June 12, 07

I moved my blog to Wordpress

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Wet monday

I took my first Bikram Yoga class ever today.  I did the routine once with Damian and Maya, but this was the real thing with the heated room and the merciless instructor.  I searched for a long time to find a good studio, too.  This place is cute and perfect, with instructors that are in perfect shape that make me want to be them.  It was a surprisingly aquatic experience, and all of the water came from my own pores.  I was more wet than I even thought anybody could get from sweating.  My towel felt like it weighed five pounds, just from being wet. The temp of the room heated up my water bottle until it contained only hot water, and that was all I had to drink.  My clothing was so wet that I had to change out of it in the car and into a bikini top and jeans, so I could stop by the store on the way home without being little miss wet T-shirt.  Instead, I was little miss hoodie zipped up to her chin, walking slow, with soaking wet hair and a traumatized look on her face.  I felt more like I had just been through something clinical, instead of a workout.  Fun part: doing the superman pose on the floor.

I will not go again without wearing something close to a bathing suit.  And is it cheating to bring a cooler for my water bottle?

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Not that I haven't booked up every weekend for the next 2 months...
Category: Travel and Places

I love how it feels when it's just barely warm enough to lay outside of the covers!  That's why spring is so appealing.  And you can tuck your toes in, just a little, if they're cold.  I know everyone loves spring and it's nothing new, but I LOVE spring.   I used to think I was photosensitive and therefore spring brought on a lift from the winter gloom, but it turns out I'm everything-sensitive.  And I especially love being hot and cold at the same time.  If you've never sat in a natural hot spring in a freezing river while hot water bubbles up around you, you are missing out.  Especially the one up by Mammoth.  It's beautiful, perfect temp, and, bonus, there are ill-tempered minnows in the water that bite you.  They're tiny and have no teeth, so you just get to feel their tiny angry wrath while you soak.  It freaks Asia out, but I think it's cute. 

Anyway as you might notice, I'm aching for a road trip. 

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when you drink enough coffee, anything looks like a good idea
Category: Blogging

So after living here for well over a year, I am finally, finally doing my room.  I think that's because I'm still sad about having to give up my cute little apartment in Laguna Beach.  I still miss that tiny, cute little place with its sunny kitchen and big fat closet.  I used to make pie, just so I could have a pie cooling in the window sill.  

Anyway, here I am in L.A.  The house is a good size and like I said before, I like my roommates.  SO… in an effort to make a tranquil and customized space for myself in this world, I emptied my room and painted over the god-awful terrifying color scheme that was there.  It was a much bigger project than I'd thought.  But the room was hot pink, yellow, turquoise, and periwinkle blue.  I'm not kidding.  I painted it flat white, and it's currently empty.  I love an empty room, almost as much as I love an empty apartment.  I wish I could keep it that way.  Just a candle, a futon, and large photographs on the walls.  I realized today as I was looking around that if all of my stuff was destroyed in a fire, a large part of me would be really happy.  So maybe that means I should get rid of most of my stuff.  Please.  I am so all talk.  If anybody wants to come burn it up though, be my guest.  Dude I have a tanning bed.  I seriously can't get rid of anything.  IT'S LAME!

Oh, and in other news, remember all that griping about Starbucks discontinuing their Mocha Valencia?  Yeah, they now offer Orange Mocha.  All those late nights crying sessions, for nothing.  The sun is back out.  Bookend that with a couple of Red Bulls and I'm good to go.    

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Fuel

Oh I got some crazy catching up to do.

First, all about Yosemite:
We had a good weekend up in Ansel Adams country.  There were five of us, all co-workers: four girls and one boy with kerrrazy camping skills.  Our intention was to take some pics, but mainly camp and relax.  And we did just that.  We got into the valley while it was still dark, and watched the sun come up over Half-Dome, at least I think it was Half-Dome, while we drank coffee that we brewed right there.  I didn't even bother to take pics, because I just wanted to bask in something so beautiful.  I did, though, take a pee while dangerously close to the top of a cliff.  I didn't know it until I was pulling up my pants, and I looked over at a river about a hundred feet below me. 

It rained that day, but not before we did a full morning of hiking around and playing.  We took pics, hiked, drank, and built a cute little boy scout tarp so that we could still build a fire.  It was wonderful.  The drinking began at around 1 pm, and went on into the night.  The rain began at about 12 noon.  In all of the photos, we have rain jackets on and we're quite wet anyway, but happy because we went to Bevmo before our camping trip, and we also remembered shot glasses so we could do Jaeger bombs.  If you're under 18 and you're reading this, then by drinking I mean apple juice.  And by Jaeger bombs I mean Jaeger brand apple-cider bombs.  And if I catch you drinking I'm going to point my finger at you and say things with furrowed eyebrows.  Don't drink and drive.  Drink in bear country instead.  Apple cider.  And clean up afterwards. 

Here is what else I've been up to:

Jeannie and I made it to the Annie Leibowitz show in San Diego.  She is in Thailand, now, helping with her sister's birth.  She had a baby girl and named it Nabi Grace Dimock.  Welcome, baby Nabi!  You can already google your name and get results!

We also saw some art downtown SD, and, at UCSD, performance art.  It was not very entertaining, but I am almost never amused by performance art.  Especially if the performer seems to have come up with the whole thing at the very last moment.

However, I saw some great performance art in the one woman show of Adria Dawn, "The Adria Dawn Experience".  Soo good.  It was in Hollywood.  I can't believe how much someone can bring to a performance.  She carried the whole show for an hour, and never had any dead time.  She was fully entertaining the whole show.  And she's so little!!

I saw the Ansel Adams exhibit in Santa Ana.  Love it.  And great way to preceed a trip to Yosemite.

I got cranky for about two weeks.  Not a little cranky.  A lot cranky.  The crankiness finally went away and I drifted into a new level of spaciness that I rarely attain anymore, given my coffee addiction.

I started yet another movie about WW2, and Cris bought me a big coffee table book about WW2.  I now feel that it's an extremely important piece of our history, and it makes me feel important (and angry) to read about it.  Like I didn't already hate Germans enough.

I drove up to Hollywood the other night and took the 110, a drive that gives you a full view of the fires, and it felt like everyone in L.A. had just stopped to stare in awe at such a huge fire.  It's fucking huge.

My niece got accepted at SFU and got a full scholarship.  OMG!  I'm so glad she gets to have the full college experience.

My family and I went to the San Diego Wild Animal Park and got to watch flamingoes be born.

I got yelled at in Hollywood because I stopped walking when a man was walking next to me on a fairly dark sidewalk.  He said I was a racist for doing that.  It was too dark for me to see what his ethnicity was, so I pointed out that he was only saying that to me because I am white.  Damn racist.  I did my best valley girl impression while I said this, which probably only added fuel to the fire.  I am really, really trying hard to shake the valley girl accent, but I like adding fuel to fires.  

I learned to make Lattes, finally.  My roommate and I now start off every day with foamy lattes that have smiley faces drawn on the top of them with espresso.

And here's what's on my mind lately:

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It's been a long, hard day and only gas station food can calm my nerves.
Current mood: Yeah, you know.

Well, aside from a severely bad episode of PMS and related trauma, it's been a pretty good week.  

Well no, it wasn't.  It was a week dominated by PMS. 

(and heads up, I keep talking about the monthly visitor here, or monster, as it was this time around)

During my P.M.S. and... M.S., I was sitting there crying and eating chocolate, and I put on a playlist I'd made for myself called, "calm music".  I discovered that all of the other music I'd put on there was either depressing or scary, and just made everything worse, and if it wasn't for the chocolate to comfort me, I don't know what I would have done.  Having a bad period kind of feels like being tortured and interrogated.  I couldn't believe how much pain I was in.  I woke up last Tues feeling like I had barbed wire in my gut, and it just got worse.  The cramps weren't the worst part, though.  It was the feeling that my hip sockets don't fit right anymore.  And I KNOW that caffeine and chocolate make things worse, but they are a comfort on the actual day.  So I drank more coffee than I ever have, ever.  Ditto with chocolate.  It was gross and overindulgent.

Also, this pain thing went on for two days, which it never does.  I wanted to howl loudly from the moment I got up, on both days, until I went back to bed and lay there, semi-coherent and watching South Park, the only comfortable part of my day.  Advil helps, but not as much as a gun would.   

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My special purpose!! My special purpose!!

I used to have this other blog that was just for therepeudic purposes.  It was called, "Return To Me", and its purpose was to chronicle, and therefore solidify, my return to myself after a long relationship and a heavy breakup.  I didn't know actually know, though, what 'returning to me' really meant, but I was excited about the idea.  I had a challenge in front of me that had yet to define itself.  Along the way I learned that women really need to connect with each other, for comradery and support.  And they need to stay connected.  I also learned that staying grounded is a commitment you need to renew on a daily basis.  It's easy to get lost, but that's part of searching.  Unpleasant situations, it turns out, can usually be flipped around and turned into something else.  And most importantly, remember your sense of adventure, always.   Especially if you get lost. 

So here's what I've been up to lately, in no particular order:

I went snowboarding with my friend Tong.  It was a great day for it, because we went on a weekday. 

Turned 35.  It was traumatizing.  Not 'getting older', but all the celebrating.  It went on for over two weeks.  I'm starting to wish my birthday was on leap year.  Not really, but I aged a year during those two weeks.  I have some great photos from that.

Ryan and Mayra both moved out, as their rent was too high for the area.  I wished they didn't have to go, as I was just beginning to really enjoy our little model U.N.  But  I have two new roommates now: Cris and Ingrid.  Cris is sooo fun.  Ingrid is very sweet and quiet.  We will have to get to know her slowly.  We now have four cats, between Brian, Cris and myself.  Luckily Ingrid grew up on a farm and loves cats.  

I went to Death Valley with three other friends from work.  It was a photo trip, but we did some great camping too and had really good food.   I took some nice long hikes, and saw some of the most interesting geology EVER.  Of course I have photos from that.  We are planning a trip to Yosemite next month. 

I spent last weekend in Laguna with all 4 of my siblings plus my niece, and Lisa's boyfriend, Cooper.  He's a great cook and I'm hoping he opens a Bed&Breakfast someday.

Steph Fowler and I are doing a booth at a bridal expo in May.  The website for our photography business will be up next week.  Rosewaterstudio.com. 

I'm experiencing the magical trauma of watching "Band Of Brothers" on DVD.  I go to bed depressed now, and then get more depressed from watching it.  I found some porn in the case, though.  I'm serious.  I thought Lou was kidding about that.

I've gotten even more into Yoga than before.  There's this whole meditative aspect of it that is so gratifying. 

I ran into a guy at a small BBQ in Buena Park, at a friend's house, that used to live with Shawn Ferris.  What are the odds?

Janae, Chrystine and I did tea together, and talked girl talk.  I'm so glad we can get together and do that at least a couple times a year.  You'll be interested to know that we didn't do any man bashing.  We like men. 

And here's what's on my mind lately:

If you like in a large European country, near the border of another large European country, what's that like?  Is it like living in both of those countries?  Because it's not like that here, but our neighboring country is a third world country.

Wow man, my Grandpa was in WWII. 

Why don't  I just cook every night?  I mean, it makes me so happy.

What's it going to be like when Sammie's in college?

Iron Maiden.  Why do I suddenly like them, after so many years of indifference?

How are things going with Planned Parenthood, since so much funding is being cut?

Anyway, I'm going to Joshua Tree for the weekend to visit Angela and her family, and Brad.  I love springtime in the desert.

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I would, in fact, eat Green Eggs and Ham
Current mood: my foot itches

Jeannie's "100 things about me" blog has prompted me to fill one out too.  Only I had to keep it down to fifty, due to rambling.  I'm hoping to see a few more of these on other people's blogs, as they're far more fascinating than surveys: 

1. Ian, Lisa and I were born in hospitals.  The other 2 sibs were born at home.
2. We moved to California because our cabin burned down while we were spending the summer in Mt. Shasta.
3. There are very few baby pics of Chad and me, because most of them burned in the fire.  
4. I feel like I came into the world while Chad and I were running out of the house, in Lompoc, with the subject of "bath time" hovering in the air.  I don't know if we were prepped for the bath, but I just remember looking down at little bare toes.  Something important was happening: I was beginning to remember.  And I didn't have the words at my disposal to describe it to my parents.  I just had "dark before, not dark now". 
5. I have an obnoxiously good memory, for some things.  Not for everything.
6. I met my sister Lisa when I was three.  She was 9, and Chad was 4.  I don't remember the act of meeting her, but her face was etched into my memory and I recognized her on our second visit. 
7. I guess the first couple of homes I lived in had outhouses instead of a bathroom.
8. I still get excited when I hear the sound of a tent being unzipped.  It's the sound of waking up outdoors, and it's the sound of the beginning of a great day.
9. I space out like nobody's business.  Like I'm in a trance.  It has taken most of my life to figure out how to try to work with this, since it is both a handicap and an aid to my creative endeavors. 
10. I met Brad when I was five, and we are still friends to this day.  We talk or text at least a couple times a month.
11. Ian came into our lives when I was five, and I started loving him on the way to the hospital to meet him. 
12. We used to pick up hitchhikers all the time when I was a kid.  Dad always addressed them as, "Brother", and, when I was really young, I used to think it really was his brother, because I mean, we were pulling over for him and letting him into our car with us. 
13. We camped a LOT when I was a kid.  It was more than just camping; it was our way of life.
14. I have a very vivid memory of riding in a VW van and watching mom and dad switch seats without pulling over.    
15. We moved into our permanent home in 1977, and mom and dad still live there.
16. I stuck my foot into a shoe with a baby scorpion in it when I was around 7, and laced my shoes up before the pain kicked in.
17. I learned to read when I was five, and as I recall, it was inspired by Lisa changing the words while reading to me, to mess with me (she would just throw my name into stories).   
18. Asia was born at home when I was 8, and I helped with the birth.  I knew she was a girl before she was born, and I finally got a little sister that I could mess with too. 
19. She puked on my face once while I was lying in a hammock.  She was just a baby.  But I guess the messin goes both ways.
20. When I was 7, I met Angela.  We are still friends and talk all the time.
21. We lived in Oregon for five months while I was 9.  I picked blackberries and had mosquito bites and poison oak all summer long. 
22. My other summers as a kid were excruciatingly hot. 
23. My dad used to tell us that the stickers on the bananas were for putting on your forehead.  I stopped doing that about five years ago.
24. There were a lot of chuckawallas in the desert around our house when I was a kid, and they scared the shit out of me.  Even lizards in cages scared me, if they were big enough.  Because I was little, and they were like dinosaurs to me. 
25. My hips used to get red and irritated all the time from carrying Asia while wearing corduroys.  It was worth it. 
26. I was home-schooled for most of 4^th grade and all of 5^th. 
27. My favorite memory of my dog, Katy, was when she peed on me when she met a horse for the first time.  
28. It was very hard to get used to public school when I went back.  But I did adjust.
29. I used to check the bathtub every single morning, because of that scene in "The Shining".  My day couldn't start until I knew for sure that there wasn't a dead body in our tub.  And I was fourteen.
30. I met Steph Fowler in Jr. High school.  We worked together for two summers at the Kid's Club in Joshua Tree.  We are still friends to this day and we get together twice a week for exercise.
31. We bonded over our common interest in art.
32. In the summer of 88 I flew off of the handlebars of Shawn Ferris' bicycle and acquired several permanent scars.  I was in crutches for a month, and Shawn and I dated for 3 ½ years.
33. Shawn was the most fun person I have ever known.  And I have known a lot of fun people.
34. I fell off of a horse once because I fell asleep while riding bareback. 
35. I moved into the basement of my sister Lisa's house in January of 1992 and lived there for 5 months.  This was the first of 24 moves in the last fifteen years.
36. I was told I wouldn't like living in Orange County and L.A., "The City", because of traffic.  Driving on freeways was the first thing I fell in love with. 
37. I could tell my niece was an old soul, even when she was an infant. 
38. I took up rock climbing for a while when I was 22.  That hobby didn't stick.
39. I wrecked my car in Sausalito when I was 21.  I still don't trust my depth perception.  It's probably fine, but I don't trust it.   
40. I can put my leg behind my head.  But don't ask me to. 
41. I love taking off from John Wayne airport, because it has one of the steepest take-offs of any airport. 
42. I love driving behind LAX, because the airplanes fly over me so low. 
43. I met Chrystine, Sandra, and Janae all about ten years ago.  I can talk to them about anything.  Even if I don't know what I'm talking about, they do. 
44. I would in fact eat green eggs and ham.  I wouldn't need any further coercing.  Just give it here.
45. I fell in love with painting in pre-school, when I was fingerpainting and crying at the same time and it made me feel better. 
46. If it weren't for Dr. Pepper, I'd never drink soda.  But I love that stuff.
47. Sometimes I wish I was gay, and it's not because I'm sick of men.  It's because if you're gay, you are kindof guaranteed to not have an ordinary life.  Plus, I mean, boobs are fun for everybody.
48. For a while, when I was living in Santa Barbara, I had no driver's license, no registration, and no insurance.  I got so stressed every time I saw a CHP, I finally started riding my bike everywhere.
49. I highly recommend the bike trails in Santa Barbara.  There's a ton of them, and they're beautiful.
50. Sometimes I start dancing and singing when I'm alone in elevators.  Okay, I do that everywhere.   

Currently reading : The Two Towers (The Lord of the Rings, Book 2) By J.R.R. Tolkien Release date: December, 2001

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Those Ipod moments, they're like heroin

Well I finally have a life again and I can do things besides work.  I've been into this band lately that my friend Sammy introduced me to called "Buchanon" (Buchanan?).  Their music is so good that I feel like if I was stranded on a desert island, all I would need is that music and I would be happy.  No food, no blanket, just their music.  I realized that today after listening to my ipod nonstop for several weeks but without having put Buchanan in it.  Maybe it was because the first time I heard them, it was live.  But the music just sucks you in, so that you feel like you're in their world, and it's a world that feels really good to be in.  He's singing with his whole body, from the tension in his jaw all the way down to his heels.  It's art, and it's art that I really like.  I haven't been around that for a while as the actual art scene in L.A. has been on a kind of dry spell, or else it's hit and miss and I seem to keep missing.  I swear, I've gotten discouraged from even trying.  I saw the Magritte show at LACMA and it was pretty good, but that's still only relative.  I haven't been inspired since the Lee Bontecue show.  Most of the photography I've seen in museums and galleries in the last few years has been so bland it actually hurts to look at, and I find myself walking away wincing and needing aspirin.  What, I'm serious!  But that just makes you appreciate when you finally experience good art.  And who knows, maybe I'm just blind.  Maybe I wouldn't know good art if it hit me in the face.  But I'd at least feel something.  

I have, needless to say, seen some good art at people's houses.  So good artists are out there, they just aren't being shown at the places I seem to be going. 

The busy season at work is over, which in our business is the second half of the year.  I was a little traumatized at first to not have overtime as an option even, and didn't know what to do with myself when I got home at five.  But the shock is wearing off and I have been out exploring again.  I went snowboarding by myself the Tuesday after New Year's, which I found to be just as fun as going snowboarding with a group.  I just kept my Ipod on and discovered music that's perfect to snowboard to.  I got into the production aspect of it; making sure that the right part of a song was lined up with the right moment.  In that way it started to feel like I was creating my own virtual reality music video.  I missed the last two seasons, so I was a little awkward at first.  I fell so many times, and you can't just fall when you're snowboarding.  You spin out and land like you got shot.  It's great fun.  I'll be going up again in the next few weeks, and again for my birthday.

I also made it out quad riding, and a few little hikes.  I rollerbladed over the weekend, and Steph and I are heavily into our twice a week yoga.  I started doing it at home, too.

Anyway, with everything I am doing right now, whether driving, working, exercising or playing, I have the Ipod on, and it's making my life a lot more fun.  I don't know why I didn't do this before.  Movies have soundtracks, why shouldn't life?  I'm telling you, once I get a personal chef, my life will be complete.

OH, and there are only three of us living in my house at the moment.  A girl from Ecuador, a guy from Korea, and myself.  There is a Korean woman moving in on the 1^st.  That's a whole other blog.  It really is starting to feel like a Real World episode, without any plot.

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Would you still love me if I dressed like this?

I can't just keep reporting on how much I am overworking, and am still enjoying it.  That would even get old in a diary.  But that's really all there is to say.  I finally took 4 ½ days off and spent them at my parents' in Joshua Tree, though.  I got to see a few beautiful sunsets, I got to play with the dog, had Thanksgiving dinner with my family, and got to fall asleep on the couch, watching Nacho Libre with my dad.  I got to sit on Asia and follow Ian and Sam around threateningly with a camera.  I took pics with Angela, sat on my mom too, and practiced using bullwhips with my dad (he's pretty good!).  I got to have coffee with Jeannie and talk about wedding plans.  It was a nice long weekend and I got home this afternoon, fully recharged.  Tomorrow is back to work and that's just fine.  I would otherwise to sit in my room all day listening to Bright Eyes and painting my toenails black, with my dyed black hair, taking pictures of myself with my hair in my face, wearing a serious expression.  That might get old.  It might not though.

I used to write every single day, even if there was nothing to report, because there was enough going on in my head to fill several pages at any given time.  I kept a journal, and it was a staple part of who I was.  For a while my favorite place to write was at this Laundromat in Long Beach, while doing my laundry.  I would sit on the washing machine and write in a tablet, and the sounds of the machine would drown out the sounds of people around me, and the smell of fabric softener would permeate the air.  I think at that time I had all these emotional and idealistic ideas about the future and about how life was supposed to feel.  Sometimes I miss it, the optimism and getting completely caught up in an emotion, and the idea of how life was supposed to feel and what we were supposed to look fwd to.  I bet I did a lot of complaining, too.  So here I am a lot further down the road, and I'm thinking that I should have gone to business school instead of taking all those art classes.  But if I had chosen another major, I might have really wished I had followed my heart and taken art classes.  So there you go.  Maybe I am at a job that I love, completely by accident.

Anyway, here's a picture of the view from the living room window that Max and I had on Wednesday night.  I'm pretty sure I had a similar look on my face.

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