Jesse Went To Japan, Kimmy was Elected Class President
Current mood: blank

Jesse got some good news recently, he is big in Japan. "Forever" went number #1 in the land of our former WW2 enemies, so he took his family for a two week tour of that miserable island. Meanwhile, Kimmy was lected class president on the Part Hearty party ticket, the same party Linda Larouche runs on. Michelle also dug up my yard trying to tunnel to Japan, so I had to smack her good. She won't be eating solid food for a couple of weeks, that's all I can say.

Currently reading : The Diaper Diaries: The Real Poop on a New Mom's First Year By Cynthia L. Copeland Release date: 07 April, 2003

9:01 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I Was on a Dating Gameshow
Current mood: indescribable

Joey almost got himself hired as a gameshow host for a show entitled The Prefect Couple where couples compete to see who knows each other better. He shot a pilot episode, and for some reason had his friends be the contestants. Jesse and Becky, Viicky and I and DJ and that weiner kid she is seeing were the contestants.

I thought Vikcy and I would dominate, but things went horribly wrong. Vikcy was late so I was paired with this really old woman I never met before. I was horrified at how much she knew about me. How could that happen? We just met five minutes before filming.

In the end we won that vacation for two. Going on a romantic getaway with a senior citizen made me want to vomit, but the vacation was not as bad as I first thought. It was actually one of the best times of my life. Estelle has been around the block more than a few times and all those decades of experience have shown her how to please her man right.

Currently listening : Graduation By Vitamin C Release date: 04 July, 2000

10:22 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Lake Pollock Here We Come!
Current mood: horny

The gang was all set for our big family vacation to Lake Pollock, the best lake ever named after an ethnic slur. Jesse refused to come along, though, becuase he was stressed out trying to write a hit song that would get him signed by a major label. He told us to fuck off, he wasn't going to the lake and that we sucked.

So the family left without him. I was so upset that Jesse was angry with us, that I was planning to feed us all poisioned Kool-Aid. If Uncle Jesse doesn;t liek you, you are best off just ending it all.

But then an Elvis impersonator set Jesse straight about being kind to his family and apologized. But not before I feed the deadly Kool-Aid to Michelle. So we lost her. Luckily, we have a spare, replacement Michelle to make up for the dead one and no one will be the wiser.

Currently listening : All the Things She Said By T.A.T.U. Release date: 10 September, 2002

12:00 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Ten Reasons to Hate Joey Gladstone
Current mood: exhausted

http://dumbbaby.net/a/064.shtml

I agree with this 100% Who the hell even likes that douche?

"4. He never has a meaningful romantic relationship

Name one girlfriend Joey has had for more then one episode. You can'tï??it's impossible. Thatï??s because it only takes one date with Joey for a women to figure out that he is lame. Hell, most women can figure out how lame he is before they even talk to him.

5. He never has had steady job

Joey has had many jobs in his career: comedian, childrenï??s television show host, advertising age, radio personality, male prostitute, and he has either been fired or a complete failure in every field. The only careers that he has even been remotely successful in are the ones in which he was partners with Uncle Jesse, and I think we all know who was the partner that did all the work and who was the partner that got coffee for Uncle Jesse."

Currently watching : My Best Friend's Wedding (Special Edition) Release date: 28 August, 2001

6:04 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I an Now a Partner in Jesse and Joey's Ad Agency

Well, Jesse and Joey quit their job working for Mr. Malatesta. I think because he wanted Jesse to dance naked in front of him. So they turned to me, and I will help them start their own agency as a silent partner. I don't know what lesson we learned this week or what my daughters have been up to. That's strange. I hope someone remembered to feed Michelle.

Currently watching : The Oprah Winfrey Show - 20th Anniversary DVD Collection Release date: 15 November, 2005

10:41 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Joey Gladstone
Current mood: frustrated

Does anyone really like Joey Gladstone? Seriously. Cartoon voices aren't funny and you should start paying for groceries and rent, asshole.

Currently listening : Wildflower By Sheryl Crow Release date: 27 September, 2005

12:19 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Long Distance Lovers

Hello friends,

I have been racking my brain out since Vicky, my girlfriend, moved out to Chicago. Long distance relationships are hard to work out.

Meanwhile, my youngest daughter Michelle is sad her best friend Teddy is moving to Texas. She even tried tieing the kid up her bedroom to stop him from leaving. That was a good strategy on Michelle's part (she is easily my smartest daughter), but Joey foiled the plot and helped Michelle learna very special lesson that life changes, people move away, but you can always make new friends, and she can still write to Teddy in Texas.

After learning about this, I figured that if a little girl can deal with long distance relationships, it is pretty pathetic that a grown man cannot. I was about to brea up with Vicky, when she out of the blue showed up back in Chicago.

We love each other, and I swear I will make this work.

Currently reading : Long Distance Couples: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long Distance Relationships By The National Institute for Building Long Distance Relationships Release date: 09 April, 2000

6:17 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Jesse, Joey and I Went on a Male Bonding Cruise (NOT GAY)
Current mood: chipper

My mother came to visit recently, and since we now had someone to baby-sit the girls, Jesse, Joey and I decided to get some man time together on a fishing yacht for the day. Things did not go smoothly, though, because there was an all girl band playing led by a former girlfriend of Jesse (at this point, name one girl who hasn't gone out with Jesse, he's such a stud). Jesse was mad because he helped put that band together and they became big, while Jesse and the Rippers (his band) is still playing Beach Boys covers and can�t get a gig outside of the Bay Area. I wanted to point out to him that playing a large fishing boat is a cool gig, but far from making it big. In fact, any band that made it big would not play a fishing boat in the first place, unless they were cool about it like the band Kansas.

But I was distracted with the captain, a woman named Caroline. We were attracted to one another, but I was still nervous about dating this close after Pam's death. But in the end, I learned a valuable lesson about moving on, and leaving dead people behind. Jesse learned about letting go of jealousy, and Joey learned to lock the closet door before he steps in there to touch himself, because it was pretty embarrassing for him when about ten of us caught him.

Currently watching : Sex and the City - The Complete Fifth Season Release date: 30 December, 2003

10:01 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I Punished Michelle
Current mood: accomplished

This has been a pretty hectic last week. I discovered that DJ and Stephanie (my oldest and middle daughter) had broken a window during a pillow fight. I punished both of them, but the two complained that my youngest daughter, Michelle, had come up with the idea for the pillow fight and should be punished as well. I didn’t believe this, because Michele is just my little baby, she wouldn’t do anything wrong.

Well, it turns out I was wrong about this. Michelle did have a hand in breaking the widow. I couldn’t bring myself to accept that Michelle really was to blame for this, because I couldn’t admit that she had grown up enough to misbehave. Worse, by not punishing her, I was only encouraging her mischief when she dragged a pool into the kitchen and started swimming.

So Michelle and I learned a valuable lesson today. I learned that I have to put my foot down when it comes to discipline. Michelle learned that she has to be punished for bad behavior.

Then we hugged. The end.

Currently reading : Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family By Dr. Phil McGraw Release date: 14 September, 2004

10:41 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment