painful.  Where is my sunshine of the spotless mind?  Where can i find that doctor?  But even if that doctor was available in the end i wouldn't want to forget him, but learn from him, from us.

4:20 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

merry christmas to me
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

well it's 3 days before christmas and to my surprise my phone rings at 8:28 in the morning. . . . .this call is to inform me that i have to go pick up a new set of keys to my new home. . . . .i couldnt believe it it finally happened. . . . .i have my own house im so excited. . . . . .i will post pics of it as soon as i get situated and will let yall know when the house warming party is . . . . . .yay for me. . . . .happy holidays everyone

8:39 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

misdirection
Current mood: mellow

have you ever stopped to wonder what direction your life will be going . . .how about if the direction you see its taking is the right one you want to go. . . . .i scare myself thinking about sometimes wondering if ive passed upi something good. . . .i wont live in the what if and just hope ive made the right choices. . . .if im not making any sense its probably cause im lost. . . .i try to stop and see exactly what it is im doing but in just thinking that im wasting time. . . . .im at a job that i hate but i dont know why. . . .its easy i get paid good money and its what i like to do. . . . but yet im still unhappy. . . .i know thats not my future career but still it pays the bills. . . . .maybe its because i dont get any weekends. . . . .i miss my friends so much. . . . .i dont get to enjoy the happier moments in life because im so stuck in trying to perfect my future. . . .im buying a house im sure your all aware but its a house that im not happy with. . . . .built by richmond and boy let me tell you dont buy from them they are unreliable and very disorganized. . . . .my closing date was sept 16 and i still havent recieved my house due to the lack of commitment on there part. . . .they are always full of excuses. . . .i understand that there can be delays but 3 months come on now boys gimme a break. . . . .i cant even enjoy the damn thing because its such an inconvenience now all the things that have happened due to the delay. . . .next i have a boyfriend who at the drop of a hat would do anything for me and yet i dont appreciate him why is that. . . .i want so bad to tell him how i feel but i dont. . . .i feel weak if i let him in. . . . .its hard to accept the qualities of a good man because i dont feel i deserve them. . . . .he says that no one has made him happier then i have but im not even trying . . . . .hes a good catch i know it. . . . . .in other news my best friend is a car wreck and i do my best to be there for her. . . . .she is going through so much and yet she hasnt fallen to the ground i admire her for that. . . . .she must be one strong women to stand up tall after all shes going through. . . . . .i love her so much dont know where id be if it wasnt for her. . . . .then i have my dog mijo the cutest lil rat ever . . . . . . .but to be honest i dont know where im headed but i got people who love me. . . . .and to me thats all that matters

7:43 PM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Dating Sucks
Current mood: hungry
Category: Romance and Relationships

Sometimes i wish that relationships could just start right at the middle and skip the whole dating . . . . .dating to me is having to figure out if your made for each other, if your compatible, also trying to build that comfort so you can be yourself and not have to worry if they accept you or not. . . .basically i want it to start at the point where you know you want to be with this person and no one else. . .yes granted im skipping through the fun part what we call the honeymoon state. . . .where everyday is a new adventure. . . . .the butterflies, the nervousness, the surprises. . . . .that should be the fun part if things go smoothly and you are both on the same page. . . .but i dont want to have to start like that i want the person i meant to be with is like my best friend as well as my partner. . . . . .cause you never know what kind of asshole you are inviting. . . . .so yes it could be fun dating not knowing whats to become of you guys . . . . .but what if your not. . . .you find out it was a waste of time and you have to start all over with someone else. . . .i was in a 5 year relationship i had it all or so i thought. . . .i dont want to have to start all over. . . .dont get me wrong getting rid of that schmuck was the best thing ive ever done. . . .but i had my comfort zone with him. . . .i knew what to expect. . . .now im single and have been now for almost a year. . . .back to the drawing board i say. . .and yes for you optimists you see every opportunity as a learning experience where one door closes another one opens. . . .good for you. . . .well i was kind of sort of seeing this guy who i thought well why not. . . .at first things didnt go so smoothly but i told myself its time i should give this dating thing a shot. . . . .being recently out of an LTR. . . .and been single now for like i said for almost a year i had enough time to recover . . . . .well anyway yea we went on a few dates things went pretty well or so i thought. . . . .he was a virgin to the whole thing. . . . . in a way i kind of liked that about him. . . .. . but at the same time it was kind of intimidating. . . . .lots of my friends told me not to and the ones that said i should give him a try were the ones that thought that its about time i started dating. . . . .im young im single. . . .. .i should be out there seeing what else the world had to offer and stop shutting everyone out. . .to stop being scared . . . .so anyway i started dating this boy. . . . .i gave the guy a shot to then realize he needs to grow up. . . . .he dumped me for reasons understandable (virgin, religion, acceptance of his homosexuality). . . .he needed to experience life. . . . . .so after a few dates he tells me he loveds me after a few weeks. . . . .i wasnt sure what to think. . . . .i always preach what starts fast ends fast. . . . .i should have seen that as a warning sign. . . .but i went against it. . . .i felt i should stop being scared and i should give this boy a chance. . . .everyone told me red flags. . . .hes a virgin, hes not out and hes younger then me. . . .i should have known better . . . .he still wants to be friends which i respect and will continue to be his friend but he still treats me like if we are dating who understands him. . . ..i lowered my standards for him and look what i got. . . . .next time ill think twice before doing that again. . . .so im single . . . . .again. . . ..no problem. . . . .i believe in love and know that one day i will find it. . . . .the one im supposed to spend the rest of my life with. . . . .that sounds desperate lol. . . . .but no i really can see myself settling down someday with the right person

moral of the story listen to your friends at times you think they dont know you but in reality they are just looking out for you

12:13 PM - 5 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

It's saturday morning May 7th

I'm sitting here in front of my computer and I get some horrible news from my best friend Abraham. He over dosed, is fine but the idiot was drunk. He was rushed to the hospital last night or this morning at about 4 am. The doctors thought he was trying to commit suicide the idiot said he was taking sleeping pilss cause he wasn't tired. Thank God he's ok.

4:11 PM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Well if monday wasn't bad Thursday was worse

I got ready for a normal outing on thursday with the boys. Cinco de Mayo baby!!! Well the night came and passed nothing to exciting happened until after the club. I was out in the parking lot mingling with the commoners and out of no where a car drives by and almost runs me over. Who would have thought. My friend Abraham and Tony pull me out of the way 5 sec before the car passed. Well 95% got out of the way in time. My foot got ran over. So now I'm gimpy and the driver didn't even stop. Nice huh.

4:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I shaved my head!!!!!WHY????

this is my first blog entry and the only reason i am entering this, is to tell my story to those who read this. I went out last night on a Monday the 2nd of May. Ordinary night except for one thing i ran into my roommate and lets just say we got fucked up. Well a little history behind this story is i have been growing out my hair for bout 2 months and was growing tired of it, but refused to cut it so anyway back to the story. Well i got extremely drunk and my friends were surprised on how long my hair was and that when was i planning on cutting it. They like it long but they always heard me complaining my fault. So anyway i got home my roommate and i and like usual the whole thing about my hair came up. I said i was tired of it and that im going to shave my head. My roommate hated my hair cause he would see it in the morning. I have that thick coarse nappy hair that everyone wants but few have. I personally dont like my hair, i cant find to many things to do with it. So anyway my roommate supporterd the fact of cutting my hair so i got the courage and shaved it off. After everything was said and done i was so sad. But surprisingly enough people have liked it those who have seen it. well we'll see what happens. . . . .Moral of the story do not get drunk with your roommate stupid things may happen

6:05 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment