Words to Avoid

In a previous post, I wrote that unnecessary words--pleonasms--should be omitted from sentences. Today I'd like to describe specific type of words to avoid.



Adjectives

While adjectives are often necessary, they are best avoided when possible. When you use the right verbs and nouns, adjectives becomes pleonasms -- words that can be omitted without changing the meaning of the sentence.

Consider, for example: "Trog polished his sword to a sparkling, bright gleam." We could remove the adjectives "sparkling" and "bright", and simply write, "Trog polished his sword to a gleam."

Often, adjectives can be removed by using the proper verb or noun. Consider the sentence, "Trog moved at a quick pace down the narrow street." We could remove the adjectives "quick" and "narrow", and write, "Trog hurried down the alley."

Often, adjectives are necessary. Whenever possible, they are best to avoid.



Adverbs

As with adjectives, adverbs are also best avoided when possible. Adverbs can be avoided by choosing a stronger verb. Instead of "said quietly", write "whispered". Instead of "ate ravenously", write "devoured".



Replacements for Said

I often find myself replacing "said" with verbs such as "growled", "opined", "shouted", etc. I try to avoid this as much as possible. When used too much, these verbs not only become annoying, they interfere with our interpretation of the dialogue.

Consider, for example, the following bit of dialogue:

"I'm tired," Alice complained.

"So go to bed," Fred suggested.

"But I'm hungry!" Alice whined.

"So eat something," Fred grumbled.

"But I don't have any food," Alice lamented.

I've seen some writers avoid "said" as if trying to impress us with their array of synonyms. These days, "said" is the preferred verb to use in dialogue; most editors will reject a manuscript which uses too many "said" alternatives. It's almost always better to use "said", a neutral verb, and let the dialogue itself convey the tone.


Find more writing tips at: www.DanielArenson.com

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Interview!

Hi everyone,

Travis Heermann has interviewed me for his website.  We talked about novels, creative writing, publishing, and many other interesting things.

Check out the interview here:

http://travisheermann.com/blog/?p=36

Daniel
http://www.DanielArenson.com

6:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Two Promises

The little girl huddled in the corner, weeping silently. Her hair covered her face, strewn with straw. Lice crawled in her kerchief. Her stockings were torn, and her toes peeked out of holes in her shoes, blue with cold. She was hugging a doll--a frayed, tattered thing that only her love made more than rags. Her teardrops soaked the toy as she rocked it, and her lips mumbled into its ears. "It'll be all right, Stuffings, don't be scared. I won't let the monster hurt you… "

Joren, her older brother, sat watching her helplessly. He was only eleven years old, and already his heart ached. Like many boys his age, he had heard poems about wounded hearts and thought those only words. And yet now his heart actually hurt, a physical pain in his chest, as if all his tears had gathered there and lay swollen, pulsing. Hesitantly he reached forward and touched his sister's hair.

"Aeolia," he said.

She drew away, huddling deeper into the corner, under the slanting roofbeams. She began to tremble, which made the straw on the floor crackle. The walls also shivered, jostled by the wind. The roof also shed tears, leaking raindrops through its thatch. The entire attic was weeping, Joren thought. All but him. He could not weep, though he wanted to, also.

"Aeoly," he tried again, softer this time, using her favorite diminutive. "I brought you something. A gift."

She said nothing, but her mumbling stopped. It was nighttime, and only a small lantern lit the attic. Shadows cloaked the girl. Joren could see only the whites of her eyes, glistening in the lamplight, watching him, peeking from her sodden hair.

"Here," he said, handing her a cloth bundle. He held it extended for a long time, while she only watched him. Then, finally, the straw crackled closer, and the girl's hand protruded from the shadows. She snatched the bundle and retreated back into the corner. Joren could see her moving, unfolding the cloth. The tangy, earthy smell of goat cheese filled the attic, mingling with the smells of mold and wet wood.

"I got it from Old Monny, down at Chalk Corner," Joren said, trying to hide that aching heart. "So you and Stuffings will have something to eat on the way."

Still she did not answer. The only sounds were the dripping raindrops, the rattling walls, and the crackling straw. Finally, when Joren was about to speak again, came a shaky whisper from the shadows.

"But I can't go now. It's raining."

That ache again, stronger. Gingerly, Joren crept into the corner, under the rafters and onto the straw pile. He knelt beside his sister. She cowered like a wounded animal, hugging her doll, shivering. Joren plucked the straw from her hair and parted the almond-brown strands, revealing her round, white face. Tears blurred her honey eyes and spiked her lashes. Her lips quivered. So little, Joren thought. She was so little. Better one child with food than two without, their father had said, but how could something so little possibly understand?

"Daddy says you must," he said.

"Stuffings is scared. She doesn't want the monster to take us." Tears rolled down her cheeks and fell into her lap. Joren felt her shivering beneath his palm.

"Then you must be brave," he said. "Let Stuffings see how brave you can be."

"She can't see, Joren, remember? You never brought me buttons for her eyes."

He smiled sadly. He had been saving copperdrops for buttons, but bought the cheese instead. Perhaps that had been wrong. The ache returned, sharp and twisting, erasing his smile. If it were only her being sold, he thought, only goodbye. But it was more. Joren would make her lose more than just freedom. He touched her cheek. Her tears wet his hand.

"Don't cry, Aeoly," he whispered. "You're six years old. You're a big girl now." He knew how she loved to hear that.

"Really?" she asked, raising her red-rimmed eyes with hope.

Joren nodded with all the solemnity of his older years. "You must be like King Sinther now--strong as stone."

A soft smile touched her lips. She loved to hear stories of the stone king, who felt no pain. "Strong as stone," she mumbled.

Joren forced himself to smile back. He had never done anything more difficult. "You're a big girl, and I want you to make a big girl's promise. Can you do that, Aeoly? Can you make me a promise?"

She gave a small shrug, with only one shoulder, like she always did. A "rug", he would call it, which always made her laugh. He wondered if he would ever see her do it again.

"What promise?" Her voice was small, trying not to tremble.

Joren took her hand, struggling to keep his face from showing his pain. But when he opened his mouth to speak, it was suddenly all too much. The words caught in his throat. He had to look away for fear he'd cry. How could he do this? To ask her to give up her talent, the only power she might have where she went …

But if anyone ever knew …

Joren managed to recompose his face. He held her little hand tight.

"Promise to keep your magic secret, Aeoly. Promise never to link again."

Her voice was confused. "But I like linking."

Her words tweaked Joren's heart, so hard he winced. If King Sinther ever discovered her magic, ever discovered that Aeolia, by linking, could hurt him past his impenetrable skin …

Sinther, his heart stony like his skin, would do anything to kill the one who could defeat him.

Joren shut his eyes. Tears swam behind his lids. His voice shook. "I know, Aeoly, I know, Dewdrop, I know … But some people don't, Aeoly, some people would hurt you if they knew. You must keep it secret. Never link to anyone again. Never ever. Promise me, Aeoly."

She opened her mouth, but before words could leave her throat, a tinkling sound came from downstairs. Coins bouncing against a table. Aeolia huddled deeper into the corner, hugging her doll tight. Her fingers dug into the frayed cloth so hard her knuckles whitened. She was shivering again.

"I'll promise," she whispered. "But only if you promise something, too."

The stairs began to creak with a slow, heavy pace, heavier than a man's. The walls moaned and bent, and thatch fell from the roofbeams. The lantern swung on its chain, swirling shadows like bad dreams. Joren found himself clutching straw in his fists.

"What is it? What do you want me to promise?"

Aeolia flung herself forward, out of the shadows, and wrapped her arms around him. Her grip was so tight he could hardly breathe.

"That you'll save me, Joren!" she sobbed. "Promise you'll save me from the monster."

From the stairway came ragged wheezing, loud as bellows and coarse as sand. A stench like sweat and rot and bad breath filtered into the loft, so sickening it churned Joren's stomach. Aeolia's fingers dug into his back. She panted into his shirt.

"How can I save you?" he whispered. "I'm only a child."

"I'll wait till you're bigger!"

The footsteps paused outside. Joren could see, in the crack beneath the door, the shadows of huge feet. Keys rattled in the lock, struggling against the rust. An impossibly deep voice grumbled foreign, guttural curses.

"Aeoly, I won't come of age for ten years."

"I'll wait for you! Promise me, Joren, promise you'll do it!"

Lightning flashed, bright and blinding. Thunder shook the floor. The wind slammed open the window, and the lantern guttered out. Darkness and storm filled the room. The straw flurried. The thatch flew from the roofbeams. Rain and hail buffeted Joren's face, sharp and stinging. Wind flapped his shirt, bit his eyes, roared in his ears. He could hardly see or hear. He tried to rise, to go close the shutters, but Aeolia's hand held him fast. He turned his head and glimpsed her in the flickering lightning. Her skin was flushed, her hair billowed, her doll had been blown from her grasp. As the storm raged around her she sat unmoving, holding his arm, staring at him steadily even as the door creaked open.

Joren nodded, sorrow swelling in his throat.

"I promise, Aeoly. I promise."



The above was an excerpt from my fantasy novel FIREFLY ISLAND.

FIREFLY ISLAND was published last year.  FantasyBookSpot.com, Library Journal, and a bunch of others have recommended it.

I recently received sales numbers from my publisher, and FIREFLY ISLAND has sold most of its first printing.  This is great news -- and it means there's still a chance for you to buy some books.  ;)

Don't let these books run out.  You can order yours today from Amazon (or ask your local bookshop to order a copy for in-store pickup).  You'll be supporting a new author, helping me keep my website afloat with free stories and writing tips, and--most importantly--buying a cool fantasy novel!

You can learn all about FIREFLY ISLAND here:  http://www.DanielArenson.com

Thanks for reading,

Daniel

5:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Recommended fantasy novels!

Hi everyone,

Looking for a good fantasy novel?

I added a list of some recommended ones to my website.  Check it out:

http://www.DanielArenson.com

Daniel

6:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

News, Kindle, Comments

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since my last post.  This might be a good time to
reveal that I've been busy writing a new book.  When, where, and even
if it will be published remains to be seen.  I'll keep you posted.

In other news, I've considered making my fantasy novel FIREFLY ISLAND
available on Amazon Kindle (an ebook reader from Amazon).  Currently,
this service is closed to non-Americans authors, so Amazon still sells
FIREFLY ISLAND only in print.  Is anyone here interested in an e-book
version?  If you are, drop me a line at Daniel@DanielArenson.com.  If
I see there's an interest, I'll look more carefully into it.

Finally, I'd like to share some encouraging comments from a reader who
recently emailed me.  Alycia from Washington writes about FIREFLY
ISLAND: "I really wanted to let you know that your book is the best
book that I have ever read.... I was overwhelmed with all the action
and your ideas of Aeolia. You had awesome word choice and your book
never bored me. I can not wait to read more of your work."

Thanks, Alycia!

You can read the first chapter of FIREFLY ISLAND on my website,
www.DanielArenson.com.

See you soon,

Daniel
www.DanielArenson.com

4:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

FantasyBookSpot reviews Firefly Island

John Markley at FantasyBookSpot.com has reviewed my fantasy novel Firefly Island. From his review:

"I thought Firefly Island was a very promising debut for Arenson. As a self-contained story of only 347 pages, it is an especially good choice if you like fantasy but don’t want to become committed to reading a long series or one of the 900-page tomes that are so common in fantasy nowadays. It is also, despite some fairly grim aspects, generally more upbeat in tone than many other modern writers of medieval fantasy, which is nice if you enjoy the genre but want a break from the darker, more downbeat worlds of fantasy authors like Glen Cook, George Martin, or Steven Erikson. I would highly recommend this book for fantasy fans, and look forward to seeing how Daniel Arenson develops."

You can read more reviews for Firefly Island here.

To learn more about my novel, visit www.DanielArenson.com.

Daniel

7:29 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Gary Gygax dies

A friend introduced me to D&D when I was 8 years old. I remember taking one look at the artwork (knights, dragons, treasure) and thinking, "Wow". I spent the rest of my childhood reading fantasy books and scribbling dragons in my notebooks at school, and geekiness be damned. Years later, as an adult, I wrote my fantasy novel FIREFLY ISLAND. Without Gary, I doubt that there would be FIREFLY ISLAND.

Goodbye, Gary.

Daniel
http://www.DanielArenson.com 

4:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

How to Write (and Sell) a Novel

How to write (and sell) your novel? Here's an "eight easy steps" guide.

Step 1) Realize that publishing is a harsh business, maybe the harshest in the world. Over 99% of novels written will never be published legitimately. By "legitimately", I mean by an authentic publisher who pays you an advance (unlike vanity publishers or self-publishers) and probably prints an actual print run (unlike print-on-demand or electronic publishers). Of those few novels that are published legitimately, the vast majority will sell a few copies and then quickly go out of print. Only a tiny fraction of a percent of novels will end up proudly displayed on the shelves of your local bookshop; far fewer will become bestsellers. The odds of your novel becoming a smash hit--or, to be honest, published period--aren't much better than winning the lottery.

Step 2) Accept step 1 and decide that you're crazy enough to go for it anyway. After all, some people have done it, so why not you? Odds are, if you're still here, you will write your novel because you have to; to most writers, writing is as essential as eating or breathing.

Step 3) Find your inner voice. Find the story that inspires you. Find the characters you believe in. Find the book you have to share with the world.

Step 4) Read more writing tips and study the craft.

Step 5) Find a good place to write. I like to take a notebook and pen to a local coffee shop. I sometimes like to stay home, sit in an armchair, turn on music, and write on a laptop.

Step 6) When your novel is written, revise it. Polish the writing, reorder scenes, rethink characters, cut out boring scenes, write new ones, rewrite where necessary. I repeat this step several times. For me, step 6 is ten times more work than step 5. For an hour I spend writing, I can spend a day revising.

Step 7) Submit your novel. Some people start by submitting to literary agents. Others go directly to publishers. Some people will recommend the former approach, others will swear by the latter. Whatever route you choose, your first submissions will be rejected. Trust me on this one. See step 1. Selling a novel on the first try is like writing a major piece of software, with thousands of lines of code, and compiling it successfully on the first try. Technically it's possible, but it doesn't happen. Even bestselling authors like Stephen King or John Grisham received many rejections when peddling their first novels. For most people, step 7 will take years.

Step 8) While working through step 7, start writing your second book!


Good luck!

More Writing Tips

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Pacing and Flow

Today I'd like to discuss two ways of improving the flow and pacing of your fantasy fiction: controlling "infodump" and varying sentence length/structure.


Infodump

When writing fantasy fiction, it can be challenging to describe the setting (your "fantasy world") without slowing down the story. World-building is always fun in fantasy: we create imaginary kingdoms, heroes, legends, culture, and a host of other details about the setting. When writing, it's tempting to occasionally halt the story and launch into little "essays" about the world. Whenever this temptation arises, it's best to resist. As important as some info might be, the pacing of the current scene always has the higher priority.

Instead of pausing the story to reveal necessary information, it's best to dispense the info in bits and pieces, unobtrusively, in a way that seems like part of the story.

For example, this is wrong:

"Torak chased the troll into the palace, brandishing his sword. His grandfather had built this palace fifty years ago, long before Torak was born. It had faced countless troll invasions, and stood under siege during the great Goblin War, during which Torak's grandfather died. The old warrior's tomb still stood inside the palace, and even to this day, the guards swore they could see his ghost wandering the halls at night. Inside the shadowy palace, Torak cornered the troll by a fireplace, and launched into an attack."

This is right:

"Torak chased the troll into the palace, brandishing his sword. As his footfalls echoed in the towering hall, Torak tightened his lips. If your spirit truly still fills these halls, grandfather, help me now, he prayed silently. The troll ran down a narrow hall, and Torak followed, and rage pulsing through him. This palace has stood against countless troll invasions. My grandfather died defending it from trolls during the Goblin Wars. I will not let a troll desecrate my grandfather's honor! He cornered the troll by the fireplace and attacked."

In the first version, we paused from the chase to explain about the palace and its history. In the second version, we wove the information into the story, so that it becomes part of the chase scene.

The scene and characters are what we should focus on. When it becomes necessary to provide information, we should place it naturally into the scene without slowing down the action.


Sentences

When considering pacing and flow, it's also good to vary the length and structure of your sentences. Otherwise, the tone can become awkward.

Consider the following paragraph:

"Sheathing his sword, Torak left the library. Grumbling under his breath, he marched down the hallway. Hunger aching in his belly, he entered the kitchen. Mouth watering, he took some bread and began to eat."

All of these sentences are of the same structure, providing repetitive, dull writing. It's best to vary the structure of your sentences to create a more dynamic, flowing read.

We should also vary sentence length. Consider the following:

"Torak lifted the spellbook. Dust flew into his eyes. Torak sneezed and slammed the book down. More dust flew. Clutching his sword, Torak left the library. No book would help him, he knew. He headed toward the kitchen. What he needed was a good meal."

While using such an abundance of short sentences might have worked for Hemmingway, we writers of commercial fantasy best avoid such style. If you have several long sentences in a paragraph, provide a few short ones alongside them, and vice versa.

Of course, you should match the style of writing to the scene. Action scenes benefit from shorter, simpler sentences. Reflective scenes might warrant longer, more complex ones. In most cases, however, you'll want to vary the sentence length and structure to at least some degree. Your writing will flow much better.

More Writing Tips

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Winnipeg Jewish Post prints story about Firefly Island

The Winnipeg Jewish Post printed a nice little story about me, and my fantasy novel FIREFLY ISLAND, this week.  If any of you happen to visit Manitoba, check it out.  :P

Daniel
www.DanielArenson.com

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