Welcome to L.A.
Current mood: accomplished

I haven't blogged in a while, but since I might be working at a video game company I need to get used to being a nerd again. My lovely trip to L.A., what a great little shit hole. When I first got here everything was pretty hopeful, I had a second interview with a company that I liked, I signed a lease to an amazing place, and I met a guy at a cemetery screening of Clockwork Orange. The screening was pretty awesome b/c there were some teenage gutter punks sitting in front of us that proceeded to get this tiny girl stoned and drunk, then feel her up. So it was kind of like watching a reenactment of the movie, while the movie was playing. Anyway the very next week ,in this order, my car gets stolen, the job position gets put on hold, and I find out on the third date that the guy I met is a heroin addict. All my friends can say is well,"Welcome to L.A." Is that the welcome wagon here, for them to steal your wagon? What happens in other cities? I just got stabbed! Well, welcome to Detroit. I just got lazy! Well, welcome to Austin. I would have preferred some brownies, or a basket of those mini muffins. Oh, and the guy. Well, we all know that I sure know how to pick 'em. I can just imagine the time he had to stop by his house, I'm sitting on his couch thinking,"Wow, this guy really likes me and he's such a gentleman." While he's in the bathroom chasing the dragon. I guess don't go out on a date with people you meet in cemeteries. My car was found but nobody notified me, until I got a letter two weeks after it had been in the impound. So, now it's like 800 dollars to get it out and it's smashed to hell. The cool thing about it is since the thing was hot-wired I only had to put my key in half way, turn it and the engine would come on then I could take the key out and the engine will still be running. Awesome. It's almost like having one of those remote ignitions where you can turn your car on a couple minutes before you drive it, so the car will be cooled off when your ready to drive. So, I have to sign my title over to the tow company if I don't want to pay any fees. But the god thing is I know when they are auctioning it so I could possibly buy it back for less than the impound fees. It's been a rough month but at least I'm not homeless. Yet.

9:24 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

old sketches

When a tupperware party and a baby shower combine. The Perfect Gift.



I'm crushing your head.

12:26 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

my attempt at comics

9:58 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this event: This Sucks! The Comedy Chicken Wire Show

Hosted By: The Austin Comedy Trainwreck
When: Sunday May 25, 2008
at 9:30 PM
Where: Beerland
711 Red River
Austin, TX 78701
United States
Description:
The Austin Comedy Trainwreck

Click Here To View Event

7:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Do U (Heart) Racism? - Come check out The Austin Comedy Trainwreck Show @ Beerland Tuesday 2/26

Do U ((Heart)) Racism?
Current mood: angry
Category: Blogging



Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages (so long as it's over 21)...

Next Tuesday, February 26, Beerland Presents The Austin Comedy Trainwreck: ((Heart)) Racism. In celebration of the only month smart enough to give you a guilt trip about love and slavery, we present you a show the likes of which you are guaranteed to have never seen...and probably never see again.

Featuring the following multi-cultural / ethnic comics:

Avi Hartman: founder of the Trainwreck and our resident Jew that we blame personally for the Holocaust, Avi sweats bile and spews out anger at the stupidity of life. Avi always kicks it up a notch for these shows, and this promises to be memorable.

Rey Soto: Rey doesn't give a fuck if you like him or not. And your race means exactly jack and shit to him. Get offended if you feel like it, but you can settle you differences over a shot and a beer later. You're buying, of course.

Albert Im: Our resident keeper of Ancient Chinese secrets, Albert is faster than a speeding mullet. Don't let the nice guy off stage fool you; it's the crazy guy onstage that you should watch.

Natalie Cox: at the Abortion show in January, Natalie destroyed the room. And being the only bitch on this show, she's gotta work twice as hard to earn only 2/3 of your hatred as the male comics. When Natalie brings it, consider it brung.

Eric J. Krug: Eric is...I don't know, Samoan, maybe? Doesn't matter, cuz under his unmerciful gaze, your color means squat. We are all douchebags, just in different colors. Like skittles, except for, y'know, washin' the vag. And Eric will tell you all about it.

And finally...

Jimmie Roulette: If you missed Jimmie at our Homer's show a while back, you missed something special. It's the only time I've seen Jimmie, and he dealt with a room full of cholo hecklers without batting an eyelash (some of whom were armed and looked dangerous and one of whom had just gotten out of prison...for real). As always with Roulette, you gotta bet on the black.

And stick around for our special musical guest, DJ Angel Von Ripper, who will be tearing it up for your black (and white and purple and green) little hearts.

Cover is $5, doors open at 9:00 show starts PROMPTLY at 10:00 p.m.
Beerland, downtown on Red River, between Elysium and the Red Eyed Fly.

So pay a homeless victim of Katrina to watch your car, come on in, and laugh at our hatred.

Live free or die TACTfully..

9:53 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this event: No! Wire! Hangers!

Hosted By: The Austin Comedy Trainwreck
When: Tuesday Jan 22, 2008
at 9:30 PM
Where: Beerland
711 Red River
Austin, Texas|44 78701
United States
Description:
The Austin Comedy Trainwreck

Click Here To View Event

12:57 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

predisposed

and Van Morrison makes me think of love lost. Is everyone this fucked in the head or just my immediate company? I've smoked about a half of pack of cigarettes today. I tried to quit drinking last week, that lasted about two days, then back to making an ass of myself. I don't know what I'm doing these days. I seem to have an inability to commit whole heartly to anyone or anything. I don't even remember what it feels like to love someone or something, just what it feel like to not. I'm dispassionate about comedy and writing. When trying to figure out what type of career I should go for yesterday, I opened the dictionary up at random, closed my eyes and pointed at the word,"dilatory".  Which means tending or intending to cause delay, characterized by procrastination.
Great, well I'm good at that. I guess I'll decide next week.

1:35 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Chris Hansen

I was watching "Dateline to Catch a Predator" last night, which ironically was more funny than it was scary. There was one body builder that they caught which his internet nickname was TopDogGenuis, with genius spelled inncorrectly, this seemed appropriate. The last guy kind of broke my heart a little bit, because when Chris Hansen walked out to question him, he was like, "oh my god, I love your show. I watch it all the time." Chris Hansen asked him, " Well, then you knew it was illegal to solicite sex from a 14 year old didn't you. What would have happened if I had not been here?"

The guy said," With a guy like me who knows."

Chris,"Would you have had sex with this girl?"

The guy said," Probably not considering what happens whenever I try to get with a girl."

Chris asked," So what is you job?"

The guy," I work for a waste disposal dispatch center."

Chris," Is that a good job?"

The guy," Well it was."

Chris says," Well, since you have seen our show, I guess you know what happens next.

The guy just puts his hands behind his back and says,"This is going to be a long night."

But before he gets arrested he asks Chris Hansen for some dat. They knock fists together and he gets arrested. Hilarious.

This whole exchange just started making think about how much publicity these guys are getting and what if there was a struggling actor that just wanted to get his fifteen minutes of fame, so he tried to get on this show. He would spend most of his days in chat rooms trying to get a face to face with a fifteen year old girl. Show up to her house with Mike's Hard Lemonaide and a pizza look around for the hidden cameras, because he wants to make sure they are on his right because that's his good side. When he realizes he is not on the show he just leaves the lemonaide and pizza and tries again.

Or on this show I want to see the non-apologetic guy.
Where Chris Hansen will come out and ask," So were you planning on having sexual relations with this young girl?"

unapologetic guy," Fuck yeah I was."

Chris Hansen," don't you know that it is illegal?"

unapologetic guy," Oh, I see it's illegal to me, but not to the imperialistic family that marries off it's 14 year old daughter to an older man to gain great wealth. Just because, I'm a blue collar loser, it's illegal for me. Well, here's my dowry--- He leaves the pizza and a six pack behind.

Now that would be a great show.

1:04 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

the last month or so.

So I've had some crazy shit happen to me in the last month. I've been trying to work it out on stage but at the present I can't find the funny in it.  Maybe I'll stumble upon something in writing this blog.  So, I got robbed last month. Which whatever shit happpens but the only thing that really pissed me off about the whole situation is the lack of effort from my detective. Before I had even given him any information like a serial number for my computer he tells me, "We probably will not find your computer, because most people don't sell stolen computers at pawn shops anymore they usually go to computer resellers in the area."

" Really, well if you know that then couldn't you get a list of those store and I don't know investigate, also known as do your job? "

He told me," well there are just so many people who have had their computers stolen that we can't really spend that much time on it."

 Huh, I see. Well, sir (saying in a tone that meant okay you lazy worthless fucking pig),  I understand I wouldn't want you to go out of your way to help me--- so could I get a list of these stores and give them a call myself.

The fucker said," Yes, you can do that. I don't have a list like that, but I'm sure you can look them up in the phone book. And If I find out anything, you will be the first one to know."

Thanks, that's very reassuring. Ass.

Oh, next on the non-stop adventures of the Cox. I hope you have your seatbeat on, like I did--- when I hit a pregnant pedestrian with my car.  Yes that's right. It's not everyday when you hit a person with your car but I got two birds with one stone. Lucky me. She was fine besides banging her head through my windshield and spilling the tub of butter she was carring all over herself and the hood of my car. (Just to clarify, the tub of butter I speak of was actually butter, not another way of saying I killed her baby.)  

(more to come)

5:34 PM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

that's right

I just got my first fan letter. Here it is:

10:26 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment