The wolves......a walk through the forest of change...
Current mood: grateful
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

December 18th 2007
See ME in Everything
(an exerp from Eileen Cady's Open inner doors)

Stop with wasting energy on trying to win something and allow things to just happen. Dont allow worry to bind and blind you. Learn to place all the burdens on me, so that you are free to do my will and wander my path. I am not able to use you if you are bound up inside yourself and cant even see the forest because of all of the trees.

Relax and release. Be still and stop to appreciate lifes miracles. Let your mind rest in me. Open your eyes see me in everything and give thanks constantly. When you can see me in everything, your heart will be so filled you cant fail at being grateful.

Gratefullness will just bubble up inside of you and flow outward. You cant hide a heart that is filled with love and thankfulness because it reflects outward so everyone sees it. When you are filled with joy and thankfulness you attract others to yourself. Every one is happy to be together with a soul that is flowing of love because love attracts love.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well I havnt written in awhile because i was in a place where I had to again go through difficulties and coping mechanisms to get through certain parts of my own existance.

Most know by now that while I was in the states caring for my terminally ill mother, that upon my return my partner of 13 years informed me he had met another and moved directly into her bed, leaving me with the house to sell and the rest to fix myself. Nice comming home present? Not really!

I went through all sorts of emotions..anger, understanding ,fear, glad, jeolousy, murder, violence, rage, sorrow ..vengence and grief as I still have unrealased grief for the deaths of my sister, my son ..and little cousin sweet pea Brittany , my friend Jennifer and my granny and now my mother who is still alive but...... I'll just leave that thought right there

I actually know that deep down my intentions were to move on away from him for about a year in my heart and release all the negativity still blocking in my life. With my psychic activity and trance medium developments began to grow we grew more apart...and he said he didnt want to have anything to do with it because it scared him . ( At first he would call me crazy , sick and that I was just a witch and nutty.He eventually admitted it scared him and he didnt want to know it existed)
So This wasnt working in my life and my relationship was not at all harmonious but I just didnt expect it to happen this way.at such a time. i was truely shocked although i got dreams and premonitions while i was still in the states. Dont understand why I was so shocked but I was.

Anyone of these challenges Ive had lately would effect anybody in a tough way..they have been very tough things to take myself through and they all have come at once one after another without a breathing space...they all have been extremly difficult but Ive been growing from them enormously. Ive learned to look through a situation for the most part and re balance quickly.

Had I not been a spiritualist and had medial abilites I would not be at peace inside as I am today. Id probably be an alcholic or something empty by now or even dead maybe. Yes I have had several breakdowns of total tear jerking grief and a couple days during some of it i said...NO MORE i dont want to live through any more of this...but just then certain angels turn up in human form...just when Ive needed them most.


One of these angels is Cynthia an american friend of mine who moved in with me a month to keep me and my son calm who didnt like to see me so upset. He felt helpless. She was very generous when i needed help and helped within a blink of an eye. Im so thankful for her. She was also one of the ones who was there for me like crazy when my son was killed. Organized, helped collected you name it.

Another angel popped up unexpectedly through this site as well whos name is Patrick on my profile page..I was having a very hard time balancing myself a couple weeks ago again and crying constantly for hours-..as a situation pushed my trigger button. I d be fine and positive and look forward a week and then something would trigger a dive down into a very hard sad place to be..where i just couldnt break the mood swing... his name is Patrick and this is what he wrote.......



TWO WOLVES

One evening an elder Cherokee told his Grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.He said...

"My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealously, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.It is joy, peace,love,hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The Grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his Grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The elder Cherokee simply replied.......

"The one you feed."

That was it!!! That was exactly what I needed and it was given to me by an earth angel..it made sense and i could see it so every time now that I have a negative moment or bout of anger in my current situation, I see this wolves face and remember those words and it changes my thought on the spot. Im so thankful for it. I dont even think he realizes how much it helped. All I say to myself now is I chosse to feed the ligth wolf. ......if i get stuck in a dark moment. I have used it and it works like a charm.so i could release the grip and move on quickly.

It is perfect. Thankyou for sending that and i m hoping it will help someone else as much as it spoke to me. In a great time of need. Ive had so many things that are reason enough to want to feed the other wolf but i dont want to I want the good wolf. Thats it.

Now last but not least I go as often as I can to meditate with Thomas Dilva and Helena among others at Thomas Dilevas Temple of Cosmic light in Stockholm...

Now Thomas is a musican actually a famous one here in Sweden but he is also a very well highly developed spirituality and hold sound mediations , satsang and transmissions of cosmic light. These sessions are absolutely fantastic and are of definate higher frequency. I also get soul food seed when im there he happens to say just way the right thing that i needed to hear. ONE of them was about meditation in darkness away from electricity and light and sound...he has done it for 40 days an hour a day....aferwards he said he knew exactly what he would do for the rest of his life.

This is what i need to know because ive been developing alot psychically and that part has evolved tremendously and now i need to know were or how im going to move forward with it.. so ive started to meditate in the darkness every day this was my 4rth day. So far ive heard that I shall fast 1 week and then begin the transformation of going vegitarian..so this is what i will do after the new year. so far..

Ive asked certain questions and im going inside to find the answers.to hear them. So thankyou that was the third angel and his assitent Helena is the forth ....

I would like to get Thomas Dilvea and crew to do some of these sessions on the east coast. of USA He has recently traveled to the west coast and had a great experience there. The east coast of USA needs him so anyone that is involved in a Yogi center or a on spiritual seminar type of facilites for people interested in development of this sorts contact me please..this is an extraordinary experience.

In the meantime go and listen ot his latest album He is on my top friends list. They are all mantras and done in music that is easy and enjoyable to listen to..to see who it is im speaking of.

Wishing everyone...a great holiday spirit.....

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

with love connielee

2:31 PM - 16 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Remembering Alexander March 12th 1989 - October 30th 2005
Current mood: anxious
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Alexander

2 years have past on todays date that my life took a major change and you passed over to the other side and yes the pain is still there but Im learning to llive with seeing you in spirit.

Life has changed so tremendously since you have gone back to the otherside...
I know this is all part of the plan weve made..so im trying very hard to not fasten in the negative aspects of life right now......I can t say its been easy love but I rise... I fall but I always I rise again....and refocus on love.

Thanks for coming though ..so many times through others and to me in my dreams to send me messages my beloved son. and while channeling. I know its harder for me to receive just you becuase of the closeness and bond. And emotional blockage. It has been a comfort though when you have appeared. You are greatly missed on the physical plane by many. Join us all today as we remember the essence of you Alex..Youve touched so many in your short life.

I will be so grateful the day we are reunited in another form....
thankyou for being mine those 16.5 short wonderful years

Today your brother will sing for you and i will meet some of your closest friends and light candles on your grave and at the tunnel by the train where you left this world......

Your friends really wanted me to do another memorial at the church but I felt I need to do it this more quitely today.......trying to move forward. But they do want to go to the tunnel with me as I am a part of you and they are a part of you for me as well.

Thankyou for visiting again my medial mentor and teacher medium Irene and giving her that message you did about the other boy who got killed on the train. She gave me the names and place you told her before it even happrned and she told me. I didnt know what happened but you came to her and told her. I didnt understand what she menat until i heard about this boy getting killed by a train also.You gave her names the place and a message. and that was increadable.Not really as I have this gift as well but .....it still is always a joy to know life does exist beyond.
Thankyou Alex...Ill pass those words on to those who are close to this boy who is there with you.


My love forever!!!!!!!
your mother connielee







Death , Life
by N
It stalks the night
It stalks the day
It seeks out life
And whisks it away
It's known as death
And other things too
But it's all the same
What matters is you.
How do you see it?
What does it mean?
It's best if you know
For death is unseen.
It can take you at day
It can take you at night
Knowing death well
Can lend you some light
The passage to death
Is always unclear
And it's best to know
That you're very near.
For death is at hand
It is for us all
Know it's face well
So you don't stumble and fall
Now think hard on death
And know that it's near
And the meaning of life
Will be all to clear
And that is to live
For your hearts desire
Not to stumble or fall
But to burn with a fire.
A fire for life
To live for each day
To reach for your dreams
No matter what people say
Life is a question
And death holds a clue
Reach not for the answer
For your life's not due
Live for the moment
And die for it too
For it's the moment that counts
It, and you
Now I'm all done
I've said what I'll say
Just remember one thing
Live for the day!


PS sending out a warm wishes from heart to heart to Connie..aka Witchy Woman and her family who has recently lost her own 16 year old son Andrew to to Luekemia...may your journey be touched with a blanket of love...and me we continue to remember our sons with the utmost joy and gratefulness.

4:30 AM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Life Lesson...
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

October 12th LOVE NEVER GIVES UP

Can you really love, when you are challenged by being tested and feel like everything is against you? It is easy to show love when everything is going well. It is when you notice that everything is going against you, that you have a tendancy to stop the flow of love. Just then is when the need of LOVE is at its greatast. When you can love inspite of all the outer circumstances then you can be sure that my godly love is flowing through you and to you. That wonderful love will win in the end.

Love never gives up and pushes through one way and then another until it succeeds and wins. Love is mild as well as strong with endurance. Like water when it erodes a way even through the hardest of hearts. So never except a NO as an answer. Love and continue to love and see how the road opens for you.

from Open inner doors..Eileen Cady
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I always start my blogs with the daily words of Eileen Cady.: This book that I read daily has changed my life. I never know what it will be about when I start the blog. I knew what i was going to write about but not the words from Inner Doors until I translated them here. It seems to always be a divine inspiration and timing that passed perfectly in with my words about to come...I love it when that happens ..Its for me always another confirmation that Im not out in space somewhere and that there is a higher power at work.

IVe been going through some serious..releasing of old patterns and muck with serious life lessons lateley.
To look at it from above it is very interesting in the whole plan of things but being in the center of it can be trying and difficult to see how and where it leads. I see how I as a human ..Err anyway and that this is an important growing process and that it is happening so that i can be completley healed.
yes even I have faults dont tell anybody!

About being loving here...I am very loving but unfortunately just before I posted this I had a call from my ex partner whos only been my ex since the 26th august. I must admit I wasnt at all loving and quite aggressive in my words.. As a matter of fact I released my wrath of scorpio anger upon him and have a very very hard time being loving..towards him since he moved directly from me straight into another womans home. It infuriates me but at the same time I realize its only an EGO issue and as a matter of fact the love between us was gone and this was the only way the universe could meet my wish..I was too afraid to leave him and move out on my own.

Now this will teach me all is well and I have an abundance...and to trust in my instincts and that I have limitless power. This I truly believe.
That my faith in myself will grow and I need not fear. Fear has inhibited me and its time to release them. Im ready to be my true self.

Why is that ? I know it is because im getting lessons that Ive needed to learn. One of them is in universal Cause and Effect as well as the Law of Attraction. And a lesson in getting past EGO and learning true forgiveness. Im working on it....

These lessons sometimes have to come in a way that really grab your attention and Im aware of this. As my physical trance mediumship develops I see how each part of my life that I was emotionaly stuck in has been becomming transformed.. and replaced. The more I allow myself to open up to the channeling from my guides and spirit the more I release....I am convinced I needed to learn these lessons to be a proper instrument for helping others. We as light workers get tested much harder..Im convinced of that.

Ive dedicated my life to it so i guess Ill need to learn these life lessons as quickly and painlessly as possible. It isnt so easy but it must be done.
I know that I,,,, by using my thoughts and the universal law of attraction have caused this breakup. I sent a thought out to the universe many months ago how i wanted my personal love relationship healed or i wanted a better love in my life as I was quite unhappy in my 13 year relationship.. This one was septic and had become, destructive, negative and very difficult. My medial abilites scare him and he doesnt want any part of it. either. Which is a problem becuase it is 100% of me now. Not only that we stopped listening to one another.

Well low and behold because I had difficulties leaving him for fear of being alone (didnt want to hurt him either) ..the universe did it in the only way that would make it permanent. By allowing him to start seeing another woman while i was in the states helping my terminally ill mother. Upon my return he moved out within 3 days later telling me he moved in with a work mate but infact moved in with a new woman. Just two weeks earlier he caled me in the states and again asked me to marry him. Imagine that. Well i said no again. I had been getting medial images and dreams in the USA and Sweden about this him an d another borwn haired woman. i actually wrote al my dreams down but when he was confronted He denied it when i asked. never under estimate dreams people...I get alot of true ones you probably do also.

. Now that worked. Its definately over. The step was taken for me so I didnt have to take it. Actually Im thankful somewhere in side. I was furious and felt betrayed but here comes the other lessons..
I believe I made some choices while in USA that were less than angelic so to speak and I think this is also a universal law of Cause and effect.

You see we really are truly responsible for our world around us. We create it. and I have created mine. So I need to really pay attention to this universal law and learn forgiveness for both myself and to others...
The ego part of being betrayed is a funny thing. I know its an ego thing and I believe i have clipped the chords of the emotional baggage there but i still get angry when i talk to him.
I need to move out of my house I guess that feels like the hardest part..but I know this is all part of my lesson and Im gonna do it with love inside my heart and release the rest of the
old..baggage that is needed to go.

So heres the ones Im aware of that have been extreemly releavant the past 8 months..

The Law of Manifestation. Everything manifest begins as a thought, an idea. Ideas and experiences create beliefs which in turn, create your reality. If you are unhappy with your current reality, you must change your beliefs and your behavior. Beliefs can be changed when you recognize those that are not working for you, and begin programming what will create success and harmony in your life. The unlimited creative power of your mind, through dedication, awareness and training, can be the wisdom to rise above your Karma. Within physical and spiritual laws, you can manifest any reality you desire to experience. In regard to changing your behavior, you must decide which disharmonious behavior you want to eliminate. Then be aware that you don't have to change how you feel about something to affect it, if you are willing to change what you are doing

The Law of Resistance. That which you resist you draw to you, and you will perpetuate its influence upon your life. Resistance is fear, so it is something you need to Karmically resolve. The Law of Resistance assures that you let go of the fear by encountering it until you are forced to deal with it by learning conscious detachment.

1:16 AM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Welcome to my release Party
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

Really you say?  Well it is a release party that is for sure but not my sons record release which will be coming out on swedish radio in a couple weeks just yet.

 This release party is a release of all  the old patterns Ive had and the life I have once known before this day and negative things Ive had in my life. I release them now...and heal my past and release its bondage.

My first project being my 13 year relationship which is now over as of Monday this past week so I release all bad feelings about this and release the attatchements to my house...
I release all bad feelings of anger .sorrow, over  all the deaths and illnesses around me and unhappiness. I release it to be healed.

I instead invite..peace, happiness, pure.. healthy.. harmonious love and joyfulness into my life from now on. I choose love and joy its a life choice every day!.
I release all the fear that i have had about moving on and not having faith. .I release that as well

and I welcome a new clean slate in every aspect of my life Welcome to my party-!.

8:21 AM - 16 Comments - 21 Kudos - Add Comment

Exposing An Empty Hole
Current mood: some what calmer now
Category: some what calmer now Dreams and the Supernatural

I actually had written this as a bulletin  but decided Id bettter save it...so once again..

EXPOSING AN EMPTY HOLE............ BY CONNIELEE..

Every so now and then whether wanting to or not I meet the empty hole in my heart when I realize the truth of never physically touching or seeing you again in my life time. ..My beautiful son.

This fact is almost unbearable when I allow myself the courage to look at it. It opens when I'm feeling vulnerable for other reasons.

I asked you to come with me today through as I set myself into deep trance  mode so I could find my place of peace and try to heal myself some.

We walked slowly through a sunny, beautiful meadow filled with butterflies and with pleasant floral aromas and a peaceful wind and bright sunlight to warm our skin..

I continued to visualize and we walked closer and closer to the flowing water I could hear the roar  from the near by brook and I told you to wait with me while I walked down into the water to cleanse myself of anger and frustration.

To rinse away sorrow and

 .To release the negative energy that was trying to attach itself here on me.

You held my hand and went in the water with me…so I could release and cleanse myself from these heavy emotion of sadness…. anger and aggravation.

 I allowed the rippling cool water to refresh my aura and all emotional and physical bodies that were effected and I washed away all the pain sorrow and frustration. And increasing..anger.

 You used to love to swim Alexander

The sun beat down on us. I sent you back again to the other side of the bank of the water and there you stood with your auntie,, my sister waving to me and Brittany your 17 year old cousin and granny Bain and My friend  Jennifer. All in spirit form now.

You are all preparing now to receive mom now..my mother is starting her process of transformation  but she suffers so..  For a moment the hole left in my heart by letting go of all of you is enough to take my own physical breathe way…..

Then I realize that this is all as it should  be that the lessons I learn  through all this loss and suffering is bigger than I realized and that this is all part of my growth..and that I have been co-creator of this plan even if I question its severity at times.

This empty huge hole in my heart from the loss of you Alexander  to the other side only gets exposed when I'm feeling overwhelmed..But thank you my precious angel for going to that brook today with me and bringing all the others to say hello. I know you were really there I will try to focus on the soul lesson ……and not attract any more depleting energy that is ruthless …..

These lessons are to teach me to be strong, courageous and confident. We cannot know our strength until tested.  Nothing happens by accident. All has purpose…

And ….im preparing for the storm.

I now forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed and ask for strength to continue this care for my mother until she decides she's ready and try to love the negative people around her and not mourn for those who have crossed but thank them for the lessons I've learned …..whew. 

I love you Alexander……

12:20 PM - 18 Comments - 19 Kudos - Add Comment

.....an unusual moment...suprised channeling
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Opening inner doors

May 17th  Everything is part of a whole

Everthing is a piece of a whole and you are one of its pieces. When you completely understand this and can accept it, you will never experience any acceptances. You will never be able to do anything outside of this whole, because it is life that is made out of actions and gives life energy and reality.  Begin right now by living and beginning to learn and dont let this lesson pass you over. as if they were empty words without ground.

A seed wont grow unless it is planted in the ground and it has the right environment. A soul cant develop, grow and find expression, before it is in its right environment, surrounded by love and understanding. Under these conditions things begin to happen and change comes very quickly.The old is replaced by the shining of the new light and consciousness grows and expands without any interference.

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My mothers lap top is not allowing me to post photos on this blog which is somewhat dissapointing because I took a picture of a divine cherry tree in their back yard that is in blossom...It is glorious ...but at least I can type words.

It is quite interesting being here back in the states for such a long time now and now Ive been allowed to stay another month . Its increadable because im looking at life here with different eyes and hard life experience behind me. I have changed alot and opened doors receiving spiritual gifts that have totally blown my mind. Im much more aware of people and situations and the small things that we over look..like a beautiful butterfly or a bird flying by. Or how people are and who crosses your path and why. They are all amazing,. and I realise how empathetic I really am as well. It shocks me.The more Im opening doors as a medium  the more I have to really watch myself. Im like a  huge magnet.

I am constantly putting up a shield to not be so affected here by people, moods, situations, anger, sense of lost and sorrow. I realise that when I cant shake a mood that may have all of a sudden  hit me than I have absorbed it collectively from others in this area and I get amazed everytime.  Its rather unpleasant and thankgod I realise its not coming from me. I do feel grief now and then for my son and sister but I get through it rather quickly and that I can deal with but its difficult if other energies attach themselves.

This certainly happened when I went to my sisters grave for the first time in 2,5 years since i picked her plot out and we burried her.I havnt been inthe statesinthis area since  to see her stone in place.  Last weekend my cousin, my brother in law and his NEW fiance were with me... and I lost it. It bothered me ..his new fiance was in my sisters house and that she was with us. I felt overwhelmed and having her pushed on me before I was ready although shes nice and my brother in law deserves to be happy. I surprisingly was having a hard time with it. Well she was with us and it felt strange she was there because I hadnt  been able to go to the cemetary here in the states since they lowered the casket in the ground . Ive released that now my  negative feelings aboutthis but...it took hard work. Dom, my sisters husband says hes happy so m happy.

It took me 2 days to release heart crushing sorrow though suddenly afterwards. It  just hit me until I realized it was coming from several people around me... I tried everything to lift the mood and  cleanse it  away. I finally had help again from a medium to remind me where it was  all coming from and I was finally  able to release it.

 I had collectively attracted it  like a magnet all of the  others grief as well while feeling  a taste of my own. It was my cousins grief who lost her husband, and helped my sister  towards the end of her life, and from my sisters husband who just also lost my sisters dog ..a few days earlier the last of my sister. It saddened him deeply. I was not comfortable going there with his new  fiance being there at that moment. Long story  and I m trying to deal with it....Ill learn to love her.

Another thing Ive become sorely aware of is...

Ive notices how many people are struggling, lost.... dont have a clue about what is really important in life and  allowing energy to drain in negative whining about petty things. They dont even realize that  they are attracting things to themselves and how they allow petty things to make or break them Im not kidding I get totally amazed. I dont know where to start but every where I look it feels as if I want to throw water in their faces and  say STOP! dont you understand what your doing? Wake UP!!!! Start bringing love into your lives and stop F**** around. You could be dead tomorrow and your worried about trivial..BS.

I dont mean to sound arrogant that is not how I mean it. I certainly dont feel above anyone or better than them but Im not stuck anymore and Im totally done with wasting time! Im also very glad Ive been awakened and can make spirituality work for me and allowing myself to be a channel to help make this a better place for people who are stuck..theres so many!

I went to a well known medium in this area because I needed to find out if what Id been feeling was correct on a spiritual  level...and certain information that had come to me I need to be confirmed. She agreed and I was confirmed.. that what I had been seeing was correct. among other things.

We had an interesting experience. I found her very good and she said I had powerful energy that effected her.  It was a pure and clean energy she said. I started freezing in there as our guides blended, I almost started channeling hers because I was open too and the experience was increadable for both of us. She said she was feeling everything I was getting and the energy was so stong in there it was ice cold and I would jerk and shiver in the flow of energy it effects me strongly because Im so sensative to it now. She actually said I had a huge sea of energy that was flowing down to me. I sure feel it when it flows rocks me off my feet. She said in a loving way my energy was so strong it was driving her nuts Shes not used to getting someone like me around and she couldnt wait till I left so she could adjust.. hehehehe I took it as a good sign and a compliment.

 Anyway after finding out and confirming what I needed to know..she actually told me to practice my trance channeling 15 mintues a day so that when I channel as a trance channeler my guide or whoever of the higher realm will  be channeled into me physically, much more smoothly. It will happen in a snap of a fingure. That however hasnt been the case since this phenomenon or ability has presented itself.

Probably like a gymnast who has to practice there tumbles and jumps to get it smooth and make it look easy.

I have a very physical reaction when channeling so  I guess with practice it is mastered easier. I really have had physical exhaustion from it..it is a total exertion on my physical being as well and it takes a toll because of the higher vibration of the entity speaking through me.  

I have been doing this every day now channeling my guide and recording when he comes though. Today when I finished. I heard my mother had returned from getting a PET Scan to see where her cancer is right now.I shut down quickly....(so I thought)

I walked into her room to talk to her and within a couple seconds I started freezing. I reacted strongly becaue it wasnt a breeze..so I moved a  little further and it got really cold and I recognized the energy.

 Then I shivered  and jerked through my whole body for a few minutes,couldnt stand up straight because I was rocking on my feet in a flow of electric icy energy and then when I sat on her bed...the person began  to speak  through me....

It said...." My name is Joseph..... hello Diana..your time... is limited....." this came out very slowly  and in a deep voice.

She recognized who it was.....and said oh uncle Joe!

I heard it ..though Iwas present outside myself and was stunned because it was her deceased uncle Joe a hungarian and he just told her that her time on earth is running out. Well I jerked and spattered more and someone else started coming and i stopped it. I said no It is  I who decides when. and I stopped it. .

Both her and I were overwhelmed at what had just happened and the message she got without asking.... in her bedroom.

I am so perplexed on why this happened in this way.. She said she had wanted to know and had been thinking about it. I sure guess she got her answer.

I felt kind of sad that it came out that way..it was a surprise to us both. It was done in a loving way.in spirit which  i felt only love while channeling but still....it hit me. a spontanious channeling. He must have been waiting for me inside her room or was following her because the chill I walked into was amazing. (It was his sister, my grandmother who was also psychic in my family)

I  believe there are no accidents and what was said and done was as it should be but. wow!

My mother also hopes that I learn to do this more smoothly she says it looks awful when I channel. I asked her how she felt about what she just heard and she said she didnt really know  yet she was shocked and doesnt really feel ready to go!

I am so thankful that the universe lined it up so that I can be with her now!! Thankyou....Im so so grateful!!!!!

and as I write from my higher self..

....shadows are places of denial where one does not see his own reflection.It is not apart of who a soul is but what it gathers on its journey.  Shed light upon your shadows and know truth. .. see yourself in the true light and know..you are loved...

4:32 PM - 14 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

...appreciation of the power of NOW
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life

In USA from Myrtle beach back to New York

..

Opening inner doors….

April 27^th    Why not be optimistic in this life?

Why not always expect the best always find the best and always create the best? Optimism leads to energy. Pessimism leads to weakness and misfortune. Let the spirits power flow through you and create a world of beauty, peace and harmony  around yourself.

When your view of the world is optimistic, you lift up all other souls around you. And give them hope. You will always find that like attracts like and our optimism, is like rings on the surface of water. There is always hope in life and even if it is a tiny spark in the beginning.

If it is surrounded by love and hope in the right atmosphere then the little spark will flame up in strength. It grows and grows until you are burning with the spirits fire which is unextinguishable and impossible to put out.

When you once have become lit nothing will prevent it from spreading.

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I feel Ive been given that spark and no matter what life has been throwing at me these past few years , the flame has not been extinguished.

Being in the states again for  so many weeks has been interesting in many ways..I learn more about myself everyday. As all know. I am here in New York Because I wanted to be with my mother who has terminal lung cancer. You also may know that my sister and grandmother recently died with it along with my son although  that was a separate issue.

My  spiritually has grown a lot through these different deaths andI have learned to understand the transformation process better and to make peace with it.

Some things ive learned in these weeks Ive been back IN USA is How extremely empathic I really am, How focusing on the eternal NOW is a very important.. AND

How love really does heal.and how once again divine timing is present around me.

I am so thankful for this time to be with my mother. Shes a tough ol ' bird and she has perked up alot while im here. She gets chemo to just keep her going as long as possible and while she goes down so low after each session I try to do everything in my power to give her strength in anyway and to help her on her load then slowly she perks back up and we make the most of our time doing things and talking.

 She been able to tall me things she wants when the time does come and she passes and I am very thankful for that. I want to honor her life in anyway I can. We even visited the cemetery where she wants to be buried.adn I visited allreleatives graves I hadnt seen in many many years.

I am so very thankful for the people on here who came to my aide and have called when I was getting bombarded by extreme negative energy and energy vampirism..along with drama conflicts in my family. I was affected but did figure it out soon enough to stop the energy drainage.

 I was having a very hard time ridding myself of it felt alone without support here and was helped by Spirit-muse and By  Gentlesoul4peace so that I was able to protect myself and shield  myself from absorbing it in this nest.

Spirit Muse led me through a meditation to help me release anger that was so fierce I felt violent. It wasn't mine but I couldn't release it. no matter how hard i tried it attached itself.

Sometime s we must ask for help and help came. Thank you I feel fit for fight again to focus on why I'm here.Thankyou for yoru phone calls and  time.

I see a lot of relationship healing going on here and this is part of why I believe was enabled to come. I've made a sacred space for my self here to gain quietness. Burn my incense, light my candles pray, do kundalini yoga,,(just started) and to get at peace within!!!

I don't focus on what will inevitably happen to my mother and my father. R(HEs been showing signs of something serious going on). But I have chosen to focus on what s important and that is lovean dtake advantage of every second that is now I can,….and making the most of eternal NOW…It changes the way you make choices ones that normally you might take for granted.

Its difficult being way form my partner and son but I still feel its worth every second.

Ive been having the most unusual dreams since Ive been back in USA…My sister who is deceased is in almost every one of them but she never speaks to me. I realize Im surely dealing with some stress here an d the scenarios are playing themselves out in my subconsciousness. None the less alls till feel swell. And Im grateful;!!!!

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..and a quick story of divine timing. Last night I was picked up and went out with my best friend since a toddler to sing karaoke. We had fun but decided suddenly to make it a little bit earlier night than usual and drove homeward about 11:30pm..like I said early for us. When approaching my parents home We noticed a truck out front with blinking lights and then I saw a man at the front door of my parents house and flames engulfing the front porch lamp. The man was trying to get their attention.by pounding fiercly on the front door.

When I pulled I saw the flames and got in the front door as mom answered in her bald chemo head.

 I ran past and got water after turning ofg the light switch.

 The fire was extinguishes luckily as it started climing onto the roof that over hangs the steps.

The culprit????..a birds nest built inside the lamp. My mother wanted to put the porch light on so I would see when comming home. She never uses that door so didnt even look ofcourse. She said it was on only about 20 minutes and they were upstairs in bed and sleeping.

Had I not come home or that man ..a stranger stopped to get their attention th whole house could have burnt down with them in it. So I say it was divine timing instance. We never go home that early...and that angel of a stranger that went by.

Thankyou....god and angels for the intervention.

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thanks for reading in pure love and light/connielee

5:19 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

.......Alexander........
Current mood: drained
Category: Life

but I hope you hear me talking to you all the time.
.

It rips my stomache to shreds and I cant believe I have to live the rest of my earthly life with you on the other side.   I hope your aunt Andi and cousin Brittany are celebrating with you  up there on your 18th sweety and having an angel food cake and a heavenly beer.

You showed yourself to me in another way than usual yesterday while I was giving a seanse for people. It was much different than I usually see. wehn it comes to you.  I saw you stand there on my right, just your sillouette and then I saw bolts of electricity, 3 different arcs coming down at your form. I saw it as a witness and untattached at the moment which was a good thing since I was in the middle of giving a public demonstration seanse. I even told the audience yesterday I realised you were showing me how it happened. That 3 arcs came down at you from the wires. Im not sure why you showed me that yesterday?


This day feels like a special day. I guess somehow I must release this bittersweet bile I have in myself so that I may keep room for the flow of love I have. Ive been doing well inspite of things but I actually woke this morning at the exact  time you were born right straight out of my sleep. 6:19am Was it you who woke me? I cried directly and went back to bed...and dreamed about you and your aunt Andi. One of those days that hurts.
One of your best friends came to me today with flowers on your birthday Alex. Ramin and Esson came look angel! They wanted to spend time with me they are hurting to.Some of your friends went to your grave tonight to leave flowers and candles as well on your birthday. Your friends still think about you all the time as well.



How precious of them to bring me flowers on your birthday .!!!!!!

In all this I feel blessed. Alex. You have gotten me to look at life in a whole different way and though it cost your life and this was decided earlier I see how it has made enormous changes in mine. I would do anything to have you back on this side. Id offer my own life but I know you are where your suppose to be right now. I just miss you so much.

They had a musical theatre today dedicated to you at the church that I volunteer my time at to   ...to help homeless children in Tallin. The same class that your brother had last year...and his teachers.The musical was called The Lost Child and on the back it said in memory of Alex. Here are some pics of Your brother Andreas and I on the way there on the bus and then some scenes from the place. I ended this with lighting candles at your place of exit with a rose bush and a teddy bear.
andreas and ramin










Thinking of you every second but especially on what would have been your 18th birthday.
Rest in peace Alexander...and know you are so much in my heart and life, I will always love you for the rest of my days and then some....I miss you so much.

love
Mom