Rockabilly Magic
Current mood: exotic
Category: Travel and Places

Well I just returned to NYC from Las Vegas (my former home). It was my first trip back there since the winter time, and I had a blast at the Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend.

For those who don't know, rockabilies are basically people like the ones in the movie Swingers. The trend is not very big here in NYC, but there is a whole faction of these 50s-style hipsters in places like Los Angeles (are there other places that are anything like Los Angeles???) and Florida. Every year, they get together for their big convention in Las Vegas, and this year I was invited to attend.

I am a former Buddy Holly impersonator, for those who don't know. I toured the nation playing hits like "Peggy Sue" and "Maybe Baby" for many years prior to my discovery of my love for stand-up comedy. My first impression upon arriving at the VLVRW was that most of the people there looked like the chorus of the show I know well. It was nostalgaic and cool, like stepping into another world and another time.

The music was amazing! One of the best guitarists I have ever heard, some guy called Crazy Joe, was the highlight. There were also bands like The Buzzards, The Crop Tops and Deke Dickerson. Everybody seemed to close with a Stray Cats cover, which was fine by me.

One thing I noticed is that rockabilly seems to be a fashion more than a lifestyle. Most of these people are just like you and me except they have sideburns and pompadours. I was honestly a little disappointed that nobody called me daddy-o or even a square! It seems more a clothing choice than a lifestyle but it is fun to be around all these Grease extras just the same.

Rockabilly girls are hot, with their high heels, taffeta dresses, and glamorous makeup. And almost all of them had tatoos, which was clearly un-fifties. A little less Donna Reed and a little more Suicide Girls. My heart was racing :)

All in all, it was a great peek into a huge West Coast subculture replete with tailfins and cigarette holders. Here's hoping that tight fuzzy sweaters make a serious comeback here in New York soon!

Also, I won $900 playing poker. When I am in Vegas I always play at The Palms. Tell them I sent you ;)

2:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Back in the City
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Well, I spent most of the winter in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. The weather was nice, the people were nicer, and I had a great time living a new life in a new place, albeit for a short time. I made lots of new friends and very few new enemies, so that’s got to be good.

It was fun pursuing comedy opportunities out West and supporting myself with my poker talents, all the while avoiding a harsh New York winter. I will never forget the experiences I had in the Pacific Time Zone. I may even return to Vegas next year and do it all over again!

But I am happy to be back in the city I really call home, New York, NY! This place is tough to beat for excitement, opportunity, and people. Especially people. I missed all my loved ones in New York so much while I was gone and it really is great to be back home!

I have jumped right back into my old routine of running around doing stand-up comedy shows all over town, headlining the Saturday 8PM show at New York Comedy Club, and auditioning for everything and everyone. At the moment I am seeking a new manager so if anyone knows anything holla at ya boy! I am also filling in some road dates on the schedule and I will be sure to update my calendar soon. Mostly I am back to business in the Big Apple! 

Plus I moved into a great new apartment in Murray Hill, a quiet residential section on the East side of Manhattan. What a great neighborhood. You really should see this place!

I am excited for what Spring will bring. They say success is a journey. I just hope that I’m on it.

12:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Boss, The Maestro, The Chiefs, The Goddess, The Cash, and The King
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Travel and Places

I just returned to NYC from the most unbelievable trip. And it all
began with a ride on the Suzuki SV650 motorcycle.

I drove to Atlantic City to catch up with my parents and hitch a
ride to our hometown of Baltimore with them. Spirits ran high
at The Borgata, where the World Poker Tour was in town for
the Borgata Poker Open. I won a single-table no-limit hold em
tournament and earned $1,200 and the next day I won another
tournament at Showboat for another $1000 (The Cash, part one).

My father (Ashton Fletcher, known in poker circles as The Maestro
since he is a jazz bass player) was at the Final Table of a satellite
for the WPT Main Event. His buy in of $125 would win him an entry
into a tournament wherein the first prize would be $1.5 million if and
only if he could beat these last nine opponents. My mother and I held
our breath watching The Maestro take down pot after pot. With six
players left, I went outside for air. A sexy Polish girl handed me a
cigar and the label read "Ashton." Well, I took that cigar wrapper as
a sign. I had no doubt that my dad was going to win. I showed Mom
that cigar and watched her jaw drop to the floor. He took first place.

A few days later, my Dad went back to AC and played in the
Main Event alongside such poker studs as John Juanda, Barry
Greenstein, and Tom Frankln. Yes, these guys were all at my
dad's table and he lasted about as long as his namesake
cigar. They both burned out in about two hours flat. But it
was an experience he will always remember.

While dad was figuring out what to do with big slick in middle
position, I was en route to Omaha, Nebraska to perform at one
of my favorite clubs, The Funny Bone. I got to see my girl Colleen,
who runs the club (the Boss), and all my favorite Cornhuskers. We
had a great week of shows, but the highlight was my visit to the
Todd and Tyler Radio Empire. Tyler tells me live on the air that
the guys around the station all think my name sounds like a
perverted sex act, like a Dirty Sanchez or something. I thought
he was crazy but I went along with it. I told him it made me very
happy to think that men all over Nebraska would be high-fiving
each other at the water cooler saying "Yeah, man. I gave her
a Clayton Fletcher last night." Hey, whatever gets my name out
there, right? That was a really fun radio interview.

That night, we had a huge turnout for the show and many
audience members gave me suggestions for what a Clayton
Fletcher would entail. I will not print them here ;) I will say
it was really fun to meet the people of Omaha after the shows
and just submerge myself in the local culture. They love their
college football, steak, and wheat beer in Omaha, and it seems
to me they might just love stand-up comedy too.

It was so wonderful to be reuinted with Colleen. She is the boss
at The Funny Bone and she always treats me like one of her own.
The best thing about the road is the friends you make along the
way. The shows were great and I can't wait to get back to Omaha
and see Colleen again next year.

The next stop on my trip was Kansas City, Kansas. I was excited to
return to Stanford and Sons to work with Lynne Koplitz (The Goddess).
She is a very talented comic and, more than that, a great person. Now
Lynne and I have done a few shows together in NYC before, but were
not very close before this trip. Well, she embraced me as one of her
own and we bonded late night at an IHOP in Kansas my first night
there. I learned a lot about headlining from working with Lynne. She
is so warm and gracious, she learns everyone's name, she can only
be herself and she is the Anti-Diva. She gave the crowd her very
best every night, and she is a good person with a gigantic heart.
Everyone she meets falls in love with her. I am so inspired by LK.
I will take a piece of her with me when I headline and I will follow
her example of what it means to be the star of the show on and
off the stage.

On Sunday morning, I got up at 8AM!!!!!! You see, the club had
arranged for Lynn and me to go see The Kansas City Chiefs take
on the Minnesota Vikings at Arrowhead Stadium. The game is at
noon, so why do we have to get up so early? TAILGATE PARTY!!!
I have never eaten so much brisket or drunk so much beer before
the clock struck ten, but when in Rome...

The Chiefs won the game 13-10 and I really enjoyed my role as
translator. Ms. Koplitz is not exactly a football analyst so I tried
my best to explain everything that was happening. One thing that
really impressed me was the noise level in that place. On virtually
every play, seventy-eight thousand people were screaming at the
top of their lungs. If you have never gone to see a Chiefs home
game, I suggest you put it on your list of things to do before you
die. What a great day.

Sunday night, I did a guest spot at The Improv in KC, Missouri. I
love that room. The manager is a friend of mine and it was so
good to see him and his beautiful new wife, tell him about my
trip, deliver a wedding present from The Boss, and perform
on his incredible stage. I had a really good set and I hope to
return to that Improv really soon.

After that, I ran back to Stanfords to meet up with Lynne. She
was hosting a special engagement that night with Lewis Black.
Now Lewis Black is my absolute favorite comedian, so I was
understandably excited to meet him. Lynne insisted, "Of course
I will introduce you to Lewis. No problem!" Oh, I was professional.
Shook his hand, played it cool, tried to act like he is just another
comic to me, and I think I pulled that off okay. But inside I was
like a teenage girl at an N*SYNC concert! My head was spinning,
"Ohmigod! I'm sitting here talking to Lewis Black. He's like, totally
awesome! Ohmigod!!! OMIGOD!!!!!!!" He's lucky I didn't throw my
underwear at him. But like I said, I played it cool.

Mr. Black (The King) tore the roof off of that place. He totally
and utterly crushed. The man is one of the funniest people
who has ever lived, and watching him work moved me. I
have never felt so inspired as I did watching this man whip
that crowd into a frenzy of hysteria.

After the show, Lewis invited me back to his tour bus to feast on
barbecue with Lynne and his entourage! I was on Cloud Nine, just
sitting there having a beer with my idol and shooting the breeze
about life, comedy, and Janeane Garafolo. It was so much fun
and we all laughed so hard I hoped it would never end.

But it did. We all said our goodbyes and parted ways. It was
a night I will never forget. It made me wonder if Lewis knows
how strong an impact he has on up and coming comedians like
me, and how admired he is among the next crop of talent. And
if I will be in a position to have the same impact on another
young man someday years from now when I am hopefully at
his level in the business. I just pray that if I am I will handle
that opportunity with the same class The King did with me.

I stayed in Kansas City for an extra night to play in a poker
tournament at Harrah's Casino. Well, I won the damn thing.
Just when I thought that trip could not get any better, it did.
All told, I won $1,275 in Kansas and $2,650 in Atlantic City.

I am so lucky, and not just at cards.

9:40 AM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Viva Las Vegas. I won!!!
Category: Games

Well, I just got back from Vegas and what a trip I had.
Great shows, amazing parties, great crowds, and I left
with a few more dollars than I brought. What a trip.
That LV really is my kind of town...

I played in five poker tournaments while I was there. The
first one was at Treasure Island. They had 38 players and
I took third place. That was good for $450 which got the
trip off to a nice start pokerwise. I actually had a great
shot at first in that one but on my last hand I flopped
a set, got it all-in against a drunk fool, and watched
him go runner-runner to make a flush. If you don't
play poker, suffice it to say that my opponent got a
bit lucky on that one :)

The second tournament I played was at Venetian. They
had 69 players and I finished in first place and I won
over $3,000! Hey, when you're hot you're hot. In this
tournament, I had to deal with a lot of people trying to
intimidate me. This tournament gets a lot of regulars,
local pros who basically go there every night and beat
up on the tourists. Well, not this night. New York is in
the house and I used their egos against them.

One guy at my table was a real jerk and he kept trying
to get information from me about my hands. He was so
obnoxious! But I'm a comedian. I know how to deal with
hecklers. I just said, "Steve, you strike me as a very
strong poker player, so our conversations from this
point forward will be strictly one-sided." The whole
table laughed and Steve went on tilt. It was funny.
I have learned that when a solid player is also a
loud, obvoxious jerk it doesn't pay to talk tough. He
just wants respect, so I am happy to give it to him. I
don't play poker for respect. I play for money. You
can have respect. I'll take the money any day!

I took third place the next day at Treasure Island. It
was just $100 but a win is a win, and for those who
don't play poker I'll just say that cashing in three
straight tournaments is not a common occurence :)

Here's the best part of my little story: I freaking hit
a jackpot on a stupid slot machine! I put $100 into
a Monopoly nickel slot and won $5,000. I can't tell
you how unlikely that was but my guess is that the
odds were somewhere around 600,000 to 1. I can't
believe my luck. See my default picture to see one
happy poker tournament/jackpot winner.

Well, of course I spent all the money on booze
and whores but it was fun while it lasted. I'm
kidding of course. Who needs booze...

10:40 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

A-Rod Sucks and I Want Him
Current mood: amused
Category: Sports

I am a baseball fan. I even play fantasy baseball. A player in my NYC-based fantasy baseball league had the nerve to say this at the end of Boston's weekend sweep of the Yankees: "And A-Rod, well,... I don't think Mickey Mantle or DiMaggio would have gone out on a grounder with a man on first to end the game."

Yankee fans, how can you ask more of A-Rod than he has already given you!?! This is what is wrong with New York sports. The man is having the best April in world history and people are still knocking him down every time he DOESN'T hit a home run!

This has been the best season I could hope for so far. Yankee fans are getting what they deserve. The most expensive team in sports is in last place. The Baltimore Orioles have a winning record. And I am in the unusual position of NOT having to give up Fantasy hope for the Fantasy year before the end of Fantasy April! But that's another story :)

Yankee fans have booed Alex Rodriguez for years, and the guy has not deserved it at all! They knock him every season. "He's not clutch, he sucks." Meanwhile the highest paid player in sports puts up ridiculous numbers year in and year out. In response, they look to a tiny sample size in the '05/'06 postseasons and say he is not a real Yankee. Does anyone remember his first Yankee postseason when he hit .320 with three home runs in fifty at bats and an OBP over .420? Well, it was only two years ago.

Well, mark my words. Next year A-Rod will not be a Yankee at all, real or fake. This man is playing for a new contract with a vengeance and a desire to get the hell away from the ungrateful Bronx Boobirds once and for all. After he leaves this city, he will let these spoiled fans know how it felt to hear those boos year after year. How would you feel if your all-star hitting stats and gold glove defensive skills were met with derision and a disturbing lack of acceptance from your hometown fans and press? He wants to leave and I don't blame him one bit. I think he'd look great in Orange and Black.

If Brian Cashman is smart, he will trade A-Rod in July. At least then he can get something for one of the all-time greats rather than see him walk out the door with one finger extended at the end of September. You read that right. I said September.

For the record, Alex Rodriguez has a career postseason batting average of .280!!! Let's crucify him now, shall we? BOOOOOOO! You suck. You're not clutch! Dimaggio never would have grounded out! Jeter's cuter. And whatever else people in this town say.

The best part of A-Rod's recent hitting explosion has been the fact that it has not translated into a single win for the Damn. Two straight sweeps, one by a team from Tampa Bay, and this Oriole fan can't wipe the smile off his crabcake-eating, Yankee-hating face!

Let's go Yankees! Or better yet, let's not. Even if we do, we'll probably get booed anyway...

====================================================

**Clayton Fletcher is a Baltimore Orioles fan living in New York City. He has written comedy articles for the sports website orioleshangout.com. He will never forget what Jeffrey Maier did to his beloved team and if he ever sees him in a dark alley the kid is dead.

2:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

God Hates Black People
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Sports

Today is the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson's breaking the color barrier in Major League Baseball. Every scheduled MLB game included a planned tribute to the great man who paved the way for African-Americans to participate in the sport I love. Nine of today's fifteen games were canceled due to El Nino, which proves a long-standing theory: God hates Black people. Media watchdogs are so upset about this precipitous (get it?) turn of events that they are actually pressuring God to appear on the Al Sharpton Radio Show next week. They are demanding that The Almighty explain why, on this important day, a record number of games were rained out! God was conveniently unavailable for comment. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Seriously, Jackie Robinson, #42, is a baseball legend among racists and non-racists alike. We non-racists love him because he helped make my favorite sport what it is today, a multi-racial and multi-national competition among the best baseball players in the world. Racists love him for the same reason. Think about it! Were it not for Jackie Robinson, there would probably have been no black students on the Rutgers University Women's basketball team. And then who would that pompous ass Don Imus have to insult to get fired? In a very real sense, Jackie Robinson is the original "Nappy Headed Ho."

Thank you, Jackie, for enabling us to have equal opportunities among all races in our sports and for being the first black man to take one for the team. Baseball would not be the same without the cultural diversity you helped bring about. Without you, we'd still be polluting our cumulative consciousness with the notion that we don't all belong on the same field. And worse yet, that jerk Don Imus would still be polluting the airwaves. You did it, Jackie, and your legend shall live forever.

Oh, by the way. God doesn't really hate Black People. He hates steroids.

7:54 PM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

One Career is Overtaking the Other
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Lately, I have had many auditions such as the BUDDY thing I blogged about last week. That audition went well, as did most of the others. But the phone never rang. It just seems that nobody wants to hire me as an actor these days. And frankly...

That's FINE with me! You see, the comedy end of my career is on fire. I'm booking gigs all over the country, my new jokes are working, I am making friends. Screw theatre! This stand-up gig has it all over you!

In theatre, they tell you where to stand, what to say, when to enter, when to exit, what to wear, what your motivation is, what to carry, how to walk, when to move, everything! In comedy, they tell me what time I'm on and what time I'm off. Other than that, as long as everyone's laughing these clubs don't seem to care what I do. And that's artistic freedom!

Show business is a hard road paved with challenges of struggle and rejection. But I am starting to think that the rejection I have faced lately is a blessing in disguise. Or maybe I am just finding a silver lining with my trademark cock-eyed optimism...

In any event, all of the hard work and energy I have put into this is all worth it when everyone laughs. It feels so good to hear the roar of laughter that I crave so deeply. And lately I have been blessed with many an appreciative comedy club audience. And at those auditions decidedly less appreciative casting directors.

To everyone who has ever sat in a comedy club and really listened and laughed at me, I want you to know that I once ate peanut butter for seven months straight to bring you that joy. And your laughter makes it all worthwhile.

I would never change a thing. I have worked very hard for this and my reward is the beautiful music of a grateful audience. So if you have ever been out there laughing, thank you. Your song means more to me than you could ever know.

3:13 PM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Buddy Holly
Current mood: nervous
Category: Life

Well, I have an audition tomorrow for BUDDY, THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY at Seven Angels Theatre, which is actually where I first did the show nine years ago! Things tend to come full circle in show business, and here I am preparing to audition for my favorite show in the theatre where it all began.

For those who don't know, I have actually done BUDDY ten times, four of them as director/musical director. I have played seven different roles in the show, including Buddy. Tomorrow I will find out whether the good folks at Seven Angels Theatre think I can still pass for nineteen!

I am excited for this chance to maybe do my favorite role one more time before I am old and gray, but if they don't pick me I'm sure I'll write a stand-up routine about how gray hair doesn't go well with thick black glasses.

This one's for all the old guys out there!

10:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

University of Michigan
Current mood: calm

My poker diversion now fully behind me, I now find myself in Ann Arbor, Michigan for the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. I'm working with a very nice and funny guy named Nick Gaza. First show was last night. It went very well. The people here are very intelligent, well educated, and they understand sarcasm! What more could I want? A threesome with a couple sophomores from the Zeta Theta house! Well, you can't have it all. I'm looking forward to the weekend.

I am now sitting at Beaner's Coffee Shop and I'm surrounded by college hotties! Not that any of us are looking at each other, of course. We're all completely focused on our laptops (thanks, free WiFi!). The redhead next to me is typing a biology paper and the one in front of me is looking at pictures of Britney's pubes. Are there no men at this school at all? Not that I'm complaining...

It snowed about two inches last night, so it should be interesting to see whether that affects the turnout for the big show tonight. I doubt it will but you never know. I think these Michiganers are probably used to wintery weather by now. It's a good sign that the precipitation didn't deter the blonde in the pink sweatshirt from coming to Beaner's to visit Perez Hilton for the latest in celebrity lingerie omissions.

I am working on a new joke about my iPod Shuffle. The premise is that I don't know which one of my songs it will play next, so I am always surprised but never disappointed. The problem is the joke feels a little like a commercial for Apple instead of a comedy bit at this point. It's hard to be funny about something positive, and having this iPod is positive. It's changed my life. There I go, making Apple another commercial. Help me, somebody!!!

12:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

WSOP Circuit Event in Tunica, MS
Current mood: optimistic

After a full month of road work mostly in the Midwest, I decided to take a nice trip with my buddy Dylan (www.dylandrazen.com) to play a little poker. We traveled to Tunica, Mississippi for fun and games during the World Series of Poker Circuit Event there. We agreed to divide any and all winnings.

In the first event we played, I took what is known as a "bad beat" when I had ace-king against ace-queen and the ace-queen won even though I flopped a king. For those reading this who don't know about poker, let me just say I was a 91% favorite at one point in the hand (the flop) and I lost anyway! Ugly. This was a $550 event and from that moment it was up to Dylan to bring home the bacon.

Well, he brought home the bacon. The tournament lasted two days, and Dylan finished 35th out of 750! This was good for $1200, which we split as agreed:

http://www.bluffmagazine.com/players/playerBIOs.asp?playerID=26483

I used my share of the winnings to play in a satellite for the World Series of Poker Tunica Championship Main Event, which is a $5,150 buy-in that attracts the biggest stars in the poker world. I won that satellite and that gave me a ticket to the big dance. I was hoping to get a nice share of the $2 million prize pool. Dylan was hoping for me to do that too, since we had the same agreement to share all winnings!

Players in this event included Michael "The Grinder" Mizrachi, Barry Greenstein, Men "The Master" Nguyen, Eskimo Clark, Nam Le, Cindy Violette, and I don't even know how many others. I didn't get to sit with any of these hotshots, because my luck at the beginning of the tournament was so bad that I was gone in three hours! For poker fans, I flopped a set of kings and lost the hand and in another hand I lost with a king-high straight! That's bad luck.

I had a great time taking this fun little diversion from my show biz lifestyle and just playing cards for four days. I didn't come home a winner but it was a trip I will always remember. Now I'm off to go tell some jokes and make some of that money I lost back! I love playing poker, but I'm not about to quit my night job.

11:53 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment